Every Time I Think of You

by Tracey Garvis Graves

  I told him the whole story, or at least as much as I could piece together. The details that had once seemed so sharp—the boy, the car, the gunshot—now seemed fuzzy, and I was no longer able to recall some of them. I also wasn’t positive about the order of events.

  “How can I not remember every single second of the worst thing I have ever done?” I asked.

  “It’s quite common, actually,” Nick said. “Your brain wants to block out traumatic events. Could you see anyone inside the car? How many people were there? Did you recognize any of them?”

  “It was a big white car. Four doors. Old, kind of beat-up. Everything happened so fast, but I think there were three people in it. Two in front and the boy was in the back. The car had its headlights on and they were shining right in my face, so I couldn’t see well. I told the boy to stop. The car door was open and I thought that meant they wanted to take me with them.” I broke down bawling. “I didn’t want him to put me in that car.”

  “Did you give any kind of statement to the police?” Nick asked.

  “No. The gunshot was so loud and my ears were ringing. I couldn’t hear, and I was so confused that I didn’t say anything at all.”

  “Good,” Nick said.

  “I would never have fired the gun if I didn’t think my life was in imminent danger, Nick. I didn’t want to shoot him. I never wanted to shoot anyone.”

  Nick reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “I’m sure you didn’t.”

  “What’s going to happen to me?”

  “The district attorney has forty-eight hours to file charges—excluding weekends—so we’re looking at Monday before anything will start to happen. I’m sorry,” he said. “You’ll be kept here until then. When the DA decides on the charges, you’ll be arraigned and moved to a cell at the courthouse. Bail will be set. I can navigate you through the process until then, but after that you’ll need a criminal defense attorney. I’ll find one for you, so don’t worry about that.”

  “Will they automatically file charges? Can’t you explain why I fired the gun? With everything that’s happened with my grandmother’s murder, won’t they take that into consideration? There is no way that what happened in that garage was random. I know the two incidents are linked in some way.”

  He set down his pen. “California takes its self-defense laws very seriously. The fact that this young man was unarmed will make it a bit more difficult to prove that your life was in danger. But given your lack of criminal history, the circumstances of your grandmother’s unsolved murder, and the events leading up to the shooting, your chances of being exonerated are good. I think most juries would have a hard time convicting you once they’ve been presented with all the evidence.”

  I held my head in my hands. “But there’s no guarantee,” I said. “It could go either way.”

  Nick reached across the table and pulled my hands away. “It could, but I don’t think it will. I wouldn’t tell you this if I didn’t believe it. I’m going to do everything I can,” he said. “It’ll be okay, Daisy. I promise.”

  As much as I trusted Nick, a promise wasn’t going to cut it. In order to be reunited with Brooks and Elliott, I’d need nothing short of a miracle.

  CHAPTER 52

  BROOKS

  I was pacing the lobby of the San Bernardino County Jail when a man wearing a suit walked up to me. He looked like he was a few years younger than me and had blond hair and a neatly trimmed moustache and goatee.

  “Brooks?” he said with an outstretched hand. “Nick Churchill.”

  I shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. How is she?”

  “She’s scared. Overwhelmed.”

  I hated the thought that Daisy was scared and there was nothing I could do to comfort her. “Can you please tell me what happened?”

  “A car approached her in the hospital parking garage. One of the passengers got out and left the door of the car open. Daisy felt very strongly that his intent was to abduct her. She told him to stop and when he kept coming, she shot him.”

  “Is he dead?”

  “As far as I know he’s alive. Obtaining his identity and information on his condition is one of my top priorities.”

  “Why did they even arrest her? She had a permit to carry that gun, she had the appropriate instruction, and I know she fired it in self-defense. The only reason she armed herself in the first place was because she felt she was in danger. And clearly she was.”

