by Del, Lissa
“Jesse Knight,” I whisper when we reach Julia’s door. Dutifully, he lets his guitar fall to waist height on its strap and raises his hand to knock.
“Come in!”
They don’t need any further invitation. Jesse twists the handle and they fall inside. Casey trips over Dylan’s foot and, seeing my hands full, Julia rushes to help.
“Happy Birthday!” I yell over the wailing. I set the tray down on the edge of the neatly made bed and straighten up. “Come on Case,” I croon, taking her from Julia’s arms. “It’s time to sing Happy Birthday!”
Casey stops crying as quickly as if I had pressed a mute button and we all start to sing. Jesse plays along, only slightly out of tune.
Julia claps dutifully at the end. “That was amazing!” she says. I roll my eyes at her and she gives me an indulgent smile.
“We made you breakfast,” Dylan announces proudly. “We squeezed the juice ourselves.”
Julia takes a sip. “Yum!”
“You’re going to get salmonella,” I tease. “Nick’s gone to the store to get stuff for tonight. Are your friends still coming?”
“I think so.” She checks her phone. “They haven’t messaged to cancel, so I assume they’re still coming.”
“Good. Kids,” I raise my voice to be heard, “why don’t you go downstairs and make Julia a nice card?”
“Can we use the poster paint?”
“Oh, you mean the paint I confiscated because you left it open with the brushes still inside?”
“Yes.”
“Sure, go ahead.” I wave my hand as they rush from the room.
“You know they’re going to start arguing over brushes in about two minutes,” Julia teases.
“That’s all I need.” I reach outside the door and retrieve the floral gift bag I left there earlier. “You’ll get your real present later, but this is from me.”
“Evie! You shouldn’t have!”
“It’s called Happy,” I say as she opens the bottle of perfume. “I thought it suited you.”
She lifts the lid and inhales deeply. I’ve been in Julia’s room enough times to know that she doesn’t own perfume, only a constant can of cheap anti-perspirant.
“It’s beautiful!” Julia exhales.
“No, that’s Estee Lauder,” I tease. “This is Clinique. Now hurry up and come downstairs.”
When Nick gets back Julia is painting with the children.
“Isn’t it a bit ironic that she’s making her own card?” Nick asks wryly after he goes onto the patio to greet them.
I shrug. “They wouldn’t stop fighting. Besides, this keeps her away from the drive.” I peek out of the kitchen window. “It’s so cute!” I say.
“It’s tiny,” he grumbles. “I almost put my back out driving it over here.”
“How did you get your car back?”
“Henry and his son followed me. They left together.”
When one of our long-standing clients mentioned he was selling his son’s little car, Nick had called me from his office and we’d agreed to get it for Julia. The mileage was low and, according to Henry, the fuel consumption was very efficient.
“Do you think she’s going to like it?” I ask, suddenly nervous.
“I’m sure she will.”
“A car is a pretty big gift. I hope she doesn’t take it the wrong way.”
“It’s not like it broke the bank. Henry only wanted what was left on the loan. Besides,” his gaze softens, “she deserves it. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be thirty and still taking the bus.”
“Look at you, you big softie.” I shove at his arm. “You’re really starting to like her.” I’m rewarded with a flash of something on his face that cuts me to the core and leaves me reeling, but before I can be sure, it’s gone, replaced by his usual expression. Did I imagine it? I try to pretend nothing happened. “Should we call her now?”
“It’s up to you.”
I walk to the sliding-door feeling some of my excitement ebb away. “Julia.”
“Hmm?” she looks up and there’s a blob of green paint on her cheek. “Firstly, you have some, um…” I gesture at my own cheek and Julia rounds on a suddenly giggling Dylan.
“Oh, you didn’t!” she scolds, tapping her brush to the tip of his nose. Dylan rubs it off, smearing blue paint across his hands.
“Wash up,” I tell him as he follows Julia inside. I can imagine how thrilled Nick would be if he left blue fingerprints all over the car Nick had just had valéted.
