by Amity Cross
“Lawson?” Hudson snorted and rolled his eyes. “What kind of name is that?”
Montana reached across the bar and slapped him on the arm, and he jumped back with a yelp.
I groaned and combed my fingers through my hair. Montana was right. Hudson was cool. He was the closest thing I’d ever had to a male best friend, and that was a miracle in itself. I looked at him and felt…I don’t know, comfortable? Safe? Maybe a combination of the two.
Taking a deep breath, I told him about everything that’d been happening at the Phoenix with Lawson. How he was a bully one second, then charming the next. How he’d helped me train after hours, and the two different faces he’d shown me. Then I added the blonde into the mix, detailing how she liked to dry hump and an account of what had happened earlier. Her territory marking. If you asked me, I wasn’t sure which part was the tequila or the sunrise.
“She came at me and was all like ‘Lawson’s mine,’ like she had some claim over him.” I did my worst impression of her voice. “If they were really a thing, she wouldn’t attack me like that, right?”
“What does this Lawson guy say?” Hudson asked.
My cheeks turned into a furnace, and I lifted my glass and pressed it against my skin. “He said they weren’t a thing.” Ice clinked as I talked. “But…”
“But?” Montana prodded.
“I don’t know him that well. Maybe…”
“Maybe he’s playing both sides,” Hudson said.
“Hey! You’re meant to be on Amber’s side,” Montana exclaimed, throwing a piece of ice from her empty Tequila Sunrise at him.
He held up his hands in mock defence. “Hey, I’m just giving a guy’s perspective.”
“The guy’s really gotten under her skin,” Montana said, scolding him. “Have a little tact, Huddy. We’re looking for advice that’s actionable, you know, in the real world.”
“It is actionable,” he argued. “If he’s a player, then the advice is to drop his arse. Simple.”
I stared into my half-finished Tequila Sunrise and stirred the straw around and around, making a little whirlpool. If only it was that simple. Lawson had clawed my heart open and buried himself inside with only the slightest touch. I couldn’t even tell if it was real or in my imagination, and that was what worried me the most. What if all this heartache was another manifestation of my past hang-ups? What if what I felt wasn’t real?
“Amber?”
I looked up at Montana and let the straw go. “What?”
“What’s her name? Let’s stalk her on Facebook.” She pulled out her phone and stared at me expectantly.
“No! We’re not going to stalk her.”
“You totally looked up her customer record at the gym, don’t deny it,” she argued. “First name, last name…go.”
“Is this what women do?” Hudson asked, making a face.
“Of course it is,” Montana replied with a pout. “How else are we going to weed out the arseholes from the ax murderers?”
“Sera Young,” I said, revealing I had, in fact, looked at her customer record. “Her name is Sera Young.”
Montana’s eyes lit up, and she typed the name into her Facebook app. She scrolled while I stewed, and after a moment, she held up her phone so I could see.
“This her?”
I stared at the profile picture, and a little vomit rose in the back of my throat. Swallowing, I nodded.
Montana turned the phone back and began sifting through the woman’s profile, digging for what, I didn’t know.
“She’s got a lot set to private,” she said. “But there sure are a lot of selfies.”
I wasn’t surprised in the least.
“Oh, my God,” she said with a snort of laughter. “She’s sure got the duck face down pat.” She turned to me and puckered her lips.
“Show me,” Hudson demanded, holding out his hand and wiggling his fingers. Montana passed him her phone, and he looked at the photo. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “She’s fake as fuck. That’s the whole plastic factory going on there.”
“Plastic factory?” I asked.
“Caked on makeup, tight tops, tits pushed up to her chin,” he said, ticking off his observations on his fingers. “Women like that rarely have substance underneath. It’s all about how they look, what others think about them, how many likes they get on social media, and they love to moan.”
Montana choked. “What?”
