by E M Lindsey
“But,” Maisy declared, pouting her bottom lip.
Derek made a big show of thinking, then reached down and snatched her up, giving her a short toss in the air before setting her back down. “Go on. But don’t get messy, okay? Use a napkin.”
Maisy grinned and grabbed at Alice’s hand, tugging her into the living room. When they were gone, Sam gave into his urge to fall apart a little. His hands trembled, his legs started to spasm, a pain shooting up from his hips to his back.
He barely registered Derek crouching in front of him, and only just felt the pressure of Derek’s hands kneading the back of his calves. His eyes slipped shut and he willed himself to calm down. “I don’t,” he started. After a beat of silence, he felt one of Derek’s hands gently touch his face, and he opened his eyes to look into his friend’s concerned gaze. “I don’t want them to take her.”
“I know,” Derek said softly. “And we’re doing everything we can. I’m going to be with you today, and your lawyer is a bad-ass.”
“Thanks to you and Sage,” Sam said, his voice still a little choked with his anxiety.
Derek cupped his face in both hands and held him steady, the pressure grounding him, pulling him back from the edge. “Maisy is our girl too, okay? She’s our family, and we’re not letting her go without a fight.”
Sam swallowed a little thickly, but he was mostly back to himself by the time Maisy came wandering back in. She was dressed in what James always teased her about being her ‘Sunday Best’, a frilly white skirt, yellow shirt tucked in, and her strappy little black shoes. Derek had fixed her hair into braids while Sam was showering and letting Alice fix him up, and she looked the perfect picture of a well-loved, well taken care of, three-year-old girl.
“You ready to go talk to some people and show them how smart you are by answering all their questions?” Sam asked as he lifted her into his lap.
Maisy had been well trained how to ride on his lap in the chair, and she dutifully hooked her hand around his neck as he wheeled them out of the room, Derek close behind. “Yeah. Imma…Imma be bwave and get hoss-cweam, okay?”
Sam chuckled and leaned down to kiss her cheek. “You bet.” With Rowan’s guidance, he had prepared Maisy as best he could for what the hearing would be like. Maisy would be taken into the room with the judge, and with Rowan by her side, she’d be given a few toys to play with and asked questions about her home life. She’d been through it before, every time Beth decided to drag her in and interrogate her living situation. She was used to it—mostly—and that was something that made Sam’s gut burn hot and furious. His little girl shouldn’t be used to strangers trying to use her to prove that Sam was unfit to care for her.
So far, Maisy hadn’t given them cause or suspicion to assume he wasn’t fit, and yet they persisted. He pushed that to the back of his mind, knowing in a few hours—even if this went well—they’d still be sitting down with Maisy’s paternal family and opening up a whole new door leading to yet another difficult path.
He was so damn tired.
Sam got Maisy in her seat, then rolled around to the driver’s side and situated his chair behind him. When he finally buckled up, he looked over at Derek who seemed a little pensive, though Sam couldn’t blame him. He and Sage had only been back from New York a short while and hadn’t had time to settle in before they dove straight into Sam’s mess.
Well, Derek had, anyway. Sage had given Sam Rowan’s card, and then went MIA. Derek said he knew his brother was dealing in his own way, and it was best not to push him before he was ready, but Sam couldn’t help worrying. Sage had enough on his plate with having lost his fiancé and now this thing with his father and all the money. But Sam, better than anyone, knew when it was time to push, and when it wasn’t.
“You good?” he asked.
Derek blinked, then smiled. “Actually, yeah. I mean, I’m nervous as hell and I just want this to be over, but you weren’t asking about that, were you?”
Sam chuckled as he put the truck into gear and pulled out onto the street. “No, I wasn’t. How’s Basil?”
It sent warm fuzzies through him to see the way Derek lit up at the sound of Basil’s name. “He’s good. Really good. He’s come to a couple of my ASL classes with me to help out and see where I’m at, and it’s made a huge difference. I’m picking it up a lot faster than I thought I would and talking with him is so much easier now.”
Sam’s cheeks ached with his grin. “I’m so damn glad to hear that, Der. You have no idea. I signed up for the class, by the way. Just…I had to delay until uh…you know, until all this…”
Derek quieted him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Don’t. I understand, and I know this isn’t a matter of being lazy or unwilling. Baz gets that too.”
Sam nodded, his jaw a little tense because he wanted to do right by the man Derek was probably going to marry. Derek was more important to him than biological family had ever been, and one of the ways he knew it wasn’t one-sided was the very fact that Derek was giving him this pass.
“We can work on it together when you have time,” Derek told him, seeing the conflict on his face. “Right now, though, we focus. You’re not in this alone.”
Sam managed a slight smile, but it faded quickly as he saw the courthouse come into view. There was a small parking lot, mostly empty, and he was grateful because it meant there wouldn’t be a ton of cases ahead of him. It meant they wouldn’t be sitting around for hours, trying to keep May occupied and from melting down.
His temper was already on edge, and it wasn’t going to get better when he saw Beth, so minimizing any contact was in everyone’s best interest. He pulled into a space, then took a breath in an attempt to calm himself. It wasn’t helping much, and his back was so tight with tension, his legs began to spasm again.