“What do you need?” Julia asks, coming to a halt in the kitchen.
“Your present’s arrived!”
“It has?” she looks around the kitchen helplessly.
“Yes. And before you freak out, our decision is final and you will not, under any circumstances, ruin this for the children by making a fuss, you got it?”
“Yes ma’am.” She laughs.
“Right, then, step this way.”
Thank God we didn’t tell the kids or they would’ve ruined the surprise.
Julia’s reaction is predictable shock. She follows me out onto the drive her eyes barely skimming over the little white hatchback as she searches for a package or a gift bag.
“You didn’t have to get me anything else, Evie. The perfume is more than…”
“Oh, shut it. You promised not to make a fuss, remember?”
Julia’s lips part, the semblance of a smile forming, but it fades as her eyes slide back to the car and her lips open, her mouth forming a perfect little ‘o’.
She turns, slowly, to face us. “The… car?”
I nod enthusiastically.
“You bought me a car?”
“It was an excellent deal,” Nick quips, sensing her mounting hysteria, “and to be honest, it’s so small I don’t even know if you could classify it as a car – it’s more like a…”
He doesn’t finish. Instead, he takes two strides forward and catches her as her legs buckle, because he saw it coming before I did.
Julia is sobbing. Not in a pretty girl way, but the real, body-wracking ugly cry that results in puffy eyes and fat lips. Nick has whisked the kids inside and left me to deal with her, not wanting Jesse, Dylan and Casey to witness such a monumental breakdown.
“You know, I saw this coming weeks ago,” I croon, stroking her hair and trying not to think about the snot that’s streaming onto my sleeve. “You hold everything in. No one can be that strong forever.” Julia hiccups so loudly that it rocks us both and I giggle. “Let it out, Julia. You need to let it out.”
And she does. Years’ worth of pain and loss and heartbreak pour out of her, streaming down her face and onto her clothes while her body shudders and heaves, squeezing out every last drop, taking advantage of this opportunity.
My legs go numb and my knees start to ache but I don’t move. I hold her until her trembling subsides and the only evidence of her breakdown is the occasional ragged breath.
“Evie.” Nick’s hand is on my shoulder and I look up to find him smiling down at me, a mixture of pride and concern. I wince as I become aware of how my body protests this extended cramped position, and I take his hand, letting him help me up. Julia is bent over like a snowdrop, her spine almost unnaturally curved. Pale hands and a cloud of dark hair conceal her face.
Nick gives me a questioning look. At my nod, he steps forward and crouches beside her.
“Julia?” She gives a start at the sound of his voice. “Come on, let’s get you up.” Without waiting for permission, he puts his hands under her arms and lifts her to her feet. I catch a glimpse of her tight mouth and the blotchy red of her cheeks before she wipes frantically at her face.
“I’m so sorry.” It’s a tiny admission, so soft we almost miss it.
I whip my head up as Nick starts to laugh. “For what? That’s the single best reaction I’ve ever had to a gift.”
A small giggle slips through Julia’s lips.
“Don’t you want to look at it?” Nick continues, and m
y heart swells with love. He’s pretending like nothing happened, making Julia less self-conscious. “I mean, it certainly wouldn’t be my first choice, it looks like it was made for kids, but maybe you like that sort of thing.”
“I still can’t believe you guys bought me a car.” Her voice is hoarse, gruff from all the crying but I don’t hear anymore. As Nick leads her forward to admire the little car, I slip away, back into the house, to check on the children.
24
Julia
The wind whips my hair and dries the residue of tears from my face. I glide onto the highway and zip along, feeling lighter than I have in years. I didn’t even realise I was carrying such a weight until I let it go. Evie was right. I needed to let it out. The fact that I finally did, in front of my employers, isn’t how I would have planned it, but that’s not the point. The point is, I feel liberated. I feel free. Evie and Nick have given me so much – a job, a car, a new sense of purpose for my dad - I wouldn’t even know how to begin to thank them.