“They think sex is supposed to be like a porno,” he explained. “Like, that’s what guys want. The excessive moaning, the yeah, baby, oooohhh, do me with your big cock, you like that, baby, ooh, yeah, fuck me harder, yes, yes!”
We stared at him in stunned silence as he did his best porn star impression, humping the side of the bar. I glanced at Montana, her gaze met mine, and that was all it took for us to burst out into peals of laughter.
“With tits like that and a mouth like a butthole, I get the distinct impression she’s into a little more than what goes on downstairs.”
Montana made a face. “Sucking cock?”
“No,” Hudson said. “The cock goes between her tits, she squashes them together, then as the guy thrusts, the head of his dick goes into her mouth.”
We stared at him again, and Montana groaned. “I could do without the visual, thank you.”
“With the right person, it’s fucking hot,” he said. “With a causal screw, it’s just about getting off.”
“Don’t I feel vanilla right now,” I said, then downed half my drink.
“Hey, don’t worry about women like her,” Hudson said. “Their lies usually come undone sooner or later. Stand tall, don’t back down, and watch the fireworks.” He winked and poured me another Tequila Sunrise.
“Thanks for the subtle change of subject,” I quipped.
“As for your Lawson, if he wants something to happen, it’ll happen. If he is a player, keep an eye on his arm’s length. How far he keeps you away is a glaring indicator of how into you he is.”
“What if he’s got issues?” I asked. “I kind of get the feeling something happened.”
Montana leaned against the bar and widened her eyes. “Like?”
“You’re such a gossip.” I sighed.
“The good kind, who keeps it in-house,” she retorted.
“Well, if you’re right, then cut him some slack, but watch out,” Hudson replied, placing the glass in front of me. He plopped in an extra cherry and smiled. “Take it from a bartender who’s heard it all. Relationships are give-and-take. If you’re all give and he’s all take, then you know to cut him loose.”
I curled my fingers around the glass and plucked up a cherry. “Thanks, Huddy.”
He groaned and slapped his hand against his forehead. “Oh, fuck, not you, too.”
10
Lawson
Sera’s presence at Phoenix was like a dark cloud. Part of me wanted to believe her intentions were good, the other… Well, old habits died hard.
Watching her bench-press sixty kilograms was pretty impressive considering her size. She wasn’t as clueless as she’d led me to believe the day she walked in here.
“That’s enough,” I said, guiding the bar back onto the bracket. “You’ve done this before.”
She smiled up at me. “I’ve been training pretty hard the last two years. I had to do something to keep my mind occupied. My therapist suggested it.”
“I’m not sure why you need my help.”
“I told you, Law,” she said as she sat up. “It’s not just about the training.”
Right, the supposed ‘making amends.’
I began removing the weights from the bar, and as I set the first lot back onto the rack, I caught sight of Amber across the gym. After a few months, she was still at it, training with Simon, then doing her own thing after she’d finished work up in the office. I could see the difference in her already, and it wasn’t just muscle definition.
“I don’t like the way she looks at you,” Sera said, leaning on my shou
lder, her gloved hand caressing the back of my neck. “All lost puppy dog.”
“Drop it,” I snapped.
“That’s what I told her.”
“What?” I pulled away, the little ground Sera had gained, disappearing.
“When I said I missed you, Law, I meant… I miss you. Or did that part go right over your head?” She looked across the gym at Amber, a scowl distorting her features.
“You shouldn’t have had a go at her, Sera. It isn’t a crime to look.”
She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips. I didn’t miss the moment where she subtly thrust her breasts toward me to emphasise her next statement. “You’re not seeing her, are you? I thought you’d be over sleeping around by now. You know, more mature.”
“We’re not together,” I said, my skin crawling. Sera would know all about sleeping around. “We work at the same place. There’s a difference.”
“Aw, don’t look so cut up about it,” she purred. “If you aren’t together, then it shouldn’t matter I told her to fuck off.”
