What would I do? What would I say once I got there?
By late afternoon, I had arrived at the outskirts of Thunderstone. My childhood home. It had not changed a bit. I could shut my eyes and still see the same clearing between the trees that led to home in my dreams. Despite my exhaustion, I was oddly happy to be back. I stepped out of my car and inhaled the rich, earthy smell of the packlands, and memories of boyhood came flooding back.
Sarein and I were wrong. I did not want to forget who I was here, the place where I was once happy.
I couldn’t reach his front steps quickly enough. “Lucien!” I shouted as I got closer. Before I could even think to knock, the door opened wide.
There he was, looking even more devastatingly handsome than anything my dreams could conjure up. The sight of his well-muscled, powerful physique, coupled with his tender gaze, made my insides quiver with desire.
Lucien threw his arms around me, pulling me close. His lips met mine and we kissed until we were breathless. His touch, his taste, it all felt like coming home. In that short, fleeting moment, I was certain I had finally found the one place where I truly belonged--in his arms.
It didn’t matter who saw us. No, in that moment, nothing mattered but the passion building up within us.
8
Lucien
I still couldn’t believe he had come home.
I pulled myself back, breaking up our embrace despite my body’s overwhelming need to hold him close against me.
“Lucien,” he said softly. “I want to thank you for having me.”
“Of course. You’re welcome here anytime,” I replied, trying to get air back into my lungs. I moved out of the way and let Caleb inside. About halfway down the hall, I finally remembered to ask if he needed any help with his bags.
“Thanks, but I’ve got it. I just brought the essentials.” He showed me his small duffle bag. It looked like it only fit a single change or two of clothes, and I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at that thought.
We left his bag in the guest bedroom that hadn’t been used in far too long. I had done my best to tidy it up the moment I knew he was coming, but it seemed like my cleaning abilities still left a lot to be desired. I dusted the room, put the cleanest sheets I could find on the bed, and took out any supplies and equipment I had stored inside there when my shed had gotten little too cluttered. The difference was night and day, but still not as neat as I wanted it to be. Around the pack, I was known for being handy--which unfortunately also meant I had a tendency to be a little messy.
Curiously, my cat, Punk came in from the kitchen to greet our new guest. She was a tiny orange puffball, but had more personality than any animal I had ever known. She wasn’t shy around unfamiliar people, and it was clear that it would be no different with Caleb. Almost immediately, she tried to brush up against his leg.
“Oh. Is this the cat you mentioned?” he asked uneasily, trying to inch away from Punk’s affections. It only made her come at him with more enthusiasm. He bent over a little and tried to scratch her behind the ear, but she hurried off before he could. “She’s…she’s cute.”
Cats can be so fickle.
“Isn’t she?” I asked with a chuckle. “You should have seen her when I rescued her. I swear, she’s like a completely different cat now.”
He looked at me, his blue eyes shining, and smiled. “You’ve always been the big, strong protector around these parts, haven’t you?”
I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I guess you could say that,” I said. “It’s probably the role I was destined to play in life. But enough of that. Let me show you around.”
Caleb was oddly fascinated by the contents of my house. He stopped several times on his way to the den, admiring the art I had hanging up and touching the worn furniture. In his tidy suit-jacket and well-ironed jeans, he looked mildly out of place against my collection of old western tack, and yet the forest greens and rich browns around him only emphasized the soft light of his beauty. Had he always looked so…ethereal? Not delicate like glass, not docile like a deer. No, Caleb held the sort of wild beauty of a calm meadow before a raging storm.
It struck me then that we had not shared a peaceful moment like this since we found each other again. It was nice to just get to look at him without all the shame and anger that sullied our time together before. As he looked all around the place, pointing out items I had kept since our boyhood, he had this magnificent smile that warmed my heart and my blood. I never should have broken up that kiss on the front steps.
He joined me in the den and took a seat by the window. The late afternoon sun, which had finally made an appearance after nearly a week of gloomy weather, hit his face through the glass, making his soft, clear skin glow like spun gold. His dark hair shone brilliantly. Though I could still see a hint of his forgotten boyishness in the gleam of his eyes, the Caleb Haust sitting across from me was a completely different creature now, a man with a real strength that lay carefully hidden beneath his tenderness.
“All these years, Luce, and you haven’t changed a bit,” he said. “You’re just as I remembered.”
I grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Am I really?”
“Yes.” He motioned down at the cow hide rug beneath our feet. “This place hasn’t changed either. I had a feeling your old man’s prized hide would still be lying here. I can’t believe this is your place now. I assume you’re going to keep everything as it is?”
The heel of my boot tapped gently over the surface of the Northrup family’s only heirloom, a bison hide that some alpha had given an omega as a mating gift long, long ago. “I plan on keeping this thing till there’s no more of it left to keep. It wasn’t just my father’s, you know. It was his father’s, and then his father’s before that and--”
“And when you’re a father, you’ll pass it down, too,” he said suddenly.
“If I’m ever so lucky to have that chance, yes,” I said, nodding. That was, of course, if I could ever find the right mate. I had always dreamed of having a pack of my own, and for that I would need an omega to be by my side.
