by Amanda Perry
The doctor must be an Elemental, too. I wonder how many people in my life are Elementals, and I never had a clue. The fact that I’m able to think of a question like that makes me think I’m getting better. I wonder if the trip to the doctor was wasted until I shift in Caleb’s arms and groan as daggers shoot through my skull.
“Riley,” the doctor starts, sounding close to me, “can you hear me?”
I try to nod, but it causes stabbing pain again. I whimper. Caleb’s hold on me tightens as he pulls me closer to his chest. I breathe in his smoky scent and relax into him.
“Is it your head hurting again?” Again, I try to nod, but it hurts too much. Luckily, he must catch the attempt because he hums as if confirming his suspicions. “I’m going to give you that cocktail of medication again, Riley. We’ll see if it helps with the pain, then we can talk a bit more and see if we need to do anything else.”
I don’t respond verbally, but when someone takes my arm gently, I don’t resist. They put an IV in and give me the medication. Relief washes over me soon after, and I’m able to breathe easier. The ache remains in my body and my head, but the excruciating pain diminishes enough for me to relax my tight muscles.
No one speaks while I rest against Caleb and wait for the doctor to come back. I appreciate the silence, though. I’m not ready for anyone to speak yet because it would mean that I would have to move away from Caleb—something I can’t bring myself to do.
Part of me wonders why he came at all. My dad and Jaxon could have taken care of me through this whole process without his help. They don’t bring me the same sort of comfort Caleb does, but I’m sure I would have survived with the two of them. Why would Caleb need to come, then? There’s no logical reason for him to tag along. I won’t dare ask him or anyone else why he’s here because I’m not sure I want to know the answer.
All too soon, the door opens, and someone enters the room. “Okay, Riley, how are you feeling now?”
I crack one eye, squinting against the dimmed overhead lighting. “Better.” My voice is raspy and muted, but audible.
“You’re not a hundred percent, though,” he muses. He studies me with his head tilted. “Is your head still hurting?”
“It’s just an a-a-ache now,” I admit.
He frowns. “How long have you had this headache?”
I don’t answer him. Instead, my eyes dart to my dad, then Jaxon, and my hand tightens on Caleb’s shirt. Dad hastily jumps to his feet and strides over to me. “What is it, kiddo? Talk to me.”
Part of me wants to keep my constant body aches to myself to prevent burdening anyone. I know my dad would rather me tell him, though, and I don’t want to lie to him by saying I’m fine. It’s exhausting to pretend to be fine all the time. “It’s more than a headache. It’s my whole body.”
“Your whole body hurts?” Dad asks, his eyes widening.
Jaxon scrubs his hand down his face. He squints his eyes and looks between me and Caleb. “What kind of hurt?”
“It’s like an all-over ache. Sort of like when you get the flu. Sometimes worse than that, and lately, it doesn’t ease up,” I admit with a sigh. “Sometimes it’s worse in my chest like a sharp pain. This time it was sharp all over, then it felt like my head exploded out of nowhere. I didn’t have any warning like I usually do with migraines, so I couldn’t get one of the pills I’m supposed to use.”
“Have you been under a lot of stress recently, Riley?” the doctor asks from the other side of Caleb.
My only response is a quiet hum. My attention is fixed on Jaxon and Dad while they exchange a meaningful look I don’t understand. I wish they would just tell me what they’re thinking.
“Have you been sleeping well?” he asks, rounding the bed.
I shake my head. I’m too tired to lie to him. My gaze remains on my dad, and with every answer I give, his head hangs farther.
“What about eating?” The doctor places his fingers on my wrist, checking my pulse point. “Are you eating well?”
“Not really,” I admit.
When Dad’s gaze locks on mine, I try to explain it better in hopes it’ll wipe away the deep frown on his face. “It makes me sick to my stomach to eat much of anything, and my nightmares are back so it’s hard for me to sleep. It’s just easier if I don’t.”
