Torn: (#12 The Beat and The Pulse)

by Amity Cross

  Tiptoeing into the dark gym, I moved toward the light. Rounding the corner, I caught sight of a muscled man, beating the absolute shit out of a punching bag. Lawson.

  His skin glistened with sweat as he blew out a gust of air with each strike, the sound of his fists pounding against the leather doing strange and erotic things to me. His muscles rippled, his tattoos looking as if they were coming alive, and his movements were so fluid. He’d told me he once wanted to become a professional MMA fighter and had trained for years. Everything that had gone down with Sera, the partying and the drugs, must’ve derailed it. Then everything happened with Sadie, and he must’ve lost sight of his dream.

  I shook my head, breaking the spell. After what I saw today, and after everything I’d been through, I couldn’t back down. I had to know where I stood, once and for all. Make or break. Move forward. All the affirmations.

  I powered forward, moving through the darkness and into the light.

  Lawson looked up as I stormed across the gym and wiped the back of his arm across his forehead.

  “Is this a game to you?” I demanded, standing in the glow of his sweaty, hot as sin, male glory, doing my best to not fall to my knees and demand he whip out his cock.

  He stared at me, his hand resting against the punching bag to stop the swing. His chest rose and fell as he caught his breath, and he looked away as if he was saying a silent prayer.

  “Answer me.” I held my ground.

  “No,” he said, returning his gaze to mine. “It’s never been a game with you.”

  “So far, it’s just been drama, subterfuge, manipulation, and lust. I’m tired.”

  “Amber—”

  “I’m not finished.” I held up my hand. “This is what I feel, Lawson, and you’re either on the same page or you’re not. I want you. I care about you more than any man I’ve ever met. I’ve grown up a lot these past months. I’ve taken accountability for my issues, and I’ve done everything in my power to overcome them. I know I’ve been a clingy, self-absorbed bitch, but I’m working on it. This is who I am, and you’re either with me or you’re with her. This is it, Lawson. In or out?”

  He blinked as if he was dazed. “What do you mean with her?”

  “I saw Sera come out of the men’s, and you slunk out a moment later. I won’t stand for that shit.”

  He cursed under his breath and ripped off his gloves, tossing them onto the floor. “She threatened me, Amber. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to protect you from her bullshit. She tried it on, but I pushed her away.” He swore again and closed the space between us with purposeful steps. “If it’s what you need, then let’s define it. It’s already clear in my mind.”

  I stared at him as he prowled toward me, freezing into place as his presence overwhelmed my senses. He had a hungry look in his eyes that said he was taking charge. It was his no bullshit alpha male look. The same one he’d given me last night.

  His fingers speared through my hair, and he wrenched me toward him. Our lips collided, and I opened up to him with a gasp. His tongue licked mine, his mouth commanding and hard as he devoured. All too soon, he let me go, his grip on my hair softening.

  “You’re mine,” he rasped, his breath warm against my skin. “And I’m yours. There’s no one else. Just you. Only you.”

  I moaned softly, melting against his muscled body.

  “She is nothing. Every other fucking woman in the world is nothing. It’s you I want.”

  I was transfixed. No man had ever said these things to me.

  “I need a shower,” he murmured, running his fingertips down my arm. Taking my hand, he placed it on his crotch. “Do you want to come?”

  I rubbed his erection through his shorts and bit my bottom lip, my core flaring. Yes, I wanted to come.

  “Only me?” I whispered.

  “When I saw you that first day, you made me hard,” he said with a growl. “I wanted to fuck you so bad.”

  “Lawson.”

  “Last night only made it worse. All I wanna do is fuck.” He thrust into my hand. “What we’re doing isn’t working.”

  I blinked, wrenching my hand away. “What?”

  “Going slow, talking, holding back.” His gaze raked over my body. “I’m completely fucked up. I’ve got issues, and I’ll probably have to deal with them for a long time, but I’m done trying to hide. I’m done.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close. “I’m all in, Amber. This is what I want. You. All of you. Everything. I don’t know where it’ll go, but what use is the future when we don’t live in the now?”

