The junior-senior prom; images of silver, gold and glitter; girls and boys gathered together to celebrate youth and the birth pains of adulthood. I think it perpetuates a sort of Cinderella syndrome in the adolescent American girl. She dreams of a night of wonder and enchantment, dancing away on a lighter-than-air dance floor, being held in the arms of the one she envisions as her most recent prince charming. Though it doesn’t always turn out as she imagined, it’s almost always an event she’ll always remember.
In April of 1980, I was eagerly awaiting my first prom. I had great expectations of an evening spent in the warm embrace of the young man I had come to believe was my sole purpose for existence. Henry Newburn was, I had determined, the man I was destined to be with for the rest of my life. Nearly every dream I had revolved around that thought, and I could not imagine spending that night with anyone else.
I believe the only person who could have been as excited as me was my mother. She had been working on my prom dress for nearly three months. She had tenderly sewn nearly 3000 royal blue sequins on to it. With its lace and silk, it was a marvelous work of love and no store bought dress would have made me happier.
The “spring ball” as Momma called it, was the topic of conversation. She updated me on how much she had left to do, she encouraged me and told me how the colors of the dress would look with my hair and my eyes, she counseled me on how I should conduct myself, and she offered her approval on my date.
“Abby Lynn, just think, your first ball. Why I remember my first spring ball, it’s a memory that lasts a lifetime. I want it to be a special memory for you.”
“I’m sure it will be Momma. I’m pretty excited myself. We’re going to go down to decorate on Friday after school.”
“I’m so glad you’re going with Henry. He’s such a nice young man. You know Henry would be a nice catch for the right girl, Abby Lynn. I think he will really make something of himself.”
Yes, the prom was working up to be the event of my life. What could be better?
There are twists and turns to life we sometimes don’t imagine. Small things quickly escalate into larger things, often without reason and especially at that age. Decisions made upon impulse can seem to alter everything. Add in our little personal traits which influence how we react to situations or how we over react to situations, and no telling how things may take a turn.
I’ve come to wonder if perhaps these are not simply turns of fate, but rather orchestrated events placed in our paths to offer the opportunity to change directions or investigate alternatives. I’m not sure, but I do know we often overlook them, and force our way through them, only to find we are not happy with the results. If we had only stopped to analyze the situation, perhaps we would see those obstacles as blessings instead of hindrances to our own desires.
What happened, or at least what initiated the events, was a result of my little green demon of jealousy. At the time, I chalked it all up as my fault, but now I think, maybe not.
Henry had heard Sally Thompson was coming to visit her cousin, Cindy, for the weekend. It happened to be the weekend of our prom. When he told me about it, I guess he seemed a little bit too excited for me. I don’t know why I let it bother me. Sally had been gone for almost four years. She hadn’t been back to Forgan since moving away, but regardless that green demon came alive at the slightest mention of her name.
I suppose, the real question should have been why I considered her my competition. If what we had was anything of value, it shouldn’t have mattered. I really believe Henry had no clue as to why I wouldn’t want her around. He thought it would be nice for us all to get together again.
“It’ll be great, Abby. We’ll all be together again, like we were when we were kids. It’s too bad Lenny couldn’t come with her.”
The fury was growing within me and he was completely oblivious to it. As much as I restrained, however, it made its way out.
“So, are you planning to spend the weekend hanging around with her?”
“Well, no, not if you don’t want to, I guess. I thought you’d like to see her. It’s been four years, you know. I thought maybe we could all go to the show one night or something.”
The puzzled look on his face might have been an indicator of his confusion, but I either didn’t catch on or didn’t care.
“Oh, you want to go to the show with her? Henry, she was your girlfriend. Why would I want to go to the show with her?”
“But we were all friends, Abby. Besides, we were kids back then. I didn’t feel the same way about her as I do about you. There isn’t any reason for you to not want to see her. She doesn’t have bad feelings towards you. I’m sure she’s dated a lot of guys since then. Why are you acting so hateful towards her?”
Those weren’t exactly the right choice of words for the moment. They may have been true or accurate, but they didn’t do anything to soften the mood. In fact, they propelled me right over the edge of reason, into the cavern of insanity.