“Strange,” the doctor murmurs. “It sounds a lot like withdrawal from—”
Dad clears his throat heavily and cuts the doctor off. His head jerks up, and he and Dad exchange a loaded glance. The doctor’s brow draws together before he rubs his forehead with a huff. “Okay, I’m going to suggest rest, relaxation, and a long talk with your father. No strenuous exercise for a while. Sleep and try to eat something. Stay as far away from stress as you can.”
“Okay.” I don’t think I’ll be able to stomach food or handle the nightmares brought on by sleep, but I’ll do what I can to relax.
Idly, I wonder if my nightly trips to the garage to take out my frustrations on the mannequin are considered strenuous exercise. It’s the only thing that’s kept me sane at night. After such a long stretch of time without Caleb, allowing myself to cave and melt into him will surely set me back, and I’ll need the distraction more than ever. Not that I truly made any progress in moving on from him to begin with, but I know the small shred of sanity I have left will disappear as soon as he lets me go again.
“Caleb, we’ve got her from here.” Dad stands and rounds the bed to the opposite side of Caleb. “You can’t leave your truck here, anyway.”
“I’ll just come back for it later,” he protests, making no move to part from me.
Jaxon pats Caleb’s shoulder. “Come on, Caleb, let’s just get Riley home, and we can deal with the rest from there.”
Caleb growls his frustration, “Jax—”
“I know, man,” Jaxon huffs. “It doesn’t make sense for you to leave your truck here, though. I’ll take care of her until we can get home and figure shit out. No stress, remember?”
Caleb hesitates, but ultimately relents. He rests his lips against the top of my head, and I want to cry at the reprieve it sends through my body. “I’ll see you at home, bab—er, Riley.”
It’s my own fault he corrected himself. I told him to stop calling me by my nickname because it’s simply too painful to hear. It’s too intimate. I’m not his baby anymore, so he shouldn’t call me that. Except, I miss it fiercely. My name on his lips sounds wrong. I don’t want to just be Riley to him; I want to be everything to him like he is to me.
Caleb slides off the bed, breaking our contact and allowing the all-over ache inside me to return. I whimper at the loss of him, but quickly attempt to cover it with a cough. Judging by the frown from my dad and Jaxon, and the tensing in Caleb’s shoulders, they heard it anyway.
“Let’s get you home, sis. We can sort some things out when we get there.” Wrapping an arm around my shoulders, Jaxon urges me off the bed. His touch should comfort me, but he isn’t who I need right now.
The one person I need trails behind us as we make our way to the parking lot. His truck is parked haphazardly next to my dad’s, taking up two spaces. Caleb watches with his arms crossed tightly over his chest and his hands balled into fists as Jaxon helps me into the car, then slides in beside me.
Caleb’s eyes never leave mine. I allow myself to look him over for the first time in a while. Dark circles stand out in contrast under his bright blue eyes. His messy hair is overdue for a trim, and while it’s normally mussed in a stylish way, now it’s as if he didn’t have the energy to fix it this morning. He looks as worn-out as I feel. Even still, he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and I want to run to him, hug him, and tell him how much I love him... Even if he doesn’t love me back.
Instead, I merely keep my eyes fixed on his until my dad drives us out of the lot. It’s impossible to keep the tears from shining in my eyes, but I manage to stop them from falling.
No one speaks during the ride home, but there’s a heaviness in the air. D
ad and Jaxon have plenty to say—it’s clear in the way they repeatedly exchange loaded looks in the rearview mirror. The way they open their mouths to speak, only to cover it up with a fake cough or yawn. The silence wouldn’t bother me if not for the impending discussion they’ll want to have. I can’t hold in my problems anymore, and if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to. I need help from them to move past the grief, and they’re the best people to help me. I tried it on my own and had zero progress to show for it. They may be my only hope.
My resolve hardens as we pull into the driveway. I’ll talk to Jaxon, Cassie, Dad, and Leanne tonight and ask them what I should do to move on.
