BEASTLY LOVE BOX SET: Romance Collection

by Lindsey Hart

  “You were amazing. Your voice… you’re the only one who can play that part, Dallas. It was meant for you. It was written by you, about… about us.”

  “Which the world doesn’t have to know.”

  “They won’t. It’s just as moving as everything else you write. No one would know it was personal.”

  “Everything I write is a part of me.”

  Leena picked up the knife and continued cutting. She made quick work of the head of lettuce and set it in a large bowl. She moved on to the rest of the vegetables, cucumber, tomato, peppers.

  “I know.” She didn’t look up. She felt Dallas’ stare on her, hot and intense. “You have such a gift. I wanted the world to hear it, just once. Your music is incredible. You’ve given that part of yourself away and you’ve touched so many people. I… you’re right. Howard wasn’t right for the role. It’s you. It’s always been you and only you. You know it too or you wouldn’t have shown up today.” She did look up then, challenging him. He finally looked away and she knew she was right.

  “I… I don’t know if I can do it. All those people staring at me.”

  “It’s a musical. They come to see people perform. It will be fine.”

  “And if I make a mess of it?”

  She shrugged. “Who doesn’t screw up? People forget lines all the time. I’ve sung the wrong parts before, I’m sure. The people around us are professionals.” Her lips quirked up in a smile. “You know, in case you missed that this morning.”

  “How could I?”

  “Well, they won’t let anything happen. We just all go on like it’s part of the show. No one ever knows.”

  “What if I can’t?”

  “You could this morning. I’ll be there with you almost the whole time. And you’ll have others if I’m not there. You won’t be alone.”

  He considered that, and she knew what a step forward it was for him. He’d never told her that he wanted to venture out, out into the world, into life, for the first time in a very long time, but she sensed it was also a reason he was doing this. It wasn’t just for her. It wasn’t just because it needed to be done. It was for him, a way to mend some of the wounds in his soul. A way to move forward, to break the hold of the past and the hold fear had on his life.

  I don’t want to be like this anymore. That’s what he’d said, sometime in the course of that night. She knew exactly what he meant. She couldn’t imagine having to live like he did. She’d tried to help him the only way she knew how, but she doubted she’d been very helpful at all. Maybe she’d just prolonged his agony by making it possible for him to remain locked away and concentrate on his work.

  “Dallas, I-”

  “What were-”

  They spoke at the same time. Leena bowed her head and swallowed back an apology she didn’t even know was appropriate. She waited for him.

  “When did you learn to play? Was it your parents or did you want to? You are… so very talented.” The words were like a warm caress. Dallas’ praise was so meaningful, so tender, so very intimate that Leena shivered.

  “I don’t know. I just had this memory when I was playing. It was my mother. She was always pushing me. She wanted me to learn. She wanted me to be great. I can sense it. It was probably a huge disappointment when I told her that I wanted to be an actress, although I can’t remember that. I just sense it too.” Her hand stilled on the tomato, the juices making her fingers itch. “What do you know about my parents that I don’t? Why haven’t they called? Why didn’t they come to the hospital?”

  Dallas’ lips pressed into a thin line. He picked up his tea and sipped at it loudly. Finally, he spoke, but he still couldn’t look at her. “I don’t know anything about them. I never met them. We never really talked about our families.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because my family-well- they don’t deserve to be talked about.” He swallowed hard. “The only person who ever supported or helped me was my mother and she’s long gone now. And yours… I know your parents didn’t approve of you marrying me. You didn’t speak to them much after that, or even before. I don’t know why, but I know it truly ended when we started this.”

  She wanted to ask him about his family, why he said what he had and what had happened to his mother, but she kept the words locked inside. She could hear the pain in his tone and she didn’t want to be salt in his wounds. If he wanted to tell her one day, he would.

  “They didn’t approve…” She went back to slicing up the tomato and added it to the lettuce. “That sounds about right.” She had a flash of memory, soundless, of her mother yelling. She could tell she was yelling, because her face was red, her eyes wide, her lips moving. “You’re right.”

  “Do you remember?”

  “Not exactly. I just get these pictures sometimes, or little scenes, little snippets. It’s annoying. Like seeing a second of an entire movie and being left to wonder about the rest.”

  Dallas sighed. “Of course they didn’t want their daughter chained to someone like me. Someone who doesn’t even go outside. It was probably also the fact that I’m almost twelve years older than you.”

  “What?” She’d never thought about their age. Despite the way he ignored his own health, Dallas, when he’d slept and eaten, looked young. It was amazing how he could just rebound like he did. His physique was definitely that of a man half his age.

  His lips quirked up in the shadow of a smile. “Yes. I knew you didn’t remember that.”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Hardly. But to them… it could have been an issue.”

  “I don’t even know their number. I looked through my phone and it’s not in there. I remember their names, strangely enough. John and Eliana. There were no mom or dad contacts so then I tried their names. I don’t have them in there. I even tried looking them up online. I didn’t find anything.”

  Dallas’ swallow was audible. “I think that… that maybe it was mutual, the parting. I’m sorry, I never asked you.”

