by Hunter, Troy
“H-Hello. I-I’m Eustace. Eustace Bertram.”
I smile wide enough for my cheeks to ache. It worked. I can’t believe it worked! “Hello there. You did it! You’re a man again.”
He smiles shyly and looks down at himself. My heart thrashes around my chest. There it is, his smile. Oh, how I’ve longed for this moment.
“I’m a naked man. Sorry.”
I laugh happily. After three months of wondering and dreaming, I now see who’s behind all the brown fur. I finally see the man from the diary. I see no other than Eustace Bertram, himself.
“It doesn’t matter. Let me get you a robe.”
* * *
Our first outing as two human men starts off with me preparing a nice, hot meal for us to enjoy while Eustace bathes in the upstairs washroom. I don’t aim to prepare us a huge feast, but I try to include more than enough options to choose from. I’m not sure how he’ll act as a human, but Eustace’s wolf form had quite the appetite on him. He isn’t very proud of hunting prey, so he often gorges himself on my scraps.
Thankfully, our timing is perfectly in sync. As soon as I place the baked ham and preserved fruit onto the dining table, he enters the room in my black robe. Eustace limps ever so slightly with each step. Ah yes, his clubfoot. A physical deformity that’s usually hidden by his wolf form. I can only imagine how it must feel having to walk with it again. If there’s any reason to immediately miss his wolf form, I assume this is probably it. His diary entries also implied he was rather ashamed of having said deformity, as it made him feel unattractive and grotesque. But how could it make him ugly when I find him positively breathtaking?
“Enjoy your bath?”
Eustace looks up at me and brushes dripping bath water from his damp locks. “Well, about as much as one can enjoy a hot bath in the month of April.”
I give him a cheeky grin as I back away to collect the rest of our supper. “Must be loads better than the cold rain, right?”
He stops brushing the dampness from his hair and looks down into his lap. One thing I already notice about Eustace’s human form is that his face very expressive, like his wolf form. His moods do not hide themselves away behind some stoic wall, nor do they seem to get crammed into a tight wine bottle. I say this, really, because I notice he looks rather embarrassed about me bringing up the rain.
Either that or he’s blushing because he remembers how I came to his rescue that night.
I’d be alright if that was the reason, truth be told.
I don’t mind being some strapping young lad’s hero.
As I reenter the kitchen, I hear him mutter something along the lines of “It’s better than using my tongue, at least.”
I stifle a childish giggle and grab the Yorkshire pudding and spaghetti. It’s one thing to hear his adorable quips as a wolf, but as a human? If he keeps it up, I may have to break my rule about not kissing on the first date.
I return with the two extra dishes and place them on the table. “There. Hope you’re hungry!”
His eyes widen as he looks at all the dishes. “Are we having company over, Kenneth?”
I chuckle as I take my seat directly in front of him. “No. But don’t you think I’ve forgotten about my hungry little scrap thief right here.”
He glares at me playfully. “Are you calling me fat now? First you talk about rain and now you want to comment on my weight.” He shakes his head, giving me a lighthearted scowl as he grabs a plateful of spaghetti. “You’re a terrible date. You should just stick to women.”
I laugh as I work on cutting the baked ham. “No can do, dearie. Then I wouldn’t get to ogle fit, naked men shifting on my rooftop.” I take a bite out of the ham and feel a satisfactory victory when I notice Eustace’s cheeks turning multiple shades of pink.
“Th-This is good spaghetti.”
I chuckle some more, loving every bit of his cute bashfulness as he tries changing the subject. Too bad I’m a scoundrel who won’t let him have his way. “You like my spaghetti, do you?”
He nods. “Indeed. It’s, uh, very tasty. Very tasty indeed.”
I continue to stare at him, grinning like an amused bridge troll watching potential travelers struggle with the riddles I give them. “Glad to know my spaghetti is so tasty, Eustace. What’s your favorite part? My meaty sauce? Or my smooth noodles?”
He tilts his head for a moment, clearly trying to decide if I’m taking the piss, or if I hit the bottle before eating. I just widen my grin even more.