  “They arrested her because that is what will happen if you shoot someone in a parking garage in California. The police are going to act swiftly and let the courts take it from there. Daisy doesn’t get a pass because she’s a woman, either. She’s going to spend some time in jail and she’s going to be charged with a crime. But as strict as our laws are, people who shoot in justifiable self-defense—and I will argue vehemently that she did—are rarely convicted. However, she has some factors stacked against her: one, as far as I know, her assailant was unarmed. Two, she referred to him as a boy, which may make this a harder battle to fight. Juries can be particularly hard on defendants when there’s a minor involved. Three, she had a gun and therefore used force unequal to her assailant.”

  “Have you seen her? Do you really think she’d do well in a fight? I don’t care if this guy was young. I guarantee he was bigger and stronger than her.”

  “I’m well aware of her size, but her counsel will still have to bear the burden of proving she acted in self-defense. The state will have to prove that she didn’t. This isn’t over, not by a longshot. I want you to prepare yourself for what’s coming. The potential for Daisy to see some real jail time absolutely exists.”

  His words were like a punch to the gut. “Does she know that?”

  Nick rubbed his chin and exhaled. “No. She’ll have to face the reality at some point, but now is not that time. I won’t know exactly what we’re up against until I hear from the DA.”

  “Talk to Jack Quick. He’s a detective on the force. He knows about the danger Daisy has been in.”

  “Trust me. I will talk to him,” he said. “I’ll be contacting him as soon as possible.”

  “What happens next?” I asked.

  “The DA has forty-eight hours to determine the charges and file them. After her arraignment, Daisy will more than likely be transferred to the West Valley Detention Center, which will not be pleasant. She’ll be placed in a cell with other inmates.”

  I could hardly stomach the thought of what would lie ahead for Daisy. “What about bail?”

  He hesitated. “It will be expensive. You’ll have to use a bail bondsman, and you’ll be required to come up with ten percent of the amount. I won’t know what that amount is until the charges are filed.”

  “So she won’t be able to go home anytime soon.”

  “No. I’m sorry,” he said. “I know this is rough.”

  I had never felt more powerless in my life. “I’m just glad she called you.” I massaged my temples, because I had the mother of all headaches. “How long have you known Daisy?”

  “Since I handled her divorce. And look, I want you to know that even though things didn’t work out between Daisy and me, I still care for her very much. I’ll do everything in my power to help her.”

  Wait a minute.

  This was the guy she dated before me? This was the Nick who wanted kids of his own?”

  “Oh, of course. I’m sure you will.”

  “My expertise is in family law, so I told Daisy I’d secure a criminal attorney for her. I know of a few who would probably be willing to take the case.” He took a business card out of his briefcase. “Here’s my contact information. Why don’t you plan on coming to my office in the morning? I’ll brief you on the case and let you know what I’ve been able to find out overnight.”

  I pocketed the card. “That would be great. Thanks.”

  “One more thing,” he said as we began to walk toward the exit. “My services will be pro bono. I’ll try to get a criminal defense attorney to d
o the same, or at least agree to reduce his fees, but I can’t promise anything.”

  “That’s very generous of you.”

  “Yeah, well. I know all about Daisy’s spreadsheet.”

  *

  My dad was sitting in the living room watching TV when I got home.

  “Is Elliott asleep?”

  “Yes. I put him in the spare bedroom. He kept asking for Daisy. It broke my heart.”

  “What did you tell him?”

  “I said she was working late.”

  “Good. That’s what I’m going to tell him.”

  “I saw a news update on TV. Tell me what really happened.”

  My dad listened as I explained everything that had transpired and what Nick had told me. “This isn’t as cut-and-dried as I thought it might be. It could go either way.”

  He nodded, looking worried. “I imagine it could.”

  I exhaled. “This has to turn out okay. It just does.”

  “No sense worrying about the outcome until we know more. For right now, let’s focus on what we can do to help Daisy.”