  Dallas apologizing? The words were so shocking. She knew for a fact he’d never said that word to her before. Sorry. She knew it the same way she just knew about all the other things that she remembered.

  “It’s alright.” She sliced through the rest of the cucumber and started on the pepper. “I think, despite uh- well, how this lifestyle would be strange for most people, I’m sure I was happy. I know, somehow, that I chose you and I’m so incredibly glad that I did.” Her words made them both uncomfortable. She half wished she could take them back, but they hung in the air between them. Surely, he knew it already? She had a feeling, not just a memory, but from their collective conversations, that he knew nothing of how she felt. Even she had to relearn it, though she knew that the tenderness had been there from the first. “Do you even eat salad?”

  Dallas hedged. “I guess so. Since you made it.” The faintest redness appeared on his cheeks.

  Leena froze. He’s making an effort. He’s doing this for me. It’s for him too, but he’s here for me now. He doesn’t even like salad. Suddenly she knew that. She knew he detested it. Especially hated tomatoes, which she’d just added.

  “I can make something else.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Really I can.”

  “Stop worrying.” Dallas actually smiled, a real smile that reached his eyes and Leena’s heart stopped mid-beat.

  Whatever happened between them two nights ago, whatever had changed, he was different. It was like he’d finally given himself permission to move forward, or at least wanted to try. Or maybe this was just a good day when all the rest finally let up and he could just be himself.

  “Do you want dressing?”

  “No. I’ll just eat it as is. Get it over with.”

  She dished out two bowls and brought one to Dallas. He took it and forced a few forkfuls into his mouth. He didn’t even make a face as he ate.

  Leena sat close, but not close enough to intrude on his space. She put just enough distance between them t
o give herself the freedom to think. Instead, she just chewed. Chewed and enjoyed Dallas’ presence.

  It wasn’t until she was almost done her salad that she had a flash of memory. She was sure that it was the first time Dallas had ever been in her apartment.

  CHAPTER 12

  Dallas

  The next afternoon, when Leena appeared in the studio and asked him to join them for rehearsal, he knew he owed it to her. He knew that he was falling back into the pit that he couldn’t climb out of. That he was letting himself backslide, just when he thought he’d pulled himself out of it.

  “I can’t right now,” he grumbled. He stared at the music he’d just written. The sheet was filled with scratchings, half of them hardly legible. With a growl, he grabbed up the piece of white paper, crumpled it and threw it down to the floor. “I’m in the middle of working.”

  Leena sighed. She leaned up against the piano, so close that he could smell her sweet scented perfume. She knew he hated scent, that it made him nauseous, but she’s worn it anyway. He wondered if she even remembered. Likely not. He choked back his rage and the wicked words he wanted to hurl at her. She didn’t deserve it.

  “Please, you promised. You said you would do this for me. We both agreed. It’s too late for me to find someone now. I’ve let you stay up here as long as I can. We’ve worked around your part.”

  “There’s a stand-in, isn’t there?”

  “An understudy? Of course, but that’s not the point. I want you to come. It’s not the same. At least not for me.” The last part of her statement was tacked on so quietly, he almost missed it. He didn’t dare glance up into those emerald eyes to see how disappointed she was. He could hear it in her voice.

  “You should be used to this by now. You should be used to me not being what you need or want.” He put it out there and let the words fill up the room. A strangled noise was torn from Leena’s throat.

  “You’re not a disappointment,” she said softly. Because everything was different, she gently set her hand on his shoulder. His muscles reacted, bunching violently under her hand. He didn’t pull away. Something wild and unharnessed, raw and frightening, stole into his stomach and flooded his chest. His blood felt like it was on fire. “I just need to know that you’re going to do this for me. I need you to promise that if you don’t come now, you’ll come to the final rehearsal and be there for opening night and the shows after. I can’t put your name on posters and have you not do a single show. Minnie would never forgive me. The cast would never forgive me.”

  “And you would never forgive me?”

  Leena sighed. She removed her hand and he finally felt like he could catch his breath. Whatever he’d been working on was completely forgotten.

  “Of course, I would forgive you. You should know that by now. Even if I can’t remember, I know that I would never hold this against you or bring it up to hurt you. I know how hard this is for you and I appreciate everything you’ve done and all the changes you’ve made. I know how incredibly amazing you are. I just don’t think sometimes, that you know.”

  “I…” Dallas didn’t have any words. His tongue felt tied in knots. He swallowed audibly. “You know, I do realize now, just how much you do for me. I… I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.” He hadn’t meant to say what he’d been thinking. He was so used to keeping his thoughts locked away. He studied his hands, which were curled silently over the piano’s keys. “I’m not even able to leave here. I wanted to… when you were hit by that car. I was afraid. I hated myself for my own weakness. I don’t deserve to have you here. I know you don’t fully remember or understand, but you’ve been there for me in the worst times and I… I can never tell you how much that means.” Because I didn’t even realize it until a few days ago.

  “Oh, Dallas,” Leena whispered. She took a step forward but didn’t touch him again. “I can’t imagine how it would be to live like you do. With the fear and the anxiety and the panic and the mania, or whatever the music is.”