It was Nick’s idea that I go for a drive to clear my head before the barbecue, so I’d paused only long enough to grab my purse and give the children a kiss before zooming out of the drive. My car isn’t perfect. The pedals are slightly worn and there’s a small hole in the fabric on the passenger seat that looks suspiciously like a cigarette burn, but it’s mine and I love it.
I only go as far as the coast. I open all the windows and breathe in the salty air which brings on a flood of happy memories of my childhood. They’re not as painful as they were before, and I find myself smiling as I remember hopping through my mother’s footprints and ice cream cones dropped in the dirt. I indulge myself for a few minutes and then I turn around and head back.
It’s only when I’ve pulled into my dad’s street that I realise I no longer consider the little apartment I’ve lived in for three years home. If home is where the heart is, mine is well and truly ensconced in Oakland Park with the family I have come to love.
My father’s astonishment is almost as great as mine had been. “They gave it to you?” he asks. “Just like that?”
“Yes! I couldn’t believe it myself.”
Then he catches sight of my face. “Have you been crying, Juju? Did they upset you? Did this car come with a price?”
I don’t know what he could possibly mean and I suspect I don’t want to. “Dad, no! They’re just good people. Really, really good people.”
“Well in that case, I owe them a debt,” he says. “Two, if we’re keeping score.” I raise my brow and he grins. “I didn’t want to say anything in case I didn’t get it, but I had my interview with Miss Graham this morning.”
“Dad! I said I’d drive you!”
“I took the bus,” he scoffs. “You know I’m perfectly capable of getting around myself.”
“And?” I ask, but it’s only a formality because I know that he’s got the job. He wouldn’t have brought it up if he hadn’t and I suspect that’s why he didn’t tell me when he was going. I should have known by the way he’s sitting up a little straighter than before. He has the air of a man who has just had his pride handed back to him on a silver platter.
“There’s a lot of work to be done,” he says haughtily. “Those stables are in a shambles and the grooms, well, don’t even get me started on how long they consider a standard lunch break to be, but I’ll get it right for Miss Graham.”
“I have no doubt about that, Dad,” I say, my jaw aching from smiling so much. “You’re the perfect man for the job.”
Jesse hijacks my father the minute we walk through the door, determined to show off his new repertoire, which, to Evie’s delight, includes an old Nirvana number. Kylie and Angela arrive half an hour early and Evie ushers us all outside. It’s a perfect summer evening, a light breeze keeping the heat at bay.
“This house is gorgeous!” Ange hisses enviously, her long legs curled beneath her on the patio sofa. She’s so tanned, her smoky copper skin is almost the same tone as the cushion beside her. “And I can’t believe they bought you a car for your birthday!”
“Are you sure you aren’t more than just a nanny, Jules?” Kylie adds, nudging me in the ribs.
I give a gasp of horror and raise my eyes to find Nick standing at the barbecue, his eyes on me. He looks away, but I’m almost sure I caught the semblance of a smile on his face.
“Right!” Evie steps outside, a platter of sausage rolls in her hands – slightly burnt if the faintly acrid tang is any indication. Evie is wearing a white cotton dress with strappy sleeves and she’s pinned her wig so that half the hair is pulled back and the other half cascades over her bare shoulders. She looks beautiful, not even the dark shadows beneath her eyes can diminish that fact. “Julia, do you have a drink?” she asks, setting the platter down on the table. I hide a smile at the sight of the blackened corners of the pastry and hold up my glass of Sangria, which seems to be permanently filled.
“I do. Now stop stressing and come and sit with us, Evie. Please.”
She glances at Kat, with whom my dad has been in deep conversation for the past twenty minutes. “I’ll be there in a sec, I’m just going to toss the salad.”
“Let me help.” I start to get to my feet.
“Sit!” Evie barks in her sternest mom voice. “I may not be able to do a lot of things, but I can sure as hell toss a salad.”
“She’s awesome,” Ange sighs the second Evie’s gone.
