by Bijou Hunter
I don’t think Sam and I will click to most people. Possibly, this is why my parents haven’t bugged me about him. They must know. No way did the hag-twins keep their mouths shut this long.
If I join the Donners for dinner, my parents might change their stance on butting out.
I call Alyn for advice, which she uses as an excuse to show up and raid my fridge.
“What’s the dilemma?” she asks as she makes herself a drink.
I give her the basics about the dinner invite and what it would mean.
“Just go and see how things feel. This is actually a good thing.”
“I don’t want his kids thinking I’m a part of their family.”
“Exactly. You showing up at your sister’s place for dinner is less likely to put stars in their eyes than if you showed up for a meal at their house.”
Pacing in the small kitchen, I explain, “If I go, Avery will tell my parents, and they’ll think Sam and I are a couple.”
“Aren’t you?”
“We fucked a bunch of times. Is that a couple?”
“Sure.”
“He’s got those kids,” I say, full-ass panicking now. “That’s the kind of thing my parents will mention. Help me.”
Alyn frowns at my drama. “I’m not sure how.”
“Be my worst enemy and prepare me for my parents.”
“I don’t feel comfortable hurting you, Nev. You’re too special to me, and I love you too much,” she says and sighs. “But you’re fucking things up by getting involved with Sam.”
“That’s the stuff,” I say, sighing with relief at hearing what people—including myself—are thinking.
“The man lost his wife, who he loved more than he’ll ever love you.”
“He said they weren’t in love. They also weren’t married.”
“They lived in the same house, raising their kids and sharing a bed. That’s married enough. And don’t listen to his bullshit. Sam loved that woman something fierce. She gave him two kids. You’ll never be special to him.”
The heat behind my eyes surprises me. Crying isn’t something I’ve done in years. “What’s happening?”
“You know I speak the truth,” she says before adding, “Out of love, of course.”
“What if I am second best?”
“You loved Yulia. You said more than once how she was your one and only. Wouldn’t that make Sam your second choice?”
Clenching my fists in a way that makes Alyn back away, I mumble, “But I chose to leave Yulia. He didn’t give up Teigh.”
“No, that’s true. Their love would be burning hot if she hadn’t died. You’ll never measure up. You won’t even give him a kid.”
“Does he want one?”
Alyn sits at the small kitchen table and shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m just rubbing salt into the wound like you asked.”
“Okay, yeah, keep going.”
“Nev, you’re a young woman with a lot to offer. Why settle for a man old enough to be your dad? He’s got those kids. His daughter wants a mom. You are not the right person to take that on. Especially for a man who can’t see past his dead woman long enough to admire what you bring to the table.”
“I feel like some of that isn’t true.”
“Which part?”
“I don’t know. My ego is pushing back.”
“Huh,” Alyn mumbles, standing up and moving to the family room. She sits on the couch, where Romeo immediately climbs on her lap. “You got upset when you thought you couldn’t compete with a dead woman. Your ego must believe it can handle the kids part.”
“I like Raimi and Caesar. I could be their friend.”
“The girl wants a mom.”
“She has a mom.”
“But a dead mom can’t give her hugs and teach her about her period.”
“I can do that stuff,” I say, pacing again now that I have more space to roam.
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. The period thing is fine.”
“Just think of the kids hugging you all the time and needing you to care about their crap. It’d be like living with the dude-bros, where the world revolves around their drama.”
Thinking of my youngest siblings with their lack of boundaries, I panic more. “You’re right.”
“I know.”
“When I imagined taking his kids to eat occasionally and hanging out with them like I’ve been doing, being a step-mommy seems like a doable task. But there’s all the emotional garbage I’m terrible at. And once I step into that situation, walking away comes with heartbreak for them, too.”
“Don’t forget Handsome was locked up for years, and his woman died, and he came back to a very different club. Super trauma bubbling under the surface. That won’t be fun to deal with, either.”
As I pace across the room, the dogs decide I require an escort and begin following me.
“I was aware of those problems when I met Sam. Then, I saw him and got obsessed.”
“Hmm, interesting. What was your first thought when you saw Handsome?”
“Holy hell, how is this person real and not a digitally improved actor in a movie?”
“So, he’s simply more attractive than you’re accustomed to.”
“Yeah, how is that possible? I have an attractive family.”
“That you do, but you also aren’t into incest. Your family being attractive won’t make you horny.”
“Very true. But I grew up around Colton and Shane and Bailey’s three hot sons. I’ve also traveled and seen other attractive people.”
“What did you feel when you met Yulia?”
“Intense attraction and curiosity.”
“Same as Handsome?”
“Not exactly. With her, I could hide my feelings and act like a cold bitch. I made her work for shit. With Sam, I was fondling him right away. No self-control at all.”
“What did you feel when you met me?”
“Do you mean back as kids when you made fun of my family?”
Frowning, she mutters, “So, you hated me right off the bat?”
“Before you spoke, I felt absolutely nothing.”
“Couldn’t lie for my benefit, could you?” she asks, offering me a snarly frown.
“I was seven, Alyn. I felt absolutely nothing for most people.”
Twirling her red hair, she sighs. “You always were cold.”
