I kick my jeans the rest of the way off until they drop off the edge of the bed and hit the floor.
I lean up and capture her lips with mine again slowly lowering my body on top of hers.
“Last chance to back out Baby Girl,” I say running my hand up and down her side.
Willow.
He kisses down one side of my neck his hand going between our bodies.
Running his fingers over my clit a couple of times before nudging the head of his penis at my entrance.
“You sure?” He asks.
I nod my head, and he pushes a little further in.
He was going so slow, gently planting himself inside me.
I gasp as he pushes in further. He stops to let me adjust to his size.
“Breathe,” he says kissing me as he breaks through my barrier.
He stays still on top of me not moving an inch, as I suck in deep breaths waiting for my body to adjust.
North continually kisses my neck and nibbles on my ear.
“You ok?” he asks.
Nodding my head, I pull him down to meet my lips. Pushing my hips up, encouraging him to keep going.
He begins to move slowly, thrusting into me. Kissing me more aggressively, he puts his hand between us and rubs my clit, thrusting into me faster.
Pulling his lips from mine, he growls.
My whole body feels tingly and shaky.
“Oh God,” I mutter before latching my teeth onto his shoulder. Making him growl more.
I feel him tense up before he lowers his body.
We lay like that for a bit, me running my hands up and down his back while he peppers kisses against my neck.
“I love you Baby Girl.”
“I love you too.”
Cuddling me further into his side.
“Is it always like that?”
“It only gets better,” he replies kissing my forehead.
Epilogue
Willow
“Willow!”
Spinning round, I find Sandra standing in front of me.
“Sandra, what are you doing here?”
“I meant to come yesterday for your birthday, but I got held up at work,” she says.
“That’s ok.”
We stand there awkwardly, before Sandra begins to talk.
“I’m sorry Willow, you and Claire have been friends for so long, and your mum was always there for me, so I want to be there for you too.” She grabs my hand, sitting down on the step, in front of the club.
“You were two, when your mum moved in next door. We bonded instantly over our kids and coffee. We became the best of friends.” She takes a shuttering breath, wiping a stray tear from her eyes.
“Willow, she always loved your dad, he was the love of her life. I don’t think she had any regrets in life. She loved you with all of her heart, you were her number one. Not long after you guys moved in, we got pretty drunk and she told me all about your dad, his crazy ex and her family. I told her my life story too.
“She told me to write a letter to the twins, explaining everything to them. Every detail about their dad and my life before they came along.
“I told her she should take some of her own advice.”
Reaching into her bag she pulls an envelope out. She hands it to me.
“I was always supposed to give this to you on your eighteenth birthday. I’m sorry she couldn’t be here to see what a remarkable woman you’ve turned out to be. Please don’t be a stranger Willow,” she says pulling me into a hug.
I watch as she climbs into her car, waving as she leaves.
****
2-5-2003
To My darling daughter,
I’m not sure how to explain any of this to you.
I love your father, don’t ever doubt that he may be a man of very little words but believe me; He loves you with everything he has.
You have a brother, his name is Tyler. He is charming little guy, and he absolutely adores you. From the very first moment he saw you, he has been smitten with you.
His mother, however, now that’s a different story. She hates me and as you are a part of me, she hates you too. It’s a hard place for Tyler to be in. I feel sorry for him. She’s a nasty woman, full of poison that one. Don’t blame him for not being a huge part of your life, he writes you Christmas and birthday cards every year. I hid them away. I didn’t know how to explain it all. I was worried if it got back to Melissa, I don’t know what she would do.
I feel sorry for her.
My family are a bunch of rich snobs, they hate Aiden with a passion. When they found out I was eighteen and pregnant they turfed me out of the house. I won’t go into detail about what they said, just know that none of it was true. And if they ever come into your life be mindful that you listen to your heart and be true to yourself.
Now, getting back to your father, because he is the sole reason, I am writing this letter.
I met Aiden when I was sixteen, he was twenty-two at the time, he was ruggedly handsome, riding his motorbike around town. Aiden lived in the next town over.
I feel him on sight. He was working on the house next door to me, and he’d stop and talk to me every afternoon when I arrived home.
He charmed me, and my sister Natasha hated it. She had just been dumped by her boyfriend, and she thought that she should have the hot guy next door on principal, because she was older then I was.
But nothing could keep me away from my man.
On my seventeenth birthday, he took me on our first date, to the beach. It was an hour drive away. We had a picnic under the stars, and laid there talking and cuddling as the waves crashed in.
We met up many times over the next few months, going on dates and weekend trips. My parents always thought I was at my friend’s house, (please don’t ever have done this to me). One of these trips we took his little boy Tyler with us. He captured my heart with just one smile. We went to the zoo and spent the whole day walking around like a family.
Three months before I turned eighteen, I found out I was pregnant.
I told Aiden right away and he was over the moon about it. He wanted to get married and build our lives together.
