“I do, but what has that got to do with what happened to Imogen and Adam? And what did you mean when you said that, as far as Adam’s death is concerned, it must be assumed it was an accident? What does that mean?”
The lawyer interlocked his fingers and looked down. “It is such a catastrophe. I have known the Shaw family for many years. Adam… I can still see him as a little boy. He was his mother’s pride and joy, her only support after the tragic death of her husband.” He sighed. “Adam fell in front of a subway train coming in. A truly horrible death.” His face darkened. “There are witnesses who say someone pushed him. A young man. But on the surveillance cameras of the platform you can’t see anything in front of the crowd. It is a pity.”
Charly’s heart began to race. “Who would do something so horrible? Push a person in front of a train? Did the police question these alleged witnesses?”
“The police did everything humanly possible to reconstruct Adam’s death. But without solid evidence, the testimonies of the witnesses drift apart completely. Some claim it was a woman who pushed him, others say it was a man who stumbled and fell against him. No matter whether it was an unfortunate accident or an insidious murder, you wouldn’t wish such a death on anyone.”
Clark rubbed his hands tiredly over his face, instantly looking years older. “And there we are. After the death of her husband, as I mentioned before, Imogen changed a lot. She believed that she too would die soon, and that is why she wanted you to be granted custody of her daughter Jody in such a case. There was no one she trusted but you. In addition, she left you a considerable amount of money and also entrusted you with the fiduciary management of all her remaining assets, including the estate in Newhaven. After deducting the compulsory portion, which Adam’s mother is entitled to, as well as the accommodation costs of the nursing home for Grace White—Imogen’s mother—a nice sum remains. As soon as Jody comes of age, everything will become hers. The will literally states that she would not entrust her daughter to anyone but you. Everything is certified and notarized. Imogen has even involved a member of child protective services in this agreement. Everything has been arranged, all you have to do is sign, then we can get started.”
Charly stared at Edward Clark in horror. “Imogen wants me to raise Jody? That… that’s absolutely impossible. I have no experience with children, can’t even get a relationship together. I’m incapable of raising a small child. Not to mention, I don’t even know Jody, and she doesn’t know me. How will she cope with having to live with someone who is a complete stranger to her?”
“The little girl is two-and-a-half years old, too young to understand what has happened. Children often cope with losses and the changes that come with them much better than we adults would assume. In addition, you are Jody’s godmother.”
Charly nodded. “That’s right. Imogen absolutely wanted it and I couldn’t refuse her wish. Jody’s baptism—that day was the last time I saw Adam and Imogen. She and I had a terrible fight, I can’t remember why, so for the life of me, I can’t imagine why Imogen wanted me to raise her child.”
“She told me a lot about you, and about the arrangement you made as children. That must have been at the time just before you moved to Germany.”
Charly’s neck tightened. Imogen’s bright child’s voice in her ear whispered, “We’ll always be friends, you hear? No matter how many miles separate us. And if one of us needs help urgently, the other will be there for her, okay?”
Charly burst into tears. The memory had swept over her like a hurricane, mixed her thoughts into a tough mush.
Imogene! Her friend had never stopped believing in her and their friendship. She even trusted Charly with her own flesh and blood. And she hadn’t contacted her for years because of a dispute that was probably just a trifle. Now it was too late. She had lost Imogen forever. Her best friend, her soul mate, the part of herself that was the only one who connected her to her past.
She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Why didn’t Imogen want Adam’s mother to get custody?” she asked Clark. “She is Jody’s grandmother.”
“The family relationships are extremely complicated. All I know is that Adam had distanced himself from his mother while he was still alive because she did not get along with Imogen, allegedly even tried to break up the marriage. There was a big argument, and sides were chosen. Imogen and Adam did not want Linda Shaw to ever havehere contact with them again. When Adam died, Linda of course tried to have an open conversation with Imogen, wanting contact with her granddaughter, but Imogen remained firm. Not to mention the fact that Linda, at 68 years of age, is no longer a young woman. Small children are exhausting, if you know what I mean.”
