A small part of me wished that I could. I wanted this for myself but I hadn’t meant to make him do something he didn’t want too. He’d already lost so much and the look in his eye made me feel like I was ripping the final piece of his happiness away from him.
I could sense the being beside us growing displeased. The swirling vortex around us grew so bright that it became hard to see Magnar’s face just a few feet from my own. The wind howled, sending our hair flying and whipping my coat out behind me. The being made a sound like an ancient gong ringing and my ears pounded as it pushed its influence into Magnar until he uttered the words he had been fighting against.
“I dedicate myself to this novice. Her life is in my hands.” Magnar locked his jaw again, refusing to finish the oath and his eyes flared with pain as the being forced her will into him again. “We will be bound by our cause, forfeiting all other ties. I will lead her into the light.”
A sharp pain seared across the back of my left hand and I gasped as I spotted a mark shaped like a five pointed star branded into my skin. Magnar’s grip tightened around my own and the same mark appeared on his hand. His shoulders slumped in defeat and he dropped his gaze to glare at the ground as the power continued to billow around us.
“I will follow the way of the slayers until the last vampire is wiped from this earth or until death releases me,” I swore and the raging torrent of my grief rose in me again as I remembered exactly why I had to do this. It wasn’t a choice. This was who I’d always been meant to be.
Power unlike anything I’d ever felt hit me like a tornado. If I hadn’t been fixed in place I was sure I would have been tossed aside like a rag doll and dashed to death in the eye of the storm.
My vision wavered and I couldn’t see Magnar or the hill or anything else that sat around me anymore. Instead I could see slayers, hundreds of slayers living across thousands of years. Everything they’d ever learned poured into me. Every battle they’d fought, every passion they’d felt. All of it. I lived it all again and again. All of their memories tearing into me, filling me up and ripping me apart. I was them and they were me. I had lived a thousand times before. Always dying for the cause. Always taking the vow again.
Fury was thrumming with excitement and its voice rang out clearly in my mind. Twins of sun and moon will rise, when one has lived a thousand lives.
The power rose in me like an angry wave carried on the tide of my grief and I raised my head to the sky and screamed. I screamed for my father and my mother and for my sister trapped far, far away. She deserved to know what had happened. And I needed to know she was alright.
I reached for her, my soul clawing its way out of my skin and away from me in a desperate bid to find her. I needed her. I needed her more than I ever had in my life.
And suddenly she was there. I was looking through her eyes at a hall full of monsters and a surge of memories rushed between us like the tide. It was too much. My mind couldn’t take it and like a switch had been flipped, everything went black.
As my consciousness swam in an eternal sea of darkness, one thing stayed with me. She was alive. And we would be reunited.
Whatever it took.
A voice found me in the pressing darkness. Sun Child has lived a thousand lives. Use their knowledge to guide you now.
I couldn’t hold onto the words. They seemed to slip away as quickly as I’d heard them. My mind drifted somewhere between sleep and waking but no dreams came to me. I was here alone.
I knew pain awaited me when I woke but there was something else too. Something which filled me with a burning purpose I’d never felt before. I moved towards it and my senses came alive in a way they never had until now.
My eyes fluttered open and I frowned at the strange room. I was laying on a bed, a heavy duvet draped over me and a musty smell filling my nostrils. Without turning my head, I could tell that I wasn’t alone. It was like a sixth sense prickling at my skin, informing me another slayer was close. The fact was reassuring; I wanted my kin near me.
I pushed myself up onto my elbows, looking around at the large room. Wooden furniture lined the walls but it was all covered with a thick layer of dust. Cobwebs adorned the corners and wooden shutters were closed over the windows. A single candle burned on a desk beside the window, its flickering light the only reason I could see anything. My gaze fell on more details than I would usually notice. A broken corner on the top of the wardrobe. A scuff mark on the wooden floor beneath the mirror. Each thing telling a story of something that had happened here before.
“You’re awake,” Magnar rumbled and I turned to find him sitting in a wooden chair by the door. His gaze was guarded as it fell on me and I could sense his concern.
“How long was I out?” I asked. My mouth was thick and dry like cotton wool and my limbs were heavy with fatigue. It felt like I’d been sleeping for a long time. I guessed he’d brought me here from the hilltop after I’d taken my vow but I had no idea where here was.
“You collapsed after taking your vow before the sun set yesterday. You have been unconscious for over a day.” His tone was clipped and I frowned at him as I tried to figure out why he was upset with me.
“Are you angry with me, Elder?” I shook my head in confusion as the strange word spilled from my mouth. I’d meant to say his name. “I mean Elder... wait no-”
“Are you having trouble speaking my name?” Magnar asked, pursing his lips. The fact didn’t seem to surprise him.
“I don’t understand. What’s going on?” I curled my legs beneath me and sat upright, trying to align my thoughts. Had I hit my head when I collapsed? Why wouldn’t my tongue do what my brain told it to?