I swallowed my anger. I hardly knew Amber, that was true, but I did know enough to understand how hard it was for her to open up to anyone, let alone someone like me. If Sera had gone at her…
“She’s a bitch,” Sera went on. “Completely rude and up herself. Who does she think she is?”
I snorted, wondering what Amber said. Knowing some of the lines she’d pulled with me, it must’ve been gold.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Sera exclaimed, her perfect little princess routine coming unstuck. “Whatever happens next is on her.”
“You haven’t changed, have you?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “You’re still the manipulative bitch who wept over Sadie’s coffin as a tool to get laid.”
Her mouth dropped open, and she stared at me in shock. “You better take that back, Law.”
“Nope.”
“You shouldn’t provoke me. You know what happens when I get mad. You haven’t forgotten, have you?”
I lowered my face toward hers and smirked. “It’s like you hoped, Sera. I’m more mature now.”
“You owe me,” she hissed.
“I owe you nothing.”
“I see it now,” she murmured, her expression icy. “I see the kind of person you are. So full of your own self-importance you don’t care who you destroy on the way to getting what you want. This is a witch hunt. You need a scapegoat to keep your conscience clear. I came back to mend broken bridges and heal what happened between us. I still cared about you even though you took everything from me.” She sighed and shook her head. “But I see you’re the one who hasn’t changed. I’ve grown up and become a better person. I’m stronger now, and I won’t let you use me again, Lawson.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This bitch was a master. Bloody hell. She was a fucking master manipulator. Why did she even come here? Why did I let her in? Lawson, you stupid fuck.
Because I thought she was playing another one of her games and wanted to preempt the damage, I thought. Because I know how it went the last time. I sighed, not believing we were back here of all places. After all this time…
“You keep feeding yourself those lies, Sera, and maybe, one day, you’ll actually believe them.”
“I know the truth,” she fired back. “I have everything I need to destroy you, Lawson.” She glanced at Amber, who was lifting her regular set of dumbbells on the far side of the gym. “I have everything I need to destroy every last shred of happiness in your life.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Of course, I would. It’s only fair after what you did to me.”
Bloody hell. This wasn’t about mending metaphoric fucking bridges. It was about revenge.
“Then I was right,” I said. “You’re the one who hasn’t changed. You still love a mean girl takedown.”
Sera’s mask had disintegrated, and the woman I’d once known stood in front of me. Calm, collected, and cold. She knew exactly what she was doing and had the moment she’d stepped into the Phoenix.
“How about I tell her all your deep, dark secrets?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “Let’s see her pine after you then.”
“Get out,” I snapped. “You’re not welcome here anymore. If you think you can walk back into my life and cause trouble, you’re wrong. I’m the one who won’t stand for it, Sera. You need to leave.”
A sly smile tugged at her lips, and her gaze went to Amber. “We’ll see about that.”
I tensed and curled my hands into fists. “Do I have to forcibly remove your bitch arse from the premises?”
“Ooh, threatening a woman. Let me add that to my list of reasons to hate you. Have a go, Lawson. Let’s see how many years a judge slaps on a sexual harassment and assault charge.” She smiled and flipped her hair. “We live in new and exciting times for women.”
I gritted my teeth. Yeah, and it was women like her who threatened to drag the whole thing down.
“Don’t worry,” she purred. “I’m leaving, but it won’t be the last you hear from me. That, I can guarantee.”
She spun on her heel and sashayed across the gym. Glaring after her, I squashed down the urge to slam my fist into the mirror. Bitch.
Catching sight of Amber in the reflection, I watched her go through her reps on the dumbbells. She usually started with some stretches, then ten minutes on the treadmill, then dumbbells, culminating with smashing the shit out of a punching bag. The fact I knew her routine was telling. I’d spent far too much time watching when I should’ve been ignoring her. It was my fault Sera had gone at her.
