“Yes, the crew is starting to clear out all the debris. They got here nice and early, and it’s nice to finally see something happening.”
“Thank fuck,” I sigh.
“You see, things will get better.” Madison looks at me with a confident smile.
“Yeah, I’m gonna go out there.” I leave my siblings in the lounge and make my way toward the disaster zone and talk to the crew. I’m sure Miles has it under control, but I can’t help my own need for control and to overlook everything.
I make my way out there, hands in my pockets. A nice chill lingers in the air. Winter is always a nice change from the blistering summer, and I happily welcome the milder weather.
As I approach the site, I find a man talking to a crew member and head in his direction. Before I can reach him, a woman interrupts my path, causing me to stop my trek.
“Hello, you must be Brett.” She smiles professionally. “I’m Michelle.” She extends her hand to shake mine. Shaking it, I furrow my brows because her name doesn’t ring a bell. “I’m managing the construction here.”
“Hi, Michelle.” I nod, and my face must show my surprise because she arches a brow.
“Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t handle this type of work.”
Raising my eyebrows, I lift my hands. “That’s not… I didn’t.” I run a hand through my hair. “I have two daughters, so I’m all for supporting women in any type of work. I was just told that Bill was managing the rebuild.”
Michelle nods. “Bill had to handle another job, so I’m here.”
“Great, so what news do you have for me?” I clap my hands.
After talking to Michelle for half an hour, she informs me that they’ll be cleaning up the site this week, and she’s been in touch with our insurance. Miles already got a look at the plans and the changes to the new space that the old restaurant didn’t have. I feel like, for the first time in months, things are finally looking up—at least at work.
The rest of the day passes by uneventfully, with meetings with my dad, checking in on the wine production, and doing some paperwork. I give thanks when I make it to the girls’ school on time. When I catch Charlie’s surprised face at school pick-up, I frown. I promised them I’d be here today, but Lord knows I’ve broken that promise more than once, especially lately.
“Dad!” Charlie runs up to me, hugging my waist. “You made it.”
I bend down to pick her up, kissing her cheek. “I promised.”
She nods, a beaming smile covering her face, and dad-guilt swims in my gut. I need to be better for them, show up more. Walking toward the preschool area, I see Chloe standing off to the side alone. She’s looking down at her feet, her messy blonde hair shadowing her face. Charlie calls out her name, and Chloe looks up. Just like her sister, Chloe is shocked to see me. My heart breaks that they think I wouldn’t keep my promise. I’m failing my girls.
“Daddy…” Chloe walks to me, much slower than Charlie did.
I place Charlie on her feet and squat down to look at Chloe.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I lift her chin and look into her eyes.
She shakes her head. “Nothin’.”
“Are you sure? Do I need to talk to your teacher?”
Her eyes widen as they snap up to mine. “No.”
My eyebrows pull together as I scan her face. Looking up, I spot her teacher talking to another parent. She waves at me when she sees me, but it seems as if everything is okay.
“All right, then. Let’s go.” I hold both their hands and lead them back to my car, buckling them into my black SUV.
I keep my eye on them through the rearview mirror, but they’re quiet. Chloe looks out the window, and Charlie hums to the song on the radio.
“Who wants hot chocolate?” I ask.
“Me!” Charlie screams.
“How about you, Chlo?” I look at my youngest, staring into her eyes through the mirror.
She nods quietly, and I frown. I’m going to have to figure out what happened at school today.
I help the girls out of the car and hold their hands firmly as we cross the street toward The Grind, the coffee shop in town. Smiling faces wave at us and say hello, asking how we’re doing.
In Willow Creek, the Carlisles are a beloved family. My dad’s professional football career made the town proud. I think before that, my grandparents were already well-loved here, and that admiration has been passed on to my siblings and me. Not to mention, we’re the wealthiest family in town and use our resources to help our community.
The winery has helped create a ton of jobs in town. Each year, we host a charity event to raise money for different organizations, rotating annually so everyone has a chance at some financial relief. I’m not sure how we’ll get it done this year, but I’m determined to make it happen, even if we can’t host it at the actual winery.