“Hateful? You want me to spend what was supposed to be one of the most special weekends of my life with your old girlfriend, and I’m being hateful about it? I’ll tell you what, Henry, why don’t you spend the weekend with her yourself. Maybe the two of you have a lot to catch up on. In fact, maybe you would like to take her to the prom instead. Is that what you’d like to do?”
He was somewhat dazed by that point and his reaction time was a little slow.
“Heck no, Abby. I suppose maybe she would like to go to the prom and see some of her old friends, but…. no, I don’t want to take her. I want to take you, Abby. I told you, I thought it would be nice if we were all together, like old times. Why are you acting like this?”
I was not to be deterred.
“Well, if you would like it to be like old times, maybe you should practice kissing on me so you can get it right for her.”
I puckered my lips.
“There, go ahead, Henry, practice for Sally.”
At that point the frustration was starting to show in his face and in his voice.
“I’ll be darned if I don’t know what has gotten into you, Abby. Why would I like to go to the prom with a girl I haven’t even seen in four years, when I could go with my own girl?”
“Your girl? ‘Sounds like something you own, kind of like that thing you call a car. Well, you don’t own me, Henry, and I don’t own you, so if you want to go to the prom with Sally Thompson, go right ahead.”
I know it sounds like I was being ridiculous. He didn’t even know Sally Thompson anymore. He hadn’t seen her since her family moved away. In fact the only time her cousin, Cindy, saw her was when she went to Oklahoma City during the summer, but for some reason, something deep inside of me wouldn’t allow me to quit. It was almost as if I knew him better than he knew himself.
He tried again.
“Abby Lynn, I don’t know what set you off, but if you don’t want to go to the prom with me, just say so. You don’t have to start a fight over a gal I haven’t even seen in years. I have no desire to be with her and I just think you are trying to be difficult. I would think you would want to see an old friend, simply because you haven’t seen her in so long. I know I do.”
Reason doesn’t always work well against emotion. I should have let it go, but I was too far into it with my emotion.
“Henry, you want Sally Thompson? Then, you can have her. You can spend the whole weekend with her for all I care. Take her to the prom; show her off on your arm, I don’t care. I’m through playing second fiddle!”
I turned away and ran into the girls’ restroom. He was calling after me. He even tried to follow me, but Mrs. Taylor saw him opening the door. She sent him to the principal’s office for it. I didn’t see him the rest of the day. After I thought about it, I felt so embarrassed that I avoided him. I avoided him for three days.
Each day I rushed home from school to cry my eyes out into my pillows. I couldn’t believe I had been so ridiculous. Henry Newburn had been my dream for as long as I�
��d had a dream, even when he was showing all of his attention towards another girl. Then when he was finally mine, I ran him off over a little petty jealousy.
Every time I saw Momma, it made me feel that much worse. I ended up trying to avoid her, as well. But, try as I might, the time finally came when I couldn’t get out of Momma’s sight before the tears began to flow. I guess it must have been building up for a while.
Through the tears and the sobbing, and the anger, I had Momma about as upset as I was. I could see the shock in her face. She couldn’t imagine what could have happened to have me so upset and I was crying so hard I couldn’t stop long enough to explain. Finally, she gave up trying to understand. She drew her arms around me and held me while I cried into her shoulder.
We stayed like that for a long time. When it seemed like I had cried all of the water out of my body, I tried to regain my composure. I told Momma what happened, and how I was afraid to tell her.
“You worked so hard on that dress, Momma. It meant so much to you. I was afraid you would be so disappointed in me.”
She put her hands on each side of my face and stared into my eyes.
“Honey, I was excited for you. I made that dress to add to your happiness. Making you happy is what makes me happy. I don’t ever want you to feel afraid to tell me you are hurting, for any reason.”
As she said this, a tear began to make its way down her cheek. I lost it again.
“There are times when I am so excited to see the kind of woman you are growing into, I can hardly contain it. You make me so proud. You are your own person, not just a leaf blown by the wind, but a solid person independent in thought and actions.”
“Then I begin to get these lonely thoughts. I realize with independence comes freedom and soon I will have to let you go experience life on your own. My baby is disappearing right before my eyes. I get this urge to try to stop it, to stand in the way and somehow keep it from happening. Then, I come to my senses and realize it will happen with me or without me. I can choose to be a part of it or be shut out of the experience. If I want you to turn out right, I have to teach you and then allow you to make your own way.”
