by E M Lindsey
The first push was uncomfortable, an unfamiliar intrusion he’d never quite gotten used to. With Ted, he hadn’t minded giving up anal. They’d only tried it a few times and with Ted’s discomfort, it had never really been good. But this…this was different. This was something Will wanted. This was a pleasure Will wanted to give Sage, and that was immediately apparent as he used both hands to lift Sage’s hips to get the angle right. His thrusts were shallow, more nudges than a proper slide, but he was seeking something, and it didn’t take him long to find it.
At the first rush of pleasure, Sage cried out, tightening around Will, his stomach clenching against it. It was almost too good, and he felt himself start to shake. He needed something to ground him, something to hold him.
He moved on instinct again, pushing himself upright until he was seated on Will’s lap. He felt the hard press of Will’s chest against his back, and he lifted Will’s hand to his neck and rested his fingers against his throat. Will gasped behind him, giving a sharp thrust upward, and his hand tensed only slightly, just enough to remind Sage he was there.
“Just like this?” he asked, flexing his hand again, adding just the barest hint of pressure.
Sage wanted to cry at just how much Will could read him, how he could tell exactly what Sage needed. Not to be hurt or be made to feel powerless. He just wanted to feel present and held and treasured.
His head lolled to the side as he realized he was beyond words, so he answered with his lips, mouthing kisses against the side of Will’s face. Will hummed in understanding, keeping one hand at Sage’s throat, just resting against his pulse, the other wrapped around his hip as he began to fuck him in earnest.
Sage’s eyes stayed closed, his mind blank, his only awareness the rush of pleasure through his limbs as Will’s dick drove him closer and closer to the edge. He felt his orgasm coming, held back only by the lack of friction against his own cock, but his hands wouldn’t cooperate. He gave a quiet whimper, and Will immediately reached around to stroke him, his fingers forming a tight circle with just the right amount of pressure, the right amount of speed to send him crashing over the edge.
He blanked out with it and came to just as Will’s hips stuttered against him. He felt the hot pulse of Will’s climax inside his body, filling the condom as his dick gave a last, valiant throb. Sage couldn’t begin to think about moving, and he was grateful Will was stronger than he looked as the other man eased him to his side. He didn’t pull out right away, and Sage felt soft, tingling pulses of pleasure as Will rode out the last sensations of his own orgasm.
After a beat, Will kissed him along the back of his shoulder, sucking gently at his hairline as he eased back. Sage bore down gently to make withdrawal easier, and he shivered at the rush of cold air when Will pulled away to discard the condom and grab the little washcloth to clean up Sage’s front.
“Okay?” Will asked as he settled back behind him. His hand touched his hip, then wrapped around his middle, palm splayed out just below his belly button. He felt Will drag the tips of his fingers through his fine hair, his mouth resting at the junction between his neck and shoulder.
“Mm,” Sage said, attempting to find words. “Good.”
Will chuckled and nuzzled him with his nose. “That was…that was uh…intense.”
Sage stiffened just slightly. “Intense bad?”
“No,” Will said easily, kissing him again. “Not bad. Not even close. It was some of the best sex I’ve ever had.”
Sage’s mouth curved into a lazy smile and he let out a slow breath through his nose as he leaned back into Will’s arms. “Same. I haven’t had a lot of penetrative sex before and I was nervous.”
“And now?” Will asked, drawing his fingers up through Sage’s chest hair.
“Now,” Sage said, his mind slowly coming back online, “I think I could get on board with that a little more often.”
Will chuckled, shifting back so Sage could roll over and face him. Their legs tangled together, and Sage felt unpleasantly sticky, but in no hurry to remedy that. “How would you feel about switching?”
Sage’s eyes opened finally, and he looked at the man in front of him, at the sincerity in his eyes. “You’d want to?”
Will nodded, biting his lower lip and looking almost shy. “I like it. I can definitely still be in control on the bottom,” he clarified, and Sage realized that’s what he’d wanted to hear. His body lost the last bit of tension and he relaxed into the pillows as Will touched his cheek. “But I like it both ways.”