“This is what you wanted. You bound yourself to me.” He stood and strode towards me, taking my left hand in his and lifting it so that I could see the mark on the back of it. The image of a star stood out along my skin and I blinked at it as I tried to remember it appearing. He was right. I had wanted this. I could feel a pool of power writhing beneath my skin. He dropped my hand again and folded his arms as he towered over me next to the bed.
“And what does that have to do with me not being able to say Elder, no I meant-”
“You cannot speak my name until your training is complete and you are released from your bond to me. I am your Elder now. Your mentor.”
“But that’s ridiculous, surely you don’t mind me using your name? Do we really have to abide by every little rule?” I shook my head, wondering why I was following a rule I hadn’t even known existed.
“What I mind or don’t is irrelevant. You’ve taken your vow. You gave up your freedom and bound yourself to the way of our people. The goddess will enforce the rules even if you don’t wish to follow them,” Magnar said icily. I still didn’t understand why he was so angry about it.
“But...” I traced my thumb over the star on my skin, a sense of unease filling me. I’d never asked Magnar about what taking the vow really meant. I knew it would unleash my gifts but he had warned me that I’d be relinquishing my freedom too. I hadn’t realised quite what that entailed though. I’d never expected to lose control of my own tongue.
“So I can’t say your name? I just call you Elder?” My throat felt thick with emotion and I swallowed it down. I didn’t know why such a little thing bothered me so much but the word felt like a chain around my neck. It made me feel like I was something less than him. We weren’t equals.
“That’s my title and out of respect you have to address me that way.” His eyes glinted with steel and I could tell he wasn’t happy about this but I didn’t understand why.
“Don’t you want to teach me?” I asked in a small voice. After everything that had driven me to take the vow I was suddenly beginning to doubt my choice. If Magnar didn’t want to teach me then what was I supposed to do now?
“When I told you about the vow you made it clear you didn’t want to take it. So I didn’t consider teaching you after that. I knew you would leave with your family when we rescued them and I le
t myself...” He cleared his throat. “I was a fool to believe I could have had something else with you. I am your mentor now. Nothing more.” He turned away from me but I caught his hand to stop him.
“What do you mean nothing more?”
Magnar laughed but it was a dark, hollow thing filled with no joy. He sat beside me on the bed and my heart fluttered as he leant close.
“Why don’t you kiss me?” he offered and my eyes widened in surprise.
“You want me to kiss you?” I frowned in confusion. I’d thought he was angry with me so the sudden shift in his attitude threw me off balance.
“Of course I do,” he replied but he made no move to close the distance between us.
I leant towards him slowly, my heart thumping in anticipation as my gaze dropped to his mouth. I closed my eyes but instead of feeling his lips against mine, my head turned aside and my chin collided with his shoulder.
Heat flared in my cheeks as I scrambled back and I looked up at him in bewilderment. I hadn’t meant to turn away, why wasn’t I kissing him now?
He leant towards me but didn’t try to touch his lips to mine. “We will be bound by our cause, forfeiting all other ties,” he breathed bitterly, quoting the vow. “Thank you for that.”
“You mean we can’t be together?” I asked, horror running through me. I hadn’t even known the words of the vow before I’d spoken them, how could I have realised what I’d be giving up when I made my decision?
“No. We can’t.” He stood and walked towards the shuttered window, pulling the covering aside so that he could look out into the night.
I pushed the duvet off of me and rose in a fluid motion. My legs were shaky beneath me and I had to grasp the bed frame to stop myself from falling. I felt dizzy from a lack of food but something else was different too. Like my limbs didn’t quite move in the way I expected them to anymore.
I glanced down at myself. My clothes were dirty and torn and my feet were bare. Mud and blood were still crusted beneath my fingernails from building my father’s cairn. I should have felt like shit but there was a lightness to my movements which went against my expectations.
Each movement I made felt different somehow. Like I had to get to know my body again. I crossed the wooden floor with graceful steps, making no sound as I approached Magnar. It was as easy as breathing. I wanted to marvel in the changes but my mind was caught up in what this had cost me.
“I’m sorry, Elder,” I reached out to touch his arm, internally cringing as I failed to say his name again. He stilled beneath my touch.
“It’s done now. Idun continues to test me as always. I never should have thought it would be any different now. A thousand years may have passed but I’m still at her mercy and she is just as cunning and cruel as ever.”
Wind hammered against the window and I had the strangest feeling that it was in response to his words. He didn’t seem worried about offending the goddess though and he continued to scowl out at the night.
“I still feel the same,” I whispered. “Even if I can’t act on it.”
“I know. Do you think that makes it better or worse?” Before I could answer, he pulled away from me. “I brought in some water from a well outside and left it warming by the fire. Go and get cleaned up.”
I wanted to protest and ask him more about the vow but his words fell on me like a command I couldn’t resist. My feet turned and walked me out of the room without me telling them to. It was like I had no option but to do as he’d said. I tried to fight against the impulse as I headed downstairs. I caught hold of the banister, stopping my progress for a moment but after a few seconds my fingers relinquished their hold and I kept going.
