“Please, I ain’t never broke the law. Look in your computer. I’m just trying to make sure my baby has a roof over his head and food,” she begged.
“Who is he?”
“If I give y’all a name, will y’all let me go?”
Of course, she snitched, which allowed her to make a deal for three years of probation instead of serving jail time. Three weeks later, a warrant and raid were taking place for my arrest. I was sentenced to serve eight years when I finally turned myself in. I ended up serving eighteen months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, and thirteen minutes. I was released on six years of probation.
On the upside of all of this, I made my mama petition the court for full custody of my son by Tasha. She stated that we both neglected him and were unfit to raise him since we were drug dealers. She was granted temporary custody while Tasha completed parenting classes to get him back. Guess Tasha didn’t have time to go to the classes, or maybe she just wanted to take the easy way out of her responsibility because she gave up her rights over him.
Just when I thought I was winning all the way around, I found out I was losing when it came to my new piece, Savannah. I had Ryan check on her, and that’s how I found out she was pregnant. Ryan had my back from the beginning and continued to have it even after I had been kicked out of the bureau. When he came to celebrate my release with me, I told him about the money I had stashed and where I had it hidden. Two minds were always better than one, and Ryan knew just how to get the money from my hiding spot to a safer location without getting caught. I took 1.3 million and gave him $700,000, although he didn’t want a dime. Not because he wanted to uphold the law but because real friendship doesn’t come with a price tag.
That’s why my violation was the least of my worries. I was knocked unconscious and wounded during the arrest, so I don’t recall what the arresting officers said my charges were. I don’t think Peaches could’ve uncovered my past, but there isn’t any telling what lies she came up with. All I know is that I got my ass beat and woke up in the jail’s medical ward.
“Mr. Burns...”
I looked up this time because the voice was coming through my door. The older Hispanic correctional officer was looking at me through the square in my door that they called a window. “You need to eat something today, Mr. Burns. I can’t keep charting that you’re not eating.”
“I ain’t hungry.”
“Well, get hungry.”
“No disrespect to you or the job you have to do, but I’m not hungry, sir.”
At my words, I heard the door unlock. Usually, this would mean some type of disciplinary action was about to take place. Instead, I got more words.
“You have to eat something,” he said, handing me a Burger King bag before continuing. “Take the breakfast sandwich out of the wrapper and pour the hash browns on the napkins so I can dispose of the holder.” I looked at him, surprised, and he gave me a quick smile. “All law enforcement doesn’t believe in beating down every man with dark skin and a cell phone clip, especially if he used to be one of our brothers in this fight. When you talk to Ryan, you should thank him for making sure that you’re handled with care. You’ve done a lot to protect and serve, and if no one tells it to you anymore, know that you’re appreciated.” He took the proof of his kindness and left my cell.
“Noted, and I appreciate this,” I said, holding the sandwich up. “I thank you and Ryan for this.”
I ate the food, although, I truly wasn’t hungry, because I instantly grew an appreciation appetite. In the medical ward, I had access to a free phone when no one else was on it. I waited for the phone to free up as I finished eating and then knocked on the door to be let out of my room for the first time in seven days. I called Savannah first to tell her I was straight.
“Hey, baby, how are you doing?” It was a dumb icebreaker, but then again, we had never held a conversation from jail.
“I’m fine. How are you, Dre? Are you okay? There was blood all over the floor. Wait. Why aren’t you calling me collect? Did they let you out? Do I need to be on my way to come get you?” Savannah’s voice was full of fear and excitement.
“I’m okay, baby. The blood is from the police busting my nose. They thought my phone clip was a gun, or at least that’s what I’ve been told, and I wish you could come pick me up. I’m calling you for free because I’m still in the infirmary. Do you know what my charges are?”
“The officers said you violated your probation by leaving Davidson County or whatever it’s called. He said you set up residency out of state without clearance. He mentioned something else about the failure to report too.”
“I failed to report to who?” I yelled into the phone. “I had been up to the probation department and calling once a month from the day I was released. I was trying to find out who I needed to report to. The motherfuckas acted like they didn’t know shit whenever I called and kept transferring me to a supervisor. When I talked to a supervisor, they said they would log my call as me reporting, and since I didn’t have any mandatory drug testing, there was no need for me come to the office. I’ll take the blame for leaving without approval, but the failure to report is some bullshit.”
I calmed myself down enough to apologize and explain to Savannah why I was pissed. She didn’t understand this probation/jail shit, so I told her, “I’ll have my mama get with you on how to do some of it. You need to learn how to put minutes on the phone so I can call and how to sign up to visit once I’m transferred to Nashville.”
Savannah didn’t like hearing what I expected out of her at all.
“So, you expect me to write and visit you while you’re in there?” she asked, and I didn’t answer because I could tell she had more to say. “I mean, I don’t mind talking to you on the phone, but coming to visit and writing letters... That’s asking a little much of me, don’t you think? I only wrote you last time because you sent a letter talking shit to me that deserved a response, but I never visited, and if you or anyone else asked me to, I’d say no. That’s like going to the zoo and pretending the animals like their new man-made habitats. I’m going to have to pass on that, and besides, the police said you only violated for leaving the state without notice. You shouldn’t be gone over a year....” She lowered her voice and then said, “You can wait until you get out to see me.”
