by Amanda Perry
Dr. Paine patiently holds the door open for me. “Feel free to bring him back if it’ll make you feel more comfortable.”
I glance from Caleb to Dr. Paine and back again. Caleb tugs on my hand and turns me to face him. “Baby, I’m right here if you need me. You wanted to go in alone before, and I think you should. If you can’t handle it, then come get me, and I’ll come in with you. But for now, do you want to try it the way you originally wanted to?”
Darn him for making sense. I wanted to do this on my own today, and he knows it. If I bring him with me now, I may never gain the courage to go alone in the future. My gut tells me Dr. Paine is a good person, and I need to listen to that feeling. Being alone with her is outside my comfort zone, but I don’t get the sense she’s a threat in any way. Maybe taking this step will help me gain more confidence in myself.
“Riley?” Dr. Paine calls me again, and I know I need to make a decision. She’s kind and patient, but she also has a schedule to keep. If I stand here debating with myself for an hour, I’m only wasting her time and my own.
“I’ll be back,” I whisper to Caleb as I finally release his hand.
His prideful smile is all the encouragement I need to walk into Dr. Paine’s office alone with her. As before, she offers me any seat I want, and I take the middle of the couch like I did the last time. It feels much bigger with me being the only one on it. I cross my legs and fold my arms across my chest.
Dr. Paine takes a seat in the same chair she chose during my last visit. “How are you, Riley?”
“I’m f-f-fine.” My voice is barely audible, but I know she hears me.
She sets her pad of paper on her lap and studies the way I’m sitting. “You’re nervous.”
I don’t deny it. She didn’t phrase it as a question, though, so I don’t answer her. Thankfully, my lack of response doesn’t appear to bother her.
“It’s normal to be nervous,” she assures me. “You’re probably not used to someone asking about your life and things that bother you. I want you to know that we don’t have to talk about anything you’re not willing to talk about. My job is to help you through anything that bothers you, no matter what it is. You can speak freely in my office without fear of judgment.”
“I’m just...” My arms tighten over my chest. “I d-don’t know where to s-start.”
She thinks for a moment while tapping her pen on her paper. “How about you start with the first thing that pops into your head?”
“Talking is d-difficult sometimes.” My jaw clenches with irritation. It’s like my stutter will never fully disappear. “I s-s-stutter a lot.”
“How long have you had a stutter?” she asks. “I don’t remember it from last time we met.”
I shrug. “Forever.”
She considers my answer. “Does it always happen or only sometimes?”
“Only with s-s-strangers or when I’m really n-n-nervous.” Part of me wants to run out of the office and into Caleb’s arms, but I refuse to give up just because I’m uncomfortable.
Dr. Paine scribbles on her notepad while she continues to ask questions about my stutter. It takes a while, but I manage to explain that my stutter appears when I’m anxious or around people I don’t know. I tell her it’s because I second-guess everything I say and worry about upsetting people with my words. The more comfortable I am with a person, the less I stutter. Even still, I have moments nearly daily when I worry about upsetting my family in one way or another.
“So, you have daily episodes of anxiety that significantly impact you.”
I manage a small nod. I need a break from talking for a bit—it takes a lot out of me.
Dr. Paine must sense this because she takes over the conversation. “It seems to me like you didn’t have anyone you could trust until now. It’s great that you’re surrounded by people you can feel comfortable with, since it doesn’t sound like you’ve had that growing up. Whenever you’re ready to talk about the people you grew up with, we can go into that.”
She pauses momentarily, probably to give me a chance to bring up my mother and stepfather. I’m not ready to deal with them, yet. It’ll take a lot longer than an hour for us to talk about them, and I know my time will be up soon.
When I don’t respond, Dr. Paine picks up where she left off. “For now, I think something you can work on is the anxiety you get on a daily basis. If you’d like, I can give you a few ideas on how to handle those attacks.”
“Yes, please,” I whisper. I’ll take any advice she’s willing to offer. I’ll do anything as long as it means putting a stop to the racing heart and churning stomach.
