“I’m used to manipulating stubborn men,” Mackenzie admitted. Joe was well-behaved enough to not comment further. “But the real potential here… if you want to see it that way… is that extra forty grand that Nick would need. Well, probably more than that, because he’s going to need something to live on while the bar’s getting off the ground. And I figured… I don’t know if you’d want to go this route… but you could offer him the money, from your share of the insurance, in exchange for him resurrendering Austin. He’d be an adult this time, right? No coercion or whatever. Seems like it might be more legally powerful.”
“There was no coercion the first time,” Joe protested.
“No, of course not. I absolutely believe that. And I absolutely believe that Austin is best with you and the rest of the family, or I wouldn’t be suggesting this. I’m not sure I am suggesting it, really, I’m just… putting it out there. You know?”
Joe was silent for quite a while. Then he said, “Nick would love to own a bar. That’s what he wants out of this entrepreneurship thing—it’s not the money, it’s the attention. The kid wants to be a star. And he’s got the personality for it. Really social, charming….”
“I agree,” Mackenzie said. “But I thought I should run this by you first. I don’t know where you want to go with it. Maybe nowhere. And you know, bars aren’t generally good investments. Like I said, my friend has some experience, but even so it’s a gamble. Most new bars fail. I just wanted to mention it.”
“Thank you,” Joe said. He sounded sincere. “If this works… well, no. Thank you anyways, even if it doesn’t work. But if it works, I’ll owe you a lot.”
“Well, you saved my baby from the porcupine. We’ll call it even.”
“How’s he doing? Griffin.”
“He’s okay.” Mackenzie closed his eyes before saying, “He misses you.”
There was no answer for a long time. Then Joe said, “I miss him too.” Another pause before Joe’s tone became more businesslike. “Okay, so… can you hold off on mentioning this to Nick? Until tomorrow, maybe? I should think about it. And talk to Will, I guess. He’s Austin’s other legal guardian.”
“No rush. My friend’s still in the planning stages. And if this doesn’t work out, there are other opportunities. You just need to decide what path to go down.”
“Yeah,” Joe said slowly. “I do.”
Chapter 16
IT WAS a bad idea. Joe knew better. The telephone had been invented for a reason. There was no need to be making visits like this. He was an idiot. And he was going to suffer for his weakness.
He knew all that, but he parked the truck in the church parking lot and climbed out anyway. Griffin bounded toward him from the back of the church, bouncing and smiling and butting his head into Joe’s legs like an affectionate cat. Joe rubbed the dog’s ears and then crouched down for a better greeting.
“See?” Mackenzie’s voice came from the corner of the church. “I told you he missed you.”
“This dog gives the exact same greeting to the postman, people walking by….”
“No,” Mackenzie said with a gentle smile. “He gives them a greeting, but not this one. This one’s for the people he really likes.”
Joe let himself look at Mackenzie then. That was what this was all about, after all. That was why he couldn’t just make a phone call like a normal person. And getting to look at Mackenzie was worth the future pain of getting over it all. He was dressed for gardening, wearing jeans with dirty knees and a plain T-shirt, practical shoes… nothing fancy. But he looked good.
And apparently Joe was being a bit too obvious, because Mackenzie held his arms out to his sides and did a little spin, saying, “It’s the latest in church-gardener fashion. Like it?”
“Yeah,” Joe admitted. “I do.” But it wasn’t fair to either of them to continue like that. So he gave Griffin a good-bye pat on the ribs and then stood up and walked over to where Mackenzie stood waiting. “Have you got a minute? I just wanted to talk about that stuff you suggested yesterday.”
“What, you’re going to tear me away from my gardening?” Mackenzie grinned and looked skyward. “Thank you, Jesus!” He turned and headed for the back of the church, saying, “Come sit down,” over his shoulder.
As usual, Joe was impressed with Mackenzie’s ability to be unruffled in situations that would make Joe squirm with awkwardness. Of course, maybe it was just one more sign that Mackenzie wasn’t all that emotionally affected by anything; he could joke about things because everything just was a joke to him. But that wasn’t really fair. The guy had gone out of his way to help Joe out with the Nick situation. And that thought brought Joe back to the reason for his visit.
