“Yeah, but you didn’t end up together, either,” Jonah pointed out, after pausing to wonder if this Sanchez guy was insane to not feel chemistry with her. “And neither did the thousands of couples who filed for divorce last month alone.”
“How about the thousands who didn’t?” she countered, but oh, this was too easy.
“There’s always next month. Look, I’m not saying I think you should ditch your aspirations for love or marriage or…what was it? Someone who will buy you a cheesecake?” he teased.
A smile flirted with the corners of her mouth even though she looked like she was trying to cage it. “Share the last bite of cheesecake,” she corrected. “And who will laugh when I’m happy, and ache when I’m sad.”
“Exactly. You want to be more than two halves making a whole, and that’s cool. But as far as I’m concerned, the odds of that actually happening are practically nil. Casual is smarter.”
Vanessa. Tess, whose marriage to her douche canoe of a husband was hanging on by the barest of threads. More than half of the married people in the country. His own mother, who he and his father had never heard from again. People left people they’d promised to love and cherish every single day. Christ, somewhere, someone was doing it right this very second while he sat here and ate takeout. Relationships weren’t meant to last. Period. Hard stop.
“In fact, I’d bet that the average person is probably far more likely to see Bigfoot riding a unicorn than to find happily ever after,” he said.
“That’s a really jaded way of looking at love, you know that?”
Jonah shrugged, although, funny, the rise and fall of his shoulders was starchier than he’d expected. “I’d rather be jaded than burned.”
“Okay,” Natalie said, putting her soup down on top of one of the journals on the coffee table and turning to look at him. “But are you happy?”
Her question screeched across his ears like the needle of one of those vintage record players, slamming his thoughts to a halt. “What?”
“It’s a fairly straightforward question,” Natalie replied softly. “Are you happy—really happy—with the idea of never settling down with someone? Because if you are, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t have one-night stands until you’re ninety, and stand up to anyone who says otherwise. But if not…”
One-night stands until he was ninety. Jonah’s stomach took a full-gainer toward his knees.
And wasn’t that just stupid as hell, because as unappealing as an endless stream of one-night stands suddenly was, the idea that he’d find a relationship with real, God’s honest staying power was just as impossible.
He wasn’t a long-haul guy.
“Of course I’m happy,” he said, his most charming smile locked tightly over his mouth.
“Good.” Natalie smiled back. “I’m glad.”
But as they turned their attention toward the rest of their dinners and the research in front of them, Jonah realized that for the first time in his life, he’d told her a lie.
11
Natalie stared at the cardboard cup of coffee in her hand, certain she was going crazy. Seven days had passed since she and Jonah had shared that insanely hot “error in judgment” kiss. On the surface, they’d gone back to normal. Researching alternative therapies for Annabelle a couple of nights ago. Ride-sharing to work when their schedules were in sync. Sneaking in lunch or coffee in between surgeries and shifts in the ED. He’d even asked her if she was up for staying in to watch the Rogues game tomorrow night.
Everything should be the same. Everything was the same.
Except that was a load of crap.
Exhaling in frustration, Natalie placed her coffee—which was her fourth of the day and now cold, anyway—on the coffee table in the attendings’ lounge and slumped back against the couch cushions. Things between her and Jonah were far from normal. They weren’t bad or awkward or uncomfortable; in fact, the happy ease she’d always felt around him was still right there, front and center. But ever since they’d kissed, Natalie had been hyper-aware of every suggestion of him. The sight of his leather jacket hanging on the stand by the front door of the apartment on the nights he’d beat her home. The cadence of his voice as she overheard him giving the interns advice on a case in the ED. The smell of the soap he used, and how it mingled with the scent of his skin to become something uniquely Jonah.
The way she wanted him to kiss her again, this time slow and deep and without interruption, and oh God, she was in over her head here on so many levels.
Time for the Bat Signal, a.k.a. Girls’ Night In.
