by Maya Daniels
7
“Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead!” Jezzinta is nudging my legs and I open one eye to look at her.
“Go away.” I turn around on my stomach. The covers are pulled off me, and I start waving my arms in an attempt to catch them, but she’s too fast.
“Damn it, Jez, I’ll get up in a minute. I haven’t slept like a human being...I don’t remember since when,” I say and you can hear how grumpy I am.
“Get your ass up, love bird, Romeo is downstairs waiting for you,” she says, and in one move I go from sleeping on my stomach to sitting up in bed. She starts laughing. “I knew that’d get you up.”
She walks out and closes the door. It’s a few days after the incident, and he’s come every morning to see me. He doesn’t say much, just asks how I am, if I’m feeling better or if I need anything. Then we just sit there like teenagers not saying anything but looking at each other from the corner of our eyes. Luckily, I started painting again to calm down from what almost happened, so now he just sits and watches me paint for an hour or two, then he leaves. I learned that his name is Derik, and I felt stupid for asking him if he were an angel. The girls still think it’s hilarious, so they tease me when we work on the rituals.
“Are you an angel?” Remi says breathlessly while holding both hands at her heart, trying to bat her lashes, and they both go into fits of laughter until Jezzinta says, “No, miss, but I’ll become one if you so desire,” trying to imitate his voice and they keep laughing until I yell at them or throw something at them.
You’d think we’re in preschool, not grown-ass women. I grab some underwear and clothing and head for the shower. I’d better be fast before those two make Derik uncomfortable again. Last time the poor guy was blushing like a red light when I got downstairs, but no one told me why. I can only imagine. I shower quickly. I do that every time now after my steamy shower the first day in this house, just in case someone decides to pop in. I shiver at the thought. It’s more disturbing than I’d like to admit because I’m not so sure I don’t want him to show up, so better be safe than sorry. I rush through it like hellhounds are chasing me. Shorts and tank tops used to be my clothing of choice at home or when I wasn’t working, but after what happened, I started wearing pants that I can tie up around my waist as tight as I can. At times it feels like I’m cutting off my circulation, but I don’t care. I feel better that way. When I’m all dressed, I tie my long hair in a ponytail and pin my fringe up out of my eyes. I look in the mirror to see my eyes, which are their usual dark brown, almost black selves, shimmering with the dark blue circles I have around them. They started changing colors in the last couple of days, depending on my mood. I’m still pale and my olive skin looks more gray than olive. The freckles I have on my nose and cheeks are more pronounced. I wonder when that will go away. For someone with my complexion, it’s not common to have freckles. I can thank my half-Irish ancestry for that. That’s my only inheritance from that side of the family beyond the Druid ways I was taught, for which I’m grateful. The Druid part, not the freckles. Those I don’t like. Remi thinks they’re cute and Jezzinta calls me her freckled elephant because of my memory. I wish it wasn’t as good. I wish I could forget some things, but I’m not that lucky. I was born with this memory that remembers everything, even things that feel like they’re killing me inside. With one last look in the mirror, I head downstairs.
“So, Derik, you plan on checking if she’s okay for the rest of her life, or are you going to ask the sap out?” I hear Jezzinta’s voice and I want throw something at her.
“Ummmm, well...” poor Derik stumbles over his own words.
He is so shy it makes me want to slap these two, who are looking at him like predators look at their prey. I clear my throat and all three of them look at me. Derik jumps up from his seat and Remi and Jezzinta start giggling. They’re lucky I love them so much at times.
“Hey, you’re here,” I say to him.
“Hello, Alexia. I came to see how you’re doing. Are you feeling better?” he asks in his quiet voice. He speaks very softly and it’s a pleasure to listen to him. I’m sure he sounds even better when he is not so nervous.
“Yes, much better, thank you.” I smile at him and he does that thing
again when he clenches his fists and his eyes widen a little. Remi and Jezzinta snort a cough-slash-laugh and they are seriously getting on my nerves. I really need to talk to them. He looks at Jezzinta and I can see the determination set in his eyes.
