“It was her!” Amanda shrieked. “She and Imogen. Because of them, your sister died.” The woman collapsed, her shoulders and head slumped, looking years older in seconds. “Get her out of here, please.” She went into the house without another word.
“What did you tell her?” Jake demanded. “Why is my mother so upset?”
Charly repeated what she had told his mother.
“Have you taken leave of your senses?” he cried when she was finished. “Do you know what you have done? You wanted to free your conscience and gave my mother the proverbial deathblow. She will never recover from that.” He crouched down and ran his hands through his hair. When he looked up again, his expression no longer seemed angry, but deeply sad. “What has happened can never be changed. Not even your truth, Charly. But what we all can do is move forward. We must not let the past catch up with us and finish us off each time, because we can’t change anything about it anymore. What you are trying to do here will not bring my sister back to life.”
Charly shook her head, stunned. “What do you think I should have done? Let your mother continue to believe it was an unfortunate accident? Maybe she blamed herself for everything because she was not with her who even knows? I wanted to make sure she found out that it was neither hers nor Megan’s fault. Imogen and I are responsible for what happened, and since one of us is no longer alive, I had to take responsibility.”
Jake stood up and grabbed Charly roughly by the shoulders. “Stop that! Stop it now!” He let go of her as if he had been burned and stared at his palms for seconds. “I told you before: Get out while you still can, Charly!”
“You know I can’t do that. Not anymore!”
Jake clenched his hands into fists. “Megan’s dead, Charlotte!” he yelled. “So is Imogen. The sooner this gets through your skull, the better.”
“You think I don’t know that?” she yelled back. “Still, there are people who can’t just run away when they’ve made a mistake. A mistake that cost a friend her life.”
Jake scrutinized her for a moment, then smiled sadly. “You were kids. Just seven years old. Who at that age knows what is right and wrong? You were playing, exploring your limits, and one of you—my sister—died.”
Charly heard Jake’s words as if from far away, felt an unbearable burning pain in her chest. Only now did she realize that the letters scribbled on the wall that made up the word MURDERER had represented the truth. She was a murderess. At least in the figurative sense. Responsible for another person’s death. Her throat tightened. When she looked at Jake, she could only see his outline because the overflowing tears were interfering with her vision. “We shouldn’t have just kept it quiet and lied to everyone. Perhaps Megan would still be alive today.”
Jake stepped up to her and took a deep breath. “It’s just a wishful thinking on my mother’s part. A fantasy. Megan’s body was shattered, she had an endless number of broken bones, internal injuries, and craniocerebral trauma. She could never have survived the fall, even if you and Imogen had called for help immediately.”
Charly gave him a bitter smile. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here. But the question is whether Megan would see it the same way or think we’re her killers too.”
Jake shrugged. “Only you can answer that question for yourself. You have to stand up, day after day, and choose how you want to see yourself. As a guilty person or as a girl who made the wrong decision once in her life because she was only seven years old at the time. Whatever your choice is, it will be decisive for your future life. Because at the end of the day it is you yourself who has to forgive yourself for what happened back then.”
A giggle penetrated her ear as if from afar. It sounded mischievous and horrifying, yanking her from sleep. Charly sat up, rubbed her eyes, and recognized from the outlines of the furniture that she had fallen asleep on the sofa in the living room. Her heart was pounding violently against her chest, her breath heaving. In panic she looked around, checking for anything strange again, but tonight everything appeared normal.
Then the giggling again. It sounded somehow hollow and dark, not at all like a human being. She got up, walked with uncertain steps to the door, and peered into the dark hallway. After talking with Amanda and Jake, she had felt burned out, exhausted, and beyond her strength. She had been all the more grateful to Alice when she offered to get something for dinner and tuck Jody in before her shift started so Charly could enjoy a quiet evening and take a break. Her hand groped for the light switch on the other side of the wall, found it, pressed it.
Nothing happened.
She ran to the switch in the living room and tried to turn on the light there.
Likewise, there were no results.
“That’s something completely new,” Charly murmured and tiptoed into the kitchen to get the flashlight from the drawer. Before she could open it a breath of air wafted over the back of her neck. Panicked, Charly whirled around. “Who’s there? And what do you want?”
Her breath was erratic and much too fast. Charly knew that if she didn’t get a grip on herself quickly she would hyperventilate. She ran the last few feet, tore the drawer from its anchoring, and dropped to her knees as the cutlery clattered on the floor. She desperately scrabbling for the round handle of the flashlight. When she found it, she turned it on, and ran up to the second floor. There seemed to be no electricity there either, so she had to make do with the dim light of the flashlight.
Again the giggling. Much closer this time.
Jody!
It came from her room!
Like a woman possessed, Charly ran towards the door, kicked it open with her last ounce of strength, and collapsed whimpering in front of the crib.
It was empty.
“Once again please, calmly,” said Officer Stark, trying to calm Charly down. “You are the legal guardian of Jody Melinda Shaw?”
“Yes!”
“Can you prove this?”
