by L. Nicole
And then there’s the contacts.
I hate them. Wearing them once in a while is okay, but my eyes are overly sensitive, and I just hate everything about them. I’m comfortable in my glasses. They feel like an extension of me and I truly miss them.
“Earth to Jane,” he calls.
“Yeah?” I ask, shaking my head and trying to focus.
“I asked you what was wrong.”
“Oh,” I murmur, fighting the urge to tell him the truth.
Well, Casper, I really like you. Mostly I’m deeply in love with you and have been forever. But I hate getting up early, I hate fixing my hair and I seriously hate wearing jeans and dresses.
“Jane, you’re starting to worry me,” he warns.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to. I can’t find my white bra,” I mumble.
“Did you check the floor?”
“Yes, in the living room, bedroom and the kitchen,” I mumble, mentioning all of the places we had sex this week.
“Can’t you wear one of your others?” he asks. I know he’s trying to be helpful, but right now all it does is make me want to shake him.
“I only have the red one here and my shirt is a light yellow and practically see-through. I can’t wear a red bra,” I mumble. “I’ll just have to go home and finish getting ready. Hopefully, Keila won’t get too mad that I hold her up.”
“First, what in the fuck are you doing wearing a see-through shirt?”
“I said practically. It’s not like it’s going to show my nipples and shit, I’d just rather not let anyone see what color bra I’m wearing.”
“It better not. I don’t want anyone seeing your nipples but me,” he grumbles and if I wasn’t so stressed, I’d be laughing.
“You’re such a sexist jerk. It’s a good thing I lo…like you.”
I panic because I almost told Casper that I love him. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue. I jerk my gaze to his face to see if he caught me, but he doesn’t seem to have noticed, and I slowly begin to breathe.
He gives me a slow grin that even from this distance, with just the soft glow of the light filtering in from the windows and the table lamp, I can tell is full of sexual promise.
“You like me being in control, Jane.”
I feel my body quiver—especially between my legs. He’s definitely not wrong about that.
“Hold that thought,” I tell him and then I go back to throwing more of my junk into my overnight bag.
“What thought?”
“The one where you’re considering getting out of bed and throwing me back on the bed.”
“Look at how good you read me, Angel. That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
“I’m a genius,” I laugh, knowing it didn’t take a rocket scientist to read the looks he was giving me. Then again, I figure he knows that too.
“What are you doing now?” he asks as I throw some more of my crap in my bag.
“Trying to pack up my crap so I can get going. If I don’t, Keila is going to kill me.
“Hold up, why are you packing?” he asks, sitting up, the lazy, sexy look he had is completely gone now.
“Huh?”
“Pay attention, Jane. Why are you packing?”
“You know I hate it when you pull this stuff. Don’t talk down to me, Casper.”
“Woman, I’m not talking down to you. I want to know why you are packing up all your stuff?”
“Because I’ll need it and I need to be home, the next couple days at least.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I parrot.
“Why do you need to be home? Why are you packing. I thought you liked my place?”
“I do, but I don’t live here, Casper. I have to be home and pay some bills, water my flowers, get my mail—you know, stuff.”
“Can’t you do that stuff and still come back home?”
“I need to be at my home,” I laugh.
“This is your home, Jane.”
“Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“No.”
God, I’m such an idiot. “Just checking,” I mutter, lamely. With a sigh, I finally zip up my bag.
“I’m ordering you to move in with me.”
My heart is pounding when I turn back around to look at Casper.
“What did you just say?” The blood is rushing through my body, the sound echoing so loud in my ears that I can’t be sure if he can hear me, because I don’t know how loud I’m speaking. There’s a chance I’m screaming at him.
“I said, I’m not asking you. I’m ordering you to move in with me.”
“You can’t order someone to move in with you Casper,” I finally say, after a few minutes of silence. I try to push away the shock and concentrate on this conversation. I have to, because Casper is like a runaway freight train most of the time, demanding things go his way, and considering no alternatives.
“I’m not ordering someone, just you Jane. I don’t see a problem.”
“You wouldn’t,” I mutter, starting to get angry.
“What’s wrong? It’s not like we aren’t practically living together now, Angel. Since that first night we’ve not spent more than one night apart. You’re always here, or I’m at your place. I can’t sleep without you in my bed and you’ve admitted the same. It’s completely logical.”
“Your idea of logical and mine are completely different, Casper,” I growl standing up and slinging my overnight bag over my shoulder. I turn and march toward the door.
Unfortunately for me, I have to pass by the bed to get to the door. Even more unfortunate is the fact that my crazy boyfriend has the stealth and flexibility of a jungle cat and he effortlessly moves so fast his body blurs in my peripheral vision, and he reaches out and grabs me, pulling me down on the bed, pulling me across his lap, so that I am forced to look up at him. Even through the covers, I can feel his hard cock pressing against my back. Casper stays hard. I know I was a virgin, but I didn’t think that was possible. Right now, I hate it, because I’m trying to argue with him and it’s hard knowing I could roll over and touch him...have him.
