by Sam Hall
Her lips were the cold of the deepest winter yet I burned. Agony ripped through my body, twisting my limbs in a rictus of pain. Knives stabbed into my brain, muscles leapt and jerked from my bones. Blood poured from me in buckets, leaching away my strength. The tracer in my shoulder began to throb, then spark, expanding further and further and further until… I was dead, I had to be. I felt nothing, was nothing, nothing other than a small chip of consciousness floating in a silky black sea. I was falling or floating, I couldn’t determine which. It was impossible, being surrounded by the endless darkness that swirled around me with no quarter given to the rules of perspective or gravity. There was no landscape or features with which to anchor myself within the space.
“There you are.”
And then just as suddenly, I was standing in a room that looked like a grand palace, fully dressed. A very dusty grand palace. “Hello?” I said, looking around me. My voice didn't echo through the wide-open spaces. I walked along the marble floor, noticing my feet left prints in the dust. At least I’d know how to make my way back. To where though, that’s what I wasn’t sure of. Figuring I may as well go somewhere, I veered off to my left and through a closed doorway.
“Whoa.” The ceilings soared above me, capped by a series of cobalt glass domes. The room opened into a small circular foyer, that two sweeping sets of stairs joined. Just before them was a massive stone statue of two combatants. I drew closer and saw one of the participants was the albino girl I’d seen on the Ladder. She thrashed underneath her male attacker; teeth forever bared in a snarl. I walked up and noted his hands wrapped around her throat.
Beyond the sculpture room was a huge indoor pool. It was covered in blue, gold and white mosaic tiles, the pool off to the left-hand side. I reached down and skimmed my fingers across the water. Yep, it was wet and cool. I paused, waiting for it to settle again until my reflection became clear. There I was, same body, same ragged hair, shining on the water’s surface. Then reflection me bared her mouthful of shark teeth. I jerked back, stumbling on the uneven tiles and around me I heard a woman laughing. “What the fuck!” I snapped, looking for the source of the sound, but all there was were tiles and water, tiles and water.
At the end of the room, there were three doors. I opened one, which led to a room with a massive blue glass dome. When I ducked my head in, I could see constellations mapped against the glass. At the end was a huge archway, but instead of being filled with a door, it seemed to hold a pulsing darkness. I pulled back and opened the door to my left, then the right. The same view greeted me through each one. I frowned and stepped back. All three didn’t open onto the room, each showing me a different vantage point. Instead, I saw the exact same view, in triplicate. I walked through the middle one, looking up at the dome, then back but the doors had vanished.
“So,” my head whipped around to see the naked albino girl standing on the other side of the room where she hadn’t been beforehand, “its decision time.”
“Decision time?” I said.
“Time to choose, time to become something else.”
“What the fuck are you talking about,” I said, taking a step towards her, “and what did you do to me on the Ladder?”
“I tested you of course, to see if you were capable of making the choice. Are you?”
“Am I what?”
She smiled, her face a carnivorous nightmare, “Are you ready to become?”
“I’m ready for you to ask me a straight question,” I said. “I get we’re in some weird palace full of magical art and swimming pools and shit, but do you think you could just cut to the chase? There isn’t an actual need for you to be obscure.”
She laughed at this and I fought the urge to flinch back. “Do you want power?”
“Now, you see there’s where you could’ve added some more detail. Like, what kind of power? At what cost? For how long? Will anyone else have to suffer for it? Something like that.”
She held up her hand and counted off her fingers, “To do whatever you want, none, forever and no.”
“Really? Absolute power, no strings attached? Hmm…what do the stories tell me will happen if I agree to your kind offer? Death, cursed, all loved one’s dead.”
She waved a hand to brush off my objections, “Fairy tales are created to keep the populace down. Don’t be too proud, too vain, too confident in yourself, don’t fly too close to the sun. Don’t you want to try for yourself, what it would be like to step beyond the petty rules of society? People do it all the time. Your Hesse was instrumental in bringing down several much more powerful magical races and found the secret to eternal youth. Do you think he sits up at night worrying if he’s a nice person?”
