Wandering Soul

by Steven Anderson

  I looked at her in the dim light and tried to visualize her as a young woman, leading a rebellion, organizing a new government and fighting in the back alleys with a gun in one hand and maybe a sword in the other. I failed. Instead I saw her with her hair tied back fixing hash and bacon for a crew of Dad’s grad students at a camp in the badlands on our first summer back on Earth and then, earlier, blowing up balloons for one of my birthday parties back on Dulcinea while trying to control a half dozen screaming nine year olds.

  I smiled. “Still my mom. Who else would have forgiven me for draining the hot tub and refilling it as a Dulcinean tide pool while you and Dad were at work?”

  She rolled her eyes. “God, we never did get rid of the smell of those tri-valve mollusks you put in there.”

  I touched her face. There were a few wrinkles there and some grey hairs that were probably my fault. “I won’t try to find out anything more while I’m at the Mission, I promise. I’ll help fix things that are broken, and I’ll talk to Father Ryczek about my mom. I’ll stay out of trouble.”

  “No, you won’t.”

  “No, I won’t.” I sighed. “I’ll try to stay out of trouble?”

  “You inherited quite a few genes for attracting trouble from both your parents.”

  I snuggled closer and stayed there with her with my eyes closed, but not sleeping. I heard Dad come in some time later. He picked me up like he used to when I was little and carried me back to my room. He laid me down on my bed and I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep.

  “You should get undressed before you go to sleep, Dusa. And don’t forget to brush your teeth. Faker.”

  I smiled, my eyes still closed. “Goodnight, Dad. Mom smells nice, but I think she just wants to be held tonight.”

  “Thanks for the tip.” He closed the door behind him.

  I had never seen so much concrete. There were square kilometers of it stretched out across the valley floor. There were some big ships tied down in the central docks, but they looked tiny even with the little dots moving around next to them that I knew must be people. I was a little disappointed at the small size of the RuComm shuttle that would be carrying me off planet for the first time in over three years.

  We got off the transport and Dad and Hannah just stood there staring at it. I was too caught up by my own excitement to notice what they were feeling. We all walked over next to the ramp and they each put a hand on the hull.

  “It’s Wandering Star’s starboard shuttle,” my dad said softly, touching the worn lettering. “The manifest showed Dusa was booked on the Pole Star.”

  There was another passenger waiting by the ramp. He didn’t look much older than me, and he was standing next to a raggedy backpack and a small duffel bag with the Academy logo on it.

  “I got a notification late last night that Pole Star had a system failure and was going to be delayed a week, maybe longer. Wandering Star was supposed to be headed direct to Ratatoskr, but now she’ll be making a stop at Bodens Gate on the way. RuComm told me to hitch a ride since it will still get me to Dulcinea a week earlier than waiting for Pole Star. If they can even fix her again.”

  Dad was looking at him, eyebrows raised.

  “Oh, sorry, sir.” He stuck his hand out. “Sam Coleridge. I’m on my first RuComm assignment.”

  Dad took his hand. “Ted Holloman, my wife Hannah, and our daughter Mala Dusa.”

  Sam stopped smiling, but was still holding Dad’s hand. “Theodore Holloman, RuComm geologist?”

  “I used to be.”

  Sam let go of his hand and glanced at Hannah and at me. “It’s an honor to meet you, Professor. You’re kind of a legend at the Academy. Your work on the Cleavus survey, I mean, with Alice Vandermeer. What the two of you did there was brilliant.”

  Sam glanced at Hannah again and then his eyes locked onto me. “Your father is required reading. But I imagine you already know about all that.”

  Great, I was thinking, both my parents are legends. “You seem very young for an Academy graduate. Are you just interning?” I asked. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me. I know I’m not attractive and I don’t like being stared at.

  Sam blushed. “No, I graduated two weeks ago. I skipped a few grades when I was younger. I’m twenty-two.”

  I didn’t believe him. I doubt he needed to shave more than once a week. And he was still staring at me.

