by Amy Cross
“That's not true,” I reply quickly, perhaps a little too defensively. “I've only been out for half an hour. Tabby'll be fine.”
“Tabby?” Caitlin's smile grows. “That's such a cute name!”
“Yes, it is, isn't it?” Dad replies, and then he stares at me with an expression of pure anger.
I swallow hard.
An uncomfortable silence descends upon our booth.
It's clear that Dad wants me to leave. I can see it in his eyes, it's almost as if he's trying to force me out of here through sheer willpower. At the same time, the more he wants me to leave, the more I want to stay. Caitlin's leaving tomorrow, and – when I turn to her – I can't help thinking once again about those awful images I saw online. All Caitlin has to do is stay safe for one more night, and then she'll head off to London and she'll never be in danger again. Well, not from Dad, at least. She won't end up like Heather Ringfield.
“So,” Caitlin says, apparently keen to break the awkward silence, “I guess I'm going to miss this pub. It's the only part of the village that I will miss, but...”
Her voice trails off.
She looks at Dad, who ignores her as he continues to glare at me.
Caitlin stares at him, before looking at me as if she's really starting to realize that something's wrong. I know I could end this sense of discomfort immediately, by announcing that I'm going home, but that's exactly what Dad wants. I ignore what he does most of the time, but tonight I really want to make sure that he doesn't hurt Caitlin. She doesn't deserve to be one of his victims.
“So,” she says, getting to her feet, “I'm going to pop to the loo. I'll be back in a moment.”
As she walks away, Dad keeps his eyes fixed very much on my face. I want to say something, to defend myself, to tell him why I'm here, but I can't think of any words that wouldn't sound utterly feeble. The seconds tick past, and I try to focus on the sounds of the pub. At least all the other customers seem to be enjoying themselves. I look to my right and watch as some guys play pool, but I know that Dad's still staring at me, it's almost as if I can feel his gaze burning into the side of my face.
Sure enough, I turn back to him after a few more seconds, and I see that he's still looking straight at me.
“So what's your plan tonight?” I ask, hoping to force a semi-normal conversation.
I wait, but he doesn't reply.
“I'm not sure about this,” I say, looking down at the drink Caitlin gave me. “I'm sure it's nice for other people, but I don't think it's my kind of thing.”
Again, I wait, hoping that he'll at least make an effort. When I look at him, however, I swear I can almost feel his mind reaching out and pushing me away, trying to force me out through the door. So far, I'm managing to stay strong, but I'm worried that at any moment he'll turn the intensity up a notch and I'll be sent flying out onto the village green. Looking at Dad now, at his broad, firm shoulders and his large frame, I truly believe that he could do anything.
“I probably won't stay out all that long,” I say, although I inwardly curse myself for weakening so quickly. “Why don't we go home after these drinks?”
I wait.
No response.
“I'm sure Caitlin needs to pack,” I add, trying to hide my growing sense of desperation. “She's leaving tomorrow, remember? She's off to London, and you'll never have to see her again. There'll be no more... temptations.”
I wait.
He looks like he wants to hurt me.
“Hey, guys,” Caitlin says, coming back to the booth and sitting down, “what's cooking? I've gotta tell you, I'm probably not going to last long tonight.” She reaches into her jacket and takes out some small packets, and she starts rolling herself a cigarette. “I don't suppose I can bum a filter from either of you, can I?”
She waits for me to answer, and then she turns to Dad.
He's still staring at me.
“No problem,” she continues, clearly picking up on the weird vibes. “I can make do.”
We sit in silence as she finishes rolling the cigarette. Dad's still staring at me, and I quickly notice that Caitlin's doing the same thing, albeit with a very different look in her eyes. I want to get up and mumble and apology and leave, but I know I can't do that, not right now. Somehow, I find the strength to stay right where I am. Caitlin might not know it, but I think right now I'm saving her life.
Chapter Forty-Two
Ten years ago
My eyes flicker open as soon as I hear the sound of a key in the door. I stare at the window and see the tops of trees swaying in morning light, and then I sit up as I hear Dad getting home.
I check my phone and see that it's almost 9am.
Climbing out of bed, I make my way to the door and listen. I thought Dad was supposed to be coming home much later, and I don't quite understand how he had time to go to a conference in the short time that he was away from home. Then again, I've never been to a conference, so I don't know how they work. I guess maybe the actual conference took place overnight, which might make sense if everyone had to get back to work. Dad told me he'd be busy in the morning, but technically 1am would count as the morning, so that must be what happened.
I step out onto the landing, just as Dad comes bounding up the stairs.
“There's my girl,” he says with a big grin. “Come on, get dressed, I'm taking you out for breakfast.”
“Where?” I ask.
“Who cares? Anywhere!” He hurries into his room, and I hear him opening the wardrobe door. “Get dressed, Lisa. We're going out. We're going to have a really fun day today!”
***
“I'm not sure what Mum would say about me having ice cream for breakfast,” I tell Dad, as we sit on a bench overlooking the beach. “She always wanted me to have cereal and fruit.”
“Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind,” he replies eagerly. He seems so energetic today, and so full of enthusiasm. “We've been through a lot lately, honey. We've been mourning for long enough. I'm not suggesting for one second that we can just rinse the sadness away, but I do think your mother would want us to get on with living our lives. Doesn't that make sense?”
“I guess,” I reply, and then I smile. “Ice cream for breakfast is pretty cool.”
“I was thinking we should go to a museum after,” he continues. “Does that sound good?”
“What kind of museum?”
“Any kind of museum! What would you like to see?”
I think for a moment, but in all honesty I don't think I have an opinion.
“I'll find something,” Dad continues. “There's that new museum about local history that opened a while ago, we could try that.”
“Okay.”
“Does that sound fun?”
“Yeah.”
He nudges my arm, and I can't help thinking that he seems almost manic. It's as if, while he was away overnight, something happened to really fill him full of a whole lot of extra energy. There's a part of me that's a little unsettled, but at the same time I'm glad that Dad's happy and I feel as if maybe this is the first step on the road back to normality. Plus, eating ice cream for breakfast isn't too shabby, and I definitely like the idea of hanging out with Dad for the whole day.
“Come on,” he says, getting to his feet and reaching a hand out toward me. “We've been sitting here for long enough, Lisa. There's a whole world out there, waiting for us to go and start exploring, so why waste time sitting on our asses when we could be having fun?”
I hesitate, before getting to my feet. Dad immediately takes my hand and starts leading me along the promenade. I feel as if I'm getting caught up in a whirlwind, but I can't help smiling. We're having a proper day out for once, and I'm sure Mum would be proud of us both.
I actually feel like a normal person.
Chapter Forty-Three
Today
“Your Dad's intense,” Caitlin says as she breathes out smoke into the cold night air. “I like him, but he's intense. Why was
he staring at you like that?”
I glance over my shoulder, looking through the pub's main window. Dad's still in the bathroom, which is good. When he comes back, I'm sure he'll start staring at me again.
“You're okay, right?” Caitlin says.
I turn to her.
“I'm fine,” I stammer, not entirely convincingly.
“You're really not much of a pub person, are you?”
“It's not that,” I reply. “I guess I'm just thinking about Tabby. Maybe Dad's right that I shouldn't have left her in her crate tonight.”
“She'll get over it. Wait 'til she starts going off for days at a time. Then you'll know what it's like to really worry about a cat.”
“Oh, she won't be going out,” I explain. “She's going to be an inside cat.”
“Really?”
“Dad suggested it, and I did some research and I think it seems like a good idea. At first he was going to get her a cat flap in the back door, but then he started wondering whether she'd be safe. I looked it up, and I decided that it'd be safer.”
“Huh.”
She takes another drag on her cigarette.
“I think cats like being outside,” she continues, “and it's not exactly dangerous in a village like this.”
“She might get run over.”
“She won't.”
“There are foxes.”
“She can run from a fox.”
“And other cats.”
“So?”
“And people do mean things.”
She turns to me.
Feeling a little embarrassed, I look out across the dark village green.
“You're really good at thinking up dangers, aren't you?” she says with a grin. “No offense, Lisa, but I think you'll change your mind. That cat of yours is gonna want to go outside, and she won't thank you for protecting her like this, not when she's a little older.” She takes another drag. “Protecting her all the time like that, it's as if you're strangling her.”
I turn to her.
“You know what I mean,” she adds.
“It's for her own good,” I stammer. “I'm just keeping her safe.”
“You need to trust her a little.”
Hearing the door swing open, I turn to see that Dad's emerging from the pub. He looks stern, just like before, and I still feel as if his eyes are drilling into my soul.
“I'm going for a slash,” Caitlin says, stubbing her cigarette out on the wall and heading to the door, “and then I'd better get home. I need to figure out what to take and what to leave, and I'm sure my aunt'll have some things to say to me.” Stopping, she glances at me. “Are you gonna be okay out here for a few minutes?” she asks pointedly.
“Sure,” I reply, forcing myself to keep from looking directly at Dad.
Caitlin goes inside, and I look back toward the village green. Dad's right next to me, and I feel as if my head is about to implode.
“Here's what you're going to do,” he says, his voice sounding so very strict and stern. I don't look at him, but I feel as if his voice is somehow beating me down. “You're going to go home and look after your cat, Lisa. You're going to go right now. I'll tell Caitlin that you had to leave, I'll give her your apologies. You're going to go home and you're going to stay there until I get back. Don't worry about Caitlin. I'll walk her back to her aunt's house.”
I turn to him.
“This isn't a request,” he continues. “It's what you're going to do.”
I open my mouth to argue with him, but somehow I can't get the words out.
“Now, Lisa,” he adds.
“What... What are you going to do when you walk her home?” I manage to ask.
“That's none of your business.”
“But -”
“Lisa, this is not up for debate,” he says firmly. “There's nothing for you to do here. You're going to go home, you're going to take responsibility for caring for your cat, and eventually you're going to go to bed. That's all. That's how your life works, Lisa. Any time you try to do something else, you end up regretting it, so trust me on this. Go home.”