After a moment, he finally catches on. “Oh goddammit, Kenneth.”
I roar with laughter, slapping the table. “Mercy! I was wondering how long it would take you to catch on.”
Eustace rolls his eyes and takes another bite of spaghetti. He accidently gets some sauce on his chin, enhancing his adorableness even more. “Don’t blame me. I’ve been a wolf for only fifty years, you know.” He takes another bite from his plate and grabs a napkin to clean his mouth. “I didn’t ask to have some lecherous oaf bat his eyelashes at me.”
I flash him a toothy grin. “You don’t seem to mind too much,”
He looks at me and smiles. Albeit it's a small smile, seemingly forlorn. My expression softens a bit when I sense a sudden mood change within him.
“No, I don’t mind. I don’t mind at all. It’s…it’s so much better than what I had before.”
I look into his eyes and see the melancholy swallow him up.
“It couldn’t have been easy living with my great-uncle.”
He chuckles, quiet but harsh. “Living with an actual demon would’ve been preferable, I think.” Eustace sighs heavily and shakes his own head. “I was caught with his journal, you know. Elias contemplated killing me. Said I knew too much.” He chuckles harshly again. “He spared me because I was still useful to him and he was getting too old to keep me on a leash. So he sealed himself away inside the rusty chapel. His crypt is protected by life-preserving runes. They’re specifically created to lure those of the same blood. That’s why we’ve been telling you to stay away from the chapel, Kenneth. If you were to touch a rune on his crypt, you’ll either wake him and force his wrath…or he’ll kill you and possess your body on the spot.”
I look down at my plate. “Did…did you mail the London Beneficiary Offices about this estate? Did you tell them I was the only heir?”
Eustace shakes his head again. “No, Elias gave Mister Norris the order to do it on his behalf. Contacted them on the day of your birth.”
I close my eyes in disbelief. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have allowed Elias to fool me like this? I haven’t escaped from the chaos of society, rather I’ve walked into the jaws of its pet tiger.
“You…you’re meant to be the lycan sacrifice, aren’t you?” I choke the words out, knowing exactly what the answer is. But I still need to hear it myself.
Much to my horror, Eustace nods. “Elias couldn’t find a wolf strong enough to withstand his ritual. I was the first one who lived and I’m not even supposed to be a shifter. That’s why I had to down the scorching yellow chemicals.”
I bite my bottom lip hard. “I’m not going to let that happen to you, Eustace.”
He looks down at his plate and sighs. “It’s been fifty years, Kenneth. It’s too late for me now. I’m spiritually bound to this place. I can’t leave.” He lifts the sleeve from his right arm. Tattooed into his bicep is a black mark, a star with multiple zig-zags through it. “As Elias’s tomb has runes that only kinfolk can activate, he has a matching mark on his arm. He branded it on both of us the day he found me in his laboratory. If I go too far away from the estate, I die. If you go into the crypt, you die. If he comes out of the crypt, we both die.”
I stare at him, trying to ignore the voices shrieking in my head. They’re telling me to scream. They’re urging me to throw dishes against the walls while damning the name of Elias Adelbrecht. The tremor in my hands give away my internal struggle, as do the involuntary twitch in my right eye and as the growl eru
pting from my throat.
No, Kenneth.
Don’t do this.
Not tonight.
This is his night.
I take a quick breath and grab a napkin. “Shall we take a walk?” I grunt, scrubbing my mouth clean.
* * *
I feel my nerves ease shortly after we enter the courtyard. Granted, I’m not sure if it’s the fresh air calming me down, or the feeling of Eustace’s fingers around mine. He’d quietly taken my right hand once we exited the castle. I know he meant the gesture to be reassuring but I can’t help but feel my face grow hot at the contact.
“It’s, uh, rather lovely tonight, isn’t it?” Eustace chuckles, the sound of his laugh greatly enhancing the heat in my face.
Dear me, what’s wrong with me? Has this man truly turned me into this much of a fool?