“Are you…hoping to have children someday, Lucien?” he asked.
I leaned back in my seat and stroked my chin. If I hadn’t gotten the impression last time that Caleb liked my stubble, I probably would have shaved before he got here. “Yeah. Someday.”
“I see.” He made a strange sound. Was that a laugh--a nervous laugh?
He stood up abruptly and went to the wall across the room where I kept a yellow poster of Hank Williams framed above the fireplace. “And you know I would never forget this!”
I felt myself blushing. “Oh, stop.”
“I remember it like it just happened last week. You had just turned fourteen, and D’Marcus gave you that ancient record player of his--and he had all those worn-out Beach Boys records he swore weren’t actually his?”
“See! You remember that, too!” I couldn’t help but laugh, my mood brightening. “D’Marcus swore I made that whole thing up!”
Caleb’s grin widened. “And then you and I snuck into town and went record shopping. We weren’t even in the store for five minutes when you saw…him. Mr. Hank Williams grinning at you from a sleeve on a stack of vinyl that were probably older than both of us. You wasted no time picking all his stuff up. Then, I remember you said--”
“That’s the handsomest man I have ever seen in my entire life,” we said in unison, and for the first time in God knows how long, we laughed together. A deep, meaningful laugh that felt like some part of my soul that had lain sleeping all these years was finally waking up.
“And I just stood there feeling so jealous over a damn record--over some dead country singer that I didn’t know what to do.”
I got closer to him. “Well, I guess in that case, poor old Mr. Hank Williams is just gonna have to deal with being the second most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”
“Is that so, Lucien?” he purred.
I put my arm around his shoulder and whispered close into his ear--the way I knew still drove him wild. “Now tell me, what else do you remember?”
Caleb turned to me and cupped his hands around my face. Our faces came closer together until his lips met mine again. This kiss was brief, lasting just a second or two, but it was enough to send a sizzle down my entire body. “I remember this,” he whispered before pulling me back towards him.
I wrapped my arms around his body and let the kiss deepen. I shut my eyes as I turned my head to the side, feeling him slip his tongue gently into my mouth. I was surprised by how quickly his passion turned hot, how soon he began to take control. Caleb wanted this, wanted me. I could feel it with how hard he pushed himself against me.
And I wanted him. More than anything, I wanted him.
My body felt ablaze with a desire only he could quench. He explored my body, the tips of his fingers firm along my muscles as he reached down to the small of my back. I leaned over just slightly, and placed my hand at the back of his head, steadying him. His lush, dark waves of hair had the faintest scent of some expensive cologne he no doubt bought for his fancy city job. I knew I had to claim him now, make him mine forever and always and never allow ourselves to be apart for so long ever again.
I growled his name softly in between kisses. He moaned and pressed himself even harder against me.
I couldn’t get enough of him. As I nibbled at his bottom lip I felt his swollen cock against my inner thigh. From the way he was pressing into me, I could tell that he wanted me to take him, but it was too soon for that. If Caleb was going to have me again, he would have to want me as badly as I wanted him. No, he had to need me. He would have to work for it.
But it was too soon for that. If Caleb was going to have me again, he would have to want me as badly as I wanted him.
The longer the wait, I knew, the more intense the release would be--and I wanted to shatter his world, make him feel both heaven and hell at once.
Still, he knew what he wanted--and perhaps it was me that was too enraptured to resist. I began to grind on him, backing him up against the wall as our bodies writhed against one another. Every last bit of my inhibition was fading fast, allowing the basest, most carnal part of my soul to take over. But then we had to stop. I could barely breathe. Sweat glistened all over Caleb’s beautiful face. The kiss had taken so much out of me I was already spent--and by the looks of it, he was fast approaching his limit, too.
“You’re one hell of a kisser, Luce,” he said, his voice raspy from exhaustion.
“Likewise,” I replied with a smirk. “But don’t think we’re ending here tonight.”
I threw off my tank top while he watched, biting his lower lip again. Just as I was undoing my jeans, I noticed his face start to turn sour. Before I could even ask what was wrong, he slapped his hand over his mouth and darted down the hall and into the bathroom. I remained in place for a moment, utterly baffled.
When I did finally think to follow, I entered just in time to catch him retching over the toilet bowl.
“Are you okay?” I asked, handing him a nearby hand towel.
He was mid-nod when he started retching again. I hurried into the kitchen and came back with a cup of water for him, which he drank in small, careful sips. Still confused, I wordlessly rubbed his back while he brushed sweaty strands of his hair away from his face. “I’m fine,” he wheezed.
That was a clear lie. I frowned at him. “You don’t seem fine.”
Caleb rubbed his temples. “Lucien,” he said, his shaky voice nearly inaudible. “There’s something really important we ought to talk about.”
My stomach dropped. “Why? Did something happen?”
“Yes,” he said. “You were there. And now…well…”
“Caleb?” I asked softly, stroking his hand.
“I… I don’t know if I can handle that again for eight more months.”
“Wait. Do you mean--” My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t even let out a gasp. I lowered my voice to a softer pitch. “Caleb, are you telling me that you’re pregnant?”