  “She’s strong. She may not think so right now, but she is. She’ll be okay as long as she knows we’re taking care of Elliott. He’s going to be very confused, so we’ll have to find a way to keep him calm. I’ll have to lie to him. I hate that, Dad. “

  “He’s too young to hear the truth. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  “Yeah, I suppose.”

  You should get some rest,” he said.

  “Daisy’s attorney wants me to come to his office in the morning. I’ll leave Elliott here with you, if that’s okay.”

  “Course it is. We’ll find something to keep ourselves occupied, so don’t worry about us.”

  “Thanks.”

  I tried, I really did. I went to bed, but my eyes were still open when the first light of dawn crept across the sky.

  Elliott appeared in my doorway shortly after that, and I nearly lost it when he said, “Bwooks, can you pwease help me find my mama?”

  “I know exactly where she is,” I said. “I talked to her last night and she told me to tell you she loves you.”

  “Where is she?” he asked.

  We were sitting on the edge of my bed, and I was trying to pull together a coherent explanation from the foggy recesses of my sleep-deprived brain.

  “She’s at work. They needed extra help at the hospital, so she’s going to stay there until they don’t need her help anymore. She wants you to stay with Theo and me, okay?”

  “Okay.” He looked up at me. “But I is missing her.”

  “I know, buddy. She misses you, too. She’ll be home just as soon as she can. I have to go out in a little while to check on something. You’re going to stay here with Theo. Would you like it if he got out some more of my old toys?”

  “Yes,” he said, but his eyes were filled with tears.

  I gave him a hug. “That’s what we’ll do then. Come on. Let’s go get some breakfast.”

  *

  I walked through the front door of the law firm a little before nine. Because it was Saturday, there was no one sitting behind the reception desk. I was about to pull out my phone to call Nick when he rounded the corner. “I heard the door. Come on back.”

  I followed him to his office, noticing he was still in the same clothes he’d been wearing the night before. “You look like you’ve been here all night.”

  “I have.” He was drinking coffee from a tall Styrofoam container. He raised it to his lips and made a face. “Cold. I’ll be right back.”

  When he returned with a fresh cup of coffee, he sat down at his desk and said, “Okay. I’ve talked to Jack Quick. There’s quite a bit of circumstantial evidence we can use. I’ve also spoken to a criminal defense attorney who’s standing by. He’s going to do some preliminary work on the case, and as soon as we know what the charges are, he’ll begin outlining Daisy’s defense.”

  “I called a colleague of mine at the newspaper,” I said. “She went to the scene and was able to speak to a bystander who hadn’t initially come forward. A woman claimed she saw a young man get out of a slow-moving white car but didn’t think much of it until she was halfway down the stairs and heard the gunshot.”

  “Do you have her name?”

  “Yes.” I reached into my pocket and withdrew the piece of paper with the information Maggie had given me.

  “Thanks,” Nick said. “That’ll definitely help.”

  “What happens next?” I asked.

  “Now we sit tight and wait for the DA. Then Daisy will be arraigned and transferred.” The phone on Nick’s desk rang. “Excuse me,” he said. “I need to take this. There’s coffee in the lobby. Help yourself.”

  I took my time getting coffee in order to give Nick some privacy. I also placed a call to my dad to see how Elliott was holding up, and one to Maggie to see if she’d had any luck finding additional witnesses to interview. My dad and Elliott had been to the park, and I got Maggie’s voice mail. I left her a message to call me back. Nick had just hung up the phone when I walked back into his office.

  “They were able to identify the young man Daisy shot,” Nick said.

  “Who was he?”

  “A kid who’d run away a few years back who’s been living on the streets. My guess is that he was probably offered drugs or money in exchange for his help. He’s young, only twenty-two, but at least he’s not a minor.”

  “That’s good news then.”

  Nick rubbed his eyes. “It would be if he hadn’t died an hour ago. The DA will automatically file murder charges, probably by Tuesday at the latest. Bail will be set at one million dollars, if it’s set at all.”

