by Dover, L. P.
The line is silent for a moment. “Tanner, I don’t care if you date Sophie. In fact, I think you’d be really good for her. Warren treated her like shit. He never took her out unless it was to some dental convention. The highlight of her life was reading the Sunday freaking paper on his balcony every other weekend. I know you, Tanner. I know how you feel about her, and I think you should be together.”
“So, what do I do?”
She huffs. “Nothing, I’ll take care of it.” Ellie hangs up, leaving me in limbo. I don’t know how much time passes until I pull back into traffic and head toward the beach. I need to escape, at least for the day.
9
Sophie
What have I done? It killed me to leave Tanner in the dead of night, but I didn’t know what else to do. I hate myself for it, especially after seeing the look on his face it gutted me.
All I wanted was to grab his arm before he could walk away, but I couldn’t. Something held me back and I knew exactly what it was . . . fear. I’m scared. Scared of getting my heart broken again. Scared to have the emotions I now feel in my heart.
Rubbing my eyes, it feels like there’s sandpaper in them. As I sit down on the couch, I can feel the ache in my muscles. I’ve never been made love to the way Tanner made love to me. I crave him even now. I try to stop myself from thinking about it, but memories of last night play on overdrive in my mind. Tanner’s hands caressing every square inch of my body, the way his lips feel on my skin. I miss it all.
My phone rings and my heart skips a beat. I want it to be Tanner, to tell him I’m sorry and that he’s not the only one hurting. My phone is on the table on the other side of the couch, so I crawl across the cushions to grab it. The second I see the name that pops up on my screen, I clench my teeth.
“What do you want?” I snap into the phone. There’s no time for niceties. Warren doesn’t deserve any of it.
Warren lets out a sigh. “Good morning to you too.”
Rolling my eyes, I jump to my feet, my steps hard as they pound against my wood floor. “Cut the crap, Warren. What do you want? I think I made it perfectly clear when you cheated on me that I never want to speak to you again. I dropped off your shit and it’s done. I don’t have anything else left of yours.”
“Jesus, Sophie, I just wanted to talk to you,” he replies, his voice sounding concerned. “Is something wrong?”
I laugh but there’s no humor in it. “Yeah, you calling me is what’s wrong. And since when did you start caring if I was okay or not? Shouldn’t you have cared about that when you cheated on me?”
“Listen, Soph. I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. After seeing you last night, I realize I’ve made a huge mistake. By the way you’re speaking to me, I know you still hate me, but I want you to know that I still love you and I’m hoping one day you’ll forgive me. I’d do anything to have you back.” Mouth gaping, I stop mid-step and stare at the phone. Did Warren seriously just say that? The man has lost his mind. I open my mouth to speak, but then close it. “Soph, you there?” he calls out.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slow. “I don’t know what universe you live in to think that I’d ever take you back,” I say, clenching my fists tight. “The only reason you want me back is because you know you can’t have me. And for that, I think it’s pathetic. You want forgiveness? Fine, I forgive you. Just do me a favor and don’t call me ever again. I’m sorry Warren, but I’m done. We’re over and that’s it.”
“Okay,” he murmurs. “I just think you’re making a mistake.”
And that tips me over the edge. “Goodbye, Warren.” I press the end button and squeeze the phone in my hand. “What the hell?”
My phone rings again and I’m about to go off on Warren if it’s him, but instead it’s Ellie. For a second, I pause. What if she’s calling to ask about the party? What am I going to say? Am I ready to tell her I slept with her brother? Definitely not. Holding the phone in my hand, I contemplate answering, and of course, by the time I decide to answer it’s too late. I click on her name to call her back, but she does it first.
“Hey,” I say.
She huffs. “Girl, we got some things to talk about. I’m on my way. Be there in five.” She hangs up and I close my eyes. Tanner obviously told her what happened between us. Great. The day can’t get any worse.