He shrugged in defeat, clearly flustered. “I think so. I mean, what else could it possibly be? My hormones are going crazy. I’m tired all the time. All these other little things have been happening to my body and now nausea? Before that, I had been so busy and stressed out that I messed up my schedule with my birth control. What does that sound like to you?”
Well, I was certainly no expert about these things, but that did indeed sound like pregnancy to me. I placed a hand on his shoulder. “What do you want to do, Caleb?”
There was a helpless look in his eyes that tore straight into my heart. “I think we ought to get a test done.”
I agreed. “Yeah. Look, you stay here and settle in. Get comfortable. I know your mind is probably racing all over the place right now, so I’ll go get the test. If you need anything--and I mean anything--you call me, okay?”
“Okay,” he said. Then, just a moment later, he asked, “Are you angry with me, Luce?”
“No. No, of course not. These things happen, and whatever you decide that you want to do, I’ve got your back, Caleb.”
“Thank you,” he said.
I gave him a quick peck on the cheek and then went outside. My head was swimming. Was this really happening? With Caleb of all people? As I got into my truck and pulled away from the house I kept thinking to myself what a strange situation this had become. Was this why he agreed to stay with me? In any case, I was glad he did--and I was glad I thought to offer in the first place. The thought of Caleb dealing with this uncertainty all alone made me feel absolutely terrible.
I had to be there for him. I just had to be.
Having a population of a few dozen meant that, while Thunderstone had a general store, it was mostly stocked with basics like food and supplies. I doubted they carried a pregnancy test, and it was probably best to go to Lillington to prevent any unwanted gossip from spreading.
After what happened at the truck stop, the drive out of the pack lands and into town was a difficult one. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust the rest of the pack members--they likely hadn’t even seen Caleb arrive--but who knew what kind of tensions could be stirred if they found out about us? About this? Despite how composed I seemed back home, the mere thought of fatherhood filled me with anxiety. My stomach was in knots as I got onto the main road into town. The whole way over, I kept replaying the scene in the bathroom over and over again.
Caleb. Pregnant. With my child.
I just could not believe it.
The worst thing was not knowing for sure. Hell, I thought it would have been easier to handle the news if he had just told me straight out that he was going to have my baby. That way, we could have been home together, talking, coming up with a plan for the rest of the pregnancy.
A plan for the future. For a family.
It was not dread I was feeling; my anxiety was all suspense, restlessness. This wait was killing me. How long had I dreamed of having my own family and pack? Even if I never did become the pack alpha, I knew what I was born to be--a protector, a provider, someone who cared profoundly for others. Now, there was a chance that I could fulfill that inner longing of mine.
Inside the store, my gaze kept wandering towards the baby care items while I was supposed to be looking for pregnancy tests. In the next aisle, I watched with just the slightest hint of envy as a young couple picked out diapers and formula for the sleepy infant they had cradled in a fuzzy blanket. Did they know how lucky they were to all be together? Did they look at that child and feel hope for its future? What was it like when they found out they were expecting a baby? Were they happy? Were they scared?
As I reached for a test box at the bottom of the shelf all the way at the very end of the aisle, I let myself picture me and Caleb like that, out and about with our future child.
I wondered what our baby would be like. Which features would it inherit from him? From me? Would it be passionate and driven like Cal
eb? Or would it be more of a quiet doer, like I was?
Wait. I had to stop this. I was getting too far ahead of myself. We did not even know for sure if Caleb was pregnant, and here I was already thinking about what the baby that might not even exist grow up to be like.
I paid and got out of there as fast as I could. On the drive home, I thought about Caleb a lot. I knew he had to have been scared, especially if he didn’t know for sure. It’s not like we had planned this. Even I believed that night in the hotel room would have been the last of our time together, but I guess fate had other plans for us.
Some grueling time later, I was back in Thunderstone. There was no way I could have been gone for more than an hour, but in that short period of time, my entire world seemed to have completely and utterly changed.
“Caleb?” I called as I opened the front door of my house. “Hey, I’m back.”
“In here!” His voice was coming from the guest room.
The hallway felt longer the usual. I stopped at the doorway and placed the bag with the test inside on the drawer. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yeah. I haven’t thrown up again or anything,” he replied quietly. “But not knowing for sure has been eating me up.”
“I got the test, so whenever you wanna go…”
“Let’s do it.”
Caleb took the little box and went into the bathroom. A minute later, he was out. “It’ll show the results in a few.” He stepped closer towards me. “In the meantime, Luce, I think we should talk.”
We went back in the guest room and sat on the bed together. I had no idea what to say, so I let him lead. “I just want you to know that whatever ends up happening, I’m glad that it’s happening with you, Luce. I’ve been seriously so worried these past couple of days. I mean, a baby?” He paused for a bit, gathering his thoughts. “But at the same time… Well, do you want to know how I managed to calm myself down before I got here? Any time I started to feel overwhelmed, I just thought about you. I thought that even if things between you and I never turn out the way we wanted them to, the baby would still have a strong, dedicated father that would be there no matter what. If I am in trouble, I’m glad you’re the person I got in trouble with.”
Loving Paws Page 5