Chapter 6
I felt the loss the moment I left Caleb’s arms. I swore to myself over and over I’d speak with everyone tonight about ways to move on, but with every second that ticks by, I find myself rethinking the idea. The pain in my chest returned with a vengeance when we arrived home. I told my dad about it, and he suggested I get some rest. His forehead was creased with worry, though, and I got the feeling he wasn’t telling me something important.
I spend the rest of my day with Cassie in my bedroom. We surround ourselves with gossip magazines, board games, my stuffed animals, and Rose, who is the majority of our entertainment through the day. Cassie borrowed a laser pointer from my dad, and we spend longer than we should have watching the little ball of fluff run after the bright red dot.
“Do you think she’ll ever figure out that she can’t catch it?” Cassie points the laser at the window seat and snorts when Rose leaps for it like a tiny tiger.
“She’s sure she can hunt it if she keeps at it.” My affinity for Earth has proven to be my favorite recently. I love that I know what Rose needs and wants. The primal way of communication took a lot of getting used to, but I had plenty of time to work on honing in the ability lately.
Cassie regards me quietly for a long moment. “You’ve been getting good with that ability.”
“I’ve been practicing.” I scratch Rose behind her ear when she jumps onto the bed for attention. “I haven’t had much opportunity to practice the other abilities that go with Earth and the other elements, but since I have Rose, I can easily use her to work on that particular skill.”
“We’ve been neglecting that part of your training,” Cassie muses. “I think we all just want to be sure you can kick ass no matter who you’re against.”
“If I hadn’t had my affinities, the attack last month would have turned out a lot different,” I admit quietly.
Cassie tenses and turns her body toward me, giving me her full attention. “What do you mean?”
“Well...” I bite my lip, unsure about sharing the details. Cassie and I just managed to resolve our issues, and I don’t want to cause more.
She raises a brow. “Ri, what happened?”
“I used my affinities to help me fight off those guys.” She wants to know, and I won’t lie to her. “The knife he had... I managed to pull the heat from around us and burn him with it. I knocked one of them over with a harsh gust of wind, also. They think it was because of the drugs they were on. They kept talking about a bad trip, so I don’t think they suspected anything. It stunned them enough for me to get the upper hand a few times, though.”
Cassie launches herself at me, knocking me over on the bed and hugging me tight. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I know I said that already, but I hate that you had to deal with that crap on your own. You did good, though. You did really good.”
I hug her back, my cheeks burning under her praise. I could have done better. We both know it, but I’m relieved she knows I did my best to protect her.
Just as quickly as she jumped on me, Cassie hops off the bed and spins around. “No more emotional stuff, you’re supposed to be relaxing. Let’s go see if dinner is ready. I smell baked chicken, and you need to eat at least ten helpings.”
I choke on air as I stumble off the bed and race after Cassie. “Ten? Why ten?”
Cassie shrugs and smirks at me over her shoulder. “Because eleven would be entirely too much.”
I bark out a laugh and roll my eyes. “That makes no sense.”
“Whatever, you know what I mean. Don’t make me put the whole damn chicken in front of you.” Cassie waves me off and bounces to the stairs.
I grab her arm to stop her, a sudden thought occurring to me. “Cassie?”
She spins around and raises a brow in question.
“Why is my dad worried about the pain in my chest that’s spread all over? Is it something bad? Should I be concerned?” I bite my lip to keep it from trembling.
Throughout the day, I considered what may be the cause. I doubt my dad would be concerned if it was simply my muscles getting used to my new workouts. I spent a lot of my life avoiding sleep and being denied access to food, and it never made me hurt this badly before. I doubt it’s the cause now. I don’t think it’s the bruises from the attack because they’re nearly gone now.
A few terrifying thoughts occurred to me, though. It could be my body rejecting the blessing, or the gods and goddesses trying to take my affinities back. They may not think I’m doing the job as the Chosen justice, and they want to find someone else. What would that mean for my family? What would they do when Samael decides to wreak havoc with the Elementals?
Cassie takes my hand in hers and squeezes it gently. “He’s worried it’s withdrawal from your soulmate, Ri. Withdrawal from Caleb.”