“I want you to feel good,” Sage told him simply.
Will’s mouth stretched into a grin, the tips of his top teeth showing over his bottom lip. “I do feel good. Everything about you makes me feel good. You’re hotter than the Sahara, and the way you look at me…” he trailed off with a shudder. “Trust me, I have a feeling it’s only going to get better.”
“Christ,” Sage muttered, dragging a hand down his face. “Any better and I might actually stroke out.”
Will laughed, burying his face in the front of Sage’s chest. “I,” he started, then froze. Sage heard the unspoken two words that were far too early to say, and he wasn’t exactly sure how he felt. After a second, Will pulled back and propped himself up on his elbow to look at Sage in the eyes. “Sometimes I let myself stay too afraid to take leaps. When I took the risk and stood up to my father, I lost every support system I ever had. I ended up a broke graduate who was working at a coffee shop and living in a run-down studio that had a bug problem. I found myself terrified of risks after that. It was probably why I let Joe go on for so long, and why it took me this many years to try a business venture.” He bowed his head and closed his eyes, his dark lashes fanning out. “Why I went back to what was familiar, even when I knew it was the worst thing I could do.”
“Will,” Sage murmured, tipping his chin up.
Will grabbed Sage’s hand, kissing his fingers before pressing Sage’s palm to his heart. “I’m the kind of person who can admit when I’ve done something wrong, or stupid. And everything with Joe was stupid. When you told me you weren’t sure you would ever be ready to be with me, I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. Deep down, I knew you just needed time, but instead, I made a terrible mistake. I hurt you, and I hurt myself in the process.”
Sage tried to pull away, only to take Will into his arms, but Will didn’t let him move. “Please,” he whispered.
Will shook his head. “Just let me finish. It’s only been a few weeks of the two of us being official—I guess. I mean, we haven’t talked about the whole boyfriend thing but…”
“I’ve been calling you my boyfriend,” Sage said in a rush. “The guys at the shop call you my husband. So trust me, in my mind, it’s official.”
Will’s eyes widened, and a startled smile spread over his mouth. “That sounds exactly like them.”
Sage rolled his eyes, but he felt a fondness for both the man in his arms, and the family he loved beyond all reason. “They are who they are.”
“Yes, and so are you,” Will said. He took a shaking breath. “I’m in love with you. And I’ve been holding back from saying it for a while now, because I was afraid it might freak you out. Then I realized it was a risk I needed to take. You, better than anyone, know what it’s like to feel loss and I don’t think I want to go another day without you knowing that someone else out there loves you.”
Sage felt his throat close up. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t seem to make a sound. He was overwhelmed with emotions he couldn’t begin to name, and he closed his eyes against it. He could feel the tension in Will’s body, feel the fear wafting off him, and the expectation of rejection. He forced himself to take a breath, and then another, before he finally looked up again. “Thank you,” he rasped. “Which might be the worst thing in the world someone can hear after they say I love you for the first time.”
That startled a laugh out of Will who shoved at Sage’s arm. “You’re awful.”
Sage laug
hed and pulled him in for a kiss. “That took courage I don’t think I would’ve ever had.” Sage licked his lips as he tried to sort his thoughts. “I knew I was falling in love with you weeks after we met. Maybe sooner. It felt insane, but I knew the feeling, and it did terrify me at the time. The thought of letting myself be vulnerable, letting myself love again, and risk losing it?” He swallowed thickly and shook his head. “Losing Ted almost broke me. There was a time I didn’t think I’d survive it, and I spent three months talking myself back from the edge. If it wasn’t for Derek dragging me here to Fairfield, I might have actually accomplished it. And I was angry at him for a while, too. I didn’t want to feel better, I just wanted it all to stop. Then I started loving again. First my family, and then when Sam got Maisy, and then when Kat and Tony had Jasmine. And new people came around and I learned to love them too. Then, one night, I walked into a new café on an accidental date and saw the man I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with.”