Charly nodded weakly. “There are papers to prove it, and two women from the welfare department. I have the phone numbers at home.”
“The papers should suffice. Please send them to us as soon as possible.”
“Okay.”
The young man looked at his watch. “How long has the girl been missing?”
Charly restrained a sob. “I don’t know. I was asleep.”
“But she was still there when you went to bed?”
“Yes. My friend put her to bed to give me a break,” Charly explained, shifting uneasily on the chair in the interrogation room. “I had a hard day, just wanted to get my mind off things, watch a movie and—”
“What movie?”
Charly huffed in annoyance. “What is this? A little girl has disappeared and instead of looking for her, you’re sitting around asking me stupid questions?”
The office raised his hands in appeasement. “Please, Miss Beck, I’m just doing my job. What movie did you watch?”
“Some schmaltzy thing with two women who were into the same man. At the end, a third woman came along and helped them to beat the guy up. Are you satisfied now?”
The officer grinned. “I know that movie. What did you think?”
Charly jumped up. “If you don’t do something, I’m going to—”
“Sit down!” the officer barked and pointed to the chair. “Since you called us over two hours ago, my colleagues have done nothing but look for the child. Still, we have to rule out all possible suspects, and that includes questioning you.”
“You think I might have done something to Jody?” A wave of horror crashed over her and Charly collapsed in the chair. “I would never, I couldn’t… Look, everything was exactly as I told you. Alice put Jody to bed and then went to work. I watched another movie and I checked on Jody several times. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa. When I came to, the electricity in the house was off and Jody was gone.”
Officer Stark took a note. “And the doors and windows were closed?”<
br />
“Yes. I even looked in the basement because Jody was down there the other night and…” She stopped when she realized how strange it would sound if she told the officer she had found Jody crying in the basement a few days ago. “Your colleagues checked everything for signs of burglary.”
“Okay. What were you about to say about the basement?”
Charly lowered her head.
Without warning the door was kicked open and Jake stormed into the room.
“What are you doing here?” asked Officer Stark. “You’re not on duty until tomorrow at noon.”
“The officers on site pulled me out of bed to help with the search for the missing girl.” He looked at Charly with an unfathomable expression. “I just can’t believe it.”
Charly jumped up from her chair and ran to Jake. “Thank God you’re here!” She burst into tears. “This man thinks I did something to Jody. That… that she’s going to…” She sobbed harder, unable to continue.
Jake made no effort to comfort her. He scowled at her and looked imploringly at his colleague. “Let her go, okay? It’s done?”
Stark stared at Jake. “Did you find the girl?”
Jake looked from him to Charly and replied, “She was never gone.”
“What?” Charly shrieked.
“Come outside,” said Jake. He took Charly by the upper arm and pulled her out of the room. “There.” He pointed to the other side of the hall.
Charly’s mouth opened and closed again, and she looked up at Jake in disbelief. “What is going on here? Why are you doing this to me?”
“Why are we doing this to you?” He snorted. “I have a son I need to be there for. But ever since you got here, you’ve been messing things up. This is the second time, by the way, that I’m giving up sleep because of you.” He addressed his colleague. “If this happens again, we should consider locking her up for a few nights to get some peace and quiet.” Jake waved to Alice, who stood there sleepily in her jogging suit, holding Jody in her arms.
Her look spoke volumes. “I don’t understand what’s going on here.” She came closer and gave Jody a soothing kiss on the forehead. Then she turned to Charly, looking at her with a mixture of fear and concern. “Please explain to me what’s going on. Why is all of Newhaven looking for Jody when you had to know I took her to my place last night.”
Suddenly a switch in Charly turned on. “I want Jody,” she said to Alice. “Now!”
“But what—”
“That was not a request. Give her to me, Alice! Now!”
Alice threw a questioning glance at Jake.
He shook his head at her. “First you explain it to us, Charly. What’s wrong with you?”
Something broke inside her when both regarded her with obvious pity. Then anger flooded her veins. “Alice couldn’t have discussed this with me at all, because as far as I know she was supposed to be on late duty at work.”
Alice frowned. “I’m on vacation, Charly, and I told you that.”
Charly shook her head stubbornly. “You did not. You said you had to go on night duty, but you wanted to get Jody to bed first. When I checked on her later that night, she was still in her bed. It wasn’t until late at night when I woke up and checked on her that she was gone.”
Alice glanced from Jake to Officer Stark. Then she looked apologetically at Charly. “Did you tell them it wasn’t the first time this happened? That you have been suffering from hallucinations and nightmares for a long time, sometimes not knowing what is real and what is not?” She addressed Stark. “The other night, she locked Jody in the basement and later didn’t remember.”
“And she sees things that aren’t there,” Jake added. “She thinks my dead sister intends her harm.” He put his hand under Charly’s chin and lifted her head a little to look into her eyes. “You’ll get Jody back, of course. Imogen wanted you to be there for her. Still, I would like you to see a doctor first.”
“Not to the family doctor, though,” Alice interjected, “preferably a specialist. “She lowered her head when she caught Charly’s bitter look.