  His words rendered me speechless. The coffee I’d swallowed churned in my gut.

  “I’m afraid I have some more bad news,” he said.

  “I don’t know what you could possibly tell me that would be worse.”

  “The state of California has granted temporary emergency custody of Elliott DiStefano to Scott DiStefano.”

  CHAPTER 53

  BROOKS

  Nick had been trying to calm me down for the past forty-five minutes.

  “This is not going to happen, Churchill.” I banged my fist down on his desk. “I swear to God I will take Elliott and disappear.”

  “In which case you’ll be charged with kidnapping, and if you’re caught you’ll find yourself cooling your heels in jail along with Daisy, therefore guaranteeing that Elliott will go right back to Scott.”

  “He’s a junkie. Daisy wanted to terminate his parental rights. You know that. You drew up the paperwork. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  “It would have if she had actually terminated his rights, but she didn’t.”

  “Only because the process server wasn’t able to deliver the papers. He’s not fit to parent Elliott.”

  “I am only pointing this out to drive home how tied my hands are, but you do realize that Daisy is in jail awaiting arraignment, which severely compromises my ability to argue in front of a judge about who is the better parent. Yes, Scott is a junkie, but he has no criminal record. He’s the child’s father and he has joint legal custody. The best thing you can do for Elliott is comply with the court and then immediately file a complaint with social services. They’ll launch an investigation and we’ll have him out of there in twenty-four to forty-eight hours.”

  The thought of Elliott spending even one day at that run-down shithole in the desert made my skin crawl. “He’ll run. That lowlife will take Elliott and run.”

  Nick shot me a look.

  “Yes, I know what I said. But him running and me running are not even remotely the same.”

  “I know that. But it’s illegal in both cases,” Nick said. “It’s the chance we’ll have to take. I’m sorry.” He reached into a desk drawer. “I retrieved Daisy’s personal belongings early this morning. I thought you might need to get into her apartment. I’m guessing you’ll need to go there now to get Elliott’
s things.” He handed me her purse and a sealed envelope with her name scrawled on the front.

  “How long do I have?” I asked.

  “You have to turn him over to Scott at five p.m. I’ll call you as soon as I know where Scott wants you to drop him off,” Nick said.

  Even though I knew none of this was Nick’s fault, I didn’t respond. I let the door to the law firm slam shut behind me when I walked outside.

  I drove to Daisy’s apartment and parked. Feeling what I thought was the outline of her keys in the envelope, I ripped it open and poured the contents into my hand.

  It was the necklace I’d given her for Christmas.

  I am never taking it off, Brooks.

  Never.

  I sat in my Jeep with her necklace clenched in my hand and my throbbing head resting on the steering wheel until I felt composed enough to get out of the car.

  Daisy’s keys were at the bottom of her purse. I dug them out and unlocked the door of her apartment. Once inside, I stood for a moment in the stillness, steeling myself for what I had to do. In the doorway of Elliott’s room, I took in his twin-size bed and his Thomas the Tank Engine comforter. The ball and glove I’d given him sat on his nightstand; a platoon of army men surrounded the base of the lamp. His light-up shoes were on the floor by the dresser.

  I sat down on the bed. Daisy was probably sitting in her jail cell, crying her eyes out. Desperately in need of her own comfort. And here I was, getting ready to hand her child over to the one person she didn’t ever want him to be with.

  I made myself get up and cross the room to Elliott’s small closet. There was a blue Thomas the Tank Engine duffle bag, and I filled it with some of Elliott’s clothes. I opened his dresser and added pajamas and bent down to grab his light-up shoes. In the bathroom, I found his Elmo toothbrush and Sesame Street toothpaste, and I almost lost it, bracing my hands on the sink when all I really wanted to do was put my fist through the mirror.

  When I finished packing for Elliott I entered Daisy’s bedroom, thinking of the last night I’d spent in her bed and how she liked to fall asleep with her head on my chest.