Need to talk. Girls’ night a week early? I’ll bring the wine and queso, Natalie added to her text. After two hell yeses and a bit of back and forth on logistics, she and Charlie and Tess agreed to meet at Charlie’s apartment. Relief spilled through Natalie’s chest behind her scrubs, but it quickly turned to resolve. She had just enough time to do the routine tonsillectomy on her afternoon schedule, then check in with Vasquez to make sure their post-op patients were status quo and their cases in the ED were turned over to the night-shift attending before she’d have to run to the grocery store for wine and snacks.
She turned her To Do list into action, taking all the appropriate time to reassure the parents of the now tonsil-free six-year-old that the procedure couldn’t have gone more smoothly, then reviewing the rest of her cases with her (thankfully, ambitious) intern. Swapping her scrubs for a sweater and leggings, Natalie grabbed her cell phone. Her fingers hovered over the icon of Jonah’s smiling face, her heart doing an involuntary pirouette as she tapped out a quick text to let him know she’d be home late. She might be on her way to confess her snowballing attraction to him to two of their colleagues and friends, but there was no sense in making him worry.
Right. She was going to need extra wine.
Bags in hand and her heart taking up residence in her esophagus, Natalie knocked on the door to Charlie’s apartment. Her heart relocated to her throat, proper, when Parker answered the door.
“Hey, Dr. Kendrick. Come on in,” he said, reaching out to take the two reusable grocery bags from her grasp before stepping back to usher her inside. Of course, Parker was here, she chided herself. He lived here, for pity’s sake. Normally, Natalie wouldn’t care one whit if he hung out with her and Charlie and Tess during their monthly girls’ night in, but since she was kiiiiiind of going to explode if she didn’t tell Charlie and Tess about crushing on his freaking mentor badly enough to want to lose her virginity to him…yeah. Tonight might be just a teensy bit awkward.
“We’re not in the ED,” she said, in an effort to recover her wits. “You can call me Natalie, you know.”
Parker paired his nod with an easy smile. “I know. Charlie and Tess are in the kitchen.”
“Really?” Natalie asked in surprise, her cheeks burning as soon as the word slipped out.
But Parker just laughed. “You don’t have to worry. They’re not cooking anything. I think they’re looking for wine glasses. Come on, I’ll take you back.”
“Thanks.”
Following Parker through the apartment, they arrived in the kitchen a few seconds later, just in time to catch Tess unearthing a trio of wine glasses from a cupboard and Charlie snuggling Tess’s three-month-old, Jackson, while singing the Baby Shark song in a silly voice, much to the baby’s delight.
“You’re going to scar that kid,” Parker warned, putting the bags on the small island in the center of the kitchen before turning to kiss Charlie and take the baby from her grasp. “C’mere, little man. Let Uncle Parker save you from your crazy aunt.”
“Hey, Natalie!” Charlie said, her green eyes sparkling as she gave up a warm hug to go with her greeting. To Parker, she said, “That song is very popular, I’ll have you know.”
Tess waved to Natalie, then rolled her eyes heavenward. “Also, the biggest earworm in the galaxy.” Turning toward Parker, she added, “Are you sure about tonight?”
“One hundred percent,” he said, hold
ing up one of Jackson’s chubby little hands and waving it at Tess. “Say ’bye to Mom for a little while.”
At what must have been Natalie’s perplexed expression, Charlie told her, “You called an emergency girls’ night, so I called in reinforcements.”
“I’m on cool-uncle babysitting duty,” Parker elaborated, waiting until Tess kissed Jackson three times, then taking the baby over to the car seat carrier in the corner of the kitchen to buckle him in with care. “A-shift is on at Seventeen, so I’m going to take the little man out for a while. Give you ladies a chance to relax with no XY chromosomes around.”
Natalie’s belly panged with guilt. “You don’t have to leave just because I asked for a girls’ night in.”
“I don’t mind,” Parker said, his tone marking the claim as entirely genuine. “Plus, those guys might talk a mean game, but you should see Hawk with babies. He freaking loves them. Quinn, too, and Slater practically raised his little sister, Hayley. I promise, Jackson will be in great hands—probably literally—all night.”
