by Lea Hart
“Last I checked, you weren’t employed by the SDPD, and your job as a librarian does not require you to investigate people with weird shit in their house.”
“Now, you’re just being mean.”
Letting out a groan, Caid dropped his head. “What if…”
Courtney put up her hand. “You can’t go through all the what-ifs because that could take days.”
“Want to make a bet?”
“I know what I did was risky, but…”
“What the hell did you give Borden anyway?”
“I gave him some valerian root and melatonin. He’s an insomniac and I’m sure is enjoying a restful night’s sleep. I thought about giving him some Ambien since it only stays in the system for fourteen hours but decided going the natural route was best.”
“You fucking scare me, woman.”
“Because I have a somewhat well-developed criminal mind?”
“Yes!”
“I try and use it for good and not evil if that makes you feel better.” Seeing the lines in his forehead deepen, she took a step closer. “I’m sorry, Caid.”
“This escapade was dangerous as shit, Court. Why the hell would you take a risk like that? Is what we have of so little value to you?”
“I wasn’t thinking about us when I decided to go ahead with my plan.”
Caid pushed himself off the counter and walked toward the front door. “That’s too bad because I’m always thinking about us and how my behavior, choices, and decisions are going to affect you.”
“I do too…most of the time.”
“Be honest, Court…deep in your heart, you don’t think this thing between us is going to last, and ultimately, I’m just some guy you’re wasting time with until the real deal comes along.”
“That is not even a little bit true, and I can’t believe you said that.”
“Well, believe it, because your actions are telling me exactly that.”
“Well, if you think that, you’re reading them wrong. Yes, I made a risky choice by breaking into Borden’s basement, but I felt it was worth it. Was I wrong? Apparently, because he’s just a guy with non-typical interests.” She took a step in his direction and then stopped herself. “But none of that has anything to do with what you and I have.”
“It sure as shit does if you had ended up injured or dead,” he shouted. “You’re a librarian; stay in the fucking library and don’t make me worry that you’re doing illegal, dangerous shit.”
“Oh, I see…I need to play the part you’ve assigned me and do as I’m told, or you won’t like me anymore?”
“How the hell am I supposed to go out and do my job when more than half my brain is going to be worrying about you? I face scary, life-threatening, dangerous shit every single day when I’m downrange, and the only way I’ll survive is if my head is fully in the game. Don’t make me worry about you.”
“Gladly,” she replied. Striding past him, she opened her front door. “We’ll just stop seeing each other. That way you won’t ever have to worry about me again.” She looked down at her feet and sucked in a sob. “I thought all your talk about accepting me as I am was real, but clearly that’s all it was…talk. You said you’d bail me out of jail and joked that you accepted my less than law-abiding tendencies. But you don’t, and I wish you never pretended that you did.”
“Court…”
“Clearly, I don’t fit the picture you had in your mind, and it’s best if we part ways now.”
“Just like that, you’re ready to end it?”
“What other choice do I have, Caid?” Turning, she looked out into the starry night and let out a breath. “I quit trying to make myself into something I’m not years ago, and clearly, I’m not the quiet, well-behaved woman you had in mind.”
“Fine, if you want to end this, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Goodnight, Caid.”
“Night, Court. Have a nice life.”
She crossed her arms over her middle and watched him walk down to his truck. When he got in without looking back, she closed her door and slid against the wall. Tears rolled down her face, and she wondered why she ever thought giving the man her heart was a good idea.
***
Righteous indignation fueled Caid’s drive home, and by the time he stepped inside his place at three a.m., he was fucking exhausted. His head throbbed, his knee ached, and the muscle inside his chest felt like it had torn itself in half.
He poured himself a shot of bourbon and drank it down, deciding the end of his relationship with Court was a blessing.
Then he poured himself another shot and knew he was full of shit. He tossed back the dark liquid and stared at his reflection in the kitchen window and thought about driving back to Ocean Beach and continuing their argument.
When he heard a loud knock on his door, he wondered if Court had followed him and was ready to take back her words. Striding to the door, he swung it open and frowned when he saw Jax. “Why the fuck are you at my door at this time of the morning?”
“Got a call from Ace and he told me to check on you.”
Stepping back, he waved his hand. “Guessing he heard the argument between me and Court.”
“I think half the block did since you apparently used your outside voice.”
Caid lifted his hand and flipped off his friend. “Want a shot of bourbon?”
“Not particularly.”
“Suit yourself.” He trudged back into the kitchen, grabbed a package of frozen peas, the bottle of bourbon, and a glass. Returning to the living room, he collapsed on the sofa and let out a groan. “What a shit show.”
“How bad is the knee?”
“Hard to tell,” he replied as he put the bag of peas on it. He poured himself another shot and leaned back. “You don’t have to hang out.”
“I know but leaving you to drink alone and stew in your own juices is not what a friend does.”
“I’m not going to stew in anything.”