“Now, Abby Lynn, I can’t tell you what you should do, but it seems to me if Henry hasn’t ever given you a reason to be jealous of Sally Thompson, then you were wrong to feel that way. On the other hand, if there is something inside of you that tells you he still has feelings for Sally, you may need to listen to it. All the same, I think you could have handled it better than you did. My suggestion to you is that you and Henry sit down together and discuss it.”
“But, Momma, what if he doesn’t want to talk to me? What if he has already gotten another date?”
“Well, it’s a chance you have to take. It may hurt, but you have to try. You owe it to yourself, as much as you owe it to Henry. If you don’t try, you’ll always wonder what would have happened if you had. And if it doesn’t work out, then you must keep your head up and go on, but I have a feeling he wants to talk to you about as bad as you need to talk to him.”
So, I straightened myself up and began the four-block walk to Henry’s house. I rolled it over in my mind. I agonized over each word. When I got near the big white house, the lump in my throat grew instantly.
Somberly, I knocked on the screen door. I thought about that time back in the fifth grade when I stood in the same spot, waiting for Henry. The day I first got the idea he might be more than a friend.
J.B. came to the door.
“Hey, Abby Lynn. ‘You lookin’ for Henry?”
I nodded.
“He’s upstairs. I’ll go get him.”
I guess the butterflies in my stomach got the best of me.
“J.B. wait. Can we talk a few minutes first?”
“Sure. You want to come in or do you want to sit on the swing?”
“The swing is fine. I’m not sure I’m ready to see him just yet. It would probably be better if we stay out here.”
We sat down together and I began to fill him in on the details of our exchange. He listened to me without interruption. When I finished explaining all about our conversation and the feelings I had toward Sally, I placed my hands in my lap and stared down at the porch. I felt his arm go around my shoulders and I looked up at him. He looked me square in the eyes.
“Abby, you don’t need to be so hard on yourself. People make mistakes. If that’s what you feel like you did, then tell him. I don’t know myself. He was pretty struck by Sally Thompson when we were younger and it may be that you had some reason to feel the way you did, but it ain’t gonna do anyone any good to hang your head. You’re a sweet girl, Abby. You’ve got the purest heart in town. He couldn’t ask for a nicer girl and that includes Sally Thompson. You’ve got to decide if there is some reason why you feel the way you do about her, and you need to ask him if there is a reason you should feel that way. Aside from that, I guess you have to follow your heart.”
“But what if he won’t forgive me, J.B.? What if he won’t give me another chance?”
“Well, if he don’t then he’s a fool and there will be a line of us ol’ boys that ain’t as foolish waiting to step into his place.”
He sat with me a while longer while I gathered my courage, and then I asked him to go get Henry.
I heard the screen door snap into its frame when he stepped out on the porch.
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me. What changed your mind?”
I looked at him and then looked away.
“I decided I owed you an apology. I wanted to talk to you sooner, but I was so embarrassed I couldn’t. I am so sorry, Henry. I don’t know what got into me. I guess I just remembered how much you use to like Sally and when I heard she was going to be here, I felt threatened.”
I still had trouble looking him in the eyes. I kept fidgeting with the chain on the swing. He seemed uncomfortable, too, though.
“But, Abby that was a long time ago. I haven’t even seen her in years. What would make you think I would want her instead of you?”
My eyes were focused on the spaces between the porch boards. With the toes of my shoes I traced the edges of them. As I did, some of the weathered gray paint chipped away.
“Henry, you were pretty stuck on her when we were younger. We didn’t get together until after she moved away. And she was pretty then, so she must be very attractive now. You seemed real excited when you told me she was coming back. It just all kind of added up on me. I guess I got worried I was going to lose you to her, and I ended up pushing you away anyway.”
He took my hand in his hand.
“Abby Lynn, you are the girl I want. I don’t want to be with another girl. You know me better than anyone else could know me. I am comfortable with you. We get along really well and I don’t want to change that.”
As he spoke, he traced the outline of my hand with his fingers. Our eyes finally met, and I thought about how much I loved looking into those deep blue eyes. I guess you could say all of the cold and frigid feelings started to melt. I wanted it all behind us. I wanted things to be like they were before all of this happened. And I found myself questioning why it did happen. What really caused me to feel that way?
“So, will you forgive me? Can things go back to the way they were?”
“I would really like that. I would like to take you to the prom, if you’ll let me.”