“Hiya, girls, what can I get ya?” The barista asks, full of pep.
“Two hot chocolates and a black coffee,” I order.
Feeling a tug on my hand, I look at Charlie.
“Can we have a cookie?” she whispers.
“Of course,” I smile at her. Looking up at the barista, I add, “And two cookies, please.”
“Coming right up.” I pay for our order and sit at a table while we wait for our drinks and snacks.
“How was school?” I ask, looking between my daughters.
“It was good,” Charlie begins. “I practiced my reading with Ms. Jensen,” she tells me. Ms. Jensen is the teacher’s assistant in her class, and I’m glad to hear Charlie’s getting some one-on-one help with reading. She’s struggled with it, and it’s made her self-conscious. June, Miles’s fiancée, has helped Charlie as well, which has lifted her confidence.
“How about you?” I look at Chloe.
She shrugs. “Good.”
“Did something happen?” I try to dig deeper.
She shakes her head silently, and I sigh, feeling helpless. Clearly, something is bothering her, but I’ve learned not to push Chloe, or she’ll shut down completely.
I almost lost her in that damn fire, and as happy as I am with having her alive and healthy, the emotional scars run too deep for me to heal them. That drives me wild. I’m a fixer. I’ve always been able to make things better, but my youngest seems to be the one thing I can’t fix on my own, which is why I finally caved and took them to see a therapist.
When the barista calls my name, I head over to the counter to grab our drinks and cookies, hoping this will brighten Chloe’s mood. We sit in silence for a bit while their drinks cool. In the meantime, Charlie bites out a semicircle in her cookie and places it over her face like a smile, Chloe giggles. Feeling some relief at her shift, I lean back on my chair and chuckle along with her at her older sister’s silliness. It breaks the tension. If they didn’t have each other, I’m not sure what would become of either of them. Had we lost Chloe, I’m not sure Charlie or I would have overcome it. We’ve suffered enough losing my wife. It’d be a cruel world to lose my daughter as well.
“Daddy…” I shake away the dark thoughts clouding my mind.
“Yeah?” I look at Charlie.
“Can we have breakfast for dinner?” Her toothy smile fills her face.
“Would you like that?” I turn my gaze to Chloe.
“Yeah,” she nods. “I want pancakes.”
“I think we can make that happen. Bacon, too?” I take a sip of my coffee.
“Yes!” Charlie hollers. A few people smile in our direction, and I wave an apology.
She reaches for her cup, blowing off some of the steam and taking a tentative sip.
“You can drink it, Chlo.” One of my favorite things is watching Charlie be a big sister.
Chloe blows her drink as well before wetting her lips. Once she’s positive she won’t burn her tongue, she takes a sip, leaving a chocolate mustache. I chuckle and wipe her mouth.
I wonder what their lives would be like if Ella were still alive. I’m p
ositive they wouldn’t have been at the winery when the fire happened. They would’ve been protected and safe with their mom. Instead, I had to go to a meeting out of town and asked Miles to keep them with him while he worked.
So many ifs have crossed my mind as guilt eats at me. Regardless of the incessant alternative options, this is the reality of our lives, and I can’t undo my wife’s death or the accidental fire that stole my daughters’ joy. As much as I wish I could play God, that’s one power I’ll never possess. And I have to work my ass off to ignore the devil whispering guilt-laced thoughts that sour my mood.
Chapter 2
Brett
“Daddy, do I need to put more milk?” Charlie asks, peeking into the bowl where the pancake mix sits. Chloe holds the whisk, both of them sitting on the counter.
The kitchen is a mess, with the powder from the mix covering the counter and their clothes and hair. I clean up the spilled milk on the floor before looking at her.
“Let me see…” I grab the whisk from Chloe and stir it a bit. “I think it’s good.”
“Yay! Can we flip ‘em?” She cleans her hands on her jeans. Washing their clothes is going to be a feat.
