We Wish You a Merry Murder

by Valerie Wolzien

  “How could you say such a thing?” Barbara asked.

  “Wait one second. Repeat what you said, Susan.” This last from Kathleen Gordon who had joined them.

  “I said that Evan is dead.” As she spoke, she heard Kelly begin to weep again behind her.

  “Is this some sort of horrible joke?” Rebecca asked. “Or have you gone mad, Susan?”

  “Now wait. We’ve got to figure this out. It may ruin your party, Rebecca, but right now there are more important problems here,” Kathleen stated, taking control of the situation. “Where is Evan?”

  “At Kelly’s house.”

  “In the bedroom.”

  Susan and Rebecca answered simultaneously.

  “He can’t be in both places. Why do you think he’s in the bedroom?” Kathleen asked Rebecca.

  “Because that’s where he went about half an hour ago to make some calls. There was a problem with one of the projects he’s working on.”

  “So he’d be on the extension up there?” Kathleen asked. “But I was on the phone myself just a few—”

  “No. There are two lines into the house. One is unlisted; we use that for business purposes.”

  “Right,” Jed agreed, taking action. “Why don’t I just go and check on him?”

  “I’ll come with you,” the police officer, who had been silently sizing up the situation, insisted. The two men walked off quickly.

  “We’ll wait here until you get back,” Susan said.

  “No, we’ll wait in the media room,” Rebecca corrected. “Barb, will you just tell everyone that something has come up—don’t make a big deal about it—and that Susan, Kathleen, and I are needed elsewhere for a few minutes?”

  “Of course.”

  “No need to mention Kelly,” Rebecca added.

  “Certainly not,” said her ever loyal friend.

  “I think you all know where we’re going—except Kelly,” she added rather nastily.

  “Evan always wanted a room just for his equipment on the ground floor,” Kelly said. “I think I can figure out where he would have put it. I lived with him for—”

  Susan literally put herself between the present Mrs. Knowlson and the past Mrs. Knowlson, and hurried both of them into the “media room.”

  “Good heavens,” she said, momentarily distracted from the problem at hand by the place. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a large television. Ever.” Or want to, she added to herself.

  “This room wasn’t finished until last week. Everything is the most recent model. The TV is computer controlled—or maybe just the tape machine is.” Rebecca ended less confidently than she had begun. “Evan had the best of everything put in here. Everything,” she repeated for emphasis.

  Kelly was looking around the room in wonder. “This isn’t at all like my place.” She sat down on a plump red leather couch. “I can’t really believe all that’s happening.”

  Susan looked at her closely. Was she getting paler or did the dramatic recessed lighting make her appear so? “Kelly? Are you feeling all right? You don’t have your neck brace and you didn’t take a painkiller before leaving the house. Maybe I should call a doctor.”

  “My mother is a nurse,” Kathleen announced. “Do you want me to call her?”

  “I’m okay,” Kelly insisted. “Just let me close my eyes for a few minutes.”

  Susan sat down next to Kelly, and Kathleen joined them, sitting on the arm of the couch near Susan. Rebecca sat down at a desk and, her back to them, turned on the personal computer placed there. Except for some muted ticking as she typed something at the keyboard, the room was silent. Susan wondered if some sort of soundproofing had been placed in the walls when the house was built. She sighed. Kelly was still sitting with her eyes closed; Susan wondered if everything that had happened had been to much for her and if asking Kathleen’s mother to look at her would be a good idea. Kathleen had discovered a chipped nail that she was running over her front teeth to smooth down as she stared off into space. Rebecca gave up typing and reached to turn off the screen as Jed returned to the room.

  Susan looked up despite herself.

  “Well, he’s not there—and I didn’t see any sign of a note or anything explaining why he left the house,” Jed said.

  “But we don’t know that he left the house. Only that he’s not in the bedroom,” Rebecca insisted, beginning to sound a little panicked.