“Actually, I was wondering if you would like to go to dinner tonight?” he says it in one breath and silence falls in the room.
I’m looking at him and I can tell he is nervous. I do wish to say ‘yes, I would love to,’ but I can’t leave the property. If I do, I’m fair game to that warlock Thomas and his minions, as we discovered a few days ago. Apparently he hired those two thugs to come and pour some concoction he had mixed, with only the Goddess knows what, in an attempt to break the seals and protections that are all around this property. Luckily we felt them, and if it weren’t for Derik, I guess it would’ve been very unlucky for me, but we stopped their attempt. I don’t know if we’ll live long if Thomas finds a way to enter the property without a problem. The idiot even gave them those bracelets enchanted with sigils on the inside to literally drain the life out of a witch. Evil creature! I’m still shaken from everything we learned.
“I would love to go, Derik, but I’m still not ready to be around people, what with everything that has happened...I’m sorry. I just...I’m not ready for that.” I say it with a sad smile. I hope he understands it’s not because of him that I’m saying no.
“You know, you guys can have a picnic on the property by the lake, if you like. No people there,” says Jezzinta. Remi kicks her, but it’s so obvious that I almost laugh at it. Derik looks at me hopefully.
“Ummmm, yeah. That sounds good, if you don’t mind,” I tell him.
It’s very interesting when you feel people’s energies. I can almost feel the anxiety lifting off him and excitement replacing it like a living thing.
“I would love that,” he says shyly.
What am I doing? I have no idea. He is so nice and kind and polite, plus so shy, and me? Me and my alpha personality will make him regret he met me. I can feel it, but I can’t help but feel excited about the date. I do like him very much.
“We can watch the sunset if it’s okay with you,” he adds.
“Oh, that will be perfect,” purrs Remi, and I look at her with my eyebrows raised.
“Don’t you two have something better to do?” I ask no one in particular.
“What? And miss this? Fuck, no! It’s like watching Romeo and Juliet, only in real life,” says Remi, and all I can do is shake my head and blow out a deep breath. The woman has an attitude, that’s for sure.
“Want to have a cup of coffee on the porch?” I ask Derik, and he nods and follows me into the kitchen.
“I’ll have one, too!” yells Remi from the living room.
Jezzinta adds, “She’ll have it here with me!”
As soon as she’s done talking, I hear her ‘ouch’ that she’s trying to hide from us. Did I mention we’re like preschoolers?
“You look nice,” Derik says, and I jump a little. I didn’t realize he was standing that close to me. He noticed, so he lifts both hands in surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll just sit here while you make the coffee. I wanted to help,” he says, sitting down on one of the farthest barstools.
Now I feel like an idiot. I only jumped because my mind was on Remi’s acting strange. I turn my back to him and start making the coffee. Then I stop.
“Would you like to have Middle Eastern coffee with me? It’s made differently. It’s cooked with the water on the stove, and it’s much stronger, but I think I’ll have that.” I turn towards him and he steels his features, but not fast enough. I saw the dreamy look in his eyes.
“I’ll drink whatever you give me, Alexia.” He says it so solemnly
that it makes me giggle. Me! I giggled. I never giggle! What on earth is going on with me?
“Don’t say that, I might be a witch and give you poison,” I say teasingly. And that’s my problem, right there. He’s human, and me, well, I’m not, not really. That’s what’s been bothering me all this time.
“I’d still drink it, even if I knew,” he says under his breath and only smiles at me, but I heard it. Remember my hearing? I can now hear a fly in flight outside. I smile back and turn around to make the coffee. Ten minutes later, we’re sitting outside enjoying the morning sun.
“I do like it,” he says sipping slowly from the small cup used for this type of coffee. My grandmother sure loved her cups. She even made sure there was a whole set here. I look at it and smile, thinking about her.
“I do love when you smile like that,” Derik says, and I look up at him. He holds his cup close to his lips, but he isn’t drinking. He is looking at me like he wants to see my soul. I shiver a little.
