As the door closed behind us with a sinister snick, effectively sealing us from the rest of the world, I swallowed, heavily, then pinned Isa with my gaze.
“Tell me everything.”
She pulled a manila folder from her leather briefcase and set it on the oval table, something akin to sadness touching her green eyes.
“Sit down, Lotte, please.”
I didn’t want to, but my body obliged.
Concern flickered briefly across Isa’s features as she claimed her seat opposite me at the end of the table. Given that I hadn’t really slept all that much, waiting to see if Isa could transfer the case and trying to figure out who the fuck would hurt Melina, it was a fair bet I looked like shit.
But I couldn’t rest until we got this over. Isa probably knew as much since she schooled her face into something far more neutral, then folded her hands atop the file.
“I’m sorry about your friend, Lotte. If I had known about the incident, I would have notified you sooner.”
Oddly, I believed her.
“Unfortunately, I cannot give this kind of information out to a civilian,” she said softly, “as you’re well aware.”
Hence my call yesterday.
I inclined my head in acknowledgment.
“I wish I could make an exception, but I’ve already received enough heat from the brass for our previous endeavors.” A hint of fang poked from beneath her lip but was gone the next moment. “If he caught wind that I shared classified files with you, we could both end up in jail. Then neither of us would be of any use to Melina. Which means you have to sign the contract with ICRA before we can proceed.”
“Fine.” My gaze dipped down to the folder underneath her perfectly manicured fingers. “Give me a pen.”
A heavy silence commanded the room. I shifted in my seat, my gaze fixed on her in a not-so-subtle prompt to just hand over the bloody pen.
But the vampire stayed calm, studying me until I was on the verge of snarling.
“Well?” I snapped and threw my hands up. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“It was.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Was?”
“I know you don’t think highly of me, Lotte,”—her eyes narrowed just as I wanted to roll mine—“but I wouldn’t force you into the Agency unless you wish so.”
“I think I kind of made it clear that I do wish so,” I said dryly.
I might not throw a party for entering their ranks, but it had been my will and my will alone that prompted the change of heart.
Isa tapped the folder with her almond-shaped nails, her expression more open, rawer than I’d ever seen before—though those hard edges remained. A tick developed in her jaw when I didn’t avert my gaze or show any inclination of backing down. She pursed her lips and took a deep breath before sliding the papers over.
But no pen.
“Think this through, Lotte. Please.” Her eyes bored into mine. “You will be bound to ICRA for three years with no way of bowing out if you change your mind. You declined the offer when I first brought it to you, and I know how you feel about our organization. About me, as well.” She leaned back and exhaled slowly. “I will do everything within my power to bring Melina’s attacker to justice. You have my word on that. I simply don’t want you to rush into anything. Not even for a cause as noble as aiding your friend.”
Nine
The underground garage was eerily quiet when I arrived at the Zentrum, the manila folder resting on the passenger seat a weight I could taste on my tongue. I rubbed my temples, then lowered my forehead to the steering wheel. For what must have been minutes, I did nothing but breathe deeply, trying to calm the storm of thoughts that had broken in my mind on the road somewhere between Fürstenfeldbruck and Munich.
Damn it, did Isa have to become considerate and rational all of a sudden? If she’d just snatched the opportunity to make me ICRA’s lapdog…
I groaned, shooting a sideways glance at the folder.
Three years. Three years of my life doing the Agency’s bidding.
I straightened and raked my fingers through my hair. The contract should have been a small price to pay for being able to work on Melina’s case, but the unease gnawing at my stomach refused to give in so easily. I didn’t doubt Isa would hunt down the bastard—or bastards—with that single-minded determination of hers. She would probably bring them down, too. But what if she failed? Could I live with myself knowing I could have perhaps done something to change the outcome?
Though the question remained—just what could I truly contribute to the case?
While I might not like it, I understood why ICRA wanted me on the team. As someone with a lot of acquaintances and links to the real world, I could fill in the gaps they otherwise tried to smooth over with a slew of various informants—minus the dodginess and uncertainty that often came with the territory. No doubt the Agency would pursue every possible avenue I had to offer to gain the upper hand and secure their integration into society at large.
If people shied away from any involvement with a high-ranking and, frankly, intimidating organization such as ICRA, it was kind of hard to protect them. The Agency needed the masses’ trust.
And that required a point of contact that was more down-to-earth, friendly neighbor than badge-wielding predator.
So, yes, while I could see ICRA’s benefit in having me on board in general, I failed to grasp how my involvement could aid Melina’s case specifically. Connections or a reassuring attitude weren’t going to cut it. Besides, ICRA had werewolf agents who’d undoubtedly sniffed the scene until there was nothing left to inhale. So if they hadn’t uncovered anything of importance, then my preternatural senses wouldn’t either.
Crap. I was losing time and getting more irritated by the second.