  “So, Sam, are you a geologist?” Dad saved me.

  “No, Professor. Biologist. I took a couple of geology classes as electives, though. I’m hoping to cross-train while we’re in transit between worlds.”

  With Sam and Dad happy talking about Cleavus sedimentology, I was able to slip away to where Hannah was still staring at the shuttle. She seemed startled when I took her hand, but I wasn’t feeling any strong emotions from her. I think my own excitement and then the embarrassment from having Sam looking at me like I was a biological specimen was masking everything.

  She smiled at me, coming back into the moment. “What are you embarrassed about, Dusa?” she glanced at Sam and then back at me, tipping her head slightly.

  “He was looking at me like, I don’t know, like I’m some kind of freak.” I turned away, biting my lower lip.

  “No, he wasn’t.” She turned me around and looked into my eyes. “He thinks you’re pretty. He’s still trying to steal a peek at you when he thinks your dad won’t notice.”

  Hannah looked at Sam. “I think he’s kind of pretty too, don’t you? Kind of skinny maybe, but he has nice eyes. A little young for me, though.”

  I giggled.

  “And way too old for you,” she finished firmly.

  “Oh.” My hand come up to my mouth. “Right. RuComm is always watching.”

  “That young man is on his first assignment. Don’t do anything stupid that could make it his last.”

  “Yes, ma’am. It’s only nine days to Bodens Gate. Nothing can happen that fast anyway.”

  Hannah started laughing and was having trouble stopping. Dad walked over and she whispered something in his ear. He smiled and she was off again, turning her back to me before she could stop.

  A chime sounded from the shuttle, and a woman’s voice told us it was time to board. Dad helped me carry my bags and I found a seat toward the back, far away from Samuel Coleridge.

  Dad kissed me and said, “Star? Keep her safe for me please.”

  “Always, Mr. Holloman. It’s good to see you again. Please extend my greetings to Ms. Weldon as well. After my last upgrade I was able to improve your Sonoran Desert simulation. Do you think Ms. Holloman would like to run it?”

  Dad tightened the straps holding me in my seat. “I’m sure she would. She could probably use a good cool down after four laps, just like I used to.”

  “I understand. Pleasant travels.”

  Dad kissed me again. “The ship seems to remember you,” I said.

  “A little too well. She remembers you too.”

  “Mom’s not coming in?”

  “No.” He looked around at the seats and frowned at the floor by where the landing ramp extended out onto the tarmac. “Too many ghosts on this ship.”

  Sam turned around and looked at my dad at the mention of ghosts, but he didn’t say anything when Dad walked past him and down the ramp. There was a rumble in the floor as the ramp retracted and the sound of the thrusters starting to spool up made the air feel like it was humming.

  Wandering Star’s starboard shuttle. I had heard Dad say it, but it hadn’t registered. This was the shuttle that had carried the three of them out of the Warrens when they rescued Hannah; my dad smashed to bits in an explosion and almost dead, and lying next to him by the ramp had been my mom, slowly bleeding to death, with Hannah sitting next to her, trying desperately to keep her alive and failing. If I were to pull up the carpet there at the top of the ramp would I find
the deck plates still stained with their blood?

  It’s just plastic, I told myself, and composite and metal. It’s no different from any other shuttle in the RuComm fleet. I closed my eyes and felt the pressure building as the shuttle accelerated off planet, trying to think of other things. I wondered if Winona was already moving her stuff into my room. I wondered if Dad was watching the shuttle climb until it became a bright sparkle and then disappeared or if he was headed home to chase Hannah around the house. I wondered if Sam was looking at me.

  Sam was looking at me. “Mala Dusa? We’ve arrived. Were you asleep?”

  I blinked, looking around the shuttle. The door was open and the ramp had been deployed. “I guess so,” I answered. “I only slept a couple of hours last night.”

  “Yeah, me too, but wow. I wish I could relax like that. A thirty minute nap would have been nice.”

  I unstrapped and walked down the ramp with him into the shuttle bay. There was an older man waiting for us, maybe mid-thirties, his hair cut short, what was left of it. He looked irritated that we were there.