“Which is why I should stay away from Sam. I’m ill-equipped for anyone’s emotional crap. I can’t even deal with my own. That’s why I called you.”
“And relationships come with drama. Do you plan to be alone forever?”
“That might be all I’m suited for. But I have my fur-babies, so I’m not really alone.”
Alyn studies the cat in her lap. “Animals are a lot of drama, and you haven’t killed a single one of them. Perhaps, you can translate those skills into parenting Handsome’s kids.”
“What if Raimi looks at me with her big sad eyes and says she misses her mommy?” I say, raising my voice in horror at being put on the spot in my hypothetical scenario. “I’ll want to run away, but that won’t be an option. There’s a reason I avoided the twins when their crotch goblins were ready to claw to freedom. I feared Savannah and Avery would rope me into their emotional traps.”
Alyn doesn’t respond. Since silence isn’t her forte, I begin to worry. “What?”
“I’m pulling a thread on your psychosis to see where it leads.”
“Take your time. I have nothing to do today.”
“Your sarcasm needs honing,” she says, giving me a dismissive eye roll. “I barely noticed it at all.”
Sitting in my golden-yellow swivel chair, I pet Ghost and Galileo.
“I have deduced your fear of drama and children stems from your youngest sister.”
“I do hate Sylvie.”
“Yeah, but have you tried not hating her?”
“Never. Not even once.”
“It might be worth a try,” Alyn says
, clearly thinking she’s solved all my crazy. “Sylvie represents your worst fears. She’s you but louder, wilder, dumber, just ‘er’ in every way. But she is essentially you.”
“Not really.”
“If you could bond with her, I believe you’d be capable of embracing Handsome’s kids. They’re nowhere near as bad as Sylvie, but she’s also your blood in a way they’ll never be. Like you hate her, but you’d also kill and even die for her.”
“I don’t know about die. However, I would be willing to lose a limb or suffer a very serious head injury for her.”
“That’s how the Majors family loves,” she says, flashing her “aren’t you adorable” expression. “You fight and say the most hurtful things, but you’ll also step on a landmine to save each other.”
“We do love deep.”
“So, try to bond with Sylvie, even though it makes you uncomfortable. Think of it as emotionally losing a limb. Or sustaining brain damage through friendship with your baby sister.”
“What if I can’t do it?”
“Then, you probably can’t suffer for Handsome’s kids,” she says and shrugs. “After all, Sylvie is not just you or part of the family. She’s also your mom’s baby. Kicking her in the face is like kicking your beloved mother in the face.”
“Then, I’ve often kicked my beloved mother in the face. I’ve also punched her in the face. Knocked her to the ground, made her eat dirt, tried to drown her by shoving her face into a puddle.”
Alyn gives me a sarcastically wistful smile. “That’s a whole lot of love, Nev.”
“But she started it, so I never felt guilty.”
“Yes, but imagine if she only started all that trouble because she wanted your attention.”
“No, she’s just an asshole.”
“But so am I, and you simply adore me,” Alyn says and frowns at how the black-and-white cat stands up, sticks his ass in her direction, and walks away. “Fickle bitch,” she mutters before refocusing on me. “Your entire family is full of assholes. Sylvie’s personality isn’t really that off the wall.”
“No, I guess not. I still feel like she’s the worst.”
“Yes, but if you pretend she’s simply desperate for her big sister’s attention, her bullshit will seem endearing rather than the worst.”
Rubbing my bottom lip, I think over Sylvie’s last visit. “I have noticed she doesn’t act as badly with the twins.”
“Because they’re lame and too into each other. Why would Sylvie care if they acknowledged her? No, you’re who she looks up to.”
“True. I am better than the twins.”
“Exactly. So, imagine Sylvie is a fangirl obsessed with you, and then try to bond with her. She’ll do obnoxious shit, and you’ll want to hit her. Rather than trying to murder her or any normal response, remain calm and supportive. If you can pull that off, you can handle Handsome’s kids.”
“Or I can just bail on dating him and avoid any inconveniences,” I say despite how I’m already jonesing for another Sam encounter.
“I would actually prefer you to do that. I have zero interest in you and Handsome fucking or his kids hanging around or his parents for that matter. I’d prefer not to share you. But I felt the same way with Yulia, and you went all-in there. I sense you’ll do the same with him.”
“I’m afraid to hurt his kids,” I admit and sit next to Alyn. “I’m okay being an asshole, but screwing with their hearts is crossing a line. And if I show up, I’ll be saying something they might take wrong.”
“Or you can take my advice.”
“What was that again?”
“One, just go the fuck over there like I know you’ll end up doing anyway. Claim you already ate, but you wanted to make sure Avery wasn’t hassling Sam or feeding him garbage or something rude like that. She’ll still know you’re there for him, but it’ll take some heat off you.”
“I can do that.”
“And tomorrow, call Sylvie and see how she is.”
Groaning, I shake my head. “No.”
“Nev, you want Sam. Maybe not long term, but you’re stuck on him. That means you need to face your fear of children. If you can’t force yourself to deal with your own damn sister, you won’t be able to handle his kids. In that case, keep the relationship to fucking and no family time.”