They settled into the canvas lawn chairs in the middle of the rose garden, and Mackenzie looked at Joe expectantly.
Joe said, “I wanted to thank you again. For finding that guy with the bar. I think… I talked to Will about that part of it, but I didn’t mention the other part. I decided… I don’t know. I wasn’t sure what he’d say. And if I did go ahead with it… if I bought off Nick, used the money to keep Austin… I didn’t think it was something Will should know about. I just figured it would be best to keep it secret.”
He frowned, trying to replay the process his brain had gone through. “And then I realized that I’d want it kept secret because it’s kind of wrong. I mean, it’s for the right reasons, for sure. But….” He rubbed the back of his neck and made a face. “I’m making no sense. I know that. But… buying a kid. Selling a kid. That’s kind of what we’re talking about. Kind of. I think… I think I’d be okay with Austin knowing that I’d paid money in order to keep him with me. I mean, that could just be legal fees in a custody fight, something like that. I don’t think he’d be upset knowing about that. But someday, sooner or later, he’s going to realize that his living situation is a bit weird. He’s going to start asking about his dad and trying to figure out why he isn’t a bigger part of his life. Assuming he isn’t.” And Joe was pretty sure that was a safe assumption to make. He’d thought it over, and he’d talked this part of it over with Will and Sarah, and they’d agreed that, sooner or later, Nick was going to realize he didn’t want to be saddled with a four-year-old. Eventually, Austin would be back with the family on the farm. It was just a question of how much the little guy would have gone through before that happened.
But Mackenzie didn’t need to hear all that. “When Austin asks about his dad, I really want to be able to tell him the truth, and I want that truth to be that Nick realized he wasn’t in a position to take care of another person, and he knew Austin would be happiest with us, so he let that happen.” Joe was pretty sure he’d covered the basics with that little speech. Then he quickly raised his eyes to meet Mackenzie’s. “And I want that for Nick too. He’s my brother. He’s pissing me off right now… he pisses me off a lot… but I love him. And I don’t want him to go through the rest of his life knowing that he’s the kind of guy who’d sell his own son. You know?”
“I do,” Mackenzie said sincerely. “I wasn’t even sure if I should bring it up as an option. I wasn’t sure how desperate you were feeling.”
“Pretty fucking desperate,” Joe admitted. He’d worked dawn ’til past dark the past couple days, trying to exhaust himself, trying to avoid Nick, trying to figure out some damn solution to the problem. It wasn’t until Mackenzie had called that he’d seen even a glimmer of hope. “Sarah says we have to give Nick all the tools he needs to make the right decision, and then just trust him to make it. I like the idea of you taking the idea to him, if you’re still okay with that. And maybe letting the guy in the city be the one to make it clear there’s no way the life can work for a single dad. ’Cause you’re right, I think. If we push Nick, he’ll push back. If you can make him think it’s all his idea….”
“I can do that,” Mackenzie said calmly.
And that was it. There was no more excuse for Joe to be there. And that meant he needed to leave.
; He didn’t want to. It was scary to realize how strong the urge was to stay. He let himself close his eyes for a moment, let the sun warm his tense shoulder muscles.
Maybe he could stay. He could help Mackenzie with his weeding, or whatever the hell he always seemed to be doing in the damned garden; when they got tired of that they’d go inside, and maybe shower together. There was a ledge in the shower stall, just about head height, that was great for holding a bottle of beer. So they’d shower, and have a beer, and maybe they’d just jerk each other off, slow and easy, just friendly and cooperative. That wasn’t too much, surely. It wasn’t even real sex. It wouldn’t even count. And then they’d dry off, and maybe Joe would look in the little bar fridge… and there’d be no real food, because even in his fantasies Joe wasn’t going to pretend Mackenzie ever had anything useful in his damned fridge. So they’d order pizza and eat it on the bed ’cause there was nowhere else to sit, and they’d both sneak bits to the dog and pretend they weren’t. And when the food was gone, well, they’d be on the bed anyway, and maybe they’d just make out for a while. Slow, lazy kisses that gradually got more intense, until….