  “I’m Mr. de Sande, Lead for the RuComm tech team. Coleridge, you’re assigned to cabin 24b, you know where that is?”

  “Yes, sir. I’ve done two intern hops so I know my way around.”

  “Good. We’re having an all-hands in–” he consulted his watch, “–twenty-four minutes in the central lab. Get settled and be there early.”

  He turned toward me while Sam hurried away. He looked at my new backpack and the large bag by my feet, and then examined my face. He was unhappy and disappointed.

  “Holloman. You’re our chaplain? How old are you, anyway?”

  “Sixteen, sir. I’m in transit to Bodens Gate to serve in the Mission there.” I felt my cheeks flush. My chaplain responsibilities were supposed to be just doing a thirty minute church service sometime in the next nine days, but I was not going to back down from Mr. de Sande.

  He sighed impatiently. “Yes, I know that. Pole Star forwarded the note Father Ryczek sent concerning you that said you would be their acting chaplain on the way there. Unfortunately, now I need a chaplain. Instead, I have you.”

  “I can be your chaplain. What do you need me to do?” I stood up straight and stared into his eyes, willing myself to look older.

  “Fine. First thing I need you to do is to take your stuff to your cabin and then join us for my all-hands meeting. We’ll talk after that. Do you know where cabin 26a is?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Star? Would you please help Ms. Holloman find her cabin and the central lab? And make sure she’s on time.”

  “Of course, Mr. de Sande, and welcome back on board, Ms. Holloman. It’s been a long time.”

  “Back?” de Sande asked.

  “Yes, Ms. Holloman was born here, the only person ever born on a Star-class ship. She spent her first thirty-two months of life with me.” There was definitely a gentle fondness in her voice.

  “Thank you, Star,” I answered her. “My earliest memories are of running down these passageways and of you singing me to sleep at night.”

  “I still know the elephant song.”

  I giggled.

  Mr. de Sande was standing next to me with his eyes closed. “Just don’t let her be late, Star.”

  “Follow the green ball, Mala Dusa.”

  I picked up my backpack and bag and chased after the green light that seemed to be floating in mid-air. “Ooh, I remember this game!”

  I heard de Sande’s weary sigh as I ran toward the exit, my attempt to look older forgotten.

  The all-hands meeting wasn’t too bad. De Sande introduced Sam and me to the RuComm technical team and it was kind of fun getting a glimpse of the world Dad and Hannah had inhabited before I was born. One thing did surprise me though, when de Sande reminded everyone that this was Wandering Star’s last journey with the Reunification Commission. After almost fifty years of service she was being decommissioned and scrapped at the Bodens Gate ship yards. The RuComm team would be transferring to the Sierra Vista for the rest of their mission.

  “I’m sure we’re all excited for our first assignments on the new Vista-class ships,” he had concluded, “but let’s stay focused and make this last leg of Star’s last mission her best.”

  De Sande pulled me aside at the end of the meeting while everyone else headed to the mess hall for lunch. “Walk with me please, Ms. Holloman. We need to see the Captain.” We left the central lab and walked silently through the passageways.

  De Sande pressed his palm to a panel on the wall outside the bridge and waited. After a moment the panel turned green and the hatch slid open. I had expected something grand, but the bridge looked like a medium sized office with a couple of big display panels on the wall. The Captain was standing by his desk and a technician was lying on the floor with his upper body up inside one of the consoles doing repairs.

  “Captain Kelang, you asked to see our new ‘chaplain’. This is Mala Dusa Holloman. She’ll be with us until Bodens Gate, and the church claims she’s qualified.” His tone of voice said he had his doubts, a lot of them. Unfortunately, I did too.

  Captain Kelang took my hand. “Ms. Holloman, how like your mother you look.” He had the same smile on his face Dad gets when he’s lost in some memory.

  “You knew my mom?”