  His passion was consuming, and I shook in his grasp, half aroused, half terrified. Was this the moment he’d told me about all that time ago? You’ve got to work at it until you break, Amber. Punching’s okay. Talking’s good. The real change comes when you snap.

  We stared into each other’s eyes, frozen, waiting, challenging. He was waiting for my answer. Now was the time to fight.

  My breath came out in ragged gasps as my lips brushed his. All I had to do was lean forward, and he was mine.

  I kissed him, going straight to the source of all my desires. My tongue claimed his, and my touch brought him to life.

  Lawson moaned, the sound muffled by our embrace, and he lifted me into his arms like I weighed nothing at all. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he strode across the gym, my lips kissing a path along his neck. I could feel his chest rise and fall with each sharp breath as his footsteps jolted through my body.

  Then we were in one of the change rooms, and the darkness was broken only by the murky light streaming through the frosted windows high up on the walls.

  He carried me into a stall, the door slamming closed as he put me down. I began stripping as he turned on the shower, my heartbeat jackhammering in my chest and my thighs clenching in anticipation. I kicked my boots off, shoved down my jeans, and shimmied out of my jacket and top. They hit the floor, and I kicked them underneath the stall door so they wouldn’t end up sopping wet.

  Lawson was behind me then, his fingers unhooking the clasp on my bra. The spray of the shower was warm on my skin as he walked me underneath the torrent of water, his hands rubbing over my breasts before delving downward. He pushed my knickers down, and I stepped out of them, my fingers going for my clit.

  “Uh-uh,” Lawson murmured in my ear. “That’s mine.”

  His cock ground against my arse as he teased my clit with his hands. Each time he circled, he delved a little deeper, his fingers sliding through my wetness and teasing my opening.

  I moaned, grinding and bucking as the pressure began building in my core. He knew how to make me feel complete. His touch was electrifying. My knees shook, and I crumpled against him, my back pressing into his chest.

  Before I could catch my breath, he spun me around and lifted me into his arms. My legs spread wide, clamping around his waist as I was pressed into the wall behind me, and water poured over us. Lawson’s cock was hot and hard, and all the fears I had were gone.

  “I want to be inside you,” he whispered. “I want to fuck you, Amber. But…”

  I tensed, my body screaming for release. We didn’t have a condom. This was a huge decision, allowing a man inside me without protection. I trembled, the sensation of his bare skin rubbing along my seam euphoric.

  “I trust you,” I said with a moan.

  Lawson grunted, and I felt the head of his cock press into me, then he glided through my folds, filling and stretching until he was deep within me. His entire body quivered, his muscles tensing.

  “You feel so good,” he muttered, lost in the moment. “So tight.”

  “Fuck me,” I pleaded. “And don’t stop. Don’t. Stop.”

  He lost his grip on his control, and he slid back, then thrust, his balls slapping against my arse. I was at his mercy, his strength holding me up, his desire pounding into my pussy. There was nothing else but wet slaps, moaning, and sensation. Each thrust drove me higher and higher, the desperate force of his cock too
much to bear.

  I came with a cry, my orgasm ripping me apart as Lawson increased his relentless fucking. I clung to him as I came apart, grinding and moaning like a wild creature, all the insecurities I’d ever had shattering and ceasing to be. Lawson was the one. I was his, and he was mine. We’d just defined it, all fucking right.

  “Amber,” he grunted. “I’m close. I’m so fucking close.”

  “I trust you,” I exclaimed through the last shockwave of my orgasm. “I trust you.”

  His thrusts became erratic, and his hold on me was so tight that I knew I would probably end up with bruises in the morning.

  A strangled moan tore from his lips, and he pulled out, leaving me empty. My feet found the floor, and my knees wobbled, but he still had enough strength to hook his arm under my arm. Grunting, he fisted his length with his right hand, and his release spurted onto my stomach. I palmed my breasts as he jerked off the last of his orgasm, violently pumping his cock until he was dry. The whole thing was dirty and erotic as hell, and I wanted to go again.