“What about other relatives? Imogen and Adam were both only children, but there must be some aunts, uncles, cousins? Someone who feels more up to the task.”
Clark nodded thoughtfully. “Adam has an uncle in America, Linda’s brother. However, there was hardly any contact with him, so it is understandable that Imogen did not consider these people. From here side, there are only two aunts. One of them lives in Manchester, the other in Scotland. Both of them are over 60 years old, so they are not a suitable long-term care alternative for Jody. Their children are scattered all over the world. One in Madrid, one in New Zealand, and the other in the USA. Imogen has not mentioned any of them with a single syllable in her will.”
“There’s no one else in Imogen’s life who could possibly take care of Jody?”
The lawyer shook his head. “There is Imogen’s half-sister. Her name is Alice Lee, but please don’t ask me about her exact family background, I just don’t get it. All I know is that Imogen’s father probably had an affair that resulted in Ms. Lee’s birth. However, she and Imogen met barely a few months after Adam’s death. I suppose that is why Imogen trusted you more. You both knew each other all your lives, while Alice came into her life much later. The young lady only found out about her half-sister Imogen through some papers after her mother’s death. Would you trust someone you have known for so short a time?”
Charly ignored his question. “But I would certainly not trust me. I mean, what do I have to offer a child? Besides, I live in Berlin. Even if I would consider it—how would that work?”
Edward Clark folded his hands over the desk and contemplated Charly encouragingly. “You’re going to make it, Charlotte. I’m sure you will. Imogen was convinced of that. You’ll just have to find a way to make it work. Otherwise, little Jody would have to be placed in an orphanage or, if she’s lucky, in a new foster family. I believe those two options are exactly the opposite of what Imogen would have wanted for her daughter.”
Chapter 4
London / Newhaven, June 2015
On the advice of Edward Clark, Charly had taken public transportation to Brighton and had rented a car there. Afterwards she had decided to take the coast road despite the high traffic volume and took nearly an hour to reach the cemetery in Newhaven. Now she was standing in front of the grave of her friend and her husband and felt such extreme sadness that her throat closed up. To talk to the attorney about Imogen’s death was one thing. To see her grave in person was another.
Imogen was gone. The grave planted with flowers at Charly’s feet was a silent testimony to a tragedy that could not have been worse. Charly knelt down, placed her palm on the memorial slab, and blinked back tears.
She had agreed with Edward Clark’s suggestion that she stay in town for a trial period to get to know Jody. She wanted to find out if she was up to the responsibility of having a small child, if she could handle the girl at all. Jody was currently with a foster family, but this was only a temporary situation, as the couple had already taken in two foster children and did not have the capacity for a third child.
Edward Clark had spoken to the family in Charly’s presence and arranged a meeting for tomorrow, at which a woman from the child welfare department would also be present. And Jody, of course. Just the thought of having to face the
girl tomorrow made Charly’s stomach weak. What if Jody did not like her? With this responsibility came so many things that her head spun. What did small children eat? How did they spend the day? She had no idea which childhood illnesses Jody had already had, which doctor Imogen had taken her to. The girl was not even three years old, was she sleeping through the night yet? What if she didn’t? And what if Charly didn’t hear her crying?
Her breath caught. What was Imogen thinking entrusting her child to her? What made her think Charly could take care of her? Or had she simply had no choice?
How did Imogen imagine it would be? Should she, Charly, leave her life in Germany behind and return to Newhaven? Dedicate herself to her new role here? Or would it have been in Imogen’s mind for her to take Jody with her to Berlin?
Charly wiped a tear from her cheek.
One after the other, she silently encouraged herself. First, tomorrow’s meeting. Then we’ll see what happens next.
She got up and her way to the parking lot in front of the cemetery grounds.
She slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket, her fingers closing around the key ring Edward Clark had given her. The key to Imogen and Adam’s house. From then on she was the trustee of the estate where her best friend had grown up and spent most of her life. Although Imogen had gone to London to study after graduating from school and had met Adam at university, they had returned here together after her mother had developed Alzheimer’s five years ago, and had had the house renovated with great attention to detail.
In addition, Newhaven was definitely the better place to raise a child compared to London. At least in this respect, she was sure to agree with Imogen.
When she parked the car half an hour later in front of her friend’s house, Charly felt a touch of panic. It was almost as if the cruelty of the death of the two people who had lived here had created a dark veil of mist over the entire estate. Although Charly knew that Imogen had spent a happy childhood in this house, had had a happy marriage with her husband, not even the shadow of a happy memory was left. Everything about this property radiated pure despair. Although the bright white facade with its dark brown window surrounds should convey a cozy atmosphere, there was only sadness. So this is where she would spend the next few days, seeing what Imogen had seen in the days before her death, feeling what Imogen had felt. Emptiness. At least that was what Charly believed. Her friend had lost her husband, had been alone in this house with her daughter for over a year. Was that what had made her go crazy? The sadness and the overwhelming feeling of emptiness that filled the house? If Charly could already feel it, how could it have looked like inside Imogen? In her mind Charly cursed the decision to spend the next few days with Jody here. Sure, the little girl had lost her parents, needed most of all the feeling of stability now, but could she give it to her when all she felt for this house was fear and aversion?
Charly sighed deeply and dragged her bag out of the trunk of the rental car, walking slowly toward the front door. At the sight of the name plate she fought tears.
Imogen, Adam and Jody Shaw would like to welcome you.
She stroked the shield with the palm of her hand.
The sign had been attached slightly crooked and Charly almost believed to have witnessed the scenery, so vividly it flashed in her head.
“You’re a great guy, Adam,” she heard Imogen say laughingly in her head, “but you just have two left thumbs and no craftsmanship at all.”
Charly sobbed and laughed at the same time.
“Oh, so I’m not a craftsman,” she imagined Adam answering. “I’ll have to put you over my knee later, my beauty.”
Charly imagined the two of them burst out laughing and going back into the house, where they fell into each other’s arms.
Thoughts of this kind felt comforting and made it easier for Charly to put the key into the lock and turn it. When she entered, the familiar smell of Imogen took her breath away for a moment. Some mixture of coconut oil and Caribbean flowers. It smelled flowery, sweet, and of pure lust for life.
What a deceptive scent, Charly thought, anger flooding her veins. She opened all the windows on the first floor first, then those on the second floor within a very short time. Back downstairs, she inspected one room after the other and let the atmosphere take effect. Everything appeared as if the owners of the house were only away for a short time, maybe on vacation, and had asked her to check up on things now and then. Only the dried flowers in the vases on all the small side tables and the withered plants on the windowsills testified that no one had been here for some time. To be precise, not for a month and four days.
By evening Charly had found out her friend Imogen had been a very orderly person, unlike before. Nowhere, not even in the child’s room, were things just laying around. There was also order in the cupboards in the kitchen and the living room. Charly had been debating about what to do with Imogen and Adam’s personal things and decided to keep Imogen’s things until Jody was old enough to decide what to do with them. The same was true of Adam’s belongings, except that she had already made a list of those in her head, which might be better off with his mother. Charly had postponed the call to Linda Shaw until tomorrow because she didn’t feel up to talking to anyone today. She had taken a bath and thought about what she could prepare as a small snack. Although there was some food in the refrigerator, most of it was expired or already spoiled. Charly didn’t feel like shopping anymore today and although the crammed freezer offered options for healthy meals she could prepare for Jody and herself for the coming days, she opted to order takeout from a delivery service. Now she was sitting on her former best friend’s sofa, listlessly poking around in a greasy curried rice dish, wondering if she had ever felt so lost before. She put the aluminum box with the food aside and decided to go to bed, but first she wanted to check her cell phone and see if her boss or Pia had called. Looking at the display Charly went through a wave of panic. She had over twenty messages, all from one of the company lines. Had she forgotten to forward something important to Pia, a report or a sales record maybe? On closer inspection Charly saw it was Andreas’ extension number. She dialed the pin for the mailbox, listened to his messages. The first ones sounded worried and a little curious, but not malicious. Only later did his tone of voice change from suspicious to stressed to bad-tempered and aggressive.
