by E M Lindsey
Sage nodded. “Yep. It’s nice as hell out and we’d better take advantage.”
Molly didn’t take long, and she was more than thrilled at the idea of eating by the lake and feeding seed to the ducks. She skipped the whole way, talking a mile a minute, and Sage enjoyed when she really got going and would occasionally slip Bengali words into her ramblings. It felt welcome, and warm, and a lot like home which was dangerous, but he couldn’t help clinging to it as long as he was allowed.
The three of them found a nice bench near the water, and after half a sandwich, Molly’s energy had her up and running to the playground which left the two men alone.
“I need to apologize about something,” Sage said after they moved closer to the swings where Molly was trying to climb up the poles. “I know I apologized before—for not telling you about Ted—but I wanted to say it again with a clearer head. I think it would have made a difference if I’d been honest from the moment we met.”
Will shook his head, but he did look hurt, and Sage hated himself for putting that look on Will’s face. “I get it. I mean, I don’t, but that’s because I’ve never been through anything like that. And maybe it would have helped me understand you better, but it’s not your job to tell me things you’re not ready to say.”
It was an understatement—a painful one—but Sage accepted the out. “The night I kissed you,” he said, referring to the one moment his control had slipped, “it felt good. It felt like…it felt like moving on, and I panicked. I always thought that the first time I got physical with someone, it would feel like I was cheating on him.”
He heard Will suck in a small breath. “Oh.”
“It didn’t,” Sage clarified. “And I think that scared me more. I wasn’t ready to be ready. I know that sounds insane, but…”
“It doesn’t,” Will assured him. He didn’t look happy, but he didn’t look angry anymore, either. “Grief does weird things. I mean, even with the awful fall-out I had with my parents, losing them still hurts. Sometimes I look at Molly and I see them in her, and there’s…there’s this ache I can’t even describe. And knowing that I’ve lost my chance to make it right with them forever? It’s difficult to live with.”
“Yeah,” Sage breathed out.
“It’s worse when I know that my dad intended Molly to be a punishment. He expected her to throw a wrench into my life so disastrous, I’d have to give up everything I’d worked for and come home. I’d have to go back to med school to provide or whatever. He’s probably rolling in his grave knowing I just made her fit in here with me. In this simple little life.”
“I think she’s…maybe not better off for it,” Sage conceded, “but you and your life are good for her. And she still has the opportunity to do something big with her future, if that’s what she wants.”
Will smiled and nodded, his shoulders going relaxed. “I think the one thing I want her to understand is that whatever she grows up to do, her work will be important. Whether it’s saving lives or serving coffee or tattooing people…it’s all important.”
Sage let out a rush of air, scrubbing his hand through his hair. “I’m uh…I’m starting up a charity this month. Speaking of doing big things,” he added. He was rewarded by Will’s eyes going wide, eyebrows flying to his hairline. He couldn’t help but laugh sheepishly, ducking his head slightly under Will’s intense gaze. “Derek and I talked about the shit my dad left—all the money, the assets. His attorney liquidated it all, and the deposits just came through. We’re opening up a crisis center with housing for troubled teens. I want to focus on LGBT, but also any kid who’s being abused. I just…I want to offer an alternative to squatting in abandoned buildings and eating dry ramen for every meal.”
Will’s face was difficult to read, but he did shift a little closer. “How long did you live like that?”
“Three years,” Sage said. “Derek for longer. He couldn’t bring himself to leave, and I just…I couldn’t take it. So, I took off and went to school. I didn’t see him again until a hospital called me and told me he’d been admitted. Behavioral health stuff,” Sage clarified. “It ended up being good for him in the end, but no one should have to go through all that to get there. I can’t help every kid but…”
“It’s a start,” Will said softly. He bit his lip, then gave a determined nod. “I’m going to help.”
Sage startled. “What? No, I don’t need…”
“These kids, they’ll need jobs, right? And you’ll probably need help with food and everything. You’ll have a staff who’ll run on coffee. I can do that.”