Charly raised her hands in surrender and took a few steps backwards, away from Alice, Jake, and Officer Stark. “Okay, I’ll go to the doctor. But I have one condition. As soon as I am back, you give me Jody immediately, and after that I don’t want to see any of you ever again!”
chapter 19
Newhaven, June 2015
When Jake came out of the police psychologist’s office, he looked at Charly with a mixture of concern and irritation. “Miriam agrees you can go to her, although she was not exactly thrilled we got her out of bed so early.” He tried to grin, but failed.
Charly suspected that in truth he was still upset and very angry.
“What about Jody?” she asked.
“We’ll wait here until you’re done,” Alice offered, “then I’ll drive you home.”
“Fine. But I don’t want you to come into the house.”
Alice flinched. “All right.” She looked hurt but smiled.
Without another word Charly went to the door and pushed the handle down. Inside the room it looked chaotic. Everything was colorfully jumbled, decorated with furniture from the seventies accented by modern decorative objects.
Charly stared at Dr. Miriam Burnes uncertainly. The psychologist looked exactly like her office—hip, weird, and completely chaotic. Her long, red hair had been piled into a messy bun, her clothes looked like they were from a secondhand store, likewise her shoes. Charly stepped closer to the table.
“Good morning. I am Charlotte Beck. I’m sorry you were torn out of bed so early, but Jake must have thought that in my current state of mind I was a danger to myself and others.”
“Pffft,” Miriam said and offered Charly a seat. “What he says doesn’t interest me. I like to make my own picture.” She smiled. “I am Miriam, by the way. Shall I have a coffee brought for us? You look like you need it.” She tilted her head and winked mischievously. “In other words, I need it.” Without waiting for an answer, she typed a number into her landline phone and ordered two cups of coffee and something sweet. “Amalie, our telephone operator makes the best coffee in all of Lewes,” she said to Charly when she hung up. “That alone makes this job worthwhile.” She reached for the case that was on the table in front of her and put on her glasses. “Okay, Jake said that you’re currently suffering from enormous emotional stress?”
Charly nodded.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“Hasn’t Jake done it yet?”
Miriam was silent.
“Okay.” Charly sighed. “This is going to take a while.”
Miriam held out her hands in an open gesture. “We have all the time in the world and hopefully enough coffee soon.”
Forty minutes later she had told the psychologist everything. Starting with the end of her relationship with Andreas, his stalker ambitions, the termination of her job, and finally all the strange things that had happened since she had been on the island.
Miriam had let her talk the whole time, not even interrupting her, only raising her eyes in surprise every now and then, scribbling in her little notebook.
After Charly had finished speaking, she said to Miriam resignedly, “So? Is Jake right when he says I’m slowly but surely going crazy? Or am I already ripe for the asylum?”
Miriam leaned on the table and studied Charly for a moment. “You are neither crazy nor about to be,” she said. “What is happening to you right now is called an acute stress disorder, or in short—a nervous breakdown.” She leaned back again and folded her hands. “You are by no means alone in this. Today’s stress, the clash of demands at work and in private life—all this can lead to our nerves not being able to cope with it and we collapse. With you, there are several factors at once. Unprocessed grief about your former friend, the knowledge that she died without being able to talk to you, Megan’s death, for which you feel responsible, and then there a
re your panic attacks. I think you have already brought a part of it with you from Berlin, and the attacks got worse when your subconscious presented you with new pieces of the puzzle of the past. All of this combined with your fear of failing with Jody, of disappointing Imogen has led to this super disaster.”
“Then you also believe I imagined all this? That giggling in the house, the crying, those letters on the wall, and the photos where I had no face anymore?”
“What I think doesn’t matter, you’re here so we can find out what’s going on with you. You must answer this question for yourself. Do you believe in all these things? Were they real?”
“I don’t know. The photos in which Imogen’s face was cut out or scribbled on do exist. But Imogen most likely suffered from years of self-hate caused by what happened to Megan. The fact that she accepted her husband’s affair and never talked to him about it speaks for itself. She probably thought she deserved it. She could have defaced the photos herself while she was still alive. As for the open doors and windows in the house, the fact that Jody was locked up in the basement—maybe I did it myself. Isn’t sleepwalking one of the many symptoms of a nervous breakdown? Perhaps what Alice says is true, that we agreed that she would take care of Jody last night. Maybe I just blanked out the conversation after my memory came back and I passed out at the Bishops.”
Miriam smiled. “Which of us is the psychologist now?”
“What do you suggest I do?” She slid nervously on her chair. That Miriam could look behind her facade and describe her soul life in such detail, hitting the proverbial nail on the head, made her somehow anxious.
“First of all, I will prescribe you a sedative, with which I have very good experience. It is a drug similar to Valium, except that the side effects have been reduced to a minimum thanks to research. Please only take half a tablet in the evening, that should be sufficient. Furthermore, I will refer you to an experienced colleague in London. If you call her and give her my regards, it shouldn’t take too long before you get an appointment.”
I Will Break You (Best International Thrillers) Page 14