“It is. I don’t get to look at the night sky too often. As a human, anyway. I-I can look at it all I want as a wolf. But it’s just not the same without the strokes of indigo painting the space between the stars.” He looks up at the full moon, smiling sweetly. “It’s much prettier in color. Who knew little dabs of yellow would be enough to make the moon a work of art? I guess I just…never appreciated it before. Not truly.”
I watch as he observes the night sky in all its glory. Indeed, color makes the moon much more beautiful. It adds extra texture to an otherwise blank surface. Wolves can’t see the finer details of the moon, such as craters. Of course, they often care not what the moon looks like, only how full it is. Eustace Bertram is no ordinary wolf, however. I’m not witnessing a lycan seeing the moon in color for the first time. I’m witnessing someone indulging in long overdue nostalgia.
And his rekindled joy made Eustace himself much more mesmerizing than the full moon.
“I know exactly what you mean. It’s amazing what a change of perspective can do for us, whether that perspective be new or old.” I gently caress his hand with my thumb, the sudden touch encouraging Eustace to look at me. He’s greeted with a loving smile. “Color isn’t all that makes something beautiful.”
Eustace bites his bottom lip and looks down at his feet, trying to shrink the large smile desperately trying to plaster itself on his face. “I, uh, guess you’re, uh…I guess you’ve got a point.”
A powerful hum stirs in my chest. I can’t take my eyes off the grey-eyed man, but then again, I make no attempt to. Why would I want to look away from him? Why would I ever want him to leave my sight?
I’ve gone my entire life surrounded by vapid nobles, too selfish to look at the beauty that often lies underneath simple aesthetics. A painting is lovely to look upon, but what does it mean? Musical numbers are a grace to the ears, but what story does the music tell? Why is any form of literature important to the masses? For its superficial message or for the impact it has on those who read it?
I was once on the path to becoming just like those nobles. Thank the mighty father I escaped before it was too late. If I hadn’t, I’d probably still be Lord Bosie Melmoth’s personal lapdog. I’d still be watching him undress every night, focused only on his external beauty. His lack of a heart would’ve mattered not, so long as I was receiving some kind of incentive to put up with his evil ways.
I don’t need an incentive to spend time with Eustace. I don’t require money. I don’t require copious amounts of sexual gratification. All I require is his presence. I know this to be true. If the pounding of my heart isn’t enough to convince me, the soothing howls echoing between my ears certainly are. “So the legends are true, then.”
Eustace looks up at me. “W-What legends?”
I blink slowly, trying to process the words that had just escaped from my mouth. I understand Eustace has no idea what I’m talking about, and I don’t even know if I can do the story justice. I’ll certainly do my best, however. Both Eustace and The Great Wolf deserve that much.
“As early as birth, lycans are able to hear the songs of the Great Wolf. He serves as our patron, our father. His origins are often debated amongst lycans though. Some hypothesize that he’s the soul of Argos, the faithful hound of Odysseus. Others claim he’s an agent of Artemis, goddess of the wild.” I shake my head, grinning. “I personally believe he’s been around since the beginning of time. He’s the one that serves as the gatekeeper for man and beast. The reason humans and animals are able to live in harmony is because the Great Wolf allows them to forge a sacred bond. Man nurtures beast and beast protects man. When the mighty father decided to create the perfect balance of power and love, he formed the lycans.”
I bring my free hand to Eustace’s face, caressing his cheek. “I’d heard the stories about the mighty father’s songs and when they can be heard. Newborns can hear him, as I’ve already pointed out. Dying lycans can hear his final call to rest. And children can hear him when they officially come of age.” I gently drag my fingertips down to my beloved’s chin, my eyes never leaving his. “But I’d been told that those who find true love can hear him, as well. That, I was skeptical of. I’d never truly been in love before; the times when I thought I might’ve been turned out to be mere illusions.”
Eustace blinks slowly. “Do you hear him right now, Kenneth?”
I chuckle lightly as I tighten my hold on his hand. My breathing is labored, but for once I don’t mind it. This kind of anticipation, I can handle.
“I think you know the answer to that, Eustace,” I whisper as I lean in, capturing his lips with my own.