Sage felt a little steamrolled, and he shifted a space away from him. “I appreciate it,” he began, his voice full of hesitation.
Will’s face fell. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…I don’t have to help if you don’t want me involved.”
“It’s not that,” Sage told him, trying to keep his tone neutral “but we need to be careful. I want to help these kids, but I can’t put your business at risk. A lot of them will have been in survival mode for a long time, and the last thing you need is more drama. I mean, you have Molly at the shop all the time, and I can’t risk her safety. We’re absolutely going to have a program to get these kids work experience, but I don’t want you to just jump in. I care too much about you. We have to do this right.”
Will swallowed thickly, then nodded. “I wish,” he started, but the words trailed off and he didn’t finish his thought. “You’re a good man, Sage,” he finally said.
Sage closed his eyes a moment, then forced himself to meet Will’s gaze. “So are you. And I’m glad we’re friends.”
“Friends,” Will echoed.
The word felt like a curse between them, but if it meant keeping Will in his life, Sage would gladly take whatever he could get.
Chapter Eighteen
“Get up, loser, we’re going running,” Sage said, kicking at Niko who was lounging in Sam’s stall with his feet in Sam’s lap.
Niko glowered at him, lolling his head back against the back of his chair. “Did you just fucking quote Mean Girls at me?”
Sam chuckled, but he shoved Niko’s legs off his lap and rolled his chair back. “If he’s quoting Mean Girls, he means business. And weren’t you just whining about losing your running buddy?”
“I feel so betrayed right now,” Niko said, but he rolled off the chair anyway and stretched. “Why are we going running?”
“Because he has too much unresolved sexual tension and it’s dangerous for the balls,” Sam replied with a shit-eating grin.
“I hate you so much,” Sage grumbled, mostly because it was true. Maybe not the sex part, not entirely, but becoming friends with Will again was harder than he expected it to be. Yes, he’d chosen to keep their relationship platonic, and yes, he’d been the one to tank it in the first place, but it didn’t stop him from wanting.
“Let’s hit one of the trails,” Niko said, rifling through his bag he’d stashed at the back of Sam’s stall. “I don’t really feel like being inside the gym right now.” He pulled out his running shoes and plopped back down to trade out his boots as Sage walked over to fill up a couple of their water bottles.
“I’m with you, man. It’s too nice out to waste it.” Sage stood up and glanced over at Sam who was reaching for his pencils. “You wanna come? There’s that one spot we found that’s smooth enough for your chair.”
Sam waved him off. “Nah. I’m only here for another half hour, then going to relieve Kat and keep the girls tonight for her and Tony’s date night.” He turned his face up when Niko leaned in to kiss him, and Sage glanced away, feeling a hot spike of jealousy hit him.
He was more than happy for Sam and Niko—if anyone deserved to find love, it was the both of them—but he couldn’t help feeling envy wrapping its ugly green hand around his throat and squeezing. He’d had what he wanted just inside his grasp, and he’d let him slip away without even blinking. He had no right to complain.
He was grateful Niko didn’t linger, and the
pair of them didn’t say much as they climbed into Niko’s SUV and took off. The trailhead was only a few minutes away, and he took the time to try and center himself as Niko found parking. Sage was grateful the trail wasn’t crowded, and the pair of them got out, doing a few stretches before they took off on their run.
“Do you want to talk about it first?” Niko asked as he bounced on his toes a little. “Or do you want to see if the run clears your head?”
“What makes you think I have anything to talk about?” Sage demanded.
Niko rolled his eyes. “Dude,” he said flatly. “Your poker face sucks. You’re worse than Baz, and that dude can’t lie for shit.”
Sage rolled his eyes. “I don’t have anything to say. I’m just trying to work off some excess energy.” With that, he took off to the sound of Niko losing his shit at the entrance to the trail. He didn’t bother to slow his pace since Niko was naturally faster than him, and the guy was still a little breathless with laughter as he finally caught up.