“Fuck you mean I can wait?” Now I was pissed. “You think I’m asking too much of you? You wrote to me the last time I was in jail. It didn’t kill you, and I’m not about to wait a year to see my fiancée. You better be the first person in the visiting line every chance you get. Who the fuck did you think you were talking to? That shit ain’t optional if you’re planning on being my wife.”
She must have been in the mood to go rounds with me and to see just how mad she could get me over the phone.
“The only reason I wrote to you the last time was to fuck with your head. I wanted to rub it in your face that I had given Sade away. That was my motivation. I don’t have one now, and if you’re planning on making a career of being behind bars...” Her next words came out of her mouth so nasty that I should’ve called her a bitch and hung up the phone. “I ain’t planning on being your wife.”
“What?”
Where in the fuck is this shit coming from? I thought. A week ago, Savannah went broke to be my wife. Now, she was talking like she couldn’t care less. Before I could question her on her change of heart, she was already apologizing.
“I didn’t mean that, Dre, I swear I didn’t. This shit is just stressing me out already. I’m going through too much at one time and need my knight in shining armor, but I can’t have him because he’s in debt to the Department of Corrections. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Then you should call that bitch you call Mama and thank her for telling on me,” I spit back at her. Fuck her apology. She didn’t have a reason to get that mad at me where she would say some shit like that. I knew she was stressed, but I also knew Savannah didn’t know how to talk to a man. She was way overdu
e for a lesson in respect. I was the man, and my last word was final—not hers.
“We’re not about to discuss this, Savannah. When I get settled and have an address for you to write to, I’ll be waiting on my letters. Depending on how much time I’m going to get, I’ll need to see your face, so you’re flying to Nashville as much as possible. That right there is final. You don’t have shit to say about nothing I expect my wife to do, and if you do, we can end this shit now. I don’t need two captains on my plane. I need a copilot, so you better hurry the fuck up and learn your role, then play that bitch to the fullest, or I’m gone. I’m still your knight, baby, and I will protect and take care of you, but you got to show you can stand by me through the ups and the downs. Don’t let stress send me walking, because I promise you’ll never find another nigga like me. Now, can you do that for me, baby?”
Savannah hummed a quick, “Uh-huh,” that I immediately shut down.
“Uh-huh ain’t the way you answer my question. Can you handle being my wife and copilot or not, Savannah?”
She answered as quietly as a church mouse in a packed church on the first Sunday.
“Yes, Dre, I can handle it. I already said I was sorry. Forgive me and let it go, please.” Then she changed the subject. Apparently, her pending questions became of more value than the lesson I was teaching her. “So, are the police right about how much time you’re going to get? I hope you’re not facing a couple of years because I can’t go that long without you. How will the bills get paid if you’re locked up? I mean, I have a little bit, but I opted out of medical insurance at work because, at the time, I thought they wanted too much a month, and I was never sick to use it. The hospital bills have eaten up my savings account. I’m about to be living paycheck to paycheck.”
There Savannah went off into another rant of worrying about material things. I stopped her before she got worse.
“If you listen to what my mama tells you, you won’t have to worry about the bills. That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand. My wife doesn’t have to worry about small shit like that.”
Savannah sat quietly on the other end of the phone for a second, then said, “Dre, I don’t have money like I used to. What didn’t get spent in bills, I invested my future into something I believed in with the rest, and it seems like I won’t make a profit from it now. To be honest with you, I’m broke.”
She didn’t know what broke was. She still had a couple of thousand in the bank and a full-time job that paid her ass good. I really wanted to fuck with her for making that “I ain’t planning on being your wife” remark by asking her what she had invested in, but I left it alone. If she was riding for me, then no matter what my situation was, she was going to be straight, just like my kids. I had enough money put up for her to survive while I did this time. All she had to do was prove to be worthy of it first. I didn’t care about her going what she considered to be broke for us. Now she needed to prove that she backed that decision, and if she had to do it again, she would.
Savannah said her next words so softly that I almost missed them.
“So, your mama got control over your money? You need to tell her to give it to me since I’m about to be your wife.”
I heard her, but I wasn’t going to respond to it. There wasn’t a need to, because I wasn’t giving her access to my riches until I knew she was the right woman to sit on the throne next to mines. Right now, that chair was occupied by the queen, who was my mama. You can call me a mama’s boy if you want, but there ain’t a woman alive that I’ll ever love, respect, and trust like her besides my daughter.
Me and Mama Dee, as everybody called her, had been through too much, and every struggle we went through together made our bond stronger. When my pops first got hemmed up for selling and trafficking dope, I took over his in-town business to keep us afloat. I would hit the streets to make money, then give it to Mama Dee to handle the bills. That worked for about six months, then the lights went out, a pay-or-quit notice was placed on the door, then all my daddy’s cars, clothes, and jewelry started disappearing—and so did my mama. She started smoking crack to deal with the fact my daddy was facing fifty years, which was a sugarcoated way of saying he was facing life. If my pops had known my mama was smoking rocks, he would have gone upside her head.