“Yeah?” Will asked, his voice hoarse.
Sage laughed. “Yes. He gave me a cup of chai and a little sympathy for my shitty not-date—which worked out very nicely—and I went back to see him almost every day since. He introduced me to a little girl he was raising, and I found myself wanting to spend every single day with them. For as long as they’ll have me.” He dragged his hand down his face and flopped back to the pillows, taking Will with him. He felt the warm breath of his boyfriend against the crook of his neck, and he buried his fingers in Will’s hair. “When I took off, I knew it was a mistake. The minute I left with Niko, I wanted to go home. We were only gone a couple of days, but when I got back, I realized how badly I’d fucked up and I was scared. It was a mistake not coming to you first thing—because maybe I could have saved you a lot of bullshit and pain. I’ll regret that forever.”
Will shook his head against Sage’s shoulder and kissed him on the collarbone. “I was broken-hearted, but taking up with Joe again was my own choice. A bad one. And you don’t shoulder any blame for that. I could have waited, and I didn’t.”
Sage prod at Will’s shoulder until he lifted up, then he cupped his cheek and drew him in for a slow, lingering kiss. “I love you,” he murmured.
Will grinned and kissed him back, though his teeth got in the way when he couldn’t stop smiling, and eventually they broke apart with a laugh. “I don’t think I’m going to get tired of hearing that.”
“Good,” Sage said, and curled his hands around Will’s hips as he dragged the other man all the way on top of him. They kissed another moment, the humor gone, replaced with a slow simmer of passion. When Will pulled back, Sage cupped his cheek and ran his thumb over Will’s bottom lip. “I’ll say it every day. People seem to think that if you say it too often, it loses meaning, but I can tell you for a fact that’s not true. Ted said it to me at least once a day, and those memories got me through, and helped keep me strong enough to love again.”
“I’d like to thank him one day,” Will said softly.
“I’ll take you with me next time I go,” Sage told him. He felt something in his heart crack, then knit back together in a brand-new shape. “I don’t…I don’t really believe in much. I don’t think he’s still there listening, but I talk to him anyway, and it would mean a lot if you’d come.”
“Anything you want,” Will said, and Sage heard the profound truth in that statement. He closed his eyes against the powerful feeling in his chest and let Will kiss him again. Then again. And then again.
Epilogue
Molly tugged on Will’s hand, a nervous bounce in her step. “Do you think anyone remembered? Do you think anyone might tell me happy birthday?”
Will tried his best to hide his smile. She’d been anxious about it for the entire day, and he knew how hard it was on her. Having a summer birthday, she didn’t get the joy of taking cupcakes to her class and getting to wear the birthday crown for snack time. Summer meant kids were on vacations with their parents. Summer, the year she moved there, meant she hadn’t formed a lot of strong bonds with the other kids, and it was the reason she’d declined having a birthday party with classmates.
Her therapist had told Will not to worry too much about it. Part of her grief was manifesting in a fear of rejection from people she cared about, and she encouraged Molly to think about having a party the following year instead. Molly agreed, but she’d been down about it the entire day.
What she didn’t know was that Niko had sectioned off part of the restaurant. That Basil and Amaranth had donated flowers. That Aaron had spent two days making a Moana cake. And that everyone who had become family to them were waiting inside to surprise her.
“I don’t think anyone forgot,” he said mildly. He held the door and got a wink from the hostess as she pointed to the second dining room. Molly was chewing on her thumb nail as she moved past the tables, then came to a halt with wide eyes as she saw everyone there.
“Surprise!” The sound chorused through the room, and after a beat, Molly turned to him and burst into tears.
Will froze for a second, then picked her up as she threw herself at him, burying her face in his neck. “Molls,” he said as the group stared in almost-horror. “Hey, are you okay?”
“But…why?” she sobbed.
“Why what?” he asked.
“Why did they remember?”
Sage, who was now close enough to hear her question, cracked a little and his eyes got watery as he reached for her. “Hey kiddo,” he said.
