by Aviva Gat
“JJ wants to get the basketball court up on 144th fixed,” Hunter said. “His mom brought him in here to file an official complaint with the city.” He held up a piece of lined paper that had been ripped out of a notebook and folded several times. He held the paper like it was an official document, or rather one written on parchment paper. Madeline could see the pride in his eyes, she could see the satisfaction he got from helping his constituents. It was the same pride she felt when she saw the impact of her work.
Hunter walked over to his desk and placed the paper in an envelope, which he stacked in one of the paper trays. Then he turned to Madeline. “Maddy, how can I help you? You want some coffee? I can make a fresh pot,” he said, motioning to the far corner of his office where a little kitchenette with dull pink counters stood.
“No thank you.”
“You sure? It’ll just take a minute. I got some great coffee from this shop on 95th. I know 95th isn’t technically my district, it starts at 96th, but it’s close enough! And the shop sells amazing grinds. I’ll brew a pot, once you smell it, you’ll want some.” Hunter walked to the kitchenette and dumped out the coffee machine in the trash. Then he added a new filter, filled it with the grinds and pressed the on bottom. With nothing else to do, he stood there with his hands on his hips facing Madeline. “So how’s Brandon?”
“He’s good, thank you,” Madeline responded. “Can we sit? I need to talk to you about something.” She felt awkward in front of him, her words felt jarring and coarse. It was hard to believe that once they were so close.
Hunter nodded and motioned to invite her to sit at the table in the middle of the room where JJ had filed his official complaint regarding the basketball court. Madeline took a seat, her back straight, legs crossed and hands folded in her lap. Hunter sat across from her, leaning back in the chair, pushing its two front legs up in the air.
“Are you moving back to New York? Setting up residency to run for office from here? I hear the governor race is pretty open for the next term. May be a good opportunity for you—”
“No,” Madeline stopped him, but he continued.
“So what’s the next step? Another senate term? There isn’t much else to go from there, is there? Maybe a cabinet appointment? You’d be great as Secretary of State.”
“Another senate term,” she responded. “I’m launching my reelection campaign in a couple weeks.”
“Great news,” he said, tilting his head in approval. “So what can I do for you? I assume you aren’t here for my endorsement.”
Madeline took a deep breath. She had been rehearsing different scenarios in her head for the last few days, what she would say to him, how she would phrase it. What she expected from him in response. But no matter how many different ways it played out in her head, she still felt unready and unsure what to say. The words felt like bricks needing to be squeezed through a tiny hole.
“Hunter, someone is trying to blackmail me,” she said, pausing for his reaction. He looked straight into her eyes, his head nodding slightly.
“What does it have to do with me?”
“They know.” Until that moment, Madeline hadn’t been able to admit it. Not to herself, not to anyone else that she had made a mistake. A huge mistake, one that could ruin everything that she had worked so hard to achieve. It was the kind of mistake that Madeline had promised herself she would never do. Until that moment, she had tried to erase that mistake from her memory. For a while, the mistake stayed like a stain that couldn’t be removed, even with vigorous rubbing, but over time, the stain faded. The edges began to blend and Madeline was able to pretend it wasn’t there. Maybe no one else would notice the stain, maybe no one was paying that close attention. But looking close enough, the stain was there. It was definitely there.
Chapter 19
Madeline was still working at the same consulting firm where she had started her career after college. But with 10 years under her belt, she was a partner at the firm, managing clients rather than spreadsheets, meeting CEOs instead of employees, and presenting findings instead of analyzing data. She was 31 and had just started planning her run for her first term in the senate. Winning a senate seat in California was a long shot, she knew, and that’s why she was trying to keep her day job as long as possible. There was no question she was overextended—her job required a minimum of 60 hours a week, as did the initial campaign planning. That left her very little for Brandon and her two young children, who were both at a very pivotal point in their development—Noah was starting pre-k while Adam was just learning his first words.
As usual, Madeline believed she could handle it all—the lack of sleep, the stress, the guilt that she wasn’t giving enough in each of the directions she was being pulled. She had to handle it all, to prove that she was who everyone thought she was—a successful woman, the kind that people knew would make it one day.
That particular week, she had been hoping to take a couple days off. A few of her projects at work had just been finished. The minimal staff who had started strategizing her senate run seemed adequate enough to handle things without her for a short time. She wanted to take the boys to the zoo, Noah had loved animals and it would be a great opportunity to teach Adam the sounds each one made. She made peace with her plan to take a break, she deserved it after all, she told herself when the guilt tried to creep in. But then she got a call from her firm’s CEO.
“You’re on the next flight to NYC,” he said when she answered. She tried to tell him she had already blocked her calendar off, that she was taking a much-needed vacation, but the CEO wouldn’t listen. Did she remember a project she had worked on when she was just a consultant in the New York Office? Back then, they were looking to improve efficiency in the procurement department at that banking company. Madeline had been in charge of interviewing employees, analyzing the data, and had proposed a plan that ended up saving the company almost a million that first year after the plan was implemented. Her firm was trying to win a new project at that banking company and the company’s new CEO had worked with Madeline on that project years ago. He had asked about Madeline, whether she was still working at the firm. As the firm was competing with several other consulting firms to win this highly profitable project, they needed to send Madeline to meet with the CEO. Her rapport could make all the difference! It could ensure that they would win this project, which would be huge for the firm. Having this banking company on their recent client list would surely bring in other projects and lead to more revenues, which in turn, would find their way to Madeline’s end of the year bonus. They needed her and she could not let them down.