“Bullshit,” Jax replied with a snort. “No one loves to stew like you do, and I’m guessing you’re going to hit replay on the tiff you and Court had about a hundred times.”
“It was a fight, not a tiff.”
“Did you two call it quits?”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Drink this bottle of bourbon.”
“Are you pissed that she turned out to be twice as feisty as you imagined?”
“Feisty, I can handle. A woman who makes dangerous fucking choices, I can’t.”
“Only one person in the family gets to put their life on the line?”
Caid took a sip of his drink and then adjusted the bag of frozen vegetables. “I do it for a good cause.”
“Bet your lady thought hers was too.”
“She’s a civilian with no training.”
“Ace said the sneak and peek she ran wasn’t half bad.”
“Get out!”
“Not in the mood for a little truth?”
“I had to break into a house tonight, so I could rescue my girlfriend from a locked basement before a New York Times bestselling author woke up from a drug-induced sleep. That, by the way, was courtesy of said girlfriend. What part of that is okay?”
“Heard she had a good reason.”
“A lot of people sitting in the county jail think that too.”
“Are you pissed because the idea of something happening to her scared the hell out of you?”
“Probably. But, the reasonable part of my brain is shut down, so I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
“Bourbon is probably helping.”
“It sure ain’t hurting.”
“I’ll leave you to it, then.”
“Appreciate it.”
“One last thing…”
“What?”
“Don’t let your ego get in the way of your happiness.”
Caid lifted his glass. “Thanks, brother.”
Once Jax had closed t
he front door, he let his head fall against the back of the couch and allowed his mind to drift. When it landed on a picture of him and Courtney, he closed his eyes and wondered how the hell they’d gone from all but confessing their feelings for one another to breaking up in such a short amount of time.
Not that he was going to let their separation be permanent.
But he did need a minute to get his mind right, so he could figure out how to handle her risky choices.
If shit like that was even possible.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Courtney walked across the patio toward the Kassiana Café and waved to Lisa. “You’re early!”
“Traffic wasn’t a nightmare.”
Bending down, Courtney kissed her friend’s cheek and then took a seat. “Thanks for coming to the library.”
“Are you kidding me? I love it here and plan on finding my next great read as soon as we’re done solving the world’s problems.”
“Could we start with mine and then move on from there?”
“Happily,” Lisa replied as she pushed over a cup. “Chai tea latte.”
“Thank you.” She blew a kiss to Lisa and then took a sip.
“How were your classes today?”
“Who cares?” Lisa replied before pulling a cookie out of the bag. “How is your heart?”
“Bruised and a little broken.”
“Already?”
“Apparently, Caid has magic powers because he made me fall for his stupid heart in less time than it takes beer to ferment.”
“It’s only been two weeks…it seemed longer.”
“We wrangled for almost two months before we had a date.”
“The euphoria stage usually lasts longer.”
“Tell me about it. I was hoping for a couple more months at least.”
“Reality stuck its ugly nose in your business and burst that bubble of he’s a perfect sexy beast that will do no wrong way too soon.”
“I feel a little jilted that the joy and rapture portion didn’t last the month.” Sipping her tea, she looked out at the Coronado Bridge in the distance and let out a sigh. “I was really getting into the whole gooey, mushy thing and was about to start writing bad poetry.”
“Do you think it’s possible to get back to the euphoria stage or is it lost forever?”
“I think once it’s gone, that’s it. We’re in the truth phase and may I just say, it’s my least favorite.”
“Not for sissies, that’s for damn sure.”
“Apparently, Caid is not the love of my life like I’d hoped and is, in fact, a lesson. A brutal, heart-wrenching, kick me in the balls one, to be specific.”
“Is there any hope to turn it around?”
“Could the Titanic be turned around?” Watching her friend’s expression, she wrinkled her nose. “You think I should apologize, don’t you?”
“It wouldn’t hurt,” Lisa replied as she leaned over and grabbed another cookie. “And for the record, I think he should apologize too.”
“I doubt the man is capable.”
“Of saying the words?”
“Of recognizing that he might’ve overreacted.”
“He did help you escape from a locked basement.”
“I know, and I’m very appreciative. Things could’ve gone another way, and believe you me, I understand how difficult it would’ve been to overcome the scandal that would’ve resulted from Borden finding me in his sex room.”
“I don’t know that scandal is the right word, but it certainly would’ve been…”
“Problematic?”
“Yes, that’s a perfect word.” Lisa grabbed Courtney’s hand and smiled. “You, my friend, crave excitement and adventure, and the sooner you accept it, the sooner you can find fewer illegal ways to satisfy your need.”
“I’m a librarian and live a very quiet, staid existence.”
“A casual acquaintance might buy that lie, but you know I never will since I’ve had front row seats to most of your…”
“Shenanigans?”
“Sure, we can use that word for now.”
“Caid wants a woman who behaves and doesn’t give him any grief.”