“Yeah, but I’ll help you.” If they flip them on their own, we’ll eat scrambled pancakes. I have firsthand experience in this.
“Let me finish the bacon,” I tell them before bringing the step stool to the side where the stove is. The bacon crackles and pops, and I don’t want them to get burned by the searing oil that jumps from the pan.
With my back to them as I finish cooking the bacon, I hear them singing quietly to one of Madison’s songs, and I smile as I listen to them hum the words they don’t know or make up something to fill in the space.
Once I’m done, I plate the bacon and help the girls down before moving the stool over to the stove. It took a while before Chloe dared to get closer. Thanks to Mrs. Colleen, their therapist, she started getting comfortable standing near the gas burner and helping me cook. It took baby steps, but she’s okay with it now.
While we wait for the pancake to cook on one side, I tell the girls that Aunt Maddy wants to pick them up from school tomorrow.
“Yessss!” Charlie hisses. She hugs Chloe around the neck. “We’re gonna see Aunt Maddy. She can still teach us how to play the guitar.” Her excitement is palpable, and I’m glad to see she’s much happier today.
“Will you get us after?” Chloe asks.
“Of course,” I nod. “I’m always gonna pick you up, okay?” I bend to look at her eyes.
She nods with a small smile. “Maybe we can have dinner with Aunt Maddy?” Her hopeful eyes stare into mine.
“I’ll ask her. Would you like that?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sure she’ll be free.” I make a mental note to send her a message after dinner and check on the pancake.
“Okay, who’s gonna be the first to flip?” I smile at my girls.
“Me!” Charlie is already climbing the steps. I chuckle and hand her the spatula, guiding her.
“Good job, baby girl.” I kiss the top of her head. She beams, hugging me quickly before looking back at the pan with narrowed eyes as if that would help cook it faster.
It’s moments like this that make me feel okay—the quiet moments at home where we cook together, and my mind is clear. My only focus is on the two angels God gave me, not the pain that led here.
Charlie and Chloe take turns helping me with the pancakes as we talk and plan what to eat for dinner tomorrow with Madison.
“Can we tell Uncle Miles, too? I don’t wanna make him sad,” Chloe says.
“Yeah,” I nod. She’s right. Miles would get jealous if we have dinner and don’t include him, especially if it’s a chance to see the girls. “I’ll send them both messages after dinner.”
“And Aunt June and Uncle Tate?” Charlie’s eyes light up. Although they aren’t married yet, the girls have taken it upon themselves to call Miles’s and Madison’s significant others aunt and uncle. Neither June nor Tate are strangers to me since we’re all from a small town, and I’m glad the girls love them as much as they do.
“Of course,” I nod, taking a bite of the maple syrup-soaked pancake.
They both cheer before taking way-too-big bites of food. Feeling relieved that the tense mood from earlier has dissipated, especially for Chloe, I finally begin to relax. Maybe I just need to be patient and let time heal their wounds. It’s what I’ve been doing since Ella passed, and each day is easier. There will always be moments where I miss her like crazy. Grief doesn’t come with a handbook that tells you how to handle it. It’s slow, fickle, and traitorous. However, I’m proof that you can slowly overcome it.
After dinner, the girls have baths and get ready for bed. When they ask if they can sleep in the same bed, I give them that. Hopefully, that will help ease each of their nightmares and give them emotional support.
Kissing them both on the forehead after reading them a story, I leave the nightlight on in Charlie’s room and keep the door cracked. A heavy hand combs through my hair as I head back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up what’s left of dinner.
Thoughts of Ella and me enjoying the quiet time after the girls were asleep hit me like a wrecking ball, shattering my already weak heart. Two years isn’t enough to fully forget about her. Clutching the counter, I bow my head and shake it a bit. I take a deep breath, slowly releasing it, as the back of my throat burns with the emotions I hold back.
“It gets better,” I mutter to myself.