“Fuck,” he hissed, clenching his hands into fists and pressing them to the steering wheel. “Fuck. I can’t go in there looking like this. That judge is going to take one look at me and ship her off.”
Derek reached over, taking Sam by the chin more firmly than Sam was expecting, and he turned his head. “That judge’s job is to decide whether or not it’s in Maisy’s best interest to spend unsupervised visitation with people she’s never met. And we both know Rowan said there’s a chance he’ll allow at least some time. There’s nothing either of us can do to change that. But if anyone expects you to be a fucking superhero right now—going through all this—then we don’t want them on your case. Rowan has made it very clear he’s going to bat for you. He’ll find a way to get the judge dismissed if that happens. Trust him.”
As Derek’s words settled in his brain, he calmed. His legs were still shit, but he was able to pull his chair out and assemble it without an issue. He transferred and tightened his leg straps to keep his legs from showing off how badly they were shaking. It wasn’t ideal, he was going to pay for it later, but if it meant going in there looking steady, he’d take it.
“You got her?” Sam asked, glancing over at Derek who had Maisy on his hip.
Derek smiled. “I’ve got her. Let’s get this over with, okay?”
Sam licked his lips, then braced himself for the worst as he followed Derek up the pavement ramp, and into the lobby where Rowan waited.
Chapter Fifteen
Sam slumped low in his chair, fighting the urge to put his face in his hands as Rowan took the bench across from him. He knew he should view the ruling as a partial victory, but any small thing Beth and her crew of vicious demons won, felt like he was losing the war. He could hear Maisy and Derek heading for the doors, Derek promising to let her throw pennies into the fountain, and it wasn’t until they were out of the building that he finally looked up.
Rowan was watching him carefully, his face mostly blank, but there was understanding in his eyes. “This is not an indication of what’ll happen during the adoption process.”
Sam let out a puff of air, feeling a heavy weight on his chest. “Yeah.”
“I know you don�
�t believe me,” Rowan went on with a tiny smile.
Sam couldn’t help a tiny laugh, sitting back as he rubbed both hands over his face. “Sorry. I want to trust you, but I don’t know you and honestly, there are no guarantees here.”
“You’re right,” Rowan told him, and Sam couldn’t help his flinch. “I’m not the attorney who can boast about having never lost a case. I’m not that guy. I’ve lost cases I should have won, and I’ve seen families pulled apart by a system that should be designed to benefit the child instead of the person with the most connections.”
There was such heavy bitterness in his tone, Sam couldn’t help but ask, “Personal experience, or have you just been working this long?”
Rowan’s lips twitched up at the corner, and he sat back, glancing away for a long moment. “My mom died when I was six. She ah…she had some stuff going on, couldn’t take it in the end. I went to her cousin who had been around pretty much all my life. When my mom was too far gone to feed me or bathe me, she’d come over and make it better. She got custody right after my mom passed. By the time I was seven, I was calling her mom, and things were finally better. But the summer I turned eight, she fell. We were just walking through the McDonald’s parking lot and she fell on her face. Someone called the paramedics and they got her to the hospital. A month later she got the diagnosis of progressive MS. She had lesions on her spine, and they were slowly eating away at her ability to walk. By the time I was eleven, she had no movement below the waist. It was fine. It was an adjustment, but I learned how to help her. On my birthday that year, she asked me if I wanted her to adopt me. Which, it was no question at all. I went with her to an attorney’s office and she paid out what little savings she had left, and the paperwork was filed. I didn’t realize how badly it could go.”
Sam’s breath caught in his chest. It was listening to his greatest fear come to life, because he knew by the look on Rowan’s face, this story didn’t have a happy ending.
“One day, this strange guy in a suit picked me up from school and took me with him to this little room and started asking me questions. They wanted to know how much my mom needed help—what did I do for her, did her condition ever make things hard for me, did she miss school events or important meetings with my teachers because of her illness? I answered honestly. Simply, you know? Yeah, sometimes it was hard. One time she was trying to help me at the park, and she lost her grip and I fell, busted my nose up, got a black eye. I didn’t care, but they did. A week later, the same guy in the suit showed up and told me I had to go with him. My mom was crying, but she told me to just listen to them and to be good. I didn’t see her again for six years.”
Sam felt like the room was closing in on him, and he had to force himself to take a breath. “How…what did…”
“What did she do?” Rowan offered, and Sam nodded. “She filed appeal after appeal, but eventually her money ran out and she didn’t have anyone to help her. Most of her money went to her medical care, and she had to make the hard choice. I never blamed her. I went with my aunt and uncle from my dad’s side. They took me because they had to, and they made it pretty clear that was the only reason I was there. The day I turned eighteen, I left. I was still a senior in high school, but I packed my shit and took the first bus. It wasn’t the same though. Seeing her—it wasn’t like before. I stayed with her during college, and I still call her mom, but I was robbed of those important years. After that, I made a choice—this choice—to do everything I could to ensure it wouldn’t happen to anyone else ever again.”
Sam couldn’t help a slightly sardonic laugh. “You realize you’re one of the most expensive lawyers Sage’s money could buy.”