I’m addicted to Casper Hartley.
He imprisons me by keeping his hand against my neck, not allowing me to turn away from him.
“Tell my why you’re upset, Angel.”
“You’re going to mess my hair up, Casper.”
“Fuck your hair. In fact, if my mind doesn’t change, I’m going to wrap it around my cock and jack off and then come all over your face, to punish you for calling me stupid.”
“Keila will be waiting and—”
“Jane, I’m warning you.”
I sigh, there’s no use trying to divert him. I might as well bite the bullet.
“Moving in together is a big step Casper. You can’t just order someone to give up their apartment and the life they’ve built for themselves.”
“Your apartment is small, and you rent. My house is huge, I have a sauna and a heated indoor pool. You love my house.”
“Stop being practical!”
“One of us needs to be, Jane. My house has a gated yard, good security and plenty of room for our children. It’s also closer to your shop than your apartment. I thought you moving in here was a no-brainer. I’m not asking you to give up the life you built, I’m only asking that you let me in and give me the chance to make it bet—”
I put my hand against his lips to stop him from talking.
“You want to have children with me?”
“Of course. I told you, Jane, I’m not passing time with you. You and me are building a life together. I’m not letting you go.”
“But you don’t love me. You can’t have babies with someone you don’t love, Casper.”
“Who told you I didn’t love you?”
I frown as my hand moves over the fine lines on his face and I try to remember every conversation we’ve ever had.
“Well, you, or…Do you love me, Casper?”
“I don’t think love covers it.
I crave you, adore you, and if I don’t have you in my arms every day, I feel like I’m going to die.”
“It has all happened so quickly,” I murmur, tears stinging my eyes, my heart beating hard.
“I don’t think it has happened quick enough,” he murmurs. “Do you love me, Angel?”
“I’ve loved you since before we even spoke,” I admit, and I watch as a smile plays on his lips. “That’s why our fight that day hurt so much.”
The smile disappears, his dark gaze intensifying as he stares down at me. “I’ll make that up to you, Angel. If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll make it up to you.”
“I love you, Casper.”
Our lips meet and we kiss, and I lose myself as much as I can in the kiss. There’s so much I love about Casper. I want to just agree to move in with him, but I can’t continue to hide behind my make-up and clothes with him. Eventually, he’s going to have to see the real me—the woman I was before, when he didn’t even notice me.
What happens then?
When we pull apart, I study his face, committing it to memory and then… I make a decision.
“Will you give me tonight to think about it?”
“Jane,” he growls, but I push my fingers against his lips again, stopping his words.
“I love you, but this is a big decision. I want a life with you, I guess I just figured we’d take our time to get there. That I’d have more time to make you fall in love with me.”
“I couldn’t love you any more than I already do,” he laughs.
I want to believe him. I really do. I just can’t help but remember that he spoke through me, not to me at the bakery before we fought. Then, during our fight, his words were harsh—even mean. It wasn’t until he saw me all dressed up and with makeup on that he truly noticed me. What happens if I go back to being plain old Jane?
“Give me tonight, please, Casper? Keila is coming over to my apartment to help me get ready for the town’s party Saturday.”
“You can get ready for the party here, and besides you have plenty of time.”
“It’s Friday. The party is Saturday. There are things I have to do tonight. Besides, I could use some girl time with my bestie.”
“So, invite her here. We have room.”
“Casper.”
“I don’t want to be in a bed without you in it, Jane,” he insists, like a dog with a bone.
“You’re asking me to decide my whole life, Casper. I don’t think one night away from each other will kill either of us.”
“Speak for yourself,” he pouts.
“What about if I give you something to remember this morning to tide you over,” I compromise. I may sound like I’m doing this for him, but I’m totally not.
I want him.
I always want him.
I turn, pulling the covers down and take his hard, rigid cock into my hand.
“What about your hair?” Casper grunts.
“You’ll just have to be careful,” I tell him, before lowering my mouth on his cock. His groan echoes in my ears and then I lose myself in making love to Casper, letting everything else fade away.
20
Casper
“No more, Jane. This isn’t happening ever again,” I growl into the phone. It’s almost two in the morning and my bed feels so big and empty it could be the ocean. It’s so bad that I’ve found myself hugging her pillow just to get her scent into my lungs.
“You’re missing me,” she murmurs, her voice soft and sleepy. I close my eyes wishing for the millionth time that she was here with me.
“Like you wouldn’t believe, Angel.”
“The night is almost over and I’ll be there tomorrow, ready to go to this horrible dance with you.”
“If you dread it that much, then why are you going?” I laugh.
“Because you are the biggest businessman in York. If you don’t go, the Mayor will be pissed.”
“Ask me if I care?”
“Well, I spent a fortune on this dress, and I want to show it off,” she murmurs.
“Okay, but I’m taking it off of you soon, so we aren’t staying a long time.”
“You’re horrible.”
“I think the word you’re searching for is horny,” I mutter, making her laugh.
“I did miss you today too, you know?”