  “He’s not here. I checked everything out pretty thoroughly, Rebecca. You know—” he hesitated and looked at his wife “—with what Susan and Kelly are saying … and that policeman is talking to the policemen who showed up earlier about filing a report … well, maybe something has happened to Evan. Not that he’s necessarily dead,” he added as Rebecca stood up quickly. “After all, how close did you get to him, Susan?”

  “He was six, maybe seven feet away, but, believe me, he wasn’t alive.”

  “That explains it,” Rebecca said, sounding relieved. “You just thought he was dead. Evan’s had a hard week, there are problems at work, and the party and—and everything. He probably just fell asleep.”

  Susan didn’t think that problems at work—or even whatever it was that Rebecca didn’t want to mention—could have taken Evan over to his ex-wife’s house and shot a hole in his head, but she shut up. They would be seeing for themselves soon enough. Then she realized she might be missing something, too. “What did you say about the police showing up?”

  “They came to the door with a stupid story. Someone called the dispatcher and said that there had been a murder here. Just some sort of kid prank—” Rebecca began, and then looked around the room slowly. “You don’t think there’s any truth in this, do you?” she whispered, her eyes wide open.

  Susan opened her mouth, but the door that Jed had carefully closed behind him swung open, and her mother-in-law entered the room.

  “Jeddy! I want to go home—and I want to go home now!” she said, imperiously demanding his attention.

  Susan, sitting between one bereaved ex-wife and one about to find out that she was bereaved wife, had enough of her wits about her to be surprised that Jed’s mother had a mug of eggnog in one hand and large chunk of pork pâté in the other, and was alternating sipping and munching. Had Dr. Barr and his diet died, too?

  ELEVEN

  “We’ve gotten our report written, ma’am. If you or your husband would just sign it, we can be on our way.”

  “Of course. I—I don’t know where my husband has gone to …” Rebecca laughed a little self-consciously at the policeman who had appeared in the doorway immediately after Jed and his mother’s exit.

  Susan couldn’t wait any longer. “I think, Officer, that I have something to tell you and then—” she paused, thinking of the gaping hole in Evan Knowlson’s head and how the blood had shimmered in the light of the candle “—and then, I have something to show you. There’s been a murder.”

  “Murder? Say, are you the person who called claiming that someone had been killed here?” he asked, folding the paper he held in half and slipping it into his pocket. “Because if you are, I need to talk to you before turning in any report.”

  “No, I didn’t call, but I do know something about the murder. That is, I know where to find the body,” she added modestly.

  “I can’t stand this anymore! Nothing is making any sense!” The announcement came from Kelly as she stood up and fled from the room. Susan made a move as if to follow, but the policeman stopped her.

  “You said something about a body,” he reminded her firmly.

  “Oh, yes.” Susan looked around and found help in Kathleen.

  “I’ll make sure Kelly’s all right,” Kathleen offered, getting up.

  “Don’t let her go back to her house. Evan’s there and—”

  “My husband is at Kelly’s house?”

  Susan heard the outrage in Rebecca’s voice, but did nothing. What could she say? Don’t worry about it. He’s dead.

  “Your husband is not my concern
right now, ma’am. There’s been a report of a killing and, whether it’s a hoax or not, I have to investigate. So I think we’d better get to the bottom of that immediately. Now where did you say this body is?” he asked Susan.

  “At Kelly Knowlson’s house.”

  “Hey, wait a minute. I thought we were at the Knowlsons’ house. Are you telling me that we went to the wrong house?”

  “I don’t know. There are two Knowlson houses in town.” Susan decided an explanation could wait. “All I know is that we’d better go to Kelly’s house. I guess Rebecca should come, too.” She’d added this last a little reluctantly.

  “I certainly will,” Rebecca agreed indignantly. “This is really the last straw. What did Kelly do now? Kill someone and then call Evan for help?”

  The policeman looked at her, opened his mouth, and then closed it again. “Can you show us the quickest way to this place?” he asked Susan.