If I hadn’t kicked her out, I knew Sera would play her games with Amber and wind up destroying her, all because of what? Because Sera was bored and wanted to hash out fucked-up shit that should stay buried in the past? I didn’t believe she was in therapy. Not after the way she’d just threatened me. She was incapable of forgiveness and completely fucking incapable of change.
Since the moment she’d arrived, nothing Sera had said was the truth.
I stared at Amber, studying her mousy hair with the flecks of copper, the curve of her waist and arse, the tightening muscles on her arms and legs, the way her breasts pressed against the fabric of her top, how she moved. For the first time in a long time, I wished I was normal. I wished I could just…be without all that other stuff coming back to bite me in the arse.
I wanted to walk over there and be normal with her. With Amber. She would understand.
But I couldn’t. She deserved a chance to make her own peace with life. She didn’t need my dead weight tied around her ankle. Stay away, Lawson. Stay a-fucking-way.
“Lawson.”
Simon’s voice echoed behind me, and he didn’t sound happy. I so didn’t need this right now. I was on the edge of a very narrow cliff and still didn’t know which way I was going to fall. Into darkness or, dare I fucking say it, in love.
“What?” I snapped, turning to face him.
“Was that Sera Young I saw you fighting with?” He looked at me accusingly, like I’d left the side door open and all the scummy sewer rats had scurried into his perfect little gym.
“Unfortunately,” I drawled.
“What’s going on, Lawson? I thought all that shit was over.”
“So did I.”
“Why was she here?” he demanded.
“She’s up to something,” I said, glancing at Amber. “Another game.” This time, it was the ultimate boss fight.
Simon followed my gaze and narrowed his eyes. “Lawson, I know she reminds you of Sadie, but don’t drag her into this. Leave her be, mate. Amber…”
“I know,” I snapped. “Believe me when I say I fucking know.”
Amber was innocent in all senses of the word, but I couldn’t help myself. I thought about her. I thought about her in all the ways that scared the shit out of me.
“Sera had a go at her,” I added, knowing I was risking Simon’s wrath.
“Then sh
e’s fucking banned,” Simon said with a growl. “I don’t want her in my gym threatening my staff. The Phoenix is meant to be about positivity and shit. I don’t want her drama poisoning the water supply.”
“She got in somehow,” I said.
“I’ll cancel her membership and lock out her security tag.” He groaned and shook his head. “I can’t believe her. After what she did to—”
“Who’s hashing out the past now?” I interrupted, my anger simmering. “Don’t even mention it, Simon. I’ve spent years going over it in my mind, and I was finally at a place where…” I trailed off, realising I was talking about my feelings with Simon, the guy who’d seen me at my lowest point. I would rather choke than admit to him I was struggling.
“Then don’t let Sera screw it up,” he said. “If this continues to be a thing, then you’re out. I don’t care how long we’ve known each other. I’ve got a lot riding on the success of this place.”
“I don’t intend it to get that far.”
“Good,” Simon snapped. “Because I don’t want to have this conversation with you ever again.”
He stalked off toward the office, likely going to cancel Sera’s membership.
I sat heavily on the bench and took a few deep breaths. Memories began to filter through the cracks in the armour I’d built up, dragging my mood to an all-time low. After all this time, people still seemed to forget I’d tried to do the right thing. I was there to try while everyone else had been blind.
Looking up, I searched for Amber. If I could just…
I tensed as I saw her with another guy, some clean-cut dude with tattoos, swept-back hair, and designer fucking stubble. She was laughing. Smiling. Shining.
She was never like that with me. She had never opened up enough to be that comfortable, and it stung. I had no right to be angry, but I was in the red zone. Amber was with another guy.
What the hell was I doing?
Stay away, Lawson. Stay a-fucking-way.
11
Amber
I could see Lawson’s reflection in the mirror.
Like a glutton for punishment, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. Sera Duck Face was bench-pressing a rather heavy looking set of weights, and I found myself feeling inadequate with my two-kilogram pair of dumbbells.