His hand went to my chin. He stared straight into my eyes.
“I love you, Abby Lynn. I don’t want anyone else.”
I felt my eyes moisten and my throat lump up again, but this time it was for a different reason. It was the first time Henry had actually said he loved me. Oh, I was “his girl”, or he “really liked me”, or he wanted to go steady, but he had never told me those words before, even though he had heard them from me.
“I love you, too, Henry. I have loved you for a long, long time. Ever since the day we sat on top of the old jailhouse, talking about J.B. and how I teased him about Stacey Kellerman. I have bee
n looking forward to going to the prom with you for as long as I can remember. I dreamt of it. I wouldn’t even want to be there if it was with anyone else.”
He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the forehead.
“Then we should start getting ready don’t you think.”
My eyes widened. I had lost track of time. The sun was already beginning to dim.
“Oh my gosh, I’ll never get ready in time. I’ve got to go.”
I jumped up and started off of the porch.
He laughed.
“You could go the way you are and you would still be the prettiest one there. I’ll be by to pick you up in about forty-five minutes.”
The way our prom worked was that the junior and senior class had a dinner. Only the class members were allowed at the dinner. The dance was afterward, and you could bring your date there. Freshmen and sophomores were allowed at the dance as dates.
The dance was terrific. Henry and I danced almost every dance together. J.B. broke in for one dance, but I was kind of use to that happening. It seemed I usually had to save at least one dance for him.
“So, I guess you and my big brother are getting along better. You two get things worked out?”
“Yes, I think so.”
I laid my head on his shoulder as we danced.
“J.B.?”
“Yes, Abby?”
“Thanks for being there when I need you.”
“You’re welcome, Abby.”
“It seems like you always know what to say. I hope you’ll always be my friend.”
“I always will be, Abby. I always will be.”
We held on to each other as we danced. He felt so warm and comforting. I couldn’t help but think about how lucky the girl would be that ended up with him as her catch.
Near the end of the song, someone caught my eye. I had to kind of do a double take to be sure.
“Is that Sally over by the punch table?
“Yeah, that’s her. She’s changed a little, but she’s still as pretty as ever.
Gorgeous was more like it.
“Who brought her?”
I could feel the butterflies stirring.
“She came with Ed Short. She wanted to come and Ed didn’t have a date. This is probably the closest Ed will ever come to someone like Sally.”
I took another look in her direction. I could tell by looking at her she still had the same dynamic personality that had always drawn people to her. She was standing around the punch table with a group of people. She was talking in that animated way of hers. In the crowd that had gathered around her, I saw Ed. Boy, did he look like he was in heaven! Of course, her cousin Cindy was there, along with Becky Hodge and Jenny Jenkins. And she was talking to someone else. It was kind of dark so it took a little while before he moved into the light. It was Henry.
I know J.B. must have felt me flinch at the sight, because he instantly had something to say.
“Abby, they’re just talking.”
“J.B., do you want to go over and say ‘hi’?”
“No, I talked to her quite a while last night, when she and her parents came over to visit.”
That one startled me a bit. She had been over to the Newburn’s house the night before and Henry hadn’t even mentioned it.
J.B. continued despite the fact that he must have known my mind was reeling. “Abby Lynn, it would probably do you some good if you went over to speak to her. Maybe, you wouldn’t be so nervous about her being around.”
I couldn’t let go of the thought. I had to speak it.
“She was at your house? Henry didn’t tell me that. In fact, he said he hadn’t seen her since she moved away?”
“I’m sure he meant, until now, he hadn’t seen her. Besides, he probably didn’t want to upset you. Anyway, she was there with her parents.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
Still, it seemed strange he hadn’t said anything about it at all. He knew how much it upset me knowing she was going to be in town.
I looked at J.B.
“I think I’ll take your advice. After all, she was my classmate. It would only be polite.”
I made my way through the crowd towards the punch table. As soon as he saw me walking up, I could see Henry was a little nervous. I think he was afraid I might blow up and cause a scene. I maintained my composure and gave Sally a big hug.
“Sally, it’s been so long. You look lovely.”
She really did look lovely. After Sally returned the greeting, I moved over beside Henry and reached for his hand. He looked at me and, smiling, he gave my hand a little squeeze. I felt my body relax. What was I worried about? I was the one who was holding his hand.
Whispers in the Wind Page 13