“Can I at least wait for Caitlin to come out?” I ask.
“No.”
“I want to say goodbye to her.”
“I'll pass that on to her.”
“Can't I just say goodbye?”
“No, Lisa. You're going home. Right now.”
I want to argue with him, but I can't. Ever since we sat in the booth, I've felt as if I'm desperately trying to resist Dad's will, but I'm already losing my strength. I want to stay and see Caitlin one more time, but finally I turn and start walking away. I hate myself for being so weak, but at the same time there's only so far I can push Dad. The look in his eyes was terrifying and I'm already worried that he's going to hate me.
As I walk out across the village green, I try to tell myself that everything will be okay. Isn't there a chance that Dad really will just walk Caitlin home? After all, he's never killed anyone in our village before, and it'd be dumb of him to do that now. Why risk drawing attention to himself? My mind fills with all sorts of possibilities, but at the same time I keep coming back to the anger I saw in his eyes. If he isn't going to hurt Caitlin, then why was he so desperate to push me away?
Stopping at the edge of the green, I turn and look back toward the pub. I'm just in time to see Dad and Caitlin wandering away into the distance, heading along one of the lanes that winds through to the far end of the village. A moment later they disappear from view, and I'm left standing all alone.
I know what he's going to do. I don't know whether I can stop him, but for the first time in my life... I have to try.
Chapter Forty-Four
Ten years ago
“Isn't this place amazing?” Dad says as we step into the museum's large, main display area. “This is the history of the world we live in, Lisa. This is stuff that happened in the local area.”
I suppose he's right, and I feel a little stupid for not being more interested. There are displays about different ways that humans lived in our county, and I stop and look at a board that describes life during Roman occupation. I start to read the text, but after just a couple of lines I'm already feeling sleepy, so instead I go over and look at a mannequin that's wearing some kind of old Roman armor.
“The past is how we got to where we are today,” Dad says, coming over to join me. “You can't ignore or forget the past, you have to carry it with you. You don't really have a choice. And that's the same with people, Lisa. Just because you might not think about your mother every single waking moment, that doesn't mean she's gone. She'll always be with you.”
I look up at him, and I nod.
“I just don't want you to feel guilty if you don't cry as much as you think you should.”
“I won't.” I pause. “How do normal people react when someone dies?”
“You're asking the wrong person there,” he replies, as he turns and looks at the mannequin. “I've never managed to figure that stuff out. Your mother was a lot better than me at being normal.”
I turn to the mannequin. I wish Dad had given me a better answer. An easier answer.
“Hey,” he says, sounding very enthusiastic again, “come and see what I found.”
Without giving me a chance to answer, he takes my hand and leads me through to a small side room, where lots of brightly-colored blocks have been laid out on the floor.
“Doesn't this look fun?” Dad continues. “We have to build a model of an old Roman fort. There's a picture on the wall to guide you, but you can also get a little creative. You like being creative, Lisa, don't you?”
No.
The truth is, I'm not good at things like that. Still, I know I should try, so I kneel in front of a few blocks and start trying to work out how we can fit them together. I know Dad's watching me, and he still seems manic, but I don't look at him. I'm worried that I might let him down if I don't do well at this test, so I move a couple of the blocks and try to copy the
picture on the wall.
“Isn't this fun?” Dad says excitedly. “We're having so much fun, Lisa!”
Chapter Forty-Five
Today
Hurrying along the dark lane, I soon see Caitlin's aunt's house up ahead. There's a light on in the front room, and as I stop in front of the door I realize that for all I know Caitlin might be safely home by now. I hesitate, wondering what I should do next, and then I step forward and knock.
My heart is racing, but then I hear footsteps coming closer to the other side of the door.
“Yes?” her aunt says as she answers. She furrows her brow when she sees me. “Oh, it's you. What do you want?”
“Is Caitlin home?” I ask.
She stares at me, clearly not impressed after having met me in the cafe.
“I don't know where that girl is,” she says, sounding distinctly frosty. “I imagine she's in the pub, as usual.”
“So she hasn't come back yet?”
“I'm sure she's waiting until last orders.” She pauses. “Why? What do you want with her?”
“I just thought I'd see her before she leaves,” I reply.
“I have no interest in what you think or don't think,” she says haughtily. “If you're so desperate to contact Caitlin, you can send her a message on her phone like everyone else.” She half shuts the door, before stopping. “As I said, you'll most likely find her in the pub. Now, please, don't disturb me again.”
With that, she pushes the door shut, leaving me to take a step back as I try to work out what I should do next. If Caitlin and Dad simply walked here, they'd have arrived well before me, which means they must have taken a detour. I turn and look around, but most of the village is shrouded in darkness and I genuinely have no idea where Dad might have taken her. I try to gather my thoughts and think harder, but I feel as if time is running out. I have to find Caitlin before Dad hurts her.
I pick a road and random and make my way through the darkness. I know this village like the back of my hand, but tonight somehow I feel as if I'm at risk of getting lost. It's as if the lanes and cottages are conspiring in the darkness to slow me down, and – as I reach the crest of a small hill – I bump hard into the corner of a garden fence.