And so she flew to New York, telling her campaign team to keep her updated and saying goodbye to Brandon who promised he would take the boys to the zoo on his own. Don’t worry, he said, he’d send pictures and videos so she wouldn’t feel like she missed out. The first thing she felt when she arrived in New York was relief. Yes, relief. It was like she was getting her much-needed vacation, a few days away from the business of her normal life. She had a few meetings planned with the banking company and her colleagues in the New York office, but aside from that, she had time for herself. She checked into the Langham, which was on the same street as the consulting firm’s New York Office and then she switched on her running clothes and jogged over to Central Park. She did a quick loop around the park before buying a bottle of water from one of the street vendors. With the bottle, she walked around and took a seat near the Olmstead Flower Bed, where yellow and white tulips stood almost knee high. She sat watching the flowers as a gardener came by. The gardener started snipping a few dried leaves and added mulch at the base of the flowers. Madeline wasn’t paying much attention until her eyes drifted to the back of the gardener’s shirt, which said Smith and Sons Landscaping. From there, her eyes drifted to the gardener’s head and a wave of familiarity rolled over her. It was like she had never left New York, like the last seven years hadn’t happened.
“Hunter?” she said, still sitting on the
bench. The gardener looked around and caught her eyes.
“Maddy? What are you doing here?”
“Admiring the flowers. Your handy-work?”
He nodded. Small talk commenced and the two easily slipped into conversation about how wonderful Central Park was in the summer. Was Madeline interested in seeing Shakespeare in the park? Attendance was free, but patrons had to come hours before to wait in line to get in. Working at the park, Hunter could get them in that evening if she were interested. This year they were doing Othello. Madeline agreed, thinking an evening out watching Shakespeare could be fun and a completely harmless activity. She and Hunter agreed to meet that evening, after she attended her meetings.
When the afternoon started to fade, Madeline turned down happy hour invitations from her colleagues and went to meet Hunter. He was already in their meeting spot, carrying a large bag over his shoulder. He led her past the long line of people waiting and into the grass seating area for the play. Then he opened his bag and lay out a blanket, on top of which, he spread out wine, cheese and a Tupperware full of hush puppies that his mom had made. They tasted exactly like how Madeline remembered them. Suddenly she was back in Harlem, at her apartment with a broken air conditioning and faulty lock. She was 22 and carelessly fun, the way she always believed she truly was until life came pounding down on her shoulders. They still had time before the play, but they quickly got to drinking the wine. Conversation flowed easily as they updated each other on their lives. Madeline told him about her husband and her boys, smiling as she described them to Hunter. But as she talked, she felt like she was describing a movie. Not her own life, for in her mind she was 22 and still lacking any real responsibilities in life. For his part, Hunter told Madeline about his wife, Rhonda. She was a TSA agent and they had a seven-year-old daughter. They’d been together almost since Madeline had left, and had gotten married after Rhonda found out she was pregnant. Hunter loved her, the pregnancy wasn’t why they got married, he assured Madeline, it just got them to that milestone a little sooner than expected. Hunter also told her that he was now managing Smith and Sons landscaping. He was hoping to buy the business eventually from Bill Smith, who was still holding on hope that one of his sons would take on the business. Hunter was also still volunteering at the community center and had finished his bachelor’s degree in citizenship and civic engagement. It was sort of like political science, he told her, but on a more local level. Madeline listened, her smile never leaving her face, but she didn’t really hear what he was saying. She didn’t absorb it, because how could she? Her mind had transgressed to the time that she and Hunter were still each other’s.
When the play started, they had trouble staying quiet to watch the show. Others around hushed them and asked them to keep it down, but they couldn’t help themselves. They had seven years to catch up on and it felt like they couldn’t do it fast enough. Hunter had come prepared with multiple bottles of wine. They had finished three bottles by the end of the play, and had been so engrossed in conversation that the entire plot had eluded Madeline. Hunter offered her the last hush puppy, which she couldn’t refuse. (Her 31-year-old would have because her waistline just wasn’t the same anymore after two children.) Still talking, they folded up the blanket and Hunter walked her back to the hotel.