Panic started to build in my chest as I tried to fight free of the command but it was useless. I felt trapped inside my body as my limbs worked of their own accord and I continued to descend the stairs.
“What the hell is happening to me?!” I shouted but Magnar didn’t respond. My pulse pounded in my ears as the silence of the house surrounded me.
I half took in the large farmhouse as I passed through it but my mind was occupied with trying to break free of Magnar’s command.
The light of the fire flickered beneath a doorway on my right and I moved inside. I tried to reach for the doorframe to stop myself but my arm refused to raise at my instruction. I couldn’t force my legs to stop moving until I made it to the huge tub of water which sat before the flames.
I sucked in a deep breath as I gripped the edge of the tub but the command still wasn’t finished with me. I peeled off my filthy clothes, tossing them to the floor before climbing into the tub. The water was warm as promised but it did little to ease the weight in my chest.
As I scrubbed at my skin, I felt the pressure to obey slipping away from me and a sob forced its way from my throat. What the hell was this? How could he hold such power over me? He could make me do anything at all now and I’d be powerless to stop him. I hadn’t known I was giving him such control over me when I’d spoken the vow. How could I have bound myself so completely to something I didn’t even understand?
I’d gone into the blood bank hoping to get my family back. We should have been together now, heading south towards the sunshine. Instead I’d found out that Montana was impossibly far away, my father had died and now I’d lost Magnar too. I was more alone than I’d ever been in my life. And to top it all off I’d traded in my freedom as well. I’d known taking the vow would bind me to a path where either the vampires would die or I would. But I’d never imagined it would do this to me.
I tried to hold back the tears but it was like a dam waiting to overflow. They ran down my cheeks, mixing with the bath water as I pressed my hands over my face.
I’d been so stupid. In trying to get revenge for my father’s death, I’d managed to lose so much more. Anything I’d had which the vampires hadn’t stolen from me already, I’d now lost for myself. And there was no way for me to undo it.
Footsteps sounded beyond the door and I stilled, wrapping my arms over my chest in case Magnar decided to come in. It wasn’t like I could do anything to stop him. Hell, he could command me to dance naked around the fire and I’d have no choice but to comply.
“I’m sorry, Callie,” Magnar sighed from the other side of the wood. “I shouldn’t have done that to you.”
“How did you... I don’t understand what just happened to me.” Another sob tried to break free of my chest and I bit down on my lip, forcing myself to hold it together. It was bad enough that I’d done this without falling apart completely. I had to find a way to deal with this.
“I won’t have this power over you forever. While I’m your mentor you have to follow my commands but once your training is complete you’ll be free of the compulsion,” he replied.
“And how long will that take?”
“It varies. It took me a little under a year but it could be as long as five. Once you can fully resist the compulsion then you’ll know your training is finished and you’ll be a full slayer. Ready to take responsibility for your own actions.”
Something uncoiled in my chest at his words. This wouldn’t last forever. I’d be free again.
“But until then you can make me do anything you want?” I whispered and I wondered if my voice would even carry to him beyond the door.
“Almost anything. But I have never heard of someone taking their vow the way you just did. Selecting a mentor is something that people spend years deciding. It should be with someone you trust implicitly not to abuse their power over you. Someone you have usually known for your whole life and have spent time learning from in the past,” he explained.
“I do trust you,” I replied.
Magnar released a heavy breath and didn’t respond.
“So who did you choose to teach you?” I asked.
“My father was my mentor.”
“No issues with wanting to kiss him then I guess.” I blushed as the words left my mouth but I couldn’t take them back.
“
That rule is in place to protect novices,” he explained. “Your mentor has a position of power over you so the goddess made it impossible for anyone bonded to have a relationship. I tried to tell you before you could speak the words but your mind was made up.”
“Why would a goddess want to take something like that from us?” I asked. I couldn’t understand what benefit it served to stop me from being with him. Why take away something which we both wanted? It seemed beyond cruel.
“What if I commanded you to sleep with me against your will?” Magnar asked softly. “If this rule wasn’t in place I could force you to be with me even if you didn’t want to.”
“But I do want to.” Heat found my cheeks again at the admission but it was true and if I couldn’t act on it then he at least deserved to hear it.
There was a long silence while I waited for a response. His footsteps moved away from the door and a chill crept over my skin before sinking down to my bones. I bit back against the sob which wanted to escape my lips again. This was all my fault. I’d have to find a way to fix it on my own.
I sat, staring into the flames of the fire for a long time as I forced myself to accept what I’d done. There was a light at the end of this. Magnar had said that I would eventually be able to fight off this compulsion so I fully intended to do just that. I would fight against every impulse that wasn’t my own. I’d push back against his will or the will of the goddess until I had complete control over my own fate again.
I shivered as the water began to feel cold around me.
I slid beneath the surface, scrubbing at my hair and washing the tears from my face before clambering out.
Magnar had left a thick towel and clean clothes waiting for me and I dried myself quickly before dressing again. I wrapped my arms around myself and sank onto the moth-eaten couch as I tried to process what he’d told me.
Age of Vampires- The Complete Series Page 48