Hurrying to my bathroom, I take a look in the mirror. My eyes are blood shot and I look like complete and utter hell. If Ellie sees me like that, she’ll have questions. I quickly put on some concealer under my eyes and rub a little foundation over the rest of my face. It helped a little with the dark circles, but my eyes were still puffy and red.
The doorbell rings and I groan. “Here we go,” I say to my reflection in the mirror. Ellie rings the doorbell again and I huff. “I’m coming,” I shout. “Geez, give me a second.” This time she bangs on the door. I jerk it open and she’s standing there with her hand raised, dressed in a pair of pajama pants and a Tarheel sweatshirt with her blonde hair in a messy bun like myself. Her lips are pursed and there are daggers in her eyes.
“You okay?” I ask, pretty sure I’m about to get an earful.
She marches past me and tosses her purse on my couch. “What’s going on between you and Tanner?”
I hold up my hands. “Nothing. I ended it. It never should’ve happened.”
Her brows furrow. “What exactly happened?”
All I can do is stare at her. I don’t know what to say. How can you tell your best friend you slept with her brother? Her eyes widen and she slaps a hand over her mouth. “Oh my God, you slept with him?”
Averting my gaze, I turn my head away. It’s not until I hear her bursting out with laughter that I jerk my attention back to her. Holding her stomach, she laughs so hard I can see her face turning red. The whole thing confuses me. I thought she was mad at me and now I have no clue what the hell she’s laughing at.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.
She holds up a hand and stands up straight. “I get now why Tanner was so pissed at me.”
That catches me off guard. “At you?”
“Yep,” she replies, nodding her head. “I just wonder why two of the smartest people I know are actually really dumb.”
“Surely, you’re not talking about me.”
I glare at her and it makes her giggle. “I sure as hell am. When my brother called me this morning, I expected to hear how you two had such an amazing night. Instead, he tells me it’s my fault that you two can’t be together.” She walks toward me and shakes her head. “What in the world is that mess? Why is he blaming me?”
Groaning, I close my eyes. “Because I told him we can’t be together.” My eyes burn and I open them, the tears falling down my cheek. I didn’t think I could shed any more. “I don’t want things to come between us. Getting involved with Tanner could complicate things. The last thing I want is you having to pick sides.”
Ellie snorts and looks at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Seriously? That’s it? I know how to stay neutral, Soph. You’re my best friend and always will be. If things don’t work out between you and Tanner, I’ll still love you both. Don’t let me be the reason you two stay apart.” Her eyes soften. “He cares about you, Sophie. He always has. That’s why I wanted him to take you to the party in the first place.” Smiling, she places her hands on my shoulders. “You two belong together. He can make you happy. God knows you deserve it.”
I wipe my tears away. “You’re not mad?”
“Hell no,” she replies, grinning wide. “But now that you’re with my brother, I really don’t want to hear all the sexy details. That’s just gross.”
Relief washes through me, but there’s still a sharp pain in my chest. If Ellie’s okay with it, maybe things can work out. “We’re not together, Ellie. He was pissed when he left here.”
She rolls her eyes. “He’ll get over it. All you have to do is call him.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t see the look
in his eyes. I think I blew it.”
Ellie hugs me tight. “No, you didn’t. Trust me, Soph. He’s not going to let you go when he’s spent his whole life pining over you. He’d be an outright fool if he did.”
She let me go and I went straight to my phone. I have to tell Tanner I’m sorry. My fingers couldn’t click on his name fast enough. Heart racing, I listen to the phone ring and ring and ring until his voicemail picks up. The pain in my chest grows worse.
“He didn’t answer,” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear.
Ellie nods at it. “Call him again. And again, if you have to. I’ll even do it.” She pulls out her phone and calls him, but he dismisses her too. “He better not be blowing me off,” she says with a huff.
I call him one more time and nothing. Instead of it ringing, it goes directly to voicemail. That either means he’s ignoring me, or his phone is dead. I really hope for the latter. Feeling deflated, I flop down on the couch.
