Wandering Soul

by Steven Anderson

  “Oh, fine.” Winona grabbed Sam’s arm and pulled him inside. “We have four bunks in here. Samuel, this is yours. Stay in it or I will know.” She pushed me onto my bunk. “Head goes on pillow. Keep it there.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I told her. I slipped off my shoes and slept fully dressed, watching Sam tossing and turning for a few minutes before drifting away.

  I was dreaming about when I was little, playing in the tide pools on Dulcinea. I was happy, exploring and being daring while knowing that my parents were there and would always keep me safe. There were so many wonderful things to find and look at before the tide came back in.

  I didn’t want Winona to be waking me up, but she was doing it anyway. I struggled against it, trying to stay by the tide pools. Then my blanket was gone.

  “Winona!”

  “Hush, Samuel is still asleep. You need to come with me to have breakfast with your parents.”

  “Why?”

  “Do you remember last night at all?”

  All the happy tide pool feelings evaporated. I got up, went to the lavatory and looked in the mirror. It was hopeless, so I threw cold water on my face, brushed my teeth – finally – and joined Winn in the passageway still wearing the donated clothes I had worn when we had fled from the Mission, and then slept in.

  Winona looked bright and alert, clothes fresh from the printer, face scrubbed and hair combed. “How come you look beautiful this morning and I look like this?” I asked her.

  She looked at me and shook her head. “You’re fine. Tousled is a good look for you.”

  “Thanks.”

  Watching my parents eating breakfast as we picked up our food made me feel a little better. Hannah was telling Dad a story, waving her fork around, endangering the piece of sausage she had stabbed and forgotten about. Just like home. I still couldn’t feel any emotions from Dad. His face looked better and he seemed relaxed. I wasn’t convinced.

  I sat down, clattering my tray, and Hannah regarded me closely. “Ms. Killdeer, I thought I told you to keep her and Sam away from each other last night.”

  Watching the two of them looking at each other with their heads tipped to the side would have been funny if I’d been more awake. “It wasn’t Samuel,” Winn replied. “She looks this bad because we spent most of last night chasing Tarakana.”

  “You said I looked fine.”

  “You look like you should be asleep for another couple of hours.”

  “You could have left me in the cabin sleeping with Sam.” Hand went to mouth. Too late.

  “So they did spend the night together.”

  “No! Well, yes, but I slept between them,” Winn explained. I had never seen her quite this rattled.

  Dad was staring at me now too.

  Winona continued. “I mean after the Tarakana, when we got back to the cabin. I mean they were in separate bunks and mine was between them. We were scared.” She paused and took my hand. “I’m still scared, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Oh, I want to know the truth, Ms. Killdeer. Maybe you better start at the beginning.”

  While Winn told them how we had spent the night, I had the opportunity to finish my breakfast, steal two of her sausages, and drink most of Dad’s coffee. By the time she was done, I was feeling much more alert.

  “You actually had blood samples?” Dad asked. “That’s impressive. We never even got close.”

  Hannah was looking at her plate, but not seeing it. I think she was trying to figure out the same thing I was: What was Merrimac doing?

  “Mala Dusa,” she asked sharply, “why didn’t you wake us?”

  “Wurthuhmphumph.” I answered around a mouthful of Winona’s French toast. I swallowed. “We were busy with getting the samples collected and then after that everything was gone. It was the bad Tarakana that was killed, so we weren’t in danger any more, and, well,” I looked at Dad, still trying to feel something from him, “I thought the two of you could use some sleep after everything that’s happened.”

  “Well, you’re not wrong, but you still should have gotten us up,” he told me. “Some Tarakana may be worse than others, but they’re all dangerous. Don’t let them fool you, Dusa.”

  “I don’t think that’s true. Merrimac is my friend. He’s been kind to me, other than…”

  “Other than destroying a starship? Other than trying to get Sam into your bed?”

  I was chewing on my lip. “Yeah. Other than those things.”

  “Those two things are related,” Winn whispered. I heard her, but I don’t think my parents did.

  “Why do you think he killed the other Tarakana, the one from the Warrens? What is he trying to protect you from?” When Dad asked, the crack opened a little and I finally knew what he was feeling. I felt his shame from being unable to protect Hannah from Steiner, his fear and determination to protect all of us now, no matter the cost. It left me speechless for a moment. I had never known him to be anything other than confident and strong, someone who always knew what to do. This was the first time I’d seen him as a man; a good man, one of the best, but sometimes unsure, sometimes wrong, and sometimes vulnerable.

  “I love you, Dad.”

  He sighed. “Thanks, Mala Dusa. I need to hear that from you once in a while. Now stop trying to get inside my head and tell me what Merrimac did to you, and what he told you.”

  “I’ll try, but it’s confusing. The way they think, it doesn’t make sense to me. It’s like all of them are thinking at the same time and the ‘what might be’ and the ‘what is’ get all jumbled together.”

  Hannah was smiling at me. “Just like your dad. I’ve only been in close contact with them a few times and it’s wondrous. I try to think like that, exploring all the possibilities at once. It made perfect sense to me being in that group mind. It was just too easy to get lost in there. Alice was the same way as me. She hated touching them because she thought she wouldn’t be able to find her way back out.”