“The cup looks funny in your hand.” I change the subject and by the look he gave me, he knows it, too. “You look like a Viking trying to act like an Englishman.” At the look on his face, I laugh.
“Well, I am an Icelander,” he says, but shakes his head and laughs too, a rich, soft laugh.
Everything about him feels calm, but if I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that where there’s a lot of calm, there’s a storm brewing in there somewhere. I wonder what kind of storm it is but can’t continue asking questions because Jezzinta pops her head through the door.
“Sorry, sap, but we need you for a while. You guys can talk later at your sungazing, huh?” She wiggles her eyebrows and all three of us laugh.
“I need to go anyway,” says Derik and gets up. “I have few things to deal with, but I’ll be here around 7:30 or 8?” He looks at me.
“No. Actually, if you want to see the sun going down, you’d better be here at 6:30 the latest,” I answer and he looks at me like I’ve grown another head. I raise my eyebrows at him.
“You just happen to know the exact time of sundown?”
I start laughing. “No, I always watch it go down, that’s why I know.”
He shakes his head again and starts walking towards his car. “You really are amazing, Alexia.” He gives me one last look over his shoulder, gets in his car and drives off.
“You can faint freely inside if you like,” Jezzinta says from the door and I turn on her.
“What the hell is wrong with the two of you?” Even I get scared when I raise my voice. It thunders and echoes for a while. That’s why I don’t do it often, but I’m upset with how they acted and the poor guy, I’m sure, regrets helping out by now.
“Wow. Easy there, sap, it’s all in good fun,” says Jezzinta.
“Good fun? My ass. Get in here, we need to talk,” calls Remi from inside. I’m so upset that I feel my body vibrating and I push past Jezzinta, going for Remi with every intention of putting an end to this silliness.
“And what exactly is your problem, Miss ‘I’m too good for everyone so I’ll either make fun of them or look down my nose at them’?” She doesn’t even flinch, just looks at me with those eyes that are now like two black holes, emotionless, without sparkle. “Well? I’m all ears! Speak up!” I say.
“You do know who you are, Alexia, correct?” she is talking like a robot and I want to shake her. “You do know he’s human, right? And that we’re dealing with a warlock who wants you dead, in which he almost succeeded, need I remind you? Are you trying to get the guy killed, or are you so desperate that you don’t care what happens to him as long as you, the precious little Alexia, gets what she wants?”
I feel like she just ripped my heart out of my chest. I know what she says is true, all of it, and I know it’s selfish of me to even have coffee with him in the mornings when he comes, but to me, he represents normal, good things. With him I forget about gods, warlocks and witches. I forget it all because it’s just me and him, two people enjoying their conversation, being human, like it should be. But she’s right. I need to tell him to stop coming here and that I can’t go on that picnic with him. It’d be wrong and I’d be putting his life in danger for my own stupid selfish reasons. I’m still staring at Remi, but she doesn’t flinch or move a muscle. She just stares at me waiting.
“You’re right! I’m being very selfish, and I will make sure that he stays away from me. Thank you for bringing me back to my senses. For a moment there, I thought I was human and that I deserve simple, nice things, things that make me smile. I will shape up to be the vessel you all count on.” I say all that, but my voice doesn’t sound like my voice anymore. It sounds monotone and strange. I don’t care. Remi looks at me differently. I can see tears pricking her eyes, but I don’t give a damn. They don’t care about me. I’m important because I’m Inanna’s vessel, nothing less, nothing more. Vessel is what they will get.
“Alexia, I didn’t...” she starts, but I stop her.
“No, Remi, you have every right and you’re absolutely correct. I forgot who I am and why my grandmother died. It won’t happen again.”
I turn around and walk towards the altar room at the back. There are rituals to be read and tested. The full moon is almost upon us.
“Alexia!” I hear her call out and start walking after me, but I speed up my steps, get in the room and lock the door. I want to be alone right now.
“Open the door!” She knocks a few times.
“I need my space. I hope you can understand that. I’ll see you later when I’m done,” I call out and open the book.