Charly deleted the messages and hesitated a moment. She had to at least let him or his father know that she intended to take her annual vacation so she could decide whether she felt up to the task of caring for Jody in the future. Charly shook her head. That had to wait until tomorrow. A conversation with her ex would only drag her down even more.
She went into the guest room where she had already made up her bed, turned off the light, and snuggled into the blankets. Not a good idea, she realized immediately, because in the darkness the memories of Imogen stormed upon her only the worse. Suddenly she had the memory of a slumber party for her girlfriend’s sixth birthday in her head. They had laughed and fooled around all night long until Imogen’s mother came storming into the room. Charly grinned at the thought of the situation at the time. Imogen and she had of course continued and had been banging around all night, falling asleep exhausted at some point at dawn. A beautiful memory that brought tears to her eyes. Where had the time gone? And how could it have happened that Imogen and she had become so estranged? What had happened between them? Charly stared into the darkness, but she absolutely did not want to think of it. Had it been because she had moved to Germany? In the beginning they had written each other letters, called each other on the phone, and presented their parents with phone bills, which, if one were to believe them, had nearly driven them to the brink of ruin. At some point, the letters became rarer, just like the phone calls, and each of them lived their own lives until Imogen had chosen her as maid of honor at her wedding. After that, there was only one more encounter at Jody’s baptism, which culminated in a fight at the end of her visit.
Charly breathed out deeply. Why the hell didn’t she remember the cause of the argument? Was it about her last relationship? Imogen didn’t understand why Charly had broken up with Thomas, the man she had been involved with before Andreas. She had teased Charly that she suffered from cold feet syndrome. Had that been the reason that she had not contacted Imogen afterwards and vice versa?
The longer Charly thought about it, the clearer it became to her that there had to be more that she did not remember. Why else had she suddenly felt the need to turn around and never come back when she saw the Newhaven town sign? It had come over her in a wave and made her feel like she no longer knew herself. On the one hand, it felt good, warm and cozy, to be back in her home town, the place where she had grown up. On the other hand, everything here, especially the gaps in her memory, scared the hell out of her.
She tossed and turned in her bed for quite a while, even considering getting up to watch TV, but eventually managed to drift off into a restless sleep.
Chapter 5
Newhaven, June 2015
The next morning Charly awoke before sunrise. She sat up in bed, let her head spin for a moment, felt her neck vertebrae crack. After a glance at her cell phone she got up. It was not even five o’clock. Jody wouldn’t be brought here by her caregiver until eleven o’clock, so there was time for… Yeah, for what? Charly went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. With determination, she knew what to do. She would clean the house, free it from dust, get rid of all the dried-up plants, get fresh flowers, and go shopping. Then she would bake a chocolate cake. Children liked chocolate, didn’t they?
The thought of being busy for the next few hours made her feel better. She put on some coffee, then gathered everything she’d need for her cleaning job. In the cupboard below the sink she found a roll of large garbage bags and tore one of them off. Then she went from room to room, stuffed all the flowers and potted plants into it, and disposed of the bag in the trash can. She did the same with the refrigerator, threw away all the spoiled food. Then she took a pen and paper and wrote a shopping list a mile long. She exhaled when she realized that for a big shopping like the one she was about to do she couldn’t go to the little corner store two streets away, but had to go to one of the supermarkets in the town center. She had plenty of time. But first she wanted to get the house in order. After she hastily drank a cup of strong coffee, she set to work, taking one room at a time.
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