It should have ended there, with a hug and a sincere “Good to see you.” But it didn’t. Maybe it was the wine, or the feeling of relief that Madeline had since she had arrived in New York. Maybe it was that Hunter reminded her of a less complicated time, when she didn’t think juggling would be so difficult. When Hunter leaned in to hug her, his fingers first brushed her back. A feeling ignited inside her, the same one she felt years ago whenever Hunter would touch her. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt with Brandon, an electricity, a longing to be touched that she was sure had disappeared inside her. For the last seven years, she had convinced herself that she didn’t need that sexual arousal, that her partnership with Brandon was so much more important than the physical. She had truly believed that the part inside of her that ached for touch had disappeared and no longer existed in the mature version of Madeline. But with the simple brush of Hunter’s fingertips on her back, the ache woke inside her. She couldn’t remember who kissed who first, but they kissed. Their lips interlocked and their arms wrapped around each other. Hunter followed her into the Langham, up the elevator and into her hotel room where he made her body convulse and move in ways she didn’t know were still possible. He held her tight over night and in the morning kissed her before apologizing.
“This was a mistake,” he said and Madeline agreed. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and when her 31-year-old self looked back at her, everything sunk in. She felt sorry for poor Rhonda, alone at home with her daughter, not knowing why her husband hadn’t come home the night before. She felt sorry that lack of control could ruin Hunter’s marriage, which she had been so happy to hear about. He was such a good partner, she thought, and surely a wonderful dad. She had hoped she hadn’t taken that opportunity away from him. Hunter put on his clothes and left the hotel.
Madeline stayed in bed. It was Saturday and she had nothing planned until Monday when she would have lunch with the banking company’s CEO to finalize details of the project that she was pretty sure she had won for her firm. She tried to focus on that lunch, instead of the other thoughts that were swirling through her mind.
A mistake, a horrible mistake, she kept hearing in her head. She couldn’t focus on it, otherwise she might tear herself apart. How could she have done that to Brandon? To her kids? How could she have done it to herself? Putting that stain on her reputation that she needed to keep clean for her future. At that moment she promised herself she wouldn’t let one night ruin her life. No, instead, she resolved to be better. She’d be a better wife, a better mom, and she would win her upcoming senate race so she could help millions. This one night would be nothing in the long run, a blip in her otherwise faithful character.
The next time she saw Hunter was five years later. She was a rising star republican visiting New York to give a speech at The WISH List, the organization that supported women like herself in Congress. She gave the speech, wearing her red suit and perfect smile. Back at the Langham, she had gotten a drink at the bar by herself. She had seen Hunter walk in, wearing his short sleeved blue plaid shirt. He took a seat on the other side of the bar and looked at her. By this time, Madeline was already in the spotlight. People were already calling her the future of the country, the change people were looking for. Her every move was watched, to be an example for her supporters and a possible misstep for her opponents. She would never make a mistake again.
She saw Hunter at the bar and she gave a quick raise of her glass to him. He looked at her questioningly, as though asking to move closer, but she shook her head. Across the bar was close enough. She paid her tab and left the bar, feeling both proud of herself and guilty.
Chapter 20
“What do you mean, ‘they know’?” Hunter asked her, standing up to get two mugs of coffee from the small kitchenette in his city council office.
“Someone knows about us and is using it to blackmail me,” she responded.
“Us?” he questioned as though he didn’t know exactly what she was talking about.
“The night we saw Othello,” she reminded him. “Someone wants money or they promise to go to the media with proof that I cheated.”
Hunter returned to the table and placed a mug in front of Madeline before sitting back down on his side. He nodded thoughtfully. “Madeline, that was years ago, who cares?”
“It’s unethical.”
“It was before you were a senator,” he said. “What, is the ethics committee going to investigate you?”
“This will jeopardize my reelection. Voters don’t want to vote for a cheater. And yes, instead of working to pass bills, I’ll be fighting the democrats and journalists who will want to take me down.”
“Can’t they find the guy who’s bla
ckmailing you and stop it?”
Madeline sighed and explained to Hunter that time was running out and the FBI was failing at their job.
“What does Brandon have to say about it?” Hunter asked when she finished talking.
“He doesn’t suspect anything.”
“Uh huh,” Hunter responded as though unconvinced. “What do you want from me?”
“I just wanted you to know,” she said. “I don’t know how much they know. If it gets out, if it gets to the media, your name could get out too. And if Rhonda or your daughter see it, it could be a problem for you too. Or I don’t know about city council politics, but it could also hurt you here. I just don’t know.”
“Rhonda and I aren’t together anymore,” he responded. “We’re on the process for the divorce. She has custody of our daughter, who hates me already anyway.”
“Why?”
“Nasty divorce,” he responded, waving his hands. “No need to get into it. How can I help?”
“Well, if it gets out, you can support me, say it’s not true. People will want to talk to you, to know how we know each other. Just say good things about me.”
“I only have good things to say about you,” he said. “Everything wasn’t your fault.”
The word everything held so much weight between them. There was so much that had been left unsaid since the time they broke up. Even the night of Othello they never spoke about how things had ended between them. There really was no ending, if Madeline looked back on it. It wasn’t like a book whose pages ran out and everything was settled before the last word. Rather, it was like the last chapter was ripped out and she was left not knowing what happened after Hunter left her apartment that night. They hadn’t spoken, neither had reached out to the other, both too stubborn to be the one to initiate anything. Madeline had waited. After a few days, she was angry. A week, she was annoyed. Two weeks, she was single.