“He’s not too bad, either,” Kylie adds, watching Nick flip burgers. I feel a strange sensation in the pit of my stomach at her words. If I didn’t know better, I’d call it jealousy.
“So, what have you two been up to?” I ask, changing the topic.
They both start speaking at once. Kylie just got promoted, which is kind of a huge deal because she struggled at school and it really knocked her self-confidence. Ange has met someone, but it’s still early days so she’s not getting her hopes up just yet. Ange has had her fair share of boyfriends in the past, but they seldom make it past a few months before fizzling out.
“Are you still waiting for the one?” Kylie asks, making air quotes with her fingers.
“Hey, just because you don’t believe in all of that, don’t give me a hard time about it!” Ange quips.
“I don’t believe in it,” Kylie teases, “because I grew up and stopped believing in fairy tales.”
“It’s not a fairy tale!” Ange is indignant, but laughing. They start to argue among themselves, but I barely hear what they are saying because Casey has ventured close to the pool. Ian and Nick had a dip earlier and they left the net off in case anyone else wanted to swim. I listen to Ange and Kylie’s conversation with only half an ear, watching Casey as she runs around the pool to fetch her push-bike.
I’m on my feet the second her foot slips and I jump into the water right after her soundless splash. I grab hold of her arms and haul her up. Her face erupts from the water in a volley of coughing and spluttering. I can’t see much through the water dripping in my eyes and I can’t wipe it away because I’m using both hands to hold Casey aloft. Which is probably why I’m so jolted when a warm, hard chest collides with my arm.
“Oh my God, is she okay?” Nick asks, reaching for Casey who is still screaming blue murder. I didn’t even hear him dive in.
“I panicked!” I say, handing her over. “I know she can swim, but I panicked.”
“I didn’t even see her,” he says, stroking Casey’s wet hair and pulling her face into his chest. “I thought she was inside.”
“What happened?” Evie’s voice is about four octaves higher than normal.
“She’s fine,” Nick says, handing a still-screaming Casey up to Evie. “She fell in but Julia got there just as she did. She was only under for a second or two. She’s more shocked than hurt.”
Evie is already crooning soothing words into Casey’s ear. “I’ll take her upstairs and get her changed. Will you put the net back on?”
“Yeah. I should’ve done it sooner. Ian, will
you help me with this?”
“Sure.” Ian is already reaching for the tangled web. I didn’t even realise everyone else had gathered around the side of the pool.
“Are you okay, Juju?” Dad asks as I haul myself up the steps. My soaked clothes seriously hinder my progress.
“I’m fine,” I insist, waving away the hands that reach for me.
“Um… Jules…” Kylie’s voice is low and borderline embarrassed as I start wringing out my sodden skirt.
“Yeah?” I look up to find her gazing at my chest and, to my dismay, she’s not the only one. Ian is grinning, staring unashamedly, while Nick is trying to look anywhere but at my blouse, which has become completely transparent.
“Oh!” I cross my arms over my chest. Nick is dripping beside me, also unable to go inside, so Kat comes to my rescue.
“I’ll get you a towel.” She’s back in no time with one for me and one for Nick. I wrap the fluffy blue stripes around myself, quickly drying off most of the water and then I flee inside to change. I wonder how I’m going to recover from my embarrassment, but a few hours later I’ve forgotten all about it. The Sangria ran out shortly after the pool debacle and my fingers are freezing from being clutched around icy vodka tonics for so long.
On his way out Ian kindly offers to take my father home on his way. I’ve had far too many vodkas and Kylie and Angela aren’t ready to leave yet, so the three of us sit around the fireplace under a sinking sun. I can hear Nick and Evie cleaning up inside, and the high-pitched squeaking of the minions coming from the TV room where Evie had settled the kids earlier.
“So, have you heard from Aaron lately?” Angela asks tentatively.
“No, but why would I? He’s married now.”
“I just wondered if you’d heard the news,” she mumbles. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Kylie shaking her head, but it’s too late to take the words back.
“He’s having a baby?” I guess correctly.
Ange is relieved. “Oh, so you did know?”