by Ali Berg
‘No.’
‘QuickBooks?’
‘No.’
Martha looked at Bea with a touch of pity before saying, ‘Don’t worry, dear, I’ve worked with worse. I’m going to make you the best damn financial forecast you’ve ever seen!’
Bea laughed. ‘Thank you so much, Martha. You have no
idea what this means to me.’
Martha shook her head as if to say, Don’t even think twice about it, and began typing ferociously on her rose gold laptop. Just as Bea was about to return to her own typing, Philip started squirming uncontrollably. Aside from the occasional sneering at Zach, Philip had been surprisingly well behaved, but now he was losing control. He was wriggling and hissing and writhing. Martha squealed and moved her legs to the side as Bea crouched down next to the ferret.
‘Philip, are you okay?’ Bea whispered to him. Are you meant to talk to ferrets?
‘He’s just excited to see me,’ Ruth said, appearing as if out of nowhere. She then unhooked Philip from his leash, picked him up and held him to her chest. He curled up into a ball.
Ruth wore black capri pants and a ‘Team Sarah, Duchess of York’ sweater. Her hair was secured in a very tight ponytail, pulling back on her skin so forcefully that Bea thought she might pop.
‘You missed Mummy, didn’t you? Didn’t you?’ Ruth kissed Philip a little too affectionately on his belly, and pieces of fur stuck to her lipstick.
Martha coughed.
‘Ruth, you’re back! And now you’re here?’ Bea exclaimed, surprised by the unannounced visit.
‘Obviously I’ve come to see Philip. And to help you, Bea.’
‘Really? Thank you!’ People were giving them looks, no doubt disapproving of the loud noise her impromptu crew was making. Ignoring them, Bea offered quick introductions.
‘I notice you have a British accent. Do you know any of the royals?’
‘The royals? You mean … the Windsors?’
‘Of course, who else Martha?’ Ruth replied, clearly frustrated.
‘Oh, no, I don’t know them personally, sorry.’ Martha looked confused.
Ruth held Martha’s gaze for a second longer than was necessary, frowned, and then turned abruptly to face Bea again. ‘Beatrix, I assume you know nothing about starting a business?’ Ruth sat cross-legged on the floor letting Philip climb up her arm.
When Bea shrugged, Ruth powered on. ‘Let’s start by making mistakes. The sooner you do, the sooner you can fix them,’ she said.
‘Bea?’ someone called, and Bea inhaled before turning around. What is it with this day?
‘Sunday?’
‘What are you doing here?’ Sunday asked.
‘I’m renting a desk here. What are you doing here?’ Bea asked, flustered. Martha and Ruth were staring at the two of them, waiting to be introduced.
‘I got a job here! As a fashion assistant at this awesome vegan, eco-friendly, anti-slavery, start-up clothing brand.’
Impatient, Ruth, still sitting on the floor, reached her ferret saliva–covered hand up to shake Sunday’s. ‘Ruth, Bea’s mentor.’
‘And I’m Martha, Bea’s financial planner.’ Martha stuck out her own hand.
‘Uh, hi.’ Sunday tapped both of their hands limply.
‘So, you’re not at The Nook anymore?’ Bea asked, desperate to ask after Dino – in a casual, nonchalant way.
‘We’re still business partners – but I don’t work there anymore. I had to follow my dreams, you know. Be free like a bird!’ Sunday mimed flapping wings.
Bea nodded, unable to imagine The Nook without those heavenly pastry creations Sunday would whip up in flavours Bea didn’t even know existed. ‘Dino must hate it without you there.’
‘He’ll survive.’
Bea nodded, ready for her chance to swoop. ‘How is he anyway? I’m not sure whether he told you, but we had a sort of disagreement. I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.’
‘I don’t know, to be honest. I’ve been holidaying in Bali right up until getting this gig. Haven’t seen him for a week or so now. I should go visit him actually.’ Sunday said cheerfully.
‘You haven’t seen him? Did you guys break up?’ Bea asked too quickly.
Sunday laughed. ‘Break up? Lady, are you crazy? We’re just friends. Don’t you know I’m gay?’
Bea dropped the notebook she was holding. Dino is single?
‘I’ve been seeing Ramona. Your hot cleaner. I met her at your house when I picked up that Ottolenghi book. She didn’t tell you we were just in Bali together?’