“Joe?”
Joe opened his eyes. “I wasn’t asleep,” he said instinctively. He tried to remember where he was and what he was supposed to be doing.
“You were snoring,” Mackenzie said with a grin. “And it’s been half an hour since the last time you said anything. You looked so peaceful, and so tired, I thought I should leave you alone, but then your head kind of flopped over to the side. You were going to have a really sore neck if you stayed like that.”
“Okay, maybe I was dozing a little.”
“Maybe a little,” Mackenzie agreed.
“I think I was having a dream.” He tried to chase down the memories, but they were fading in the bright sunlight. “A good dream, I think.”
“Then I’m doubly sorry I woke you up.” Mackenzie made a face. “But it was only partly because of your neck. The truth is… I’m expecting someone.” Another face before he said, “Nathan. I don’t know if you want to be here when he arrives.”
It was as effective as a bucket of cold water in terms of bringing Joe back to his senses. “Right,” he said. “Yeah. Okay.” He heaved himself out of the low canvas chair. “I should get going, then.” He should have never come, just like he’d known. It was one thing to think of Mackenzie back together with the old man, quite another to almost witness it. And spending time with Mackenzie was doing nothing to help Joe get over his stupid crush, or whatever it was. He’d made a mistake and gotten attached, and now he needed to do the right thing and get the hell over it. Or at least cover it up. “I just came by to… well, to have a nap, I guess, but also to say thanks. Seriously, I appreciate your efforts.” There, that was the right tone. Friendly, but not intimate. Not anymore.
“I’m happy to do it,” Mackenzie said. He walked with Joe toward the parking lot. It felt wrong to leave. Joe wanted to stay. He could… well, it probably wouldn’t be right to actually fight the little old man, but he could do something. Make a declaration of… well, no, not love. That was a little much. He could… fuck it, he could just sweep Mackenzie off his feet, carry him downstairs, and when the wizened-up troll knocked on the door, they could just ignore him.
And then what? Was Joe going to keep Mackenzie locked up somehow? Because otherwise, Mackenzie was going to leave, one way or another. He was going to leave Joe behind, and it wasn’t going to be any easier to be left in the future than it was to be left in the present. It might even be worse.
Joe said good-bye to Griffin and climbed into the pickup truck. “Take care of yourself,” he said to Mackenzie, although he supposed it wasn’t really necessary. Mackenzie was going to have someone else to take care of him.
“You too,” Mackenzie said. He stepped closer, close enough that Joe could have reached out and pulled him in for a kiss. It didn’t have to mean anything… it could just be good-bye. But Joe didn’t do it. He was done fooling himself. He had no business kissing Mackenzie, not anymore.
Joe pulled out of the parking lot and pointed the truck toward the ranch. He was going home. Alone.
IT WAS Sunday dinner by the time Nick finally told the family about his new plans. A great opportunity, getting in on the ground floor, gaining experience, making contacts… it was all excellent. Of course, it would be really intense. He probably wouldn’t be able to give Austin the attention he deserved. And since it was so important to the family that they maintain their close bonds with his son, he’d generously allow Austin to stay with them a while longer. Or possibly forever. It was hard to foresee how things would unfold. That was what it was like, in the city. None of the boring predictability of country life. The city was vibrant, ever-changing, and you had to be willing to change with it if you wanted to succeed. Which he absolutely planned to do.
“But I’m going to need a bit more capital,” he said as he attacked his slice of roast beef. “I’m hoping I might be able to get a bit of a loan.”
“How much of a loan?” Will looked cautious. “And from whom?”
“Maybe you don’t need one at all,” Sarah interjected, her smile dangerously sweet. “Ally and I’ve been talking. We were thinking about the books and how you weren’t sure you wanted to use the same accounting we’d been using, and it occurred to us that we’ve really been pretty sloppy about it all. I mean, we haven’t been paying very close attention to who pays for what, or who earns what… we’ve just been taking it for granted. And Ally and I decided we’d like that to stop.”