Tess softened at the mention of the rescue squad lieutenant and Parker’s former paramedic partner and her boyfriend/current paramedic partner, all of whom were part of the large circle of first responders and doctors who hung out at The Crooked Angel in their non-working hours. Still, she said, “Just be careful, would you?”
“I’ll be in a house full of firefighters and paramedics, Tess. Come on.” Parker shouldered the diaper bag Tess handed over like a boss. “You deserve a few hours off.”
“Okay. But text me if you need anything.”
“You know I will. Okay, dude.” Parker picked up the car seat carrier. “Me, you, and pizza night at the fire house. Baby sharks optional.” He winked at Charlie and kissed her quickly before turning back to the baby. “Let’s do this.”
As soon as the front door thumped shut, Natalie shrugged out of her jacket and looked at Charlie. “Parker is such a good guy.”
“Yeah, he’s totally getting laid later for that,” Charlie said, her laughter mingling around Tess’s snort.
“Like you wouldn’t be having wild monkey sex with him tonight even if he hadn’t taken my kid out for a couple of hours.”
Charlie tilted her head in concession. “Fair enough.”
Under normal circumstances, Natalie might have shifted the subject away from sex, or even dished up a smile and nod that implied that she wasn’t, in fact, still hauling around her V-card. But tonight, she was all about not avoiding the topic.
Tess glanced at the door through which Parker had disappeared, her expression oddly wistful. “Well, I’m grateful Parker was willing to take Jackson for a little while. Alec is…”
Natalie’s radar pinged full bore as Tess trailed off and Charlie made a rude noise in the back of her throat. “Is everything okay, Tess?” She knew things between Tess and her husband had been rocky lately, but she’d never seen her friend look anything other than completely fierce.
Tess squared her shoulders. “Well, shit. I guess people are going to find out about this sooner rather than later, and I’d rather the people I actually like hear it from me.” She looked at Natalie. “Alec and I are separating.”
“Oh, Tess.” Natalie’s breath rode out on her shock, and she crossed the kitchen to hug her friend. “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Tess said sensibly. Charlie looked unsurprised, so she must’ve already known, and Tess capped her words with a shrug. “I’ve been unhappy for a while now, and I’ve tried everything I can to get happy again, but Alec isn’t interested in helping my cause. It’s really the best option, for both me and Jackson, so…anyway. You sent up the Bat Signal. What’s up?”
Natalie blinked. “Oh. I, uh. It’s no big deal.”
She couldn’t possibly unload her to-sex-or-not-to-sex predicament on Tess and Charlie now. It would make her the worst friend ever.
But not only did Tess see right through her, she also wasn’t having it. “Oh, no, you don’t. You’ve never sent out a cry for help in the three years I’ve known you, and anyway, I’ve been doing nothing but thinking about my crummy soon-to-be-ex and diapers for the past month. You’re doing me a favor by distracting me from The Jackass Formerly Known as My Husband. Trust me.”
Well, when she put it that way… “Maybe we should, um, have some wine?”
“I’ll drink to that,” Charlie said. She busied herself with the corkscrew and one of the bottles of Malbec that Natalie had grabbed on her way over. A minute later, they all had nice, full glasses in hand, and Tess—being Tess—got right to it.
“Okay, Pixie Stick. Spill.”
Right. Natalie was smart. Articulate. Honest. How hard could this be?
She took a gulp of wine and blurted, “I think I want to have wild monkey sex with Jonah. Like, badly.”
Charlie and Tess froze simultaneously, both of their mouths falling open in very obvious surprise.
“Okaaay, this conversation is going to require more liquor,” Charlie finally said, reaching for the second bottle of wine that Natalie had brought.
“And chips,” Tess declared, tugging them free from the grocery bag.
Charlie nodded. “Don’t skimp on the queso, Michaelson.”
Tess raised a brow while Natalie gulped more wine. “You insult me.” Popping open the chips and queso, she finally smiled at Natalie. “So, you want to do the deed with Sheridan, huh? What prompted that after all this time?”
So, so much to unpack there. “It’s, um, kind of a long story,” Natalie said.