“No, he’s a sick fuck who likes experimenting on children.”
“Of course he is, and there’s no magical or social force that rises up to put him in his place, is there? He just goes on, getting richer and more successful. Don’t you want to try that on for size, see what you’d do with that power?”
“If this is a choice, what’s my other option?”
“Death.”
“Death? I thought I passed the test, made it up the Ladder, climbed here.”
“Did you? Or are you hanging on the Ladder still, slowly dying of hypoxia with a time bomb in your arm?”
I blinked at that, looked around me and then back at the doors which had reappeared, each one showing me the exact same view of the sculpture in the foyer. I looked back and now she was standing at arm’s length, head cocked to one side a smile on her face. “Time to choose.”
“Fine,” I said, biting out the words, “power me up.”
“Pucker up, lover,” she said with a wink, closing the gap between us. I flinched, expecting the same painful ordeal as last time, but instead just heard her laugh echoing through the stupid room again. When I opened my eyes, she was gone. I’m under your skin now, she said, her voice a purr inside my head. Let’s go have some fun.
In the next moment, I was back on the Ladder, looking down at the very distant earth below. “Fuck!” I yelped, clutching at the freezing cold metal. The girl just laughed.
Let go! she said as if it was the most delightful thing in the world.
“Are you fucking crazy! I’m seeing the tops of clouds and they are tiny, tiny spots in the distance. I don’t know how I could possibly have climbed this high!”
Let go. My heart pounded in my chest, sweat pooling in my palms despite the gods awful cold. Let. Go!
I don’t know if I did it or the girl, but my fingers released and down I fell, plummeting like a stone. I could no longer see a thing as the wind tore at my face and hair. My clothes worked their way up my body, trying to jump this sinking ship, my muscles tensing for a godawful impact, that just wasn’t coming. Stop being silly, the voice in my head said. You have power, use it. What do you want to do?
“Not fucking fall! Fly! I want to fly!”
Good choice, she said and I erupted into a ball of flame.
I hung above the earth; the wind whistle drowned out by the flutter of the flames that covered my body. “Ah!” I screamed and tried to swat them out. The girl inside my head just chuckled.
It’s flashy I know, but it’s always been the form I use when I take flight. I have the power, Lethe, but you’re running the show. If you don’t give me direction, I can’t assume what you want and act anyway. You need to tell me what you want, an experience I think, that will be good for you.
“Who the fuck are you? You’ve never introduced yourself.”
Didn’t you work it out? I’m Lyra.
“Lyra? Like goddess Lyra? ‘Kai and Lyra’ Lyra?”
Obviously.
“So, just a question, goddess, do the flames like propel us or something?”
No, I just like the look of them, now, let’s go home.
It took a bit of flailing around, but I worked out how to fly fairly quickly. It was a matter of pulling all your limbs in a nice and streamlined way, aiming for where you wanted to go
, and then off you went. In no time I was spiralling in death-defying drops, swooping around in the atmosphere, watching the world swing beneath me. I finally stopped, hanging in the air, panting. This had to be the most exhilarating experience I’d ever had. I looked down, the details of the terrain below me much clearer now I was nearer the surface of the earth. There were tiny rises of hills and more pronounced mountains, thin streaks of water that were no doubt mighty rivers and little spots that were lakes. There in the centre, like a sullen bruise, was the grey of Meridian City. “Fuck, I could go anywhere, absolutely anywhere.”
Now she’s getting the idea, Lyra said.
“Wow…” my brain went blank, struggling to think of a place to go. I felt tears inexplicably prick at the corners of my eyes. It was so big, the concept of outside. So big, we never really got to think about it. Better just to condense your awareness down to what was contained in the Quarter, than torment yourself with the thoughts of beyond the Wall. I struggled to think of a place to go, place names, both real and mythical tumbled around in my mind like confetti. I couldn't muster a desire to go anywhere as I'd never thought specifically about where I might want to go. I just stared down at the world, river, mountain, plain, lake. These were abstract concepts to me before now.