“Joe’s working sixteen-hour days while the rest of us are goofing off,” Ally said with a pointed look in Nick’s direction. “And Will is working his butt off too. It isn’t fair that they should give so much and it should all go into the family pot equally. So Sarah and I think we should divide things up. We think Joe should buy the ranch, and Will should buy the contracting business. We’d get them independently valued, right, Sarah?”
“That’s right,” Sarah said. “And then they could give us a down payment from their life-insurance money, since neither one of them has touched a penny of it, and they could pay off the balance gradually, with the profits from their businesses.”
“And we’d keep closer track of what gets contributed to the house,” Ally added. She pointed to the roast in the middle of the table. “That is prime, organic, grass-fed beef right there, and we’re eating it for free because it ate our grass. But we’re ignoring the part where Joe did a lot of work to raise it. In the future, if Joe owned the grass and did the work, then we’d give him a credit for whatever beef he contributed to the family and take that off his debt.”
“Same would go for firewood, eggs, and all the rest,” Will said with an approving nod.
“Or if you do work around the place.” Ally beamed at him. “If you’re living here, then, fine, maybe we all have to contribute a little to the upkeep. But if you move out and come back to fix something, we could give you a credit for that too.”
“This sounds like a lot of bookkeeping,” Joe said warily. He had no idea where Ally and Sarah had come up with this. “And, honestly, I don’t mind sharing with the family. I don’t need the ranch to be completely mine. I don’t want to push you guys off the land….”
“Joe,” Ally said patiently. “Ask yourself when the last time was that anyone but me expressed any interest in the farm as anything but somewhere to take an occasional ride or go for a swim. The others think of it as a park, not a farm. I assume you wouldn’t try to keep us from going swimming in your lake.”
“But what about you?” he insisted. “You love it. You love the animals.”
“I’m going to be a vet,” she said firmly. “I want to come back and live in the area. Maybe even in this house. But I’m going to have my own business to run. Are you expecting to get a share of my profits from that?”
Joe was at a loss. He looked over at Will, who shrugged his own bemusement. “We should think about it,” W
ill said.
“It would really help Nick out right now,” Sarah said sweetly. “He’d get the cash he needs in exchange for businesses he isn’t too interested in being part of. Right, Nick?”
He frowned. “Well, it’d depend on the valuation, I guess. And the repayment schedule….”
“Joe and Will’s two-twenty would be more than seventy grand for each of us, right off the top. Combined with her own share, that’d be enough to see Ally through undergrad and vet school, and combined with your sixty, you’d have a good start on your exciting business plan.” Apparently Sarah had it all worked out.
Joe looked at his youngest sister. “Ally, you don’t need to sell your shares in order to get money for vet school. If the insurance money isn’t enough, we’ll find it somewhere else.”
“I appreciate that,” she said with a smile. “But this way, it wouldn’t be necessary. The money you would have found somewhere else could go toward repaying the debt, so I’d still get some of it and it would feel more fair. I don’t like feeling like I’m taking advantage of you guys.”
Another look between Joe and Will. “We need to think about it,” Joe said firmly. Think, and talk, and try to contain their excitement at the new possibilities. “It’s… it’s tempting, for sure. We just need to make sure it’d be fair.”
They didn’t talk much for the rest of the main course, but while Will was bringing in dessert, Nick said, “It’ll be too bad to see Mackenzie go, huh? I thought he was really going to make things happen around here.”
Joe focused on the plates he was clearing. It was Ally who said, “He’s going? Back to the city?” She looked at Joe as if for confirmation or denial. Getting neither, she turned back to Nick. “Why? What about the church?”
“I guess he’s still going to try to make it work. But he says he needs more money… it always comes down to money, doesn’t it? I guess he used to model quite a bit, and he got an offer for some work, and his agent thinks he could find more, so he’s going to save up and then try to do something different. Buy a house nearby and do the B&B thing himself, or—”
The Fall Page 21