by T. M. Logan
Barbara goes to the counter to ask about heating Mia’s bottle of formula milk. I lean forward, lowering my voice a little.
‘Why didn’t you tell me, Dominic, when we first met? Tell me what was really going on?’
‘Because I knew that sooner or later you were going to end up talking to the police, and I wanted them to have as little information as possible.’
‘So you kept me in the dark.’
‘I did what I had to do, to keep her safe. Both her parents are gone now, only her grandma left. And me.’
‘She has her mother. She has Zoe.’
‘You know what I mean. She needs someone who can look out for her as she grows up. I can do that.’
I nod slowly, catching his eye for a moment before looking away. I’ve been wondering whether to tell him, whether it would feel right, but now we’re face to face I know I can’t keep it a secret.
‘What?’ he says finally.
‘There’s something I wanted you to see.’
I’ve been carrying it around with me for the last few days, taking it out and looking at it every hour or so. Studying it last thing at night, and first thing in the morning. I take it out of my purse now and slide it across the table. A single sheet of A4 paper, folded over twice, already starting to crumple at the corners. A new world opening up in six short paragraphs.
Dominic unfolds the paper and reads the text. When he looks up at me, there is a broad smile on his face.
‘Is this . . .’ He trails off.
‘Yes,’ I say. ‘It’s the first stage, anyway. But I thought it was time to move on, get on with my life, do what I needed to do.’
‘That’s brilliant, Ellen, I’m so pleased for you.’
‘According to the agency there are more hurdles to jump, but they say I’m potentially a good fit for adoption and they have kids they’re looking to place. Maybe as soon as summer next year, if I’m lucky.’
‘Boy or girl?’
‘I don’t mind. Either would be amazing.’
He reaches a hand across the table, gently touches my arm. ‘And how do you feel about it?’
‘Excited,’ I say. ‘Still not really believing it’s true. Scared, too.’
‘You, scared?’ He gives me a grin. ‘I didn’t think you were scared of anything.’
I shrug, take another sip of my hot chocolate. ‘Worried that I’ll mess it up, I suppose.’
The few times I’ve been pregnant, I had always been terrified I would lose the baby. And now, buried beneath the joy and excitement and expectation of finally having my own little family, there is still a tingle of concern about whether I’ll make the grade when that dream finally comes true.
‘I think you’ll make a fantastic mother,’ he says. ‘A tiger mother, in a good way.’
‘How do you know?’
Dominic touches a hand to the fading scar on his cheekbone. ‘Because I’ve seen you in action, Ellen Devlin. I know.’ He smiles. ‘Trust me.’
Acknowledgements
As I write these words, I’ve just discovered that my books have sold more than one million copies in the UK. This feels like an astonishing, unimaginable number and I still haven’t really got my head around it, if I’m completely honest. I still remember very clearly being a debut author in January 2017, not sure how my first thriller would be received, wondering whether it might be a one-off. A fluke. To find myself three novels later with one million copies sold is basically a dream come true.
And so to you, for reading this book and hopefully some of my others, I just want to say a huge thank you for being a part of the last four years.
Of course, another key part of the journey has been having a brilliant publisher and I consider myself very lucky to have found a home at Bonnier Books. A big thank you to my editor, Sophie Orme, for her insight and expertise and for always asking the right questions. Thanks also to Kate Parkin, Katie Lumsden, Felice McKeown and Francesca Russell, for all their hard work on this and previous books.
I wrote Trust Me during the spring and summer of 2020, before and during the first national lockdown. With my wife working from home, my daughter returned from university and my son having school lessons delivered online, the house was a lot more lively (in a good way) than during an average pre-lockdown writing day. But it also meant they were always on hand when I needed to talk things through on the story that they first knew – before I even wrote the first chapter – as The Baby. So thanks as ever to Sally, Sophie and Tom for their thoughts, ideas and input into the process.
I’m very grateful to Chris Wall of Cartwright King Solicitors, for his legal advice (if I ever get arrested, I will definitely be giving him a call). And to Chief Superintendent Rob Griffin of Nottinghamshire Police for answering all my questions, even the really weird ones. Thanks also to Dr Gillian Sare, for advice on medical matters and the use and abuse of drugs like dexamphetamine. Naturally, any errors or omissions in the areas of law, policing or medicine are down to me.