‘No!’ Bea exclaimed, shocked. ‘I mean, I knew she was away on holidays. You’re the girl she’s been seeing?’
Sunday nodded, smiling widely.
‘So you and Dino?’ Bea asked tentatively.
‘God, no. We’re just mates. If you ask me, I always suspected that Dino had a thing for you.’ Sunday pinched
Bea’s arm playfully. ‘Anyway, I better run. Those recycled plastic bathing suits won’t design themselves! Catch you later, sweetie! I’m so excited we’re work neighbours!’
Dino has always been single?
‘Bea, why do you look so pale?’ Martha asked.
‘Yes, are you okay?’ Ruth added.
Bea shook her head. ‘I think I’m going to faint.’
Bea couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day. Dino is single! she kept thinking, over and over again. But she had seen him with Sunday. Or had that been a figment of her paranoid imagination? And Sunday and Ramona? How did I miss that?
As Martha and Ruth bickered over computer systems and Philip ate, ate, ate, then pooped and then ate some more, Bea went into a state of shock. You’re with Zach, Bea reminded herself, as she tried to focus on drawing up storyboards and processing the briefs sent through from Mia. And when Martha and Ruth said it was time for them to leave, Bea waved half-heartedly, hardly able to move.
She checked the time. She was afraid to go home to Zach, but she was also equally terrified of what she would do if she didn’t. So, when Sunday asked her to go for an after-work drink at the Lucky Coq, Bea accepted, grateful for the excuse.
Four hours, three tequila shots, a glass of red wine and a message to Zach not to wait up later, Bea stumbled out of the pub, Sunday holding her arm, laughing.
‘Are you sure you’re okay, hon?’ Sunday’s purple lipstick was smudged and her lip ring twinkled in the light of the street lamps. She let Bea lean on her as her ankle gave out while they stumbled down the street.
‘Of course, hon! I’m freaking fantastic!’
Sunday burst out laughing again. ‘So, tell me more about Zach. I can’t believe you two are back together!’ she slurred.
‘It all seemed to just happen. We sort of fell into it, you know? He was there when I had no one else. And he’s been good to me. Plus, the sex is so bloody brilliant.’ Bea hiccuped and covered her mouth.
‘Oh, girl. I hear you. Good sex is everything! Too bad I let my best get away.’
‘Oh? Ramona?’ Bea was still not over the revelation that Sunday had been sleeping with her cleaner.
‘No! That’s just fun. The best I’ve ever had was the love of my life – Ella. She was beautiful and ridiculous at the same time. And the sex! The sex was fantastic. But I remember the first time I realised it was more than just physical. It was her laugh. I fell so hard for it.’
‘What happened?’
‘She ghosted me. One day I tried to call her and it just went straight to voicemail. Never heard from her again. She broke my heart into spaghetti,’ Sunday said.
‘Spaghetti?’ Bea giggled.
‘Spaghetti!’ Sunday exclaimed, joining in. ‘You know what we should do?’
‘What?’ Bea beamed at Sunday. She hadn’t felt this carefree, this uninhibited, in a long time. She took Sunday’s glitter-manicured hand and swung it back and forth, her mind abuzz with the carefree gesture.
‘Go to The Nook!’ Sunday dipped Bea in her arms and Bea giggled hysterically.<
br />
‘No way, José! Dino hates my guts. I can’t see him right now.’ Bea took out her phone to order an Uber. Enough was enough, she should get home to Zach. Plus, she didn’t like how her stomach fluttered when Sunday mentioned Dino’s name.
‘He does not, he loves you!’
Bea rolled her eyes.
‘Come on,’ Sunday said, snatching Bea’s phone from her hand and redirecting her to The Nook, in the opposite direction from her home. ‘He’s finishing up some work function and I said I’d swing by to help with the clean-up.’ Sunday smiled as the Uber pulled up, and Bea grudgingly fell into the car after her.
Bea’s stomach was in knots as she approached the little blue door of The Nook. This is a bad idea, the sober part of her said, the cool winter air making her shiver. But her drunk self shoved her inside, close on Sunday’s heels.
‘Hello, Dino! You still here?’ Sunday yelled a decibel too loud for Bea’s thumping head.