  “We’ll have to go in my car—”

  “Why not take the short cut through the storage shed? Everyone else does!” Rebecca said.

  “The what?”

  “That damn storage shed. Come on, I’ll show you.” Rebecca sighed and got up from the computer terminal.

  They returned to a very quiet living room. Nothing like police presence to kill a party, Susan thought, remembering one particular St. Patrick’s Day celebration in her sophomore year of college. Rebecca didn’t even make an attempt to change the mood of her guests; she led them through the kitchen and out the back door.

  “There’s a path beaten in the snow. Not that this isn’t going to ruin these shoes anyway.”

  “This is no time to worry about that.” Susan urged them on. She saw no sign of either Kelly or Kathleen and was beginning to worry. The policeman was listening to Rebecca’s explanation of the shared shed.

  “It’s on our property now, but originally it belonged to the owner behind us.”

  “And who was that?” he asked, waving his flashlight toward the structure at the rear of the acre of backyard.

  “At the time it was Evan, my husband. He lived there with his first wife.” Rebecca tugged nervously at the large silver bangles she wore. “They built that house years ago, when they first moved to Hancock, and they added the shed for extra storage when they discovered that the basement stairs were too steep for easy access. Actually the first structure had been put up by the builders to keep their tools in while they built the house, so when Evan discovered that they needed a shed, he just altered the one that was already there. Unfortunately the builders had been a little casual about choosing a site. A lot of the building was on this property.”

  “This house doesn’t look that old,” the policeman commented, glancing behind him.

  “It’s brand new. Evan tore down the house that was here and rebuilt. You see, the man that owned the property in those days waited until Evan and Kelly had finished the shed and then sued for possession. It turned out that it actually had been built almost entirely on his property and the court turned it over to him. Then, about two years later, when the man died and his wife wanted to move to the Midwest somewhere to be with her son, Evan bought the property.”

  “Sort of to get back his own?” The policeman sounded bemused.

  “Something like that,” Rebecca agreed.

  “And he built this house recently … and you and he live here right behind his first wife?”

  “It is quite valuable land in a very desirable part of town. There was really no reason we shouldn’t build on it, was there?” Rebecca sounded defensive. “Well, here we are,” she added, pulling open the door to the building they’d been discussing. Called a shed, it was actually a substantial structure about fifteen feet square, faced in cedar that matched the siding of the house that loomed up behind them. “Kelly probably passed through here. She even left the lights on.”

  Except that whoever had come through the shed would have had to walk right through the bodies of Rebecca’s two sons.

  “Mom!”

  “Thomas! Travis!”

  Susan thought it was like that question on TV: Parents, do you know where your children are?

  In this case, what they were doing was getting high on an eclectic collection of wine coolers, gin, and eggnog. Susan felt her stomach lurch. She also understood the nervous looks on the faces of the boys. Travis and Thomas were in high school and older than Chad and Chrissy, but they were still too young to drink. And they both appeared to have had a lot to drink. Travis brushed his too-long hair out of his eyes and looked up from the redwood lawn chair where he was sprawled. Thomas was avoiding their eyes and staring at the floor, nervously running his hands around a glass full of clear liquid.

  “Do you boys want to explain just what you think you’re doing here? When I asked you to help out at the party, I didn’t expect you to drink up all the booze.”

  “We …” Travis began, and then stopped. After all, what could he say?

  “How long has this been going on?” his mother persisted. “How long have you been here instead of inside helping?”

  “Quite a while,” Thomas answered, looking up quickly. “We’ve been here for a while, haven’t we, Travis?”

  Travis just looked at the adults and nodded his head.

  The policeman cleared his throat before speaking. “I think we were on our way to a body, ma’am. Maybe when we come back this way everything will be cleared up.”

  “I’m sure it will be, Officer,” Rebecca agreed, and walked in a large circle around her sons.