I should remind you that all of this flying is eating into your physical reserves. You’ll need to land somewhere to eat soon, or like your friend, Marley, you’ll consume yourself from within.
“Marley!” I said, smacking myself on the forehead. “We had a suicide pact!”
The gates at Talos then.
I landed lightly on the grass, my head swivelling around, looking for my brother as I did so. There he was! He walked out from between the ruined buildings of Ground Zero, weaving a little as he crossed the torn-up road, taking step after dragging step towards the cliffs. “I need to run there, super-fast,” I said and off I went, the surroundings becoming a blur.
“Whoa!” Marley said, rearing back and blinking owlishly. His head craned towards me, eyeing me with one blue iris, then the other. “Zat you, Lethe?”
“Yeah, and what the fuck happened to you?” Bruises spread in a messy sprawl from his temple down his neck and disappeared under his t-shirt.
“Vamps, fuckers. Wanted to take Anastasia away, just when we were having fun.”
“Didn’t you start having fun a week ago?”
“Yeah, my last week.” He let out a sigh, hanging his head. “Last one until Lethe and I… Lethe! It’s you!”
“You said that.”
“No,” he stood up straighter, blinking furiously and then his face lost its dazed blindness. He turned his gaze on me and paused, really seeing me now. Slowly, his beautiful wide smile spread. “Hey,” he said softly, reaching out and drawing me into the curve of his shoulder. “It’s nearly time. You scared?”
“Um…about that. Look, can we sit?”
“Sure, let’s go sit on the grass by the fence,” he said, steering me with a protective hand. We sat down cross-legged facing each other.
“Gods, I really need something to eat and drink. You look like you could use it too. Oh!” In my hand was a tall glass of something fruity, condensation forming on the sides, Marley held the same. Around us was an array of food and drink, some I had no idea what they were, and we were sitting on a picnic blanket.
“Somethings happened to you,” Marley said, taking it all in, then a hefty sip from his drink.
“Yeah, I kinda climbed the Ladder.”
“The ladder, or The Ladder.”
“The latter.”
“Whoa, and what, you found the magic wishing tree?”
“Nooo, not quite.”
He looked up at me, half smiling, shaking his head, “You found the gods, didn’t you?” He looked away, over at the sun that was beginning to drop lower in the sky. “Un-fucking-believable.”
“A goddess.” He picked up a sandwich from the nearest plate, sniffed at it and then tossed it back, rubbing his hands on his jeans. Then he laughed, throwing back his head. “I used the last bit of persuasion… This big grand… You’re not going to die, are you?” I pulled my shirt from my shoulder to show him the unmarred surface. He reached out a thin finger, letting it trail over my skin before dropping it to the ground.
“Can’t you see,” I said, hunching forward, “we’re free now. I can do anything. I can get us out of the Quarter, we can go anywhere. You can be strong and happy, just like you were.” My heart beat wildly at the thought of it, of all the possibilities. My voice sounded odd like I was speaking through a pipe or my ears were clogged up. Marley just sat there, looking blankly at the grass, his hand limp as a dropped handkerchief. “Marley, everything we’ve ever wanted can now come true.”
His eyes flicked back to me, burning hot and blue, “I wanted this, Lethe. This was going to be it, my grand gesture, the thing that would make sense of all the shit that went before it. Me and you, it’s been the closest thing to love I’ve had in my entire life. My endlessly scrabbling, pointless, stupid life. I can make people want things, but I can only make them want me for as long as I can sustain it until it eats me from the inside. I went to school and learned, and for what? We were all doomed to become playthings from the start, they let our self-awareness develop enough for us to hate ourselves. Why not have Rohan school us in the arts they so value in us from childhood? There’d be sick fucks lining up for the title of teacher.”
“You’re afraid,” I said, pulling back. The idea was too bizarre for me to get my head around. My fearless brother who threw rocks at Rohan’s skylight at twelve. “The prospect of a future, that scares you.”