I found a non-fiction book by Kate Bendelow – The Real CSI, a Forensic Handbook for Crime Writers – very useful, with details of this story that touch on crime scenes and evidence collection. I drew inspiration from another book, Living the Life Unexpected by Jody Day, who writes with extraordinary insight into childlessness in a way that helped to inform aspects of Ellen’s story. I was also inspired by a podcast on Audible, Evil Has a Name, which explored a series of notorious crimes that went unsolved for years until a breakthrough using DNA.
Last but certainly not least, a heartfelt thank you to the stellar team at the Darley Anderson Agency, Mary, Sheila, Kristina, Rosanna, Jade and Georgia. This book is dedicated to my agent, Camilla Bolton, who took a chance on me when I was unpublished, and whose skill, knowledge and instincts for a good story have made me a better writer ever since. I’m glad you’re in my corner.
A message from T.M. Logan . . .
If you liked Trust Me, why not join T.M. LOGAN’S READERS’ CLUB by visiting www.tmlogan.com?
Hello!
Thank you for picking up Trust Me. I hope you enjoyed it.
I first got the idea for this story at an ice hockey match. Sitting a few rows in front of me was a young family, including an incredibly cute baby – just a few months old – who couldn’t stop grinning at everyone around her. I wondered in an idle moment whether I could still cope with looking after a small baby, as both my children were teenagers by this point. Would I still know what to do and how to do it? Would it all come back to me?
Then I wondered what I would do if I had no choice, if the baby was left with me and the mother disappeared . . .
And how about if I had never had that responsibility before, but had always yearned for it? If I had wanted a child for years but it had never happened? That was when Ellen popped into my head: a capable, resourceful individual who has reached a turning point in her own life. Where did her name come from? The truth is, I’m a huge fan of the 1986 movie Aliens and I was channelling Ellen Ripley as I wrote her chapters, finding herself in this dangerous situation and determined to protect a stranger’s child at all costs. She was a part of the inspiration for Ellen Devlin and how Trust Me found its way onto the page.
My next psychological thriller starts with a small white lie.
The kind of lie you might tell to keep your child out of trouble – especially when he begs you to confirm that he came home early last night and has been up in his room ever since.
And so you back him up. You give him an alibi. Instead of telling the truth: that he actually crept in at 3 a.m., clothes streaked with mud and bruises on his face. Fear in his eyes and a plea in his voice you’ve not heard for a long time. Please, Dad.
But sometimes a small white lie can be the most dangerous thing in the world.
Because five teenagers went into the woods last night.
And only four came out . . .
This new novel will be published in 2022, and I can’t wait!
If you would like
to hear more about my books before then, you can visit www.tmlogan.com where you can become part of the T.M. Logan Readers’ Club. It only takes a few moments to sign up, there are no catches or costs.
Bonnier Books UK will keep your data private and confidential, and it will never be passed on to a third party. We won’t spam you with loads of emails, just get in touch now and again with news about my books, and you can unsubscribe any time you want.
And if you would like to get involved in a wider conversation about my books, please do review Trust Me on Amazon, on GoodReads, on any other e-store, on your own blog and social media accounts, or talk about it with friends, family or reading groups! Sharing your thoughts helps other readers, and I always enjoy hearing about what people experience from my writing.
Thank you again for reading Trust Me, I really do appreciate it.
Best wishes,
Tim
About the Author
T.M. Logan’s thrillers have sold over a million copies in the UK and are published in 18 countries around the world. His novel The Holiday was a Richard and Judy Book Club pick and became a Sunday Times bestseller in paperback. Formerly a national newspaper journalist, he now writes full time and lives in Nottinghamshire with his wife and two children.
Also by T.M. Logan:
Lies
29 Seconds
The Holiday
The Catch
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First published in the UK in 2021 by Zaffre
This ebook edition published in 2021 by
ZAFFRE
An imprint of Bonnier Books UK
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Owned by Bonnier Books
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Copyright © T.M. Logan, 2021
Cover design by Emma Rogers.
Cover photographs © Shutterstock.com
The moral right of T.M. Logan to be identified as Author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright,
Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organisations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 978-1-83877-295-6
Hardback ISBN: 978-1-83877-293-2
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Zaffre is an imprint of Bonnier Books UK
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