Ellie sits beside me and sighs. “It’ll be okay. Why don’t you call again and leave a message? That way, you can at least tell him how you feel.” She pushes me off the couch and smiles. “I’ll be here watching TV when you get done. We can have a girl’s day.”
That makes me smile. “I’ll be right back.” I leave her in the living room and head straight to my bedroom for privacy. Tanner doesn’t answer when I call again. My heart races as I wait for the beep. Beep. “Hey Tanner, it’s me.” I blow out a sigh. “I don’t know where to start. Guess I should begin by saying I’m sorry. I never should’ve left the way I did, and I never should’ve been scared to tell you how I really feel. I’m assuming you’re ignoring me right now and that’s fine. I get it. Truth is, I care about you, Tanner. Last night was amazing. You make me feel things I never thought possible. I don’t want to let that go. If you would, please call me back. I want this to work.”
10
Tanner
There is nothing like the feel of warm sand between your toes, the sound of the ocean crashing toward the shore, and the way the sun basks over your body. This is my happy place and I’m pissed I don’t have my surfboard. After sitting in the sand for an hour, I trudge my way over to the surf shop. I get a few looks from the women lingering around, some in their bikini’s even though the temperature is barely above seventy, others are dressed in long, over-sized sweatshirts, which is more my style.
I hand the surfer dude my credit card and wait for him to give me the paperwork I need to fill out. He’s more entertained by the women hanging around his hut than making a sale, but whatever. I get it. The kid is young, likely in college, and has that shaggy California look about him. I honestly thought I had seen the last of it when I moved back home. The kid tells me to pick my board and mumbles something in surfer slang, which I don’t really get. I never embraced the lingo as part of my life. I’ve always used surfing to destress.
With the board by my side, I stand there, looking out over the surf. I’m not dressed for this, but whatever. I throw the board down and straddle it, staying in the shallow end. What I’m about to do could be dangerous without a wetsuit on. The water is still cold and if I were to wipe out, I have nothing protecting me. I decide to wade, letting the waves push me in and out. It’s whatever, because my mind is stuck on the bullshit with Sophie. I thought for sure after last night, every dream I’ve ever had about her was going to come true. She was finally going to open her eyes and see what and who was in front of her, ready to love her for her. Instead, she put up a fucking cinderblock wall and took my sledgehammer away, preventing me from smashing down the walls to get to her. Some of it I get. Her douchebag ex cheated on her, hurt her. It’s not something I would ever do. The whole “your sister is my best friend” thing I don’t get though. Shouldn’t this make our relationship stronger? Give us a goal to make things always work so Ellie isn’t some middle person in our relationship? Not according to Sophie. Makes me wish I hadn’t wined and dined her or slept with her, although deep down I know those feelings are only masking the fact that I’m desperately in love with her.
I never thought I’d feel this way about a woman. I dreamed about Sophie being mine when I was younger, used to imagine what it would be like to be with her. I even compared the girls I dated in high school and college to her, and rarely dated someone who didn’t look like her in some way. It’s a damn sickness, being so attracted to someone. And now that I’ve finally been with her, felt her in ways I’ve only ever thought about, I don’t know how to turn off my feelings. If anything, she’s magnified them by a million.
Sighing heavily, I dip my hands into the water and paddle out a bit to where my feet are no longer touching the sand. I let the waves push me around, up and down, as I look out over the horizon. There are a few boats out, a couple of water skiers, jet skiers, and a parasailer. People are doing their best to wash away the winter blues, even though it’s not even spring yet. I want a boat, something bigger than the sailboat I have at my house that takes me around the lake. I want something where I take it out for days, live on it, and escape. As I continue to look out, I realize I want Bermuda. It’s out there, waiting for a single guy like me to come visit.