“That’s good to hear, Angel. Does that mean you’re moving in with me?”
“Are you sure about this, Casper?”
“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life, Jane.”
“Leila wants my apartment,” she says. “So, she could sublet it and I wouldn’t have to break my lease.”
“That’s a yes,” I growl, victory surging through me.
“I missed you too. I don’t want to lose you, Casper. I don’t think I could take it.”
“You’re not going to lose me, Jane. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You promise? No matter what?”
“I promise. Do you want to tell me what you’re so worried about, Angel?” I cradle the phone, picturing Jane on the other side, lying in bed and my heart fills with tenderness. There’s silence and she doesn’t respond. “Did you fall asleep, Angel?”
“No, just thinking. I promise to tell you someday,” she says and the vulnerability in her voice makes me pull back from demanding she tell me now. Brad is right. I am a bull in a china shop a lot of the time. I need to treat Jane with tenderness. I haven’t always and that huge fight in her bakery is something I will always regret. I won’t let that happen anymore. I’m going to be a better man for her.
“Good enough, Angel,” I tell her, promising myself that one day I will prove to her that she can lay all of her worries at my feet and I will fix them. Jane is my princess, and our love is going to be her fairytale. If I need to slay dragons to make her smile, I’m going to do it.
I’ll do anything for her.
“Goodnight, Casper.”
“Night, Angel. Get some rest.”
“You too,” she replies and hangs up the phone.
I’m left holding mine, thinking about Jane and all the changes she’s brought into my life. It’s a long time before I fall asleep, but when I do, it’s a sleep only a man who has everything he’s ever wanted could understand.
21
Jane
I turn in the mirror. The full-length ball gown with pale purple lace sparkles like an overlay of glitter on it. It reminds me of my favorite cupcakes. Keila painstakingly did my makeup and gave me the full Monty—as she called it.
I look beautiful. I look like a Cinderella going to the ball and getting her Happily Ever After. There’s just one problem.
I don’t look anything like me.
I wouldn’t care, if I knew when I came home tonight that I could slip into my pajamas, clean off all of my makeup and not worry about my hair. I really wouldn’t care if I knew that tomorrow, I could keep my pajamas on, and spend the whole day without makeup, or worrying that Casper would be turned off if I did.
I love him. I desperately love him. I always knew I did, but I didn’t know how much more that would grow once we got together. It’s all-consuming now. I’m terrified of messing this up, but I can’t go on like this. I know I can’t. I can do this kind of thing sometimes and there are times I want to look really good for Casper when we go out. Yet, I want to know that I can be just myself and be secure in the knowledge that he loves me no matter what.
I sit down on the bed, my dress fanning around me. I’m going to have to come clean with Casper and soon. I don’t have a choice.
“Fuck, baby. You look gorgeous,” Casper says, coming in the room.
I look up at the man I love and my heart squeezes painfully in my chest. He looks so handsome standing there. Unlike me, he’s not ready. He’s in his slacks and nothing else. Then again, Casper doesn’t need anything else.
He’s being sweet. He’s complimenting me, and even I know I look good. Instead his words are like a knife, cutting inside of me and befo
re I can even try to stop it…
I start bawling.
“Jane? Angel, what’s wrong?” Casper asks, immediately coming to me. He goes down on his knees I front of me, his hand curling against the side of my neck and forcing me to look at him.
“I’m not beautiful,” I cry in between sobs.
“Jane, honey. Look at me,” he urges.
“I am,” I bawl, sounding really pitiful.
“I mean really look at me,” he says, his voice full of tenderness. “What do you see?”
“I don’t understand, you’re just you,” I mumble, trying to dry my tears with the back of my hand.
“Exactly. I’m me. The man who loves you and I’m telling you that you’re completely gorgeous.”
“You’re wrong. You just see the makeup and the hair. You don’t see me.”
“You mean the makeup that is running down your face now with your tears?” he asks, sounding both amused and annoyed.
“Oh God.” I panic and try to pull myself up off the bed to run to the bathroom.
Casper doesn’t let me. He grabs my arms and pushes me down, so I’m lying on the bed. He’s over me, resting on his knees, not letting my body take any of his weight, my hand imprisoned above me, pinned to the mattress just like the rest of me.
“You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to tell me what’s going on with you.”
“You can’t love me!”
“What are you talking about? Jane, you know I love you.”
“You love the Jane with makeup and contacts, Casper. The one with perfectly fixed hair and nice clothes.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t love me. I’m not that woman, Casper. I’m just me, Plain Jane from Florida. I hate makeup, I despise contacts. I’d wear my yoga pants twenty-four hours a day if I could. I hate taking time with my hair. I don’t want to waste time on it, especially when I’m baking all day and need it out of the way and covered most of the time anyway.”
The words just start coming and they don’t stop. I tell him about the teasing I got in school, how all the boys called me Plain Jane, and most accused me being gay for never talking to boys. I tell him about being so painfully shy that it was hard to function and how I fought to overcome it all to own my own business. I let it all out and when I’m finally done, I feel exhausted.