“We have time. And wine.” Charlie nudged a nearby bar stool in Natalie’s direction, then slid into another one while Tess did the same. “And this is a no-judgment zone.”
Natalie bit her lip and engaged in a giant game of chicken with her nerve, which won by a hair. “Oh, good. I guess this is a great time to tell you guys I’m still a virgin, then.”
“You’re a virgin? As in…” Tess’s eyes widened across the kitchen island.
“I’ve never had actual sex with anyone.”
She dove into the same story she’d given Jonah a week ago, telling them both about her sheltered teen years and her work-focused college experience. The words tumbled out with more ease than she’d expected, both of her friends listening genuinely, and by the time she’d loosened all the details, her pulse had returned to normal.
“That makes perfect sense,” Charlie said, reaching across the island to squeeze Natalie’s hand. “And honestly, I think it’s pretty cool that you didn’t just have sex for the sake of having sex. Most people wouldn’t have stuck to their principles.”
“Well, yeah, but I still haven’t ever had sex,” Natalie pointed out. “And I’m thirty-two.”
Tess eyed her over the rim of her wine glass. “So, why now? I mean, I’m not knocking your choice to take the plunge. Believe me, I’m all for it if you want to consensually trade orgasms with someone like baseball cards. But something’s got to be behind this desire to finally go for it.”
“You mean, other than the fact that I’m horny and curious and so, so ready?” Natalie gave up a wry smile, but it didn’t last. “All this time, I’ve just been waiting for someone I trust. I guess I feel like Jonah is that guy. And living with him made me really realize that I’m attracted to him on top of that trust.”
“Familiarity breeds temptation,” Charlie said, lifting her wine glass in salute.
“Okay, but I’m not quite sure how to ask him,” Natalie said. “I can’t exactly pop off with, ‘great weather we’ve been having lately, and, oh, by the way, I’d really love it if you’d let me take off your pants.’”
Tess pulled the bowl of chips closer and laughed. “Probably not your best tactic, although, not the worst I’ve ever heard, either. Still, this is you and Jonah. He’s not some random guy. He knows you’re still carrying your V-card, right?”
Natalie thought of the conversation and the kiss that happened afterward, her skin prickling with involuntary heat. “Yeah.”
Charlie nodded. “So, maybe honesty is your best policy. He’s not going to want you to give it up to some cretin on Tinder, and he’s not exactly shy when it comes to sex. If you tell him what you just told us about being curious and ready, and you legit ask him to help you out, he might be game.”
“That makes it sound like a business transaction,” Natalie said.
“Do you want to lose your virginity or not?” Tess asked, and okay, she had a point.
“Under the right circumstances, I do.”
“And you obviously find Jonah attractive enough to make that work.”
Tess had barely finished her sentence when Charlie choked on her wine. “Have you gone blind recently? Of course he’s attractive enough.”
Natalie’s brain chose that moment to cough up the oh-so-vivid memory of Jonah’s abs, and she fought her blush for the second time in as many minutes. “I am attracted to him, yes. But more importantly, I trust him. I don’t need him to love me, or anything, and I’m not in love with him,” she added quickly. “I don’t want a relationship with him. But we, um, kissed last week, and—”
“Wait.” Tess held up a hand. “You kissed The Orgasm Whisperer? Jesus, Nat! You could’ve led with that, you know.”
“I was getting to it. And the what?” The Orgasm Whisperer?
“Nothing,” Charlie said, shooting a warning glance at Tess.
Who promptly ignored it. “It’s just that Jonah kind of has a reputation. What?” she asked Charlie, whose glance had grown into a frown. “It’s not like she doesn’t know that Jonah totally gets around.”
“I do know,” Natalie said. The thought, which had never bothered her before, made her feel a little queasy now that it was front and center. But she had to be sensible about this. “And yes, Jonah and I kissed, and yes, it was…”
“Dreamy?” Charlie asked.
“Steamy?” Tess asked.
“Really, really hot,” Natalie admitted, unable to keep her smile under wraps. “There was definite chemistry.”
Better Than Me (A Remington Medical Contemporary Romance) Page 11