  “I’ve used it as an escape and an excuse. I don’t want to go back to it, but I can’t help myself. I don’t know any other way. I need you to help me.”

  “I… I don’t know how. Not really. Like I said, maybe I’ve done the wrong thing all these years. I’ve helped you the only way I knew how and maybe I wasn’t helping you at all.”

  “You have. Truly.”

  “I know that I’m the problem. I know that I need to see someone. A professional. I don’t want to just eat pills every day. I want to figure out how to live like- like normal people do.” He couldn’t even imagine it, a normal life. He’d been raised by his mother. She always knew he was gifted. When that gift turned dark and he’d dropped out of school, after sixth grade, she kept him home. He had a high school diploma, but only because he’d done the work by correspondence. It was simple, trivial stuff that he cared little for. He blew through it and finished by the time he was fourteen. He was able to concentrate on music after. His mother did what she could for him. And then, when it became too much, she paid someone to come to the house. They’d tried to sedate him, take him away. He’d run. Ran from the house and never come back. He was sixteen.

  “I would never let someone come in here and hurt you,” Leena vowed. She blinked after, stunned at the vehemence of her tone. “I promise if you want help, we’ll find someone. Someone who will listen. Someone who has experience. I’m sure there are other ways and other methods.”

  “I just need one rehearsal,” he promised, bringing them back to the reason Leena was even there. “I’ll be there when it matters. I just can’t- not today. I have to work. The music is too loud. It’s always so loud, but today, it’s deafening.”

  Leena’s shoulders slumped in defeat. When he looked up, he saw the fire in her eyes, the passion and the confusion, her empathy and her care for him. She was worried. About him. About her play. Probably not about herself though. She always looked after herself last.

  “Alright. We have two weeks. Just please, promise me. Swear to me that you’ll be there. Like I said, it’s way too late to get a lead and change posters if you have a change of heart. If you really don’t want to do it, tell me now and Minnie and I will work our magic and find someone else.”

  “I’ll do it.” I have to. For her. For all she’s done for me.

  Leena nodded. “Okay. Do you need me to come back up here and help you after? Sing? Write?”

  “No, but I would like a sandwich.” It took her a second to realize he was joking. Her face broke into a luminous smile. She was so radiant it almost hurt to look at her. Dallas slowly averted his eyes, back to his hands on the keys.

  “I can do that. Give me a couple hours?”

  “You know that I wouldn’t care if it took days.”

  She made a noise in her throat that informed him she wasn’t happy about that. “Hours. At most. You need to take care of yourself. That’s half the battle. Sleep and eat and you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel.”

  Again, she moved and reached out. She set her hand on his shoulder for the second time and squeezed gently. She withdrew just as quickly. He didn’t miss the way her eyes flicked to her palm, as though it was on fire or as though he’d sent a shockwave up her arm. He knew because he felt it too. The slow and steady burn spread out from the place she’d touched and warmed the rest of his body. He was as unfamiliar with the sensation as he was with dealing with any other kind of human interaction.

  Leena silently backed away before she turned and left. She closed the door quietly behind her. The silence of the room was everything he needed to work. Alone once again, his hands should have found a rhythm, he should have resumed playing back the unending melody that was always heavy on his mind.

  Instead, he sat in silence, savoring the strangeness of Leena’s touch. His body still buzzed, hummed with a wild energy that he knew nothing about. He’d never felt any such thing with Hannah, but she’d never touched him, and he’d never touched her. What was Leena
doing to him? Was it normal to feel completely tied up in knots inside? The heaviness in his groin told him it wasn’t. He knew what attraction was. He knew what physical craving was. Just because he hadn’t often indulged in the past, didn’t mean he was a saint.

  He sat, confused as to the timing. Why now, after years? Why would he just start noticing Leena as a woman when she’d always been that way. She was always pretty, he knew. He just hadn’t felt anything before.

  Because I didn’t let myself.

  Dallas took a long inhale and let it out on an even longer exhale. He found, as he gave himself permission to feel, to notice, to just be, that he felt and noticed a whole lot of things he hadn’t taken the time to see before.

  It made him feel vulnerable, like he’d been cut open and his insides were on display for everyone to see. He’d never bothered to dissect his feelings before. He hated that he had a heart and that it had been broken. He hated that he’d fallen in love with a woman who had left him long before she’d ever given him a chance.

  It felt like he was slowly coming alive for the first time in years, and god, it hurt.

  Before the sensation could spread any further, could cut him up inside and cause any more pain, he threw himself back into the music. Though it was dark, and he often wished it would just be silent, it had been, and always would be, his refuge.

  CHAPTER 13

  Leena

  By the time their dress rehearsal rolled around, Leena had pretty much given up hope of Dallas showing up. She’d spoken with Minnie about finding someone. Of course, it was too late. That left their understudy, Allan Frost. He had filled in for Dallas during every single run through. She fully expected that he was going to have to do it again, that Dallas would break his promises and leave her grasping at air. Right when she’d just about given up hope and was about to call Allan in for the start of their final rehearsal, Dallas walked on stage.