“Okay.”
“Wait, so you’ll listen to me?” she nearly yells with glee.
“You’re smart about emotional garbage.”
“Thank you.”
“Now get out of my house, so I can race over to Avery’s and pretend as if I’m just dropping by.”
“Rude,” she mutters, but she doesn’t fight me when I shove her out the front door.
Before Alyn drives away, she calls out, “Enjoy your daddy fetish and his baggage.”
I ignore her taunting, rarely feeding her need for drama. I already offered her plenty of emotional garbage when I needed help with a rather simple problem.
I’m clearly overthinking everything about Sam. We can have fun, hang out in public, and not race toward a makeshift family. Just because Avery scooped up Jett and Kiefer to create a foursome doesn’t mean I need to be so hasty. I can just have fun in a way I haven’t in a long time. No reason to assign more importance to what’s happening here.
You know, until I walk through the front door of Avery’s duplex and catch sight of Sam. My heart instantly beats harder. When his gaze finds me, I melt under his smile.
So much for keeping my cool.
THE CHARMER
I’d be a damn liar if I claimed I wasn’t relieved to see Nev walk through the front door of Brick’s home. I don’t care if I spent time with her hours ago. Nev is a vision while wearing the coy smile of a woman who knows exactly what she does to my heart.
She joins me in the kitchen with my parents, Avery, and Brick. Upstairs, Caesar supervises Raimi, Jett, and Io. I suggested he stick with us older folks, but he can’t stop behaving like a guard dog when it comes to his sister. Where she goes, he always lingers in the shadows.
“I didn’t invite you to dinner,” Avery says upon seeing her sister.
“I don’t care. I’m here to meddle in your evening, not eat your food.”
“Good. I didn’t make enough.”
“Uh-huh,” Nev says and then smiles at my parents. “Fred, Pricilla, will you be able to attend the Cuntthroats’ next bout?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dad says with great enthusiasm. “If we were a few years younger, Cilla would be out there with you.”
Grinning, Mom leans into him for a snuggle. Nev smiles at me, likely remembering our conversation.
Fred gestures at Nev. “We heard you’ve been feeding Sam lunch over at your place.”
“Feeding, huh?” Avery mutters. “Is that what the kids call it these days?”
Nev pretends not to hear her sister. She moves closer to me and soaks in the smile I offer her.
“Thought you might not show,” I murmur while Avery whispers to Brick.
“Since I wasn’t anywhere near the neighborhood, I dropped by.”
Her lips are too close not to taste. I never consider if she won’t want to kiss in front of her gossipy sister. Nev hesitates for maybe a second when our lips meet. Then, she leans into my affection and wraps an arm possessively around the back of me.
“There it is,” Fred says approvingly. “Sam always had the best taste.”
Nev’s lips are smiling as they pull away from mine. She grins at Fred and slides her hand in my back pocket.
“You raised quite the man,” she says to my parents, who share a proud smile.
“Are you two coming to Heidi’s party together?” Avery asks while texting someone.
“When is it?” Nev asks, wearing a frown now. “I might be tired of Sam by then.”
Despite her words, Nev squeezes my ass and winks at my parents. They catch on and grin again.
Avery stops texting and narrows her eyes. “Are you planning on eating
tonight?”
“If I get hungry, I’ll dig around your fridge for a snack.”
Fred grins at me. “Majors women enjoy giving sass.”
“That they do,” I say, squeezing Nev’s sweet rear.
While we communicate using our hand-to-ass technique, the kids return from upstairs. Nev immediately pulls away and gives her niece and nephew a frown.
Raimi stares hard at me as if shocked I’m still here. Then, she wraps herself around me and starts crying.
“Whoa, there,” I say, consoling her.
“Mommy,” Io cries and runs to Avery.
“What’s this all about?” I ask Jett rather than a scowling Caesar.
“You were quiet,” the little guy says and then throws his hands up. “And we couldn’t hear you.”
Brick grins at his son’s confusion before picking him up. Raimi holds me so tightly I worry she’ll snap a rib.
“You’re okay, squirt,” I tell her and shuffle into the family room and away from prying eyes.
Behind me, Caesar mutters, “Why are you here?”
“I have a crush on your dad,” Nev responds in an irritated voice mimicking his.
“Really?”
“Yeah, he’s hot. Women like sexy men, Caesar. Why do you think your nana has it so bad for your pawpaw?”
This comment gets my parents laughing. They start calling each other sexy, which seems to settle down the other kids. I glance back and even catch Caesar grinning at his grandparents’ antics.
“What’s wrong, Raimi?” I whisper when she settles down enough to speak.
“I thought you left.”
“Why would I leave you here? We haven’t even had dinner yet. If I were planning to be mean, I’d get a full tummy first.”
Raimi grins. “You won’t leave.”
“Without you? Of course not. I can’t imagine Brick would appreciate me ditching my kids here in his care.”
Raimi nods, but her eyes remain worried. “I love you.”
Hugging my baby against me, I reassure her I’m not going anywhere. Of course, her mama likely believed the same thing. That’s life, though. Nothing’s promised. Some people never make it out of the womb, while others live long past wanting to die.