Sometimes, I still relive the day I got the phone call about the accident. I was sure it was a mistake. When I went down to the station to identify Ella’s body, my world crashed. Until then, denial was my friend. I thought the police had mixed up the identities. It couldn’t be my wife. But it was. It was her car, her lifeless body. I’ve never known pain like that.
My knuckles turn white as I tighten my grip on the edge of the counter. As fucked up as it sounds, if she had been sick, I would’ve had a chance to prepare, say goodbye, get some kind of closure. Instead, I kissed her goodbye one morning and never got the chance to kiss her goodnight.
The buzzing in my pocket breaks up my somber thoughts, and I fish out my phone like it’s a lifeline pulling me out of the darkness.
Madison: We’re down! Tate’s off from work so it works out. I’m still picking them up from school right?
Miles: Us too
Miles: Wait, you’re picking them up?
Madison: Yes. I’m gonna spend time with my nieces
Miles: I’ll go with you
Madison: Nope. It’s my time with them. You’ve had time to convince them you’re their favorite. I’ve got years to make up for. Soon they’re gonna be like, Uncle Miles who?
I laugh at their back and forth, shaking my head. Thank God my girls have these two who love them like crazy.
Brett: Yeah, Madison you can get them. I’ll see y’all tomorrow after work then
Miles: No way Charlie and Chloe are gonna diss me like that, Dimples
Madison: We’ll see *evil laugh*
I shake my head, ignoring the rest of their banter, and finish up in the kitchen. When I’m done, I shower and walk around my room restlessly. Nights have always been hard for me, but now they’re even more difficult. All my thoughts hit me once the sun sets and I want to get some rest. Finally settling down in bed, I turn on the television and watch the sports channel until my eyes grow heavy and sleep comes.
We sit around my dining table, one the girls and I barely use since we usually eat at the counter. The girls were thrilled when Madison picked them up, and as soon as I got home, they told me about their walk around town and their visit to Miles and June’s bookstore, which opened recently.
“How’s the bookstore doing?” I ask June and Miles. The girls love going there, and from what my dad’s told me, it seems to be doing well.
“Good,” June smiles. “We’re hosting our first event this month, and I’m excited to
see how that turns out.”
“What’s the event?”
“Wine pairing with our book of the month pick. We’ll do a tasting of three types of wines that fit the book’s theme, and people will have the choice to buy the book and bottles of wine or have a full glass while they talk books.”
“That’s cool.” I haven’t kept up with their new venture much, but it seems like a good idea. I know they use our wines, but that’s about the extent of my knowledge. I haven’t exactly been present in anything that doesn’t involve directly with work in the winery and my girls.
“You should come. It’s on a Friday, so the girls can stay with Mom and Dad and not worry about getting them up early the next day,” Miles tells me.
“I don’t know,” I shake my head.
“Come on… I’ll be there. It’ll be fun,” Madison pouts, trying to guilt me into it.
Shaking my head, I say, “I’ll see.” I’m more of a recluse. Getting out, even on the weekend, doesn’t exactly fit into my life.
After dinner, the girls put on their pajamas and watch TV in the living room while Madison and June have coffee and Miles, Tate, and I have a beer.
“How are the girls doing?” Miles leans against the counter in the kitchen, crossing a foot over his ankle.
“They’re okay.” I shrug, taking a drink of beer, hiding my emotions behind the bottle.
“I mentioned to Madison that I could talk to them if you think that’d help. With my job and all, maybe I can help ease some of their trauma.” Tate is a firefighter, and he was there to help put out the fire. He witnessed the disaster and helped keep my family safe.
“That’s a good idea,” Miles adds.
“That could work,” I nod. “Thanks for offerin’.”
“No need to thank me. I’ve witnessed what shock and anxiety from a fire can do, and if I can help them, I will.”
“Their therapist says they’re making progress, but I’m not too sure. Chloe shuts down more often than I like, and most nights, I wake up with both girls in my bed.” I run a hand down my face, sighing loudly.
Small Town King: A Single Dad Romance (Carlisle Cellars Book 3) Page 2