Bea hung back, playing self-consciously with her hair. Agatha Christie immediately waddled up to her and licked her shoes.
‘Sunday?’ Dino shouted from the kitchen. ‘Everyone just left.’ He stepped out to greet her wearing his standard green apron. As soon as he saw Bea, he froze, his demeanour changing: his eyes narrowed and he stood up straighter, his hackles up. ‘Bea. What are you doing here?’
Bea scooped up Agatha Christie and hugged her firmly, her eyes blinking quickly. I will not cry.
‘Come on, grumpy pants. We’re all mates here.’ Sunday kissed Dino on the cheek. ‘You know what Bea thought? You are going to find this so hilarious.’
Bea shook her head slightly. Don’t say it, Sunday.
‘That getting back together with the guy who lied to her was a good idea?’ Dino snapped.
Bea rolled her eyes, fed up with Dino’s persistent angst. ‘Why do you even care, Dino? Besides, Zach’s changed. He’s wonderful.’
‘A wonderful lover, more like it.’ Sunday winked.
‘So, that’s why you’re with him? The sex? I’ve been trying to figure it out.’ Dino remarked
‘That’s not it at all,’ Bea bit back. But was it?
‘Anyway, as I was saying.’ Sunday cleared her throat. ‘Bea thought we were together. All this time, she thought you and I were a couple!’ Sunday burst out laughing.
Dino’s eyes widened. He looked to Bea as if asking if it were true. Bea gave an embarrassed shrug.
‘Jesus. You thought Sunday and I were together? All this time?’ he murmured.
‘Of course I did, Dino. You never told me otherwise,’ Bea said.
‘I didn’t realise I had to, given there wasn’t anything to tell,’ Dino said with a slight quake to his voice.
Sunday eyed Dino and Bea who were looking at each other, lost in all that hadn’t been said. ‘Dino,’ she said, breaking the silence. ‘What can we do to help?’
Dino looked around at the sparkling café. ‘As always, Sunday, your timing is impeccable. I’m just about done with the place.’
Sunday clicked her fingers. ‘Drats,’ she said with a smile. She checked her watch. ‘Looks like I’ll make it to that Collingwood house party after all. Bea, want to join me?’
Bea looked at Dino, who had begun to retreat to the kitchen. Her heart skipped a beat as if physically missing a part of itself. She needed to fix whatever it was that had broken between them. And, just maybe, discuss some of the much-needed Next Chapter formalities. Turning down Sunday’s offer, she kissed her goodbye. Sunday strutted out of the café, waving three fingers in the air. The bell over the door chimed ominously behind her. Turning back to Dino, she started to say something before realising he had left her standing alone in the cafe. Sighing, she placed Agatha Christie gently on her bed and walked to the kitchen.
‘Dino?’ she said as she leaned up against the doorframe, her head still swimming.
‘You still here?’ Dino said, without turning around.
Bea took a step forward, paused and shuffled back. I can do this. I can mend us. ‘Dino, please, can we talk?’
‘Shoot. What’s up?’ Dino said dismissively, pressing a lid down on a container of mini quiches and placing it in the fridge. Then he faced Bea, crossing his arms and looking at her with raised eyebrows.
‘Dino, I just want things to go back to the way they were with us. I miss the ease we had with each other. I miss those annoying quotes on my coffee cups. I miss the banter, the chats and I miss the muffins you’d always save for me at the end of the day.’ Bea forced a small smile, feeling a weight lift from her shoulders.
Dino shook his head, gazing absently out of the small serving hatch. ‘I don’t know if we can go back, Bea.’
‘Please, Dino.’ Bea pushed herself forward, determined to close the gap that kept widening between them.
‘Why are you really with him, Bea?’ Dino asked, his arms dropping to his sides. ‘I can’t understand it. I can’t understand you.’
Bea looked Dino in the eyes, recognising a sadness and anguish and maybe also a hint of desire in them. Why am I with Zach? she asked herself. It was a question she couldn’t quite answer. It had all happened so quickly and now it just … was. Possible reasons clouded her mind. I feel safe with him. I like his company. I love his cooking. But she kept coming back to one: Because otherwise I’d have no one.
Dino took a step closer. ‘Bea, I didn’t want things to change between us. Believe it or not, I miss you too,’ he said, softening.