A couple of guys drop their boards next to me and holler as they go by, asking if I’m heading out. I nod but stay put. I’m in no mood to surf, not today. I’m of the mindset where I need to find a dingy bar and drink my sorrows away. That’s just what my parents or sister need, a call from the middle of nowhere to come pick up my drunk ass. Sounds really appealing.
I finally give up and make my way to the shore and take my board back. The same group of women are still by the shed, clearly interested in the kid behind the counter. I give him my board and make sure all the necessary paperwork is signed and my credit card is back in my pocket.
When I get back to my Jeep, I don’t bother looking at my phone. I know Sophie isn’t going to call me and I don’t want to see a text or hear a message from Ellie telling me her friend isn’t going to budge. When I left Sophie, I saw it in her eyes, she has no intentions of jeopardizing her relationship with my sister. I should admire her for this quality, but right now I don’t. I want to shake her and tell her to wake the fuck up, but I would never. I’ll tuck tail and do my thing.
On my way back to town, I decide the back roads are going to be my friend. I can keep the top down on the Wrangler and not have to worry about traffic and exhaust from other cars ruining my fun. Except the dingy bar on the side of the road, the one I shouldn’t stop at, is calling my name. I pull off, into the dirt parking lot and park. I don’t hesitate, and grab my wallet and phone, and head into the place.
Grimy, it’s not, but it’s not a three-star joint either. Soft music plays in the dimly lit bar. The female bartender tells me to pick a seat, which is easy because there are only two other people in here. I opt for the fifth stool and tell her I’ll take whatever she has on tap and place my credit card on the bar. She slides a pint in front of me and tells me she’ll start a tab. It’s like she knows I’m not here for one beer, but many.
After I empty the first, I get up and head to the bathroom, where my impression of this place plummets from a low three to a negative ten. There are flies buzzing around my head and it looks like someone had the most explosive situations ever. I have no choice but to hold my breath while I take a piss.
As my luck would have it, as soon as I undue my zipper, my phone falls out of my shorts. I make an ill-fated attempt at trying to catch it—midstream—my little buddy starts flying in every which direction, my hands are fumbling with my device, and I’m trying not to move because who know what the hell I’m going to step in. And just like that, as if my universe is moving in slow motion, my phone flips through the air, mocking the fuck out of me, and lands into the toilet bowl, which looks like it hasn’t been flushed in years. The water is deep dark brown, with caked on . . . no I don’t want to think it. I scream no, but my voice comes out more as an echo, and when it splashes, I use my hands to shield my face, bu
t it’s too late. I’m contaminated.
“What the mother fucking hell!” My phone bobs up and down in a shit infested ceramic bowl. It would seem there are two choices: reach in and grab it or say fuck it and buy a new one. I’m totally saying fuck it.
Except “fuck it” doesn’t describe my entire shituation . . . yep, I’m covered in shit. It’s the only way I can describe whatever the hell is speckled all over my clothes. I look at my fingers and find one that looks clean and stuff my dick back into my pants and leave the disgusting bathroom. I storm back into the bar and demand my tab be closed.
“You know, you might want to have someone clean the bathroom,” I say snarkily as I scribble my name onto the receipt for my three-dollar pint.
The bartender stares at me like I’m an idiot. “You might want to read the ‘out of order’ sign before you enter a bathroom.” Yep, I’m an idiot. Just my fucking luck.
My hand stills but I recover quickly and grab my card. I don’t bother putting in my pocket because right now it’s the only clean thing I have on me. I head outside and riffle through my truck looking for some useable clothing. I find a pair of board shorts, stiff from dried sea salt and drop the shorts and boxers I’m wearing to the ground. No sooner, do I put one foot into my other pair, do I hear sirens.
“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
As soon as I hear the car door slam, I know I’m in for it. Can my day get any worse? I’m sure it can but I don’t fucking care, and swap out my shirt as well.
“Excuse me,” the officer says.
“Hey, officer.”
He stands next to my Jeep and looks inside, probably hoping to find drugs or something, anything to explain why I just showed my bare ass to everyone passing by.