  “Fuck, Amber,” Lawson rasped, caging me against the wall. One arm leaned on the wall while he rubbed his other hand over my breasts, his fingers pinching and kneading before delving lower and lower until he slipped into my wetness once more.

  “I’m going to come again.” I bucked on his hand, my clit sensitive to the touch. I was so raw that a single stroke had me on the brink once more.

  “Then let me make you feel good.” Lawson thrust his fingers deep inside me over and over, the motion sending me over the edge.

  My eyes rolled as another wave of pleasure bloomed within.

  “Only you,” he whispered as I came on his palm. “Only you.”

  19

  Lawson

  Things were good. Actually, things were fucking brilliant.

  A week after Amber had walked into the Phoenix and ripped me a new arsehole over Sera’s mind fuckery and after we’d ended up screwing each other like it was our last day, things were riding smoothly. I wasn’t angry anymore, though my nights were still sleepless, but for an entirely different reason. The best reason ever. Filthy, raw sex.

  She was… We fit together like two puzzle pieces.

  With Amber by my side, I could see a way out of the darkness.

  The Phoenix was busy this morning. Half the equipment was in use, a yoga class was running in the private studio, and the noise was abnormally loud. I wasn’t used to it.

  Upping the speed on the treadmill I’d claimed, I ran, doing my best to focus on my rhythm. Glancing up at the office windows, I sighed. I just wanted to be with her all the time. As my feet pounded on the track, sweat beaded on my forehead. Amber. My head was filled with her. I’d forgotten all about Sera and her batshit crazy attempt to seduce me the other day.

  “This is the first week I’ve had without a single complaint about you,” Simon declared. “What’s going on?”

  I looked up and scowled. “I thought zero whingeing was a good thing?”

  “Ah, there it is,” Simon said with a smirk. “The Lawson stink-eye. You should trademark that.”

  “Hilarious.”

  “So?”

  “So?”

  “You and Amber, huh?”

  I thumped my hand onto the controls and slowed the speed of the treadmill until I was walking. “Don’t tell me it’s against the rules because it’s too late for that.”

  “No denial. That’s a good sign.”

  Turning the treadmill off, I stepped off the end and snatched up my towel. “If this is another one of those moments where you’re going to give me a good talking to, forget about it.”

  I walked off, weaving through the machines. Unfortunately, Simon followed like a bad smell.

  “Amber and I are good, okay?” I stated. “I care about her. She cares about me. Anything outside of that is no one else’s business.”

  Simon looked me over. “Cool.”

  “Cool?” His response kind of confused me. I was expecting him to go all big brother and threaten to knock my lights out if I screwed with her, but all I got was cool?

  “That’s all I needed to hear,” he said as we stopped outside the change rooms. He looked out over his growing empire and smiled. “She’s done a lot for this place. I’m not sure she even realises.”

  I raised an eyebrow. Now we were having a deep and meaningful conversation about his hopes and dreams? Okay…

  “All those cooking classes and community outreach she’s done has almost doubled business,” he went on, puffing out his chest. “New members are signing up almost every day now.”

  I’d noticed things getting busier, but I hadn’t realised it had been that good. Amber had grown a lot in the past few months. The shy, awkward mouse was gone, and a sex goddess was born in her place. Who knew?

  “You do realise I’m not the guy to talk to about your warm and fuzzy fantasies, right?”

  Simon laughed and pointed up at the office. “What about Amber?”

  “She’s the exception.” I narrowed my eyes in warning. “The only exception.”

  “She stood up for you, you know.”

  “When?”

  “I asked her about you guys last week, and she ripped me a new arsehole. Accused me of being anti-Lawson.”

  I snorted. There was a lot of arsehole ripping going around. “Well, aren’t you?”

  Simon laughed and slapped me on the back. “What now, Law?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The Phoenix was always a stop in the road to someplace else for you. Your proverbial speed bump.”