Dr. Paine leans forward in her chair. “Okay, I’m sure you’ve tried deep breathing.” At my nod of confirmation, she asks, “Have you tried using your elements?”
I tilt my head, unsure of what she’s getting at. “My elements?” I notice my short answer no longer brings out my stutter, and it pleases me. Dr. Paine has been understanding of the issue I accidentally brought up today, and it helps ease my fears of judgment from her.
“You can use your affinities of the elements to calm yourself,” she elaborates. “The rest of us Elementals would use our singular affinities. For example, I would use Water to calm down if I found myself in a stressful situation. You could use one, a few, or all four of the elements to help yourself.”
I ponder her suggestion in silence for a few minutes as she allows me time to think. It makes sense for me to use my affinities to help myself, but I don’t know how I’d be able to do it. After attempting to come up with some ideas on my own, I finally give up. “How would I d-do that?”
“Well...” She drags the word out. Her brow knits together in thought. “I know the sound of running water helps me a lot. If I can somehow simulate a babbling brook or crashing waves, it soothes me. You need a water source nearby, but it could be something as simple as a puddle or a sink you can fill. It’d be ideal to have something larger, like a pool, but that’s not always plausible.”
It doesn’t sound too difficult to try to use Water as a calming tool. “I can do that.”
“With Air, maybe a soft breeze would help?” She purses her lips and frowns. “I’m not familiar with all the things a person with an affinity for Air can do, but I know Leanne mentioned her husband, your dad, has an affinity for Air. If you’re comfortable asking him, he may have ideas as well.”
“Maybe.” If I can’t figure out other ideas on my own, I don’t have an issue enlisting my dad’s help. Without a doubt, I know he’d help me in any way he could.
Dr. Paine sets her pad of paper onto the table beside her chair and stands. “How about this? During the week, try to center yourself with your affinities when you find the anxiety becomes too much for you. If you want to ask your family for help, that’s great. If not and you still can’t figure it out on your own, we’ll brainstorm next week. Does that sound like a good plan?”
“I’ll try it.” I follow her lead and stand. My muscles protest the movement after having been locked in place for an hour. I managed to relax a little, but my body was still tense during our session.
She opens the door for me with a soft smile. “I’ll see you next week, Riley. If anything changes or you need to talk to me before then, just give me a call.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as I pass by her.
Caleb stands when he spots me, and my pace quickens as I rush to him. He envelops me in the safety of his arms. As soon as I’m wrapped up in his embrace, I fully relax.
Caleb rests his lips on the top of my head and inhales deeply. “You did it.”
“Yeah. I wanted to bring you back with me. But you were right, I needed to do it alone.” I press my body closer to his, wishing it was possible to climb him like a tree in the middle of the waiting area.
He chuckles. “Come on, baby. Let’s head home, and you can tell me all about it.” He pauses and rethinks his suggestion. “Or don’t tell me anything about it. It’s completely up to you.”
“Can we get something to eat first?” My empty stomach takes the moment to growl angrily. Caleb’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “I didn’t have time for breakfast.”
Caleb rests his hand on my lower back as we exit the building. “Yeah, I didn’t get a chance to grab anything, either. What sounds good to you?”
I consider my options, but nothing specific comes to mind. “I’m happy with anything as long as it’s food.”
“Nope.” He shakes his head decisively. “No food for you. I’m going to stop at a gardening supply store and grab some dirt and rocks. That’s all you get.”
My jaw drops even while a smile tickles my lips. “You’re going to feed me rocks and dirt?”
“It’s full of protein and iron, I think. I’m sure it’s good for you.” His eyes shine with laughter as he opens the passenger door for me.
I wrinkle my nose and pout. “Unless it’s those chocolate candies that look like rocks that Jaxon showed me, I don’t think I want to eat rocks.”
“What about the dirt?” He continues to hold my door open until I finally slide into my seat and buckle up.