She was a strong woman until Pops got caught. She was making money in her own right as an RN at Vanderbilt Hospital until my pops signed her up for early retirement to become the queen of his dope kingdom. We went to live in the projects as a cover-up for my parents’ unemployment to really needing the government’s assistance. With Mama Dee being strung out, I had no choice but to hustle harder to catch up all the back bills. I had to keep a roof over our heads. I hadn’t seen Mama Dee for like two months, but I was holding shit down and missing the hell out of her at the same time. I wasn’t worried about her being dead or nothing like that. I knew she had pride, and her pride wouldn’t allow her to be smoked out in front of me, so she dipped, and I respected her for it. Every time that monkey got too heavy on her back after that, she would dip.
“Mama, wake up. The lights got cut off again. What did you do with that money I gave you to pay the bill with?”
“It never made it to the light company. I owed a few people and thought I’d run across some more money before they came to cut them off.” She sat up and began adjusting her clothes and put on her shoes. “I’ll be back, baby, with the money.”
“No, I’ll get the money and get them cut back on. You just stay here, okay, Mama?”
“Okay, baby, I’ll stay right here.” I could tell by the look in her eyes she was lying, and her next words confirmed it. “I love you, Andre, and I’m sorry, baby. You won’t have to keep handling my responsibilities. I promise you that this is your last time paying any of the bills.”
“It’s okay, Mama. Just promise you’ll be here when I get back.”
“I promise, baby.”
I don’t know if it was rehab or the church’s doors because I never asked, but when she did come back after being MIA for six months, she was clean and back on her feet like her drug addiction had never happened. Now, that’s a strong woman. If my pops was dumb enough to get caught and let jail keep him away from her, I wasn’t going to be stupid and do the same. After two years of her off-and-on relationship with cocaine, my mama became my best friend, accountant, and my secret keeper. She helped me get into college and made me stop selling drugs and get a job. She made me flip my hatred for my pops and turn it into my career. That’s how I ended up being a cop. Mama Dee will remain my number one girl until another woman proves worthy of her spot.
Savannah had a lot of showing and proving to do before I’d give her access to anything my mama was controlling. For her to even think I’d just sign everything over to her disgusted me. I had to get off the phone before I taught her ass another lesson about me. Then her next words reminded me that Savannah wasn’t as hard as the words that she let come out of her mouth.
“I can’t sleep another night in this house without you, Dre. It’s been a week, and paranoia is driving me crazy. I keep hearing things. I need you here with me. I miss you already, daddy.”
It was sweet of her to say, and I knew it was the truth. It wasn’t safe for her to sleep in that house without me. I would have shipped her ass to Stephanie’s house, but Savannah had killed that friendship, and now Stephanie was back in Atlanta. It was too soon for me to tell her what I had planned for her future. I went ahead and gave her a temporary fix.
“If you want to be protected, go to the Jeffersons, and spend time with Sade. If Memphis is back at your father’s house, I’m sure you don’t want to go there.”
I was surprised, but she agreed with me and asked if I could talk to the Jeffersons about it. I told her I would call and tell them what was going on when I talked to Sade. I got her off the phone, so I could call then because I didn’t know how much longer the calls would be free.
“I’ve been waiting on your call, my boy
. What’s going on?”
Either Mr. Jefferson had caller ID, or he could read the future because I never announced myself as the caller. I ran my situation down to him, and he agreed to move Savannah in for however long I needed her to stay. I didn’t have to tell him to keep an eye on her. He had volunteered, and he assured me his shotgun and years spent in the military would keep her protected.
“I can keep her safe and protected from the outside world, but let’s be honest. I don’t think you, me, or anybody else can protect her from herself.”
“You’re right about that one. Let’s just keep praying for change.”
“I ain’t stop praying for her yet. I’ve been praying since we picked your daughter up from the agency.”
“I know this probably isn’t the best time to ask you this, but you and your wife made an agreement with Savannah that if she ever decided that she wanted custody—”
“You can stop there. I’ve feared this day from the moment we agreed to the terms of being chosen. The truth is, I never agreed. The wife did. Sade was, or is, our first and only child, and I want to die knowing that. I love you like a son, Andre, but it breaks my heart that you are in the picture.”
“Why is that?” I interrupted.
“You’re not a fuckup like Savannah, who doesn’t know what love is or how to give it. Sade has a parent who is fit to raise her now and doesn’t need us. I don’t understand why you keep finding yourself behind bars or what spell Savannah has put on you, but you’re a good man and an even better father. My wife wanted to raise a baby from its birthday until the child was school age so that she could have that experience. She’s done that with Sade, and she’s told me that she’s okay with you taking her if you decide to, but I’m not. I love her, and she’s been my daughter for almost five years. Five of the most important years of her life, and I can’t see myself giving up my child—not even to her real father.”
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