She leapt into his arms without a second thought and sniffed, rubbing her nose on the sleeve of his shirt, making him grimace. “You knew it was my birthday?” she asked.
“How could I possibly miss you turning eight?” he asked her, giving her a little shake and making her giggle. “Everyone was really excited to surprise you.”
Molly bit her lip and looked over, her face a little embarrassed. When she saw Maisy bouncing excitedly, she wriggled out of Sage’s arms and ran over, leaving the two men together.
“That was unexpected,” Will said through a heavy breath. “I always see those stupid viral videos of kids crying when they get surprised, but I didn’t think it was a real thing.”
“Well, it looks like she’s over it,” Sage pointed out. Molly was climbing onto a chair near Maisy to peer at the cake, jabbering away excitedly at Kat who was kneeling next to her. “I think you did good, babe.”
Will flushed and shrugged. “Yeah. She was freaking out all day thinking no one would remember.”
“Poor baby.” Sage tangled their fingers together and leaned in to kiss him before they headed to the main table. Off to the side was a smaller table piled with presents, which Will knew would take the remaining edge off her birthday anxiety, and he felt a profound sense of love and affection for these people who had dragged him—almost kicking and screaming—into their lives.
“I got a call from the moving truck, by the way,” Sage said as they took their seats away from the main chaos of the party. “They had to change the time from six to eight, which I didn’t think you’d complain about.”
Will laughed, shaking his head. “Not even a little bit. I mean, who the heck willingly gets up at five in the morning to move?”
“If it gets you over quicker?” Sage pressed.
“It’s not like either of us have slept at my apartment in the last six weeks,” Will pointed out. And in truth, he hadn’t slept there much before that, either.
Their lives had merged in a slow, unassuming way, but it was when Will realized he had more stuff over at Sage’s than his own place that he became aware his life had moved in a new direction. He didn’t mind, and when he brought it up to Sage, the other man just laughed and said, “I know,” and kissed him gently.
After that, they made an official plan to combine their houses. It was no question at all that Will and Molly would move in with Sage. They both loved the secluded little place covered in vines and tucked away from the main city. It was a place Joe was unaware of, and
hadn’t ever touched, and that in itself felt cleansing.
This month, it was just becoming official. Will had signed his name on the new lease, and Molly’s case-worker had performed the new home inspection and signed off on the move. Will realized there would be more nexts and more firsts—and this was just the beginning of that.
He leaned into Sage’s shoulder and let himself relax as the food started to arrive. He laughed when he realized it was pizza, and he caught Niko’s gaze who winked at him before setting a personal-sized one right in front of Molly.
“He really did that,” Will muttered. “He went to Charlie’s and got pizza.”
“I think Charlie owes him now,” Sage muttered back, grinning. “But he knew it was her favorite and he wanted to do something nice.”
“I don’t know how to process all this,” Will admitted. “It’s still taking some time to get used to.”
Sage gently traced his fingers along the edge of Will’s arm and turned his head to nose through his hair. “You’ll get there.” He kissed him on the temple. “We still good for the trip next weekend?”
Will nodded, feeling a little guilty that the thought of it made him excited. They were taking a trip back to Arizona, to sight-see a little, but mainly because Sage needed the bit of closure. They’d talked about visiting Ted’s grave during the usual anniversaries, but Sage wanted to avoid any potential run-ins with Ted’s mother, so they decided the dead of summer was the better choice. Molly was going to stay with Kat and Tony during the five-day trip, and now that Joe was behind bars for at least another three years, Will felt like he could let go a little bit.
It would be a long drive, and not all of it would be happy, but he knew Sage needed it and he was happy to give that to him. “I already talked to Aaron and he doubled up the barista shifts so we’re good. What about you? No conflicts?”
“We have two more inspections before we start taking on kids,” Sage said. “Looks like about seventy days before the doors open.” There was a hint of nerves in his tone, but Will knew it was more excitement than anything. It was something Sage had poured his entire heart and soul into, and seeing that dream become a reality for him, was worth more than Will had words for.