“So, Sam was right? This is a blue-balls thing?”
“No,” Sage growled. “I just…” He slowed his pace a little and glanced up at the canopy of trees, enjoying the soft breeze playing around his hair. “The other day, I was picking a couple things up from the rehab center for Sam, and I went to grab a juice from the café down the street. I uh…I saw Will there with Joe and Molly.”
Niko’s face fell a little. “He’s that dickhead you almost got into a fight with, right?”
Sage pursed his lips as they took a sharp corner. “Yeah. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen them, and I usually don’t say hi because I don’t want there to be a scene in front of Molls. But there’s just something about the guy I don’t like—and it’s not because I want to be with Will.”
“Except that you do,” Niko pointed out.
Sage let out a tired sigh. “Yeah, but more than that, I want him to be happy. Just…he doesn’t look happy, and neither does Molly. The guy’s an abusive dick, and I’m worried Will’s ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to be alone.”
Niko slowed his own pace, and after a minute, the two of them were walking. “Are you sure you’re not just reading into it?” When Sage’s eyes widened, Niko put his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying that’s what’s happening, I’m just trying to make sure you thought this through.”
Sage dragged a hand down his face. “The night I told that fucker not to show his face again, he told Will he was going to make him beg to come back. That’s not a normal thing to say, even when you’re angry. And I can see it on Molly’s face, Nik. Because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be a kid when an adult starts crossing those lines.”
Niko paled a little and he dragged his hands through his sweaty curls. “We should do something.”
“I don’t know if I can,” Sage admitted. “I mean, I’ve been trying to be around more, but Will doesn’t want me and Joe to cross paths, which is another red flag. But I already tried to push the issue with him before and he keeps denying it.”
“Well, she’s being monitored, right?” Niko asked. “By like therapists and shit?”
Sage nodded, feeling a sudden punch of relief. “Yeah, she is. I didn’t think about that.”
“If the guy really is crossing lines, the therapist is going to hear about it. She’s a kid, they can’t keep their mouths shut for shit.”
Sage couldn’t help a laugh, even if he didn’t entirely feel better. “I guess…I guess maybe I didn’t want to believe he could change.”
“I doubt he’s any different,” Niko said with a shrug. He picked up his pace again, and the two of them hit the trail again at a slow jog. “I’ve known dickheads like that. They always show their true colors eventually. He’s probably after something.”
“Money,” Sage told him, shaking his head. “Will told me the reason they broke up the first time was because he was trying to get money out of Will’s business loan.”
“Gross,” Niko growled.
“Right?” Sage slowed a bit to take a drink, regretting it when he felt a slight stitch, but he pushed through. “I just don’t know what I can do.”
“I think you’re doing it,” Niko told him. “Sounds like Will has to figure that shit out on his own.”
Sage knew Niko was right, but it was a tough pill to swallow.
Turning in a slow circle, Sage took in the sun-soaked wooden floors, the bare walls, the wide expanse of the empty room, and he felt his throat go tight. He imagined it full of furniture and noise and kids and safety, and it was such a far cry from the dilapidated building he’d spent years huddling in, his knees felt weak.
He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and he turned to see the same look reflected in Derek’s eyes. “It’s perfect,” Derek told him, his voice heavy with emotion.
Sage swallowed thickly and nodded, reaching up to squeeze his hand over his brother’s. “Yeah. I really think this is it.”
“Which is good, considering you signed the papers,” Derek said, rolling his eyes.
In truth, Sage had known this was it from the moment he saw the place. It was five miles outside of Fairfield and had been on the market for eighteen months. The owners were willing to come way down on the price, which left Sage and Derek more room in their budget than they had initially planned. It meant better upgrades, it meant more beds in the rooms, it meant a larger allowance for clothes and shoes and school supplies.