Her confession stuns me. “Withdrawal? Like from drugs or something?”
“Sort of,” Cassie cringes. “He’s literally the other half of you. To deny your soul its other half puts a strain on a person. It’s incredibly rare that soulmates chose not to be together, and a lot of times it can turn deadly for one or both of them.”
My blood runs cold. “Deadly?” Caleb can’t die; I wouldn’t survive it. It’s a stupid thing to think because he doesn’t belong to me anymore—at least, he doesn’t want to—but I need him to stay alive either way. If he’s alive, I can check up on him, know he’s happy without me. If I can’t have him, then I only want him to be happy.
“Don’t worry about it right now,” Cassie insists with another squeeze of my hand. “For now, the doctor said to rest and relax. After you’ve had a good meal and a long night’s sleep, we can talk about options. Until then, just try to push it from your mind. You don’t need the stress.”
“But—” I want to protest and ask her what options she means, but she interrupts me with a look.
“No buts.” Cassie closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I wouldn’t have even told you, but since you asked, I had to. Please, let’s get you fed and rested. Then we can talk more about this. I promise, nothing is going to change between now and then.”
Unsure whether my mind and body could handle the stress of the conversation, I easily relent to Cassie’s plea. “Okay, let’s go eat.”
Cassie cheers up instantly when I agree to her demands. She bounces down the stairs, then into the kitchen with my hand still in hers. Except, I don’t bounce with her. Instead, I stumble and nearly face-plant in my attempt to keep up with her. Her energy level rivals a toddler on a sugar high, and sometimes, I can’t help but wonder how much coffee the girl actually drinks in one day.
Leanne glances up when we enter the room, and her permanent smile broadens. “Hey, dinner is about ready. Go ahead and sit down. I just need to grab the rolls, and I’ll be right over.”
“Need help?” I ask, lingering around the bar. Caleb sits in his normal seat at the dining table, and as much as I want to sit next to him and pretend the last month never happened, I can’t.
Leanne shakes her head. “I’ve got this, honey. Go relax. Doctors’ orders.”
With a small pout, I drag my feet to the table and sit in the empty seat next to Cassie. It’s where I’ve been sitting for recent meals, and I hate it. It’s not my spot, but I don’t trust myself to sit beside Caleb without falling at his feet, begging him to take me back.
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The short time I spent in his arms earlier today only served to remind me how much I miss him and the comfort his presence brings me. As if I needed more of a reminder than the constant ache in my chest and deepening depression.
“So,” Dad starts as Leanne takes her seat. “I was thinking we should get back to our normal volunteer schedule this coming weekend.”
Leanne perks up. “I completely agree. I’ve missed our little adventures. We could call up the animal shelter and ask if they need our help. Derek and Susannah are home, now. They’d love to join us, I’m sure.”
“Speaking of my parents...” Cassie sits up straighter in her seat. She peeks at me from the corner of her eye but quickly diverts her attention back to Leanne when she catches me watching her intently. I was supposed to meet Cassie and Caleb’s parents last month—and the very reason we were at the mall later than necessary. I needed the perfect outfit, but instead, I made us into the perfect victims.
Caleb clears his throat and shifts awkwardly in his seat. Cassie ignores his obvious discomfort. “Thanksgiving is next week. They want to know when we’ll be making menu plans.”
Silence descends upon the table. Looks I don’t understand are exchanged with everyone except for me. I do my best to wait them out patiently, but when no one offers an explanation, I can’t help myself. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, kiddo.” Dad offers me an awkward half-smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.
I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. I never noticed what a terrible liar my father is until now. As if reading my thoughts, Jaxon barks out a laugh and vainly tries to cover it with a cough. “Dad, you’re a shitty liar.”
Dad glares and points his finger at Jaxon. “I’ll ground you.”
“I’m sure you will.” Jaxon rolls his eyes, then turns his focus to me. “Are you okay with spending Thanksgiving with them, Riley?”