  “Just briefly. I was XO on the Falling Star when we picked your parents up on Cleavus and carried them to Bodens Gate. And I was Best Man at their wedding. We don’t have too many nuptials on RuComm ships, but their love would not wait.”

  I felt my head grow light and my knees wobbled. “Oh, can I please talk to you privately sometime? I have so many questions.”

  “Of course. I’ll make time for you. You know there is a full video capture of the entire wedding ceremony and reception, don’t you? If you haven’t already seen it I’ll have Wandering Star get a copy from her sister for you.”

  That was too much. I sat down in a chair in front of the Captain without asking permission. It was either that of faint dead away. “Sorry. Head’s a little light.” I explained.

  “No need to apologize. Can I get you anything?”

  De Sande sighed and I shook my head gently.

  After a moment the Captain asked, “So, you’re following in your mother’s footsteps as a chaplain?”

  “No sir, I’m just spending my summer break at the Mission in the Warrens. I’m studying to be an engineer, so I haven’t been to seminary or anything. But if you need a chaplain, I’ll try to do anything I can to help.” I was feeling a little better now, some blood having made it back up into my brain.

  He shook his head. “No disrespect, but I don’t think you can help with this problem.”

  “Let me try,” I said, trying to sound older again. “I might surprise you.”

  “You might.” He was looking at me, but I think he was seeing my mom. “A week ago all of the sensors in the port aft engine room failed and power is now stuck at standard idle. We can still fly on the other three, but we can’t make our jumps through the Deep Space Holes. I need it fixed. My technicians refuse to enter the engine room to see what’s wrong with it or to bring the sensors back online.”

  “Why? It sounds like you need an engineer more than clergy.”

  “Mr. Solonius, come out from under there and tell our chaplain why you won’t fix my engine.”

  Tobias Solonius introduced himself and stared at me for a moment, whether because I was the chaplain or that I was only sixteen or because I’m Mala Dusa I don’t know.

  “Tell her what you and Ms. Williams experienced.”

  “Well, Sandy, that’s Cassandra Williams, and I went into the engine room to see what the problem was that was keeping us from getting full power. I’ve worked the Star-class for almost twenty years and there’s not a part of the ship I don’t know. I love these ships and
it’s damn heartbreaking to see them being torn down for parts. Anyway, we went into the engine room and it felt wrong, nothing I could identify like a sound or a smell, but just… wrong. I opened up the access panel and got down to crawl in there and I was suddenly aware of Sandy looking at me. I’ve worked with her on and off most of my career and, um, we work well together, but nothing beyond that. But that’s not what Sandy was thinking right then. And that was the weird thing, I knew what she was feeling, almost able to know what she was thinking. She didn’t say a word out loud. I turned around and looked at her and it was like I was seeing her for the first time. God, she looked beautiful. I don’t know why I never noticed it before. I reached up and took her hand and it was like fire flowing down my arm from where she was touching me.

  “That’s when the hooting sound started, coming from somewhere in the shadows. It wasn’t an alarm or anything; I know every sound this ship can make and hooting’s not one of them. I got up still holding Sandy’s hand because I don’t think I could have let go even if I had wanted to and I didn’t want to. I pulled her out of the engine room into the passageway planning to take her and…, well that doesn’t matter. As soon as we were out of there it was like a balloon had popped. I could think clearly again and we both said we were sorry and then we opened the hatch and went back into the engine room. I could feel what she was feeling again and I could feel her thoughts tickling around inside my head. We got out of there and we’re not going back. We sent in a remote the next day and it didn’t find anything unusual and the air checks out fine, so we weren’t hallucinating. I know engineering and I know science and this is isn’t either one. It’s unnatural.”

  “And what are you and Sandy going to do now?” the Captain asked for my benefit.

  “Like I told you, sir, this will be the last hop for us. We’re leaving RuComm and taking jobs where we can be together. You can laugh if you want, but we can still feel what the other is feeling when we’re close enough. Opening my eyes to Sandy, maybe that’s the one good thing to come out of this. But we’re not going back in there, not unless…” He turned and looked at me.