  I hesitated. I hadn’t thought about it that way before. It was still early days with Amber, and things were great right now, but who knew if Sera was coming back to set another bomb in the middle of it all. She had promised me a lifetime of misery, but it had to end somewhere, and when it did, what would I do?

  “I’m thinking about giving pro another shot,” I blurted. Where the fuck had that come from?

  “You wanna try for the AUFC again?” Simon looked thoughtful but not surprised in the least. I wondered if he knew something I didn’t.

  I shrugged. “Don’t know if I don’t try.”

  “Cool. I can put you in contact with a guy I know if you want. A pro-MMA fighter.”

  “Yeah, who?”

  “Patrick Ross.”

  “Patrick Ross?” I grimaced. “The guy who’s been all over the news?” I shook my head and wrung my towel in my hands. “You sure do know everyone, don’t you?”

  “He was wrongly accused,” Simon said, waving his hand at me. “That’s something you’ve got in common.”

  I snorted. “I’m the most in-demand personal trainer this side of the Yarra. I don’t need tips.”

  “Careful, Law. Don’t get so far up your own arse you turn inside out.”

  I couldn’t help laughing, and Simon grinned at me like an idiot.

  “I like this guy,” he declared.

  “Huh?”

  “You’re less moody, and you want to get back into training. Real training.” He gave me a look that said ‘who are you, and what have you done with Lawson?’

  I lifted my chin and gazed at the office windows. “You can thank her for that. Oh, and when was the moment I became her trainer, and you left her in the lurch, huh?”

  Simon grimaced. “I figured you’d prefer the one-on-one time.”

  “Figures.”

  “She told me you’d spoken about Sadie.”

  “Yeah.” Kind of. I’d left a few things out, and I’d been successfully ignoring the guilt up until now. Simon had to go and bring it up, didn’t he? Loser.

  “Did you tell her—”

  “Simon,” I snapped. “We were getting on so well.”

  “Dude.” He looked me over disapprovingly. “If you keep a secret like that, it always ends badly. It’ll bite you in the arse, hard. All this”—he waved his hands around—“will blow up in your face. Mark my words.”

  “Thanks for
ruining my buzz.” I scowled and turned my back on him, striding into the men’s change room.

  “You better tell her,” Simon called out to me.

  “You better not,” I retorted.

  Rounding the corner, I caught my reflection in the mirror and scowled. There was an arsehole if I ever saw one.

  20

  Amber

  Friday nights at Indigo were always busy—after-work drinks, pre-club drinks, just because drinks, happy hour drinks, and every kind of drinks once could imagine.

  Things had been great with Lawson and me. Finally, I could see the future I’d dreamed of. The possibility of falling in love was within reach, I liked my job, and the hollowness that had followed me through life was filled with all these new people—Montana and Hudson, everyone at the Phoenix, my crazy boss, Simon, and all the things I felt for Lawson. He was a shining light in the darkness, a star, a safe harbour in a stormy sea.

  That afternoon, he told me about his intentions to start training for another shot at professional MMA, and I couldn’t be more excited for him. His life was taking a turn for the better, my own was looking brighter, and it was a journey we’d taken together. There was still a long way to go, but with each other, we could survive anything.

  Everything was sunshine and rainbows, and tomorrow, Lawson was going to take my training to a new level by teaching me how to bench-press like a boss. His words, not mine.

  Spotting Montana by the bar and Hudson run off his feet behind it, I made my way through the tightly knit groups of suits to go and join her. I was dying for a Tequila Sunrise.

  “Amber.”

  A hand curled around my arm, and I stopped, coming face-to-face with Sera. Shit, this bitch just wouldn’t quit.

  “Did you ask him?” she asked, her voice tinged with an unfamiliar note. “Did he admit what he did?”

  “He told me everything,” I shot back. “You need to stop, Sera. You’re looking desperate.”

  She pursed her lips together.

  “Why are you still standing here?”