Refusing to turn myself into an even larger mess than I was, I climbed out of the car and stripped down until I wore nothing but skin. Chills swept through me, the concrete of the underground lot even colder than the town above with no sunlight to warm the air. I shivered, then quickly tossed my clothes on top of the folder, locked the car, and stashed the key in a concealed crevice I’d used for this precise purpose several times before. Once I was certain no one could spot the gleam of the metal ring, I let the magic wash over me and shifted shape.
I kept well away from any signs of human and supernatural life as I roamed the park in wolf form. I focused on the scents, the sounds, the way the wind flowed through my fur and pressed cool caresses against my heated flesh.
After several minutes, I found a secluded spot atop a small incline and lolled out my tongue. A low rumble of pleasure rose in my chest, my ears perking up as nothing but the rustle of small animals eager to get out of my way echoed in response. Lifting my muzzle to the crystal blue skies, I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the present.
My mind and body free from all burden, only the silent commands of instinct drove me through Olympiapark’s diverse terrain that, while not untouched, nevertheless carried the primordial essence of nature. A perfect symbiosis. Life as it should have been. Snow crunched under my paws whenever I skirted off the well-traveled paths, the smell of it filling my lungs with that crisp, clear sensation that left no room for anything else but a deep sense of satisfaction.
For the first time in a long while, my being was perfectly balanced, the wolf becoming who she was meant to be.
Who I was meant to be.
The afternoon shadows around me lengthened as I continued to run, the press of air growing steadily cooler. I waited until the wind’s phantom fingers skimming my fur dropped to temperatures I would have abhorred as a human, then cut across the snow-covered grass. My ears twitched as they picked up the distinct pop-pop-pop-pop-pop of a tennis ball.
I sat down on a dry area of the path curving around the Zentrum. My tail swished languidly as I listened to the music of what must have been a well-played rally, but while comforting, the entrancing rhythm coaxed out the more human part of me, too.
<
br /> I remained focused on the exchange even as my wolf instincts and liberty of mind faded into the background. Mercifully, the rush of rational thought that filled the vacancy didn’t set my teeth on edge.
My run had achieved the desired effect.
Which left just one more thing to do.
I loped back to the underground garage—which was still blissfully empty—then shifted shape and dressed in record time. I swiped the folder off the seat, locked the car, then marched up the stairwell into the Zentrum proper, following the scent of coffee straight to my assistant’s office.
Shame that the delicious brew wasn’t on the menu right now.
My fingers curled around the handle, and I pushed inside.
Felix sat behind his neatly organized desk, so immersed in whatever he was typing on his computer that he’d failed to sense my approach. His fingers stumbled over the keys when his gaze flitted up.
“Fuck, Lotte. You scared the shit out of me.”
I forced an apologetic smile to my face, though it felt decidedly grim. “Sorry about that.”
He waved the apology away and got up to pour some coffee—just to stop short when I remained rooted to the spot.
“Shit.” He scanned me over, mouth tight. “You’re not here for a dose of caffeine, are you?”
The last time my office was this crowded, I was on my way to a three-month quarantine at Fürstenfeldbruck.
Now it was three years of ICRA servitude looming over me.
Bitter amusement drifted through my mind. With an escalation like that, I dreaded what the third time would bring.
And yet I couldn’t help hoping there would at least be a third time.
Exhaling, I pushed out of my swivel chair and walked around the uncharacteristically clutter-free desk. Alec, Elsa, Felix, Jaxon, and Linus huddled in a semicircle between me and the door, their insecurity at the impromptu meeting written clearly in the tight expressions they all wore. The only one missing was Voit, but with his recovery still underway, I didn’t want to drag him out of the Shadow World for this. A strained, brief phone call had been enough to bring the demon up to speed.
I leaned my butt against the edge of the desk and jammed my hands in my sweatshirt’s pockets.
“Someone attacked Melina in her home two nights ago,” I said, my voice weaker than I intended it to be. But even as a whisper, the words struck deep.
A volatile charge swept through the room.
Gripping the edge of the desk, I breathed past the onslaught of outrage, past the sharp thread of hurt that speared towards me from Alec’s direction.
I’d asked him to cover for me yesterday and today, but had offered no other explanation besides the fact that I had something to sort out. I hadn’t wanted to alarm him before I was sure it was Melina in ICRA’s intensive care, and after that…
Just hearing the voice of the friend I would be leaving behind again was more than my mental state could handle. I just hoped he could smell my remorse as clearly as I did his grief.
“Someone attacked Melina?” Elsa hissed past her descended fangs.
With no small amount of effort, I tore my gaze away from Alec’s for good and nodded. “I still don’t know what happened, exactly, but I saw her at the ICRA facility in Fürstenfeldbruck earlier today. She’s…” I cleared my throat. “She’s in a coma.”
The charge in the air skyrocketed as that last word hung between us, heavy and oppressive. It was a miracle the sheer force of the pressure didn’t blow the windows out.
Holding on to the desk hard enough to dent the surface, I took in the five perfectly immobile—and almost painfully tense—faces. Elsa entwined her fingers with Alec’s, a question in her dark eyes. But it was Linus who voiced it.
“Will she…survive?”