“You should be scared too,” he said, the rattle in his voice indicating he was trying to push at me, but his suggestion just rolled off my skin.
I got to my feet, shaking my head, “Then stay here, eat the food, live your life, knowing you had the possibility of something more and couldn’t face it. I never wanted your death, I wanted my brother by my side, but if you don’t want it, then live, live your life exactly how you wanted it because I want no more part of it.” I brushed the tears from my eyes and saw that the car had been picked up at some point so I took off at a run. I want to fly out of here, to somewhere safe, I thought. In the next moment, I was airborne in a ball of flames.
Safe was apparently the gardens of the Witchbreed. I dropped to the ground, the cool, dark gloom of the trees closing around me as soon as the flames extinguished. I sat on the grass, the roots of a large tree within reach, breathing heavily. You need to eat, Lyra’s voice said. Ask me for a meal.
“Meatball sandwich and a soda,” I said and when I looked down, I held them in my hand. I sucked down the sickly-sweet cola in great gulps, I could almost feel the instant energy rushing through my veins.
You’ll need more than that. Flying isn’t a natural state for your body, it’ll take more of your energy.
“OK, get me a pizza with the lot,” I said and a box flopped next to me on the grass. I looked around me at the tall trees covering me in shade, and the nodding flowers growing beneath them. "So, this power thing. Could I... change the way I look?"
Yes.
"So I could have long black hair and brown eyes if I wanted?"
Yes.
"So horns, a tail, wings, that's all possible?"
Yes, though flying would be difficult. The wings would have to be especially large for you to fly with due to your human bone structure.
"So if I wanted to have rainbow skin, a unicorn horn and to fart glitter, I could do that?"
Yes, but glitter is tiny little pieces of sharp plastic, so you may want to rethink that one.
"What else could I do? Could I become invisible for a while? Could I walk through walls? Could I jump off the top of the Spire and land on the ground without hurting myself?"
Yes, yes and yes.
"What about... Could I turn Rohan's head into a pumpkin?"
Yes, he’d be dead as he’d have no brain to regulate his
body, but yes.
"Could I turn all the rubble in the Quarter into cotton candy?"
Yes, though that would take a massive amount of energy and probably kill you. I’d suggest picking a small area and then refuelling, and the subsequent rise in the rat population could become an issue.
"So basically, I can do whatever I want, as long as my body can supply the fuel to make it happen."
I thought I'd made that clear, but if you need to hear me say it, yes.
"So where does the energy come from. Just food?"
“So, what do we have here? Something about our gardens screamed out to you, ‘most perfect picnic spot ever’?” I looked up to see a tall woman with long auburn hair standing on the slight dirt path that led to me. She wore the tight cargo pants with a million pockets that some witchbreed wear (all the better for storing ingredients and implements) and a khaki singlet. Her hair was pulled back on one side in a thin plait and she sported a moon earring. Not a dark witch, from what I could tell.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I just needed….”
“To land in a flaming ball in my garden. Yep, I caught that part. What I’m missing is why were you a flaming ball, why are you polluting your body with junk food and why are you a huge glowing mass of power?” I just sat there, mouth hanging open. “I'm Kat. C’mon, my place is down the path. Now get rid of that…” My cup, sub and pizza blinked out of existence.
“But I need…”
“Here,” she said, flicking a finger so that instead I held an earthenware cup of juice and a wholemeal wrap filled with vegetables, meat and some kind of green mush. “That’s nutrient-dense and calorie-dense. Even flaming balls need their vitamins.” We walked until we came to a mud-brick house with a wonky conical roof. Garden beds surrounded the place in rings, bursting with flowers and vegetables. Chickens scratched around in the dirt, pecking at bugs. A rooster hopped on top of a sweet little coop and crowed up at the darkening sky. “C’mon ladies, no one wants to be spending the rest of their lives in a fox’s belly,” the stranger said, shooing them in and then locking the door behind her. “Eat up and come inside,” she said.