13
The Belly of the Beast
Eustace
Present Day Stagwood Grove, Spring 1874
Dawn is just around the corner. The sun appears to be threatening to come out within the next hour and a half. All fun times must come to an end sooner or later. I know this, but I can’t help but feel a pain in my heart anyway.
As we lie together underneath the indigo-orange sky, I feel Kenneth’s heartbeat pounding gently against my hand while he sleeps. My eyes flutter open, a smile creeping across my lips as I see the beautiful man underneath me. He looks so peaceful when he isn’t actively worrying about me or my curse. Kenneth has certainly come a long way from his nervous breakdown last month. He was taking care of himself like he should and he even found time to pick up his studies again.
But I can tell the paranoia never left Kenneth’s head. The bags under his eyes gave away his continuing struggle to find sleep at night. Even during the nights where I would curl up at the edge of his bed, I could feel him stir. I could hear him mutter under his breath. He’d curse his great-uncle. He’d apologize to the Great Wolf. But most of all, he’d repeat my name like a mantra.
Oh, Kenneth.
Please don’t let me disturb your sweet slumber.
I’ve caused you enough pain already.
Last night seemed to be different, however. Throughout the evening, I never once heard him talk in his sleep, nor did I experience the thrashing of his limbs. For the first time in a month, Kenneth seemed calm. He seemed to be dreaming of only positive things instead of the awful what-ifs and hows. I’d like to think that, maybe, he felt as safe around me as I did him.
If I’m wrong, then so be it.
But it will never defeat the way I feel.
Once the sunrise begins to peek from over the hills, I nudge Kenneth awake. “Kenneth. It’s time. Wake up.”
He stirs for a moment until he finally cracks his eyes open. Slowly blinking his eyes in an attempt to wake from his slumber, he eventually turns to me and smiles. “Good morning, love.”
I return the gesture, albeit much weaker. “Good morning. How did you sleep?”
Kenneth stretches for a moment, emitting adorably gruff groans. “Better than I have in a long, long time. How about you?”
I sigh gently. “It would be better if I could continue sleeping beside you. But…” I point at the sunrise.
Kenneth growls slightly. “Go away, sunrise. Nobody wants you here.”
I giggle at his response and lay my head back down on his chest
. I can’t say I don’t second Kenneth’s testaments. I’m far too comfortable to get up. I’m far too content to want to leave Kenneth and return to my beastly frolics as a dog.
I don’t know exactly how to explain it or even justify it. But something about Kenneth Adelbrecht enticed me the very moment he stepped into Elias’s estate. I could be lazy in my feelings by simply pointing out his good looks and calling it a day. But I don’t want to do that. Kenneth deserves so much more than that. When I was a wolf, any other man would’ve simply treated me like a stray and shooed me from their property.
Kenneth might’ve started out against me, but he quickly changed his tone.
He tried to win my trust.
He wanted to know me.
He hasn’t shown any signs of having ulterior motives in seducing me.
No, I do not see any of those negatives in Kenneth Adelbrecht. All I see is an intelligent, handsome, amusing man whose immediate interest in me stirred feelings I thought I wasn’t capable of feeling anymore. The sunrise may take my body away, but it will never take my love away. Nothing can do that. Nobody can do that.
“Say, Eustace.”
My head perks up at hearing Kenneth say my name. “Yes, love?”
He smirks at me as he rubs his hand over mine. “Let’s find that cure to your curse.”
I stare at him blankly, conflicted as to what to say. What can I possibly tell him? He’s well aware of the severity of my situation. I’ve already told him that Elias purposely rigged my affliction to doom me to death. I know Kenneth means well, but I’d rather him not risk his own life just to save mine.
“We’d be very hard pressed in finding a sufficient cure to my curse, unfortunately.”
Kenneth keeps his gaze focused on me as he continues to mindlessly caress my hand. “I know. But we still need to try, you know?”
I sigh, turning away from him. “How? How would we even go about finding it, Kenneth? I tried looking for this information decades ago and found nothing that would help us.”