  Sure enough, the back wall of the shed had another door. They passed through to the outside. Susan was surprised with what they found.

  “It looks like more than a few people know about this route,” the policeman said, echoing her thoughts.

  The snow was trampled down here, too. In fact, it almost looked as though someone had given a large party in Kelly’s backyard. Footprints covered most of the area, except for the large lump indicating the location of the swimming pool.

  “This is very strange,” Susan said. “Maybe we shouldn’t walk across the lawn.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s time to clear up this story. And I certainly don’t plan on leaving Kelly and Evan alone in that house longer than necessary.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry about them. We don’t even know where Kelly is,” Susan protested, following Rebecca in a path straight toward the house.

  “I can tell you where she is. Look! She even left her back door open.” Rebecca pointed as she spoke.

  “That certainly is odd in this cold weather,” the policeman commented. He hurried his steps slightly, and the women increased their speed to keep up.

  “There’s a patch of ice on the back steps,” Susan warned the other two.

  “If there is, Kelly made it herself,” Rebecca replied.

  “Why on earth would anyone do that?” the policeman asked. “Someone could get killed slipping on the top of tall steps like these.”

  “Because Kelly Knowlson is crazy, that’s why,” Rebecca replied, pushing the door open further and entering the kitchen.

  Kelly was sitting at the table, her head resting in both hands so that they couldn’t see her face. Susan pushed around her companions and rushed over to her.

  “Kelly, you didn’t go back in there? You didn’t go in alone?” she asked quickly.

  Kelly looked up, an expression of fear on her face. “I think Rebecca’s right, Susan. I think I am crazy.”

  “Kelly, you’re not crazy. You’ve just had a horrible, horrible experience, that’s all.” Susan brushed Kelly’s hair back off her forehead and looked Rebecca square in the eye. It was time to tell the truth. “Rebecca, Evan is sitting in a chair in the living room with a bullet hole through his head.”

  “Don’t be stupid, Susan. We’re giving a party. He can’t be dead. He’s the host.”

  Kathleen appeared, breathless from running, at the back door. “I looked all over, but I couldn’t find her�
�� Oh, Kelly, there you are.”

  Susan decided that it was time for a display of the evidence. Now that Kathleen was here, she wouldn’t have to leave Kelly alone. “If you’ll stay with Kelly, I think the rest of us should go into the living room.”

  “No, Susan; don’t go in there!”

  “Kelly, this man is a policeman. He has to see this.”

  “But there’s nothing to see!” Kelly protested.

  Susan wondered if perhaps she had been hasty in supporting Kelly’s sanity. But she was getting tired of this. “If you’ll just follow me,” she said to the policeman. He followed willingly, Rebecca at his heels. They walked quickly through the hall and into the still dimly lit living room, stopping at about the same place where Susan and Kelly had stood less than an hour ago. Susan didn’t even know that Kelly had followed them until she spoke.

  “See, Susan? I told you there was nothing to see.”

  TWELVE

  Like the other guests at last night’s party, Susan and Jed were still discussing Evan’s vanishing act at breakfast the next morning.

  “And there was nothing there.”

  “That’s what you said last night, but surely—”

  “Jed, you were too tired to understand anything I was saying last night. I’m telling you that Evan’s body wasn’t there, not that the room was empty. In fact, it was really pretty creepy.” Susan leaned across the kitchen table and poured coffee into a red mug printed with a Christmas tree.

  “Thanks. Why creepy?”

  “Well …” She paused to take a sip from her own mug. “Were you listening when I told you about how Evan was sitting in the living room?”

  “With a drink and a book open on his lap, wasn’t it?”

  “Yes. And a plate of Christmas cookies on the table by his side. It was as though someone was trying to make him comfortable.”

  “As comfortable as a person can be with a large hole in the side of his head.”

  “Right. Except for the wound, it was like the body was a dummy in some sort of domestic display.”

  “And later, when the policeman was with you? Were the cookies and everything else still there?”