  “When Merrimac first touched me on Wandering Star he was disappointed,” I told her. “He thought I would think like my mom. It was like I had failed him, or no, it was like I was flawed.”

  “That would make sense.” Winona was looking at me. “I think they were hoping that you’d have Alice’s mental patterns and your dad’s bravery. But you don’t, and that’s probably why you get such a headache and go all loopy whenever they try to control you.”

  “You think they’re breeding us?”

  “Well, your family certainly. Several others too, like Sam’s. I just can’t quite see what they’re trying to accomplish. The colony in the Warrens wanted to use you to start a war, but Merrimac stopped them. Why?”

  “Because I would have died,” I told her. “I saw that very clearly. He doesn’t want me to die. He’s my friend.”

  “He’s not your friend, Duse.”

  “You think Alice, Hannah and I are all part of a Tarakana breeding program?” Dad interrupted before I could yell at Winona.

  “You and Alice, yes. Not Hannah.” Winn was looking at her, studying her. “Ted was supposed to fall in love with Alice when their lives were in danger on Dulcinea, but you did something to him before they met, something unexpected.”

  “It was the way she smiled back at me after I kissed her cheek,” Dad replied. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.”

  Well, I could feel that from my dad. It made me blush.

  He smiled, looking a little lost in the memory. “I’m going to get some more coffee. Someone drank all of mine.”

  “The Tarakana hate you, I think,” Winona continued after dad left.

  “Mutual hatred,” Hannah replied.

  “I can understand that after what they did to your careers.”

  “Actually, that has very little to do with it. I could have forgiven them for hiding from us.” She closed her eyes.
“It’s what they did to Ted.”

  “What did they do?” I asked.

  “I’m not going to talk about it. Ask him sometime.”

  I didn’t push, not with what she had been through, not with the swirl of pain I could feel under the surface.

  I got up and kissed her and she held me close to her for a minute.

  “Um, I seem to have missed something.” Dad was back with a couple of cups of coffee.

  “I love her,” I told him.

  “That’s good.” He handed me a cup. “I think you need this.”

  “We still have no idea what Merrimac’s next move will be, why Mala Dusa is so important to him, or how we should be responding,” Winona added, trying to get us back on track. “I’m terrified.”

  “I’m terrified too,” Dad replied. “I don’t think this is just about Mala Dusa.”

  “It’s not. It about the Mala Dusa and Sam combination.”

  “Sam.” I sighed as the thought of him filled me. Winn looked at me, irritated, and I tried to focus before she could tap my forehead. “It’s about a lot more than Sam and me. Something is going on with all the Tarakana colonies, not just in the Warrens. I can almost see it, but it keeps slipping away. All I get is vague feeling and then it’s gone. I think we need to run.”

  “Run where? Run from what?”

  I shrugged. “Winn, why don’t you tell them what you think happened on Cleavus. That’s reason enough to run.”

  Winona told the story and Dad kept trying to punch holes in it; trying to tell her how the Tarakana had helped him and Alice stay alive.

  “So,” I interrupted, “you’re saying that Merrimac was your friend?”

  He scowled at me. “It seemed like he was at the time.”

  “That’s what I–” The sound of my display pad chiming stopped me. I reached in my pocket. Empty. I stuck my hand out to Dad, wiggling my fingers impatiently. “It could be Sam.”

  It wasn’t. “It’s from Grandpa. I sent him a message when you were arrested, asking for help. I kind of forgot to tell him you were free now.” I unrolled my pad, hoping he hadn’t done anything too drastic.

  I scanned the first couple of paragraphs and then slid it to Hannah. “He can’t do anything to help us. There’s, um, Dulcinea is…”

  “Dulcinea is at war with itself,” she finished for me, scrolling through the message. “The Oceanus Protectorate has occupied the northern archipelago, Union attempts to mediate have been rebuffed by both sides and all interstellar commerce has been halted.” She looked up at Dad. “Thousands are already dead. The University has been closed because of conscription.”

  “That’s insane. There’s nothing in the archipelago but poor quality iron ore and sheep.”

  “What about Marcus Wright? Did Grandpa mention the Margo Islands?” I asked.

  “Marcus. The man is unkillable, although I was tempted to try a couple of times after he’d had one too many beers at our house. He’s stuck on that island with his students. Transportation has been cut off, but he’s safe. Why?”

  “I think I was supposed to be there. If I’d followed the plan Grandpa gave me, I’d be there right now. And if Wandering Star hadn’t been destroyed, Sam would be there now too. Helping with the survey was supposed to be his first RuComm assignment. We would have been stranded together with war going on all around us.”

  I saw her shiver.

  “If you had stuck with that plan,” Winona added, “you’d be well on your way to becoming pregnant by now.”

  I turned toward her, about to protest, but I couldn’t. I knew she was probably right.

  Hands touched my shoulders, rubbing them gently, making little tingles run down my arms.

  “You should have woken me. What have I missed? Tarakana mysteries all solved?”

  I stumbled to my feet and turned toward him. “Hi.”