Right now, Sage’s attorney was working on contracts with DCS and a couple of private foster agencies to get the ball rolling. It would be another half a year, maybe longer, before they could open the doors, but this was the start Sage had been hoping for.
“James wants to celebrate. He’s booking a table at Niko’s place,” Derek said, staring down at his phone. “Baz already said he and Ama will meet us there, but they’re all really excited.”
Sage felt that same excitement right down to his bones. It wasn’t enough, but he knew it never would be. There would always be kids out on the street, struggling to scrape by. There would always be kids trapped in their homes, unable to escape. There would be kids who grew up like Derek but never got the chance to make it out. He couldn’t let himself drown in what he couldn’t do, though. He had to focus on what he could.
“Tell him I’m in,” Sage said. “I need to make a couple of phone calls and speak to Rodger before four,” he said, knowing his lawyer was going to be swamped over the next few weeks, “but I should be done early.”
Derek nodded, holding his phone to his ear as he walked out the front door, and Sage backed up toward the far wall which faced the bay window. The front of the house looked out onto the street, and he appreciated that there was only one other house on the block. It meant they’d have privacy and room to settle in without nosy neighbors poking their heads in.
Sage knew he’d face some backlash from the uppity middle-class residents who didn’t want to change the status quo of where they lived. People like that wanted to donate money to anonymous charities who over-paid their CEO and focused on social media rather than actually helping anyone. It allowed them to call themselves heroes and do-gooders without doing any real good at all. But Sage wouldn’t be cowed by those people. He wanted to make a real difference, to bring stability and hope to kids who didn’t have any. Even if his personal life was in shambles, at least he had this to keep him afloat.
Heading out, he met Derek at the truck and the pair of them headed back into town. The papers were signed, and the house had closed, so all Sage had to do now was wait for Rodger to give him instructions on what was next. The work ahead would be more than he was used to, but he was ready for it. He was ready to feel busy and occupied instead of sitting around pining for Will between clients, classes, and Molly’s tutoring. This was at least a step in the right direction, and maybe one that would let him stop thinking about Will and everything he’d lost.
Chapter Nineteen
Sage arrived at the restau
rant a little late, but he didn’t think anyone would care much. He pulled into the parking lot near Derek’s car, but before he got out, he checked his phone for the dozenth time. Back at his place, he’d given in to a moment of weakness and sent Will a text, inviting him and Molly to the little celebration. The status of his message hadn’t even reached delivered yet, which meant either Will’s phone was off, or he was somewhere without reception—both of which made him a little nervous.
Will had been steadfastly avoiding the topic of Joe whenever he and Sage got together, but he’d also been meticulous about when Sage could see Molly. It likely meant Joe was around more, and the sight of the guy who had humiliated him in an alley wouldn’t have been welcome.
Part of him wanted to confront Will on it, to ask him how Joe was a decent guy if Will couldn’t be honest about the people he was friends with, but he was too afraid to lose what little progress toward friendship they’d been making. It would never be the same again, he knew that, but he wanted to be more than a dirty little secret in Will’s life.
He had to learn to accept it though. Everyone at the shop was encouraging him to move on, but Sage’s personality and his trauma made it difficult for him to let go of things. It had taken him this long to be able to let someone in, and the very idea of letting that person go sent him reeling. Taking a breath, he reached for his door handle and stepped out of his car. He could hear music playing—the soft sounds of traditional Greek folk songs Niko had meticulously picked out—and it gave him a rush of happiness for his friend’s dream.
Pocketing his keys and phone, Sage walked through the doors and heard the loud ruckus of his friends in the large room. He waved to the hostess who knew all of them on sight by now, then joined the group who quickly lifted all their glasses in celebration.
Rolling his eyes, he accepted their attention with as much grace as possible, but after only a moment, it started to feel a little claustrophobic. He eased down into his seat between Kat and Wyatt and grabbed at one of the water glasses, gulping down the tepid liquid in an attempt to chase away the tightness in his chest.