Bea faltered for a moment, then retreated an inch. Dino’s expression hardened just the slightest at her movement.
‘Why can’t you just tell me why you’re with him, Bea?’ Dino pleaded. Agatha Christie joined them in the kitchen, pushing her curly body against Dino’s leg, staring up at him with a knowing look.
‘Because—’
‘Because, what? Circumstance? You felt too bad to reject him? Because I can’t think of any other logical reason.’
‘That’s not fair, Dino. That’s a horrible thing to say. It’s different this time. I know it is.’
‘I don’t think even you believe that. You two have nothing in common.’
‘And you and I do?’ Bea almost shouted.
‘Bea.’ He moved towards her again, cupping her cheek in his hands, his warm, rough hands. ‘“Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same,”’ he quoted Brontë.
‘What does that even mean? I never understand you, Dino. You never tell me how you actually feel. You’re constantly talking in platitudes and quotes. I don’t care about how Brontë feels, or Wilde, or Austen.’ Bea’s voice shook. Dino seemed to have mastered the art of communicating while keeping everybody at arm’s length. The constant quotes and metaphors he hid behind. The incessant barriers he couldn’t seem to stop himself from erecting. Was it that he didn’t care? Or were they just a crutch? ‘I want to know how you feel!’
Dino faltered, still holding on to Bea.
‘Dino. Just tell me! Tell me what you really mean.’
‘Don’t make this about me. I don’t need to justify how I feel,’ he said, dropping his hand to his side.
‘Why not?’ Bea pressed.
‘There’s nothing to say.’
Bea shook her head. ‘There’s everything to say. You know there is.’
‘It’s not me. I wasn’t raised to chit chat about my feelings. I don’t let people in, and, so far, this has served me just fine,’ Dino said all in one breath.
‘Dino, for me just try. Please tell me what you meant,’ Bea was standing so close to Dino she could feel him shake. The silence dragged between them.
‘I meant … I meant that whether we like it or not, we are connected. We are the same. When I get good news, you’re the first one I want to call. When it’s raining, I wonder whether you’re staying dry. And when my head hits the pillow at night, I can’t stop thinking of you, and only you. Tell me it’s not the same for you, Bea. Tell me you don’t feel the same way.’ Dino leaned his forehead against hers,
appearing liberated by his openness.
They hung there, foreheads pressed together, her knees a little weaker than before. For a moment she imagined drawing him towards her, his stubble grazing against her lips. But she caught herself, remembering Zach. He may have betrayed her once, but that didn’t give her the right to do wrong by him. But Dino had just opened up to her. She couldn’t abandon him.
‘Dino …’ she managed, taking a step back.
Dino sighed, defeated, and returned to his cold, distant self.
‘I still want to be friends, Dino. I miss you.’
Dino grunted in reply.
Bea wanted to say more, but taking one last look at the stiffness that had returned to Dino’s stance, she forced herself from the kitchen, from the café and from her overwhelming desire.
Hot, sticky flashes of confusion and downright angst clung to Bea like a bad smell. Last night with Dino had been so unexpected, so deeply unnerving. She had never seen him so open, so unsure of himself. But I have Zach, she told herself, remembering the way he had wrapped his big arms around her as she crawled into bed beside him, as if he were protecting her from all the bad in the world. And she liked being in Zach’s arms. She really did.
She pulled her bag out from under her desk, knocking her head on her way up. She let out a small yelp and rubbed the spot that had come into contact with the hard wood of the table. If she wasn’t done before, she was definitely done now.
Her phone chimed, and another frantic message from Zach flashed across her screen. Zach, having no clients for the day, had offered, despite Bea’s objections, to work from her apartment so that he could watch Philip. But he was not coping. Messages like ‘He just tried to claw me through the wire’, ‘Fourth attempt at feeding ferret aborted due to excessive hissing’ and ‘This thing is possessed by the devil’ had been streaming in all day.
As she quickly stuffed her phone, laptop, lip balm and copy of More Than Words into her bag, her phone buzzed again. Lizzie. She had a meeting nearby with some soda water company that wanted her to be a brand ambassador, and was due to swing by Bea’s co-working space for a quick coffee any minute now. Bea checked her phone, hoping to see her sister’s name, but ‘Dino’ flashed on her screen instead. Shit.