I wait for him to round the car and settle into the driver seat before I respond, “I saw a recipe for a dirt pie in a magazine. The chocolate pudding and crushed up cookies looked like dirt and they added gummy worms, too. I’d eat that kind of dirt.”
Caleb drops the ruse and barks out a laugh. “You want chocolate rocks and cookies with candy worms. I think you have a sweet tooth today.”
“Maybe. But I’ll settle for a burger and fries.” I bat my eyelashes innocently at him causing him to laugh harder.
“I’ll get you a chocolate shake, too... just in case you need a sugar fix.” He takes my hand in his and kisses the back of it. Sparks shoot up my arm and into my chest.
He needs to kiss me soon, or I’m not sure what I’ll do. I debated talking to Cassie, but I know she’d tell me to make a move and kiss him. If he doesn’t initiate it soon, I may end up doing just that. After my dream last night, all I can think about when I’m with him is kissing him and running my hands over his body. If his eyes hadn’t been full of heat when he woke me up, I might have died of embarrassment. He clearly liked my dream as much as I did. At least, he enjoyed what he heard, and it proves that he wants me just as badly as I obviously want him. Frustration courses through me, and I huff in indignation.
Caleb glances away from the road and frowns at me. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“Nothing.” I wave off his concern. “I’m just thinking about things.”
He turns his eyes back to the road. “Is it about your appointment with Dr. Paine?”
I pushed the appointment out of my mind for the time being, actually. It won’t be long before I need Caleb’s help with Dr. Paine’s suggestion to use my affinities to center myself. I don’t have a clue what to do with the elements to help calm me down. If I sit and think on it for a while, I may be able to come up with some ideas, but it’d be a lot easier to simply ask my family for help.
Caleb mistakes my silence as confirmation. “You can talk to me about anything, baby girl. I’m always here for whatever you need.”
“I know.” I squeeze his hand in silent thanks. “I think I’m just hungry and ready to get home and relax.”
He purses his lips and considers something. “Are you up to doing something with me tonight?”
I adjust my position in my seat to face him. “Like what?”
“It’s a surprise, but if you need to relax, we can do it another night.” He may think he succeeds in hiding his disappointment, but I can see it clearly in his eyes.
Whatever his surprise for me is, he’s excited about it, and I wouldn’t dream of ruining his plan. “I’d like to find out what my surprise is. I don’t want to do it another night.”
“Then tonight it is.” Caleb smiles brightly as we pull into the drive-thru of the burger place. “Now, how about that milkshake?”
Chapter 15
“I had a thought.” Cassie pounces on me the second I walk through the door. She nearly knocks the milkshake out of my hand, but I successfully save the hardwood from a milky explosion.
“Hello to you, too.” Caleb rolls his eyes and guides me safely past his sister. “You do know it’s considered rude to barrel over people when they’re not expecting it, right?”
Cassie ignores him and skips along beside me. “We were talking about ways to use all of your affinities, and I came up with a few ideas.”
“Ahem!” Leanne steps into the hall from my dad’s office with her arms folded and eyebrows raised, staring at Cassie expectantly.
“Fine,” Cassie huffs. “Leanne helped a bit with the ideas.”
“Mom came up with all of them,” Jaxon shouts from the living room. “Don’t let the little minx fool you.”
Cassie spins on her heel and rests her fists on her hips. “You snitch! You’re just mad because I won’t watch that dumb ass superhero movie with you.”
“It’s not dumb!” Jaxon’s pout is audible in his tone.
While they bicker, Caleb and I continue into the kitchen. We slide onto stools at the island and watch the tiff between Jaxon and Cassie while finishing off our milkshakes.
Leanne follows us, but instead of taking a seat, she rounds the kitchen island and rests her elbows on the countertop. “Would you like to hear Cassie’s ideas?”
“Sure.” I giggle. “As long as one of them isn’t a sand castle. I think she’s made it clear she wants an epic one made as soon as possible.”
Leanne chuckles. “She mentioned that one a few times while we were brainstorming. There’s also the idea of a fire tornado. You’d need to use Fire, Air, a bit of Earth, and you could put it out with Water.”