“Did he think you were that?”
“I’m not sure since he was always telling me he liked my fire and sass. In fact, he seemed to see me fairly accurately and actually made jokes about it.”
“Guess the idea of having a risk-taking girlfriend was a lot sexier than the reality.”
“Clearly.” Folding her napkin into a little origami swan, she sighed. “But to be fair, I wasn’t totally honest with him and may have given him the impression that I was a lot better-behaved than I actually am.”
“Why?”
“Because I wasn’t sure he’d be interested in a woman with a casual relationship with certain rules and regulations?”
“I guess that makes sense since all you’ve ever dated is straight-laced, conservative men.”
“Seems a wild Texan wasn’t much different than all those uptight men I’ve wasted my time with since Caid yelled his head off as he illuminated every single one of my transgressions.”
“Sounds like he was scared out of his mind, and instead of admitting that, he went on the offensive and read you the riot act.”
“Which wasn’t completely undeserved.”
“So, what’s your next move?”
“Lick my wounds and hope there’s a way to get over him before the end of time.”
“Any part of you want to work it out?”
“Of course, but I don’t let that stupid part out very often since it makes really bad decisions.” Running her hand over the buttons on her dress, she sucked in a sob. “I wanted to believe that Caid would accept me as I am, and Friday showed me that’s not possible. He wants someone who sits at home and never gives him cause for concern while he goes out and pursues his big life. He wants to be the star of the relationship with a quiet woman circling his orbit and tending to his needs.”
“Well, then, he’s not the one for you.”
“It’s a blessing that we found out in such a short amount of time.”
“Sure is.”
“How many times do you think I’ll need to repeat that phrase?”
“About as many times as you have to show Milton that he’s not a house squirrel.”
“Good thing I’m up for the job.”
“And when you’re not, I’ll take over and make sure you land on the right side of sanity.”
“Thank you, friend.”
“Always.”
“When should we start the tacos and tequila therapy?”
“Immediately.”
“Too bad there’s no decent reality shows on now.”
“We’re going to have to comfort ourselves with Outlander and Poldark.”
Courtney pushed her hand against her chest and let out a laugh. “Nothing wrong with a man in a kilt.”
“There’s a whole lot right, and we both know it.”
“Does Ace know about your fascination with kilts?”
“I’m guessing he will when he gets one for Christmas.”
Feeling laughter bubble up, she knew that, one way or another, she would get to the other side, and before too long, the little dalliance she had with Caid would be a distant memory.
***
Caid walked onto the transport plane and looked around at his brothers and was glad to be back in the fight. Not only because he loved making the world a little safer, but because his heart hadn’t been behavin’ normally since Courtney had given him his walking papers.
None of his anger had abated long enough for him to attempt a conversation, so not a word had passed between them in seven days. God willing he’d get rid of most of it by the time they completed the mission, so he could hazard a conversation with her upon his return.
He slung his bag next to the wall and then walked to the middle of the plane, nodding to the support staff as he passed. “How the hell did we get so lucky and snag th
is op?”
Lt. Cmdr. Warner nodded in his direction and then opened his laptop. “The CAG forces were forward deployed, and our ticket got punched.”
“Who we going after?”
“A golfing buddy of the president.”
“No shit.”
“No fucking shit,” Lt. Cmdr. Warner replied. “Once our CIA liaison shows up, we’ll go over the particulars. You’re number one on this mission, so make sure your head is straight.”
“Always is,” he replied succinctly. “Where’s Jax?”
“Word just came down; he got his own platoon.”
“That’s awesome and totally deserved.”
“Agreed.”
Hearing his teammates enter the plane, he felt his gut settle and knew this was the place he belonged and felt most comfortable. Give him a life and death mission any day because, as far as he was concerned, it was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with the…relationship stuff.
Especially when the woman who had you had by the balls was as likely to get herself into trouble as she was to drink a cup of coffee.
A bag slid next to his, and he looked up, seeing Colt giving him a sympathetic smile. “No one died, so you can wipe that look off your face.”
“Something did, and your denial isn’t going to make it go away.”
“Since when did you become freaking Oprah?”
“Don’t mock spiritual and emotional intelligence, man, ‘cause that shit can be the difference between winning and losing.”
“I can’t take your spiritual healing today, man.”
“I get it, but when you’re ready to fight your way out the battlefield of despair, let me know.”
Caid let out a bark of laughter and slapped Colt on the shoulder. “Appreciate it.” When Colt didn’t respond, he looked over his shoulder and saw the CIA straps stride onto the plane. He recognized one since she’d worked with the team on and off for the last year, but not the other one.
“Who’s the beauty with Daisy?” Colt said quietly.
“Guessin’ she’s a spook since they seem to travel in pairs.”
Colt put his hand against his chest and nodded. “She’s making my heart do something weird.”
“That little bitty thing? She can’t be more than five feet, nothing.”