When I told my parents, they kicked me out as I mentioned before, I walked to my friend’s house, with my suitcase. In tears, I rang Aiden and he came and collected me from Stacey’s house that after noon.
I lived with him from then on.
I didn’t know about the club, didn’t even know of its existence until a month before you were born when Melissa turned up.
She screamed and raved, told me it was my fault that she was being turfed out and that it was my fault that Aiden wasn’t spending as much time at the club anymore.
She was Aiden’s high school girlfriend, they had Tyler at seventeen. Melissa got caught up in the world of drugs. They hadn’t been together for most of Tyler’s life, but she still liked to throw her weight around when she could.
I didn’t leave your father when I did because I didn’t love him, I left and moved away because I couldn’t bring you up there, in the club. Not after the shooting. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lose you or Aiden, like Tessa lost her man.
But I couldn’t make him leave either. It was a big part of who he was, and I couldn’t make him choose between me and what had always been his life. So, I left.
I think I’ve regretted it since the day I drove away from him. I cried myself to sleep every night. But I had you and I couldn’t let you see that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I couldn’t bear seeing him Willow. So, I told him to only come when it was important to you, I figured your birthday and Christmas. I sent him photos. But I was too selfish to give him more then that, and for that Willow I am sorry.
Always remember that despite everything; I have always loved you.
My darling daughter you are the stars to my night sky. The light at the end of my tunnel.
I love you to the moon and back, forever and ever.
Love mum.
Alli
Tank
Prologue
Waking up with a killer headache, in a strange room, I quickly throw the covers off. Sitting up I realise I am completely naked.
Oh My God, I was naked!
Where the hell are my clothes? Why am I naked? Where the hell am I? What the hell happened?
Oh My God!
I searched around the floor looking for my clothes but couldn’t find them anywhere. My high heels were by the dresser near the door.
“Great just great,” I said sitting down on the bed.
I held my head in my hands. I wasn’t going to cry. I had no clothes in a strange room, but it was ok. Willow or Jacob had just undressed me and put me to bed because I threw up on them, that was it, that’s what happened to my clothes.
I was in a spare room at the clubhouse. That was the answer.
Nothing bad, I could handle this.
Ok, I just needed to find a shirt and then get home.
I searched the room finding a guy’s shirt on the other side of the bed. Bringing it up to my nose, I sniffed it before pulling it over my head. It could pass as a dress, so I was good. I pulled my shoes on, finger combed my hair into a messy bun.
Opening the door, I looked up and down the hallway. “Oh, thank god,” I whispered. I was in the Hell’s Legacy clubhouse. I fled down the hallway, down the stairs and straight out of the door. It was still dark outside.
I climbed into my car and high tailed it home.
When I got home I took some Nurofen and then climbed straight into bed, pulled the covers up and flaked it.
Chapter One.
Cyndi
Pregnant.
I was sitting on the bathroom floor, tears rolling down my face, with six pregnancy tests all saying positive.
This can't be happening. I didn’t want to be a pregnant teen.
I’d been feeling sick for the last few weeks. The smell of Mum cooking got to me and I was rushing for the bathroom and throwing up. I hadn’t been able to keep anything down. I had massive headaches. I always felt tired, I’ve even started taking naps throughout the day and going to bed early.
It then took me another three weeks to work up the courage to walk into the chemist and buy the tests. I had to be sure, so I bought two boxes with three tests in each box.
Looking at all the tests on the floor, I wasn’t sure if I had enough, maybe I should have bought more.
Picking up my phone I decided to call Willow and see if she could get me a few more boxes of pregnancy tests.
“Hello,” Willow Mumbled into the phone.
“I need you now,” I cried into the phone.
“Where are you?”
“Home, but I need you to go to the chemist and get me a couple of pregnancy tests.”
“What? Are you serious?” Willow asked.
“Yes!”
“OK, be there soon chickee.”
She hung up the phone and I was once again left with my own thoughts. A baby. My baby. I was going to have a baby. A baby all by myself. I couldn’t be a mother. How was I going to look after a baby when I could barely look after myself?
How the hell could I be pregnant? I know where babies come from and how they are made but I haven’t had sex with anyone in about nine months and I couldn’t be that far along, or I’d be showing and probably already be holding a baby. But if these tests are right, I was gonna have a baby in the future.
So, who the bloody hell did I have sex with and when? Who was the baby Daddy?
The bathroom door burst open, Willow and Jacob stood in the doorway.
“I got the tests for you,” Willow said her eyes roaming the bathroom floor around me.
Jacob sat down on one side, while Willow sat on my other side.
“I guess you didn’t really need any more tests,” Willow said, “It’s gonna be ok.”
I just shook my head and burst into tears again.
“I can’t be pregnant!” I wailed wiping the tears running down my cheeks. “I’ll do the rest of these tests. Maybe they are just false positives.”