Her idea perks me up. “That’s a good one. I could try that next, instead of the stupid diamond I’ll never perfect.”
“You’ll get it eventually, baby. It’ll just take practice and time.” Caleb rubs my back in a soothing pattern.
“There’s also the idea of a thunderstorm,” Leanne adds. She purses her lips and draws her brow together. “Now that I think of it, most of them have to do with creating some sort of natural weather disaster. There’s not a lot you can do with all four elements at once that’s not natural.”
“The only things I’ve come up with are done separately.” I push the empty milkshake cup away. “I suppose I could just work on switching from one to the other quickly, like the potatoes.”
“You never did make those, by the way.” Cassie has ended her argument with Jaxon, and judging by her satisfied smirk, she won. She hops onto the stool beside Caleb. “I could go for a baked potato.”
“I’ll work on it.” Even though it’s turned into a joke, I do want to try her idea.
Cassie taps her fingertips against the counter. “I heard Leanne tell you my ideas. She left out the clay pots and campfires, though.”
Caleb’s head shoots up, and he pins Cassie with a harsh glare. I jolt in surprise at his sudden aggression. It doesn’t faze Cassie, though. She simply gives him a knowing smile, jumps off her stool, and strolls away.
“What was that about?” My eyes dart between the siblings but, ultimately, land on Caleb.
He squirms nervously and shoots another angry glare at Cassie before answering me, “Oh, it’s nothing. She’s trying to ruin my surprise for you.”
“By suggesting I make clay pots?” I say each word slowly as if it’ll make more sense if I hear it aloud. It doesn’t.
Caleb snorts out a laugh. “No, baby. Don’t worry about it. You’ll find out tonight.”
“Are we going to make clay pots?” It’s only sort of a joke. Cassie mentioned clay pots, and I can’t think of any other way it would ruin the surprise unless he plans to use Leanne’s clay pots to make dinner.
“Nope.” Caleb jumps off his stool and gives my forehead a quick peck. “You’re not getting any more hints. Nice try, though.”
“How will I know what to wear if I don�
�t know what we’re supposed to be doing?” I clamber after him. My interest in his surprise rises the more he talks about it. “What time should I be ready? Will it take a while to get there or is it here at the house?”
Caleb spins around and rests his finger on my lips to stop my string of questions. Without thinking, I pucker my lips and give his finger a small kiss. His bright blue eyes smolder while they travel down my face and land on my mouth. He moves his finger off my lips and uses it to push my hair behind my ear then down my cheek. The rest of his fingers follow, and I lean into his hand without conscious thought.
He pulls in a shaky breath. “You’ll find out tonight, baby. I made sure everything was taken care of, so you don’t need to worry about anything.”
“Okay.” All thoughts of the surprise fly from my mind, replaced by the need to kiss him. I rise up onto my tiptoes and lean into him, my hands rested flat on his chest. Caleb drops his head, and I’m sure he’s finally going to give me the kiss I need. Until the sound of the front door opening startles me, and I drop onto my heels.
“Anyone home?” When my dad comes home from work, he always calls out to see whose home. Generally, I’m happy to have him back from work, and I enjoy his greeting. Today might be the first time I wish he stayed late at work.
“In the kitchen.” Leanne’s reply to my dad reminds me that we weren’t alone to begin with, and my dad’s accidental interruption wasn’t the worst thing. It still sours my mood slightly—I want my kiss, darn it.
As Dad enters the kitchen, Caleb wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my back to his front. He leans down and whispers in my ear, “To be continued.”
A shiver of anticipation runs through me. Does he mean I’ll finally get that kiss from him tonight? Is that what the surprise is?
“Hey guys,” Dad greets us. He gives Leanne a quick kiss as an extra greeting. “Did you all have a good day?”
Everyone mumbles generic answers in reply. Dad laughs. “Nothing interesting, then.”
“How was your day?” Leanne asks.