  “You look nice this morning,” he said shyly.

  “Tousled,” Winn whispered. “Told you so.”

  Hannah was staring at Sam with her eyes narrowed. I think she was imagining him getting me pregnant and wondering where to hide his body after she killed him. “Go get some breakfast, Samuel. I don’t think you’re going to like what we’ve come up with so far.”

  “I’m not surprised. I spent twenty minutes this morning arguing with Vista about what happened last night.” He shook his head. “It’s like someone punched a hole through her memories and replaced them with something else.”

  Hannah smiled at Dad while Sam went to pick up his food. It was odd sort of smile, a little crooked and she had the look in her eyes she always gets when she wants Dad to do something crazy with her.

  “Hannah… no. In forty-eight hours we’ll be on board the Orso Ipato headed for home.”

  “A lot can happen in forty-eight hours. And I just want to look. It can’t hurt just to look.”

  “She’s a totally new class of ship, it’s not like Wandering Star. The underlying language and syntax will be completely different.”

  Her smile became more of a smirk as she leaned toward him, knowing she’d already won. “Won’t know till I look.”

  Sam came back carrying a cup of coffee and a couple of hard rolls. “Let me grab a chair.”

  “Don’t bother,” Hannah told him, standing. “I need your help talking to Vista. You’re going to help me find her lost memories.”

  “OK.” He glanced at me, disappointed.

  “Go help my mom,” I told him. “I need to take a shower and print some new clothes.”

  “You may not need to print anything. When I was at the embassy the CG delivered all your personal belongings that had been left at the hotel. I had them sent up here yesterday. They should be in my cabin.”

  “Blue dress?”

  “I don’t know. I never made it back there last night.” He blushed and glanced at my dad.

  “It’s OK,” I told him. “Winn explained everything.”

  “Not really,” Hannah took a step toward him and Sam retreated. “But I’m sure Sam will be spending the next couple of nights in his own cabin. Right?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he assured her. “My cabin. All night. By myself.”

  “Good. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

  My stuff was fine – including my precious blue, hand made by Sam dress – and so were Winona’s things. Hannah’s clothes had been shredded and Dad’s were completely missing.

  He shrugged it off. “I always travel light. But I guess now I’ll need to get a new pack and rock hammer.”

  “You brought your hammer?” I asked.

  “Always,” Hannah sighed.

  Winn walked back to our cabin with me while Sam and my parents went off to do whatever they were working on to find Vista’s missing memories. I took a quick shower, the warm water relaxing me and reminding me that I was very short on sleep. At the same time, the two cups of coffee were working hard to keep me awake. This was a feeling I was going to have to get used to if I was serious about attending the Academy next year. Wasn’t that what Sam had told me? Five hours of sleep a night when he was lucky. I got out and looked longingly at my pillow.

  Winona was sitting on her bunk, face buried in her display pad.

  “It’s not just Dulcinea. There’s reports of problems on half a dozen planets; Montecito has announced plans to leave the Union, there’s been a coup on Meeker, Calisto has seized Union ships on orbit there.” She stopped with her mouth open and looked up at me. “Duse, nuclear weapons have been used on Piermont. Fifty million dead, probably more.”

  “I think this is why we need to run.” I sat down next to her. “Merrimac told me he needed to escape Wandering Star. He said the central planets were getting too crowded and making it hard for the Tarakana colonies to remain hidden so he wanted to move outward with us, past the known worlds. He was desperate.”<
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  Winona still had her head down, scrolling through the news feeds. “I think the other colonies have agreed on a different strategy. They’re going to destroy the Union, isolate each planet and reduce the populations to whatever size is optimal for Tarakana survival.”

  I stood. “Come on. We need to find my parents.”

  “Do you plan to get dressed first?”

  I looked down at myself. “Um, I suppose I should.”

  “Sam would enjoy seeing you like that, but I imagine your mom would be unhappy.”

  “Yeah.” I rummaged through my box of clothes, the thought of Sam seeing me in my underwear stuck in my head. I briefly caressed the blue gauze dress, then put on a t-shirt and pants.

  “Vista, where’s my mom?”

  “Ms. Weldon is in the starboard shuttle bay.”

  I looked at Winona. “Shuttle bay?”

  “And in the mess hall, and in the infirmary and in the outer ring corridor near the port aft engine–”

  “Stop!” I pulled out my display pad. When she answered, I asked her, “So, where are you, really?”

  There was a wild look in her eyes and she giggled. “Vista having trouble pinning me down?”

  “Mom…” I swallowed hard, unable to talk.

  “What’s happened?” She sounded worried now. “We’re all in the main science lab.”

  “Winona and I are on the way. Things are worse than we thought.”

  Winn kept her head down while we walked, unable to tear herself away from the news. “The Central Government on Bodens Gate announced that they are investigating collusion between factions in the Warrens and the Union. A CG patrol was attacked near the central market and six people were killed. CG security forces are threatening preemptive strikes if the Council of Clans fails to cooperate in the investigation.” She glanced up at me. “The Council will never cooperate and the Warrens will rebel. Without strong leadership…”