“I think we should see the doctor. Find out for sure,” Jacob said rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“I think that’s a good idea Cyndi,” Willow agreed with Jacob.
I couldn’t find my words, so I just nodded my head.
“How far along do you think you are?” Jacob asked.
“I don’t know!” I wailed again “I don’t even know who the Father would be.”
“What do you mean you don’t know who the father is?” Willow asked.
“I lost my virginity nine months ago, and I only slept with him three times. Then shit went down, and I haven’t slept with anyone since.”
“But you think you're pregnant. Why?” Jacob asked.
“I’ve been sick and really tired, and I googled the symptoms and pregnancy was the first one that came up.”
“I’ll make an appointment with a doctor for you,” Jacob said jumping up and leaving the room.
“How can I be a Mum, Willow?” I said sobbing.
“We’re gonna be here for you the whole way. I promise.”
We sat in silence. Me crying and Willow doing her best to comfort me by holding me and running her hands down my back.
Jacob came back into the room. “Ok we got an appointment in an hour. Lucky for us they had a cancellation.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “Come on get up, shower and get dressed,” he said pulling me up from the floor.
“Thank you,” I said hugging them both.
****
We were sitting in the doctor’s surgery waiting to be seen. Willow on one side and Jacob on the other. I was so nervous. I wanted to jump up and run out of the building, but I had to find out for sure.
“Cynthia Southwell” the doctor called.
I made my way down the hallway following Dr Clarke into the room she stood waiting at. I took a seat next to the desk. Willow and Jacob were sitting in chairs beside me.
“Cynthia, how may I help you today?” Dr Clarke asked.
“I think I’m pregnant.”
“Why do you think you're pregnant?”
“I haven’t had a period for two months, I’ve been throwing up a lot, I have headaches, and I’m tired all the time.”
“Ok then,” she said getting up and going to a cupboard across the room. “I’d like you to take this and go into the bathroom in the hall,” she said handing me a specimen jar. “Pee a little in it, enough to do a test, and bring it back to me.”
Walking into the bathroom I sat down and unscrewed the lid off the jar. How the hell am I gonna pee in this without peeing all over my hand? I didn’t even really have to pee that bad. I can do this, focus. Waterfall rushing down. Rain falling. I stood, bent over, and turned the tap on.
After a couple of minutes, I managed to pee in the specimen jar. I put the lid back on. I wiped, flushed and stood up washing my hands. I wrapped the jar in a paper hand towel and walked back to the Doctor's room.
I handed the specimen jar over, “Thank you,” she said. She went over to the sink putting gloves on. She used some strips to do the testing. She washed her hands.
“Ok Cynthia,” she said coming back and sitting at her desk. “It looks like you are in fact pregnant.” She clicked a few things on the computer. “I’d like you to get a blood test done today,” she said handing me a bit of paper.
“Ok.”
“Once the blood test comes back we should know roughly how far along you are. I’ll give you a call when the results come in, ok, Cynthia?”
“Ok thank you, Dr Clarke.”
“I’ll be seeing you soon Cynthia.”
We left the doctor's surgery and made our way to the hospital. We walked into pathology and saw the lady at the desk. She got me to sign the paperwork, and then she led me into the next room. I sat in the big chair, and she brought a table over that had heaps of different tubes, needles and bands. I started to freak out. I hated needles, they
absolutely freaked me out.
“Ok Cynthia, I’m going to feel here for a good vein then you’ll feel a slight prick,” she said, securing a stretchy band around my upper arm just above my elbow.
She used her pointer finger to feel for the vein, then she wiped the spot over with a wet alcohol wipe. Willow held my other hand.
I couldn’t look at it. Looking away, I glanced at all the different pictures on the opposite wall.
I felt a prick which wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.
She took four vials of blood. When the last one was finished, she removed the needle and held a cotton bud over the area. “Hold this here please using some pressure,” she said before putting stickers with my name on all the vials.
She put a band-aid on and helped me up from the chair. “Your results should be back in about two to three days.”
“Thanks”
****
Three days later I got the phone call from Dr Clarke.
She confirmed that I was, in fact, pregnant, and I was roughly ten weeks along.
Acknowledgements
I have a lot of people that I would like to thank.
My parents for starting my obsession with reading and books.
My partner for tolerating my constant book talk, and for putting up with me ignoring you when I get stuck in my own head and generally putting up with all my crazy
My friends for reading and re-reading my chapters over and over again, you are my betas. You guys have saved my sanity over the years with coffee and cheesecake.
Thank you to all that have answered my endless questions and helped me along the way. Guiding my writing and helping to shape my story.
Em Smithers, at Devine, Designs of Desire, for designing my cover and logos. Thank you for putting up with my gibberish and still understanding exactly what I wanted. It’s like you crawled inside my head.
Kay, Em and Caz for being my editors and proof-readers. And for going on this journey with me.
My readers for picking up this book and taking a chance on a new author.
Thank you to everyone, who has helped me along the way.
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