“What’s going on?” I hear Jezzinta ask and they walk away, so I don’t even bother or care to listen.
I’ve been at it for hours now. I tried a couple of rituals but still didn’t find the one we need. This is getting ridiculous. There are thousands of them in this Book of Shadows. There must be an easier way to narrow it down. As I’m thinking that, I hear a faint giggle from the corner of the room. I look but there is nothing. Couple of seconds later, again, a little louder, a child is giggling.
“Hello?” I say it softly. I’m guessing it’s one of the spirits I started seeing lately, and I don’t want to frighten it.
“You can come out you know, it’s only me here.”
“Oh, I know,” a little girl’s voice says, and I see her. She’s standing there, clutching a book to her chest, dressed in her nightgown with her little bare feet.
“What’s your name, sweetie?” I ask her, and I’m surprised when she frowns at me.
“Don’t call me ‘sweetie,’ I’m a big girl, you know.” She sounds much older than her apparent age.
“I’m sorry. I can see you’re a big girl, I just used that as a term of endearment,” I tell her.
“I know, but don’t. I don’t like it.” She pouts and looks adorable.
I smile at her. I didn’t like when someone called me ‘sweetie’ when I was young either, so I can relate.
“So what should I call you, then?”
“Ummmm...what would you like to call me?” She looks at me with anticipation.
“Let’s see. How about Lily? No?” I laugh at her face all scrunched up.
“Ok...Oh, I got it! Maybe Tea? No?” Still scrunched face. “Or how about Emma?”
“Oh, stop! Those aren’t my names! You’re being silly,” she tells me like I’m the child.
“My name is Al,” she says proudly and my heart stops. I stare at her.
“What did you say?” I half whisper in disbelief.
“I said my name is Al. Don’t you remember me?” she looks at me sadly.
I pay attention to her face closely, then her hair, everything about her, and then I look at the book she is holding, The Little Prince. How is this possible? I’m not meditating to connect with my inner child. How can I see her in front of me?
“You needed help, so you called me,” she answers my unasked question. I’m still in shock, so I just look at her.
“Don’t you
need help to find your ritual?” she asks and comes closer.
“Ummm, well, yes, yes, I do.” I lift the book. “There are way too many of them for me to find it in time,” I say, sounding overwhelmed.
“Do you remember what we like to do when we have too much on our mind and we can’t find the answer we are looking for?” she asks.
“Well, yes. We meditate. Silence the mind and your heart will speak.” I say it like it’s the only answer and she shakes her head, her hair flying around her tiny face, and it makes me smile.
“No, that’s what you do now that you don’t have much time for me. What we used to do was go swimming or have a bath. As long as we can splash in water, we can think and we can find any answer. Even nana used to be surprised at times, remember?” she laughs.
She’s right. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone swimming or dedicated time for a bath instead of a shower. It just seemed like time wasted. Now I think I was just being stupid. Water always helped me think better.
“You’re right, Al. We used to do that. I’m sorry I haven’t made sure we still do, but I will remedy that today. I promise.”
“Good!” she says, nodding a little too harshly with her head, and I reach out to hold her, so she doesn’t fall.
“Oh, no. You can’t touch me. It’s not allowed when we’re like this,” she says and pulls back.
“Sorry, I didn’t know.” I feel sheepish.
“That’s okay. I know, so I’ll tell you. I have a lot of things to tell you, but not now. Now you need to think and I have to go. Next time, call me in meditation. I can give you a hug there,” she says and smiles brightly at me. Then she fades away and I’m left staring at the same spot for a few minutes. I miss those days when all I needed was to curl up on the bed with a book to read about worlds and people who lived a long time ago. I used to wish I could travel through time just so I could experience it. Those were the times when I could dream that the world was a good place before reality set in. When faced with reality, I acted like I was older than my grandmother, because I couldn’t live with myself if no one took me seriously, like that mattered. I have learned since then that I should just follow my path and let the rest of the world follow theirs, no matter if I see it as right or wrong, good or bad.