I met the turbulent intensity of his blue gaze—and in it found reassurance that I’d made the right call, asking Felix to rope him in.
“The ICRA doctors are doing their best,” I said, hating how the answer sounded like nothing more than a line, but it was true. If there was any place Melina had a chance of a full recovery, it was under their care. “Her Fae lineage kept her alive, that much I know.”
“Fuck,” Felix said softly, while Jaxon and Alec exchanged a weighted look.
I carried on before my voice could break or my determination fizzled. “But this isn’t the only reason why I called you all here.”
The full weight of Alec’s attention shifted to me again, and I knew—I knew that he’d figured out what I had planned. Why I’d kept him in the dark.
I kept my focus firmly on the rest of them. I didn’t need the blunt warning in my best friend’s eyes to make this more difficult than it already was.
I stepped away from the desk and clasped my hands in front of me. “I’m going to work with Isa Vogt on Melina’s case. Throw in my lot with ICRA to catch the filth responsible.”
Silence.
For the longest time, there was nothing but silence as my words sank in, the office a cocoon amidst the Zentrum’s always lively pulse that buzzed in the background but couldn’t pierce the shield of surprise and tension erected around us.
Elsa bit her lip, her already glimmering eyes filled with pride and fear all at once. Linus and Jaxon simply stared at me, while Felix shook his head, then tugged on the three-quarter sleeves of his raglan tee. As if the fabric could somehow protect him.
But it was Alec’s reaction that pierced the deepest.
“After everything?” he whispered, his almost fragile tone laced with so much emotion it stripped me raw.
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to help,” I confessed, then raised my eyes to the ceiling to push out the words lodged in my throat. “Even… Even if it means leaving the Zentrum again.”
At the mention of the club, my voice broke.
This was more than just losing my position here. I was giving up a part of my life. And fuck, it hurt.
It was selfish, maybe even petty in the grand scheme of things, but reason held little power over the rancid taste of loss building in my mouth.
I didn’t want to fall into that pit right now.
But most of all, I didn’t want to spill out the extent of my working relationship with ICRA.
The news of Melina’s attack had already shaken my friends enough. I fucking hated this, even if it was just an omission instead of an outright lie, but I couldn’t bring myself to add to the strain. Once circumstances were better, I’d take them all out for beers—and beg for forgiveness if I had to.
I walked around the desk to escape their gazes, just for a moment, then braced my hands on the backrest of my chair. The poor thing creaked under my weight. I eased off a bit but didn’t relinquish the contact—or what little support it offered.
“Look,”—I sighed—“you all did a great job while I was being probed and prodded by ICRA these past three months. No,”—I shot Felix a smile when I scented his argument in the air, though the expression felt tight—“don’t downplay it. With all the issues we’ve had, the Zentrum would have crashed and burned if it were otherwise. I know you’ll treat the club, the entire compound, well, and I know our athletes will thrive. Voit said he’s expecting to come back to work full-time soon, so hopefully, things will become even easier for you.”
A sob jostled my chest, but I clamped down on it. If I stopped now, I’d never finish. And I wanted them to hear this. Wanted them to know.
“You’re hard-working, talented, efficient. Brilliant minds with even more brilliant hearts. I honestly couldn’t imagine leaving the Zentrum in better care. But I am sorry. I’m so, so sorry for coming back just to run away again. I hope… I hope you understand why I’m doing it.”
Elsa wound a strand of hair around one finger and nodded, her dark eyes grave but compassionate. “You have to do what feels right.”
“I do. Shit, Elsa, if you’d seen her…” I shook my head. The visual of Melina in that bed was still too vivid, too
painful for my frail state of mind.
Nobody said a word as I composed myself, wiping away a rogue tear.
“Alec is in charge again. And, well, you all know the drill already.” My gaze flickered to Linus. “Would you mind taking over Melina’s classes at her club? She just landed a sponsorship, and I know she wouldn’t want those kids to miss out on their lessons.”
Surprise swept across his features, but he quickly schooled them into neutrality and dipped his chin. “Of course.”
“I have the spare key to the place,” Felix offered, then explained at my arched brows, “Melina thought keeping an extra set here might come in handy. Plus, I helped her with her paperwork a couple of times, so it was easier to just let myself in when her schedule was packed.” He peered around the three bodies separating him from Linus. “I can ease you in if you want.”
The surprise returned, softening Linus’s features until the werewolf standing before me was neither a dopehead nor a player. He wasn’t even the Linus I’d dated. But a man grateful for the second chance life had brought his way.
He nodded. “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.”
“Great, then let’s meet up at her club tomorrow at six thirty. We should be able to get the brunt of it done before I have to pop back in here.”
After another nod from Linus, my not-so-merry band of former coworkers and lovers, but, most importantly, very much present friends, turned to me once more. I’d already given my speech, and faced with the sense of finality I just couldn’t shake, all I managed to squeeze out was a pitiful “Right.”
I rubbed my hands across my face and let out a defeated, humorless laugh. What else was there to say?
This was the last time my office was mine. I felt it in my bones.
And so did Alec.
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