Rowan blinked at him. “I would have taken you pro-bono. When Mr. Osbourne contacted me and told me about your case, I told him I’d take it on no cost. But he said he had the cash, so we made a deal. I work for you, and I donate the money to someone else like you who needs it.”
Sam sat there, stunned by the admission, almost afraid to believe that he could have had this even without Sage’s money. “I didn’t know.”
“I get that now,” Rowan told him, and offered a thin-lipped smile. “Look, there aren’t any guarantees, and I’ve been fighting to ensure better laws get passed all over the country concerning parents with disabilities, but sometimes it is a losing battle. I don’t think that’s going to happen here. Those people get one afternoon with Maisy, and that’s it. The judge could tell that little girl loves you beyond all reason. They’re not going to turn her against you, and it’s going to take DCS everything they’ve got to build any kind of case against you. Even if that law doesn’t pass, I don’t think we’re going to lose.”
Sam let out all the air from his lungs, and then felt like he could breathe again. “Okay. I trust you.”
Rowan reached forward and clapped him on the knee, Sam hearing the sound, feeling the pressure of his hand, and appreciating it. “I’m heading back to the office right now to finish up some paperwork, but I’ll be there tomorrow when you meet the grandparents, okay? And I’ll be there for any day you want me. You have family on your side, but you’ve also got someone who wants to win this just as much as you do.”
Sam looked at him for a long moment, then stuck out his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Goddamn right.” Rowan squeezed his palm, then let go and walked out, leaving Sam to himself to fall apart for just another moment.
* * *
From his lounge chair, Niko could see Sage in the spring, his head resting back on one of the soft white cushions provided by the pool concierge. He had a drink a few inches from his hand, a mirror of Niko’s own, which was barely touched, but it felt a little decadent to have it delivered right there to the side of the natural pool.
They’d been at the springs for a full twenty-four hours, and though Niko knew that chaos waited for both him and Sage just beyond the border of the little getaway, for now they could pretend it didn’t exist. Just like he was pretending he hadn’t read Sam’s text five thousand times in the last eight hours.
Part of him had been burning to talk to Sage about the other man. He knew Sage and Sam weren’t as close as Sam and Derek were, but there was still that chosen-family connection. However, Niko had made a promise to Sam to keep it under wraps for now, and he meant to honor that.
His phone buzzed suddenly, and he saw Sage peer an eye open at him before closing it and going back to his relaxed position. Niko waited a second, then grabbed his phone off the little table beside his chair and flicked the screen on.
Sam: I know I’m probably being an ass and bothering you, but if by chance you’re around this weekend, can we get together?
Niko stared at the words without blinking, so long that his eyes started to water. He wanted to say yes. Wanted to cut the trip short and go back right then, if only to be on call in case Sam needed him sooner. But that would have been absurd, and he wasn’t going to turn over his entire life for just in case—even if it was for the man he was falling in love with.
Niko: I might be. I’m out of town, but heading back Saturday. And I didn’t mean to ignore you before. Things were busy and then I had to take off. We’re good.
* * *
Sam: Okay. Sorry. Things are bad here and I’m feeling weirdly insecure.
* * *
Niko: You have nothing to worry about. Just keep me posted.
* * *
Sam: Text me when you’re back and we can work something out.
* * *
Niko: Do you want to talk about it?
* * *
Sam: Not really. That’s all I’ve been doing. I want to do literally anything else but talk.
* * *
Niko: I can think of a few good things to occupy your mouth, if that’s what you want.
* * *
Sam: Jesus. Yes. Text me.
* * *
Niko: It’s a promise.
He set his phone down and willed the heat rising in his body to chill
. The last thing he needed was an awkward erection with Sage only a few feet away. Standing up, he stretched and decided to get into the hot pool, hoping the water would ease some of the tension, even if it smelled a little like ass.
The water was just on the side of too hot, but it didn’t take long for him to adjust, and he let his legs stretch out in front of him. The pool was slightly foggy, the smell of sulfur and fresh water a weird combination and it should have been awful, but he found himself breathing in the steam a little deeper.
When he chanced a look at Sage, he saw his friend smiling at him—a little mocking, but mostly friendly. “What, asshole?” he demanded.
Sage laughed and splashed at him. “Nothing. Just…this is weird, isn’t it? Two dudes getting away to soak in hot springs?”
“Not masculine enough? I could throw on some sports or something if you need to assert your gender role.”
Sage splashed at him again. “I just mean, I don’t do these things with most people. Getting away on random road trips. My circle is pretty tight, and we tend to stick close to home.”
“I get it. And if it’s too weird, you know we can head back,” Niko assured him, only a little hurt by Sage’s words.
Sage shook his head, pushing to sit up. The foggy water dulled the color in his tattoos as he sank his arms under, but they were still visible and gorgeous like that, almost like looking through fogged glass. “I think it’s just that it’s been a long while since I let myself get close to anyone new. When Tony brought Luke and Lucy on, I didn’t love it. I thought we were good, and it’s stupid of me to get protective of the shop. Lucy’s been hanging around just short of forever, and Luke is a chill guy.”