Married in Name Only

by Jules Bennett

  “Come in and sit down,” he told her. “I—I don’t even know what to say or...maybe I should get you something to drink?”

  Paisley laughed. “I’m fine. I’d say we’re both nervous.”

  He stared at her another minute before shaking his head and blowing out a sigh. “You’ve grown into such a beautiful young lady.”

  “It’s been a long time since someone called me a young lady,” she replied with a slight laugh. “But thank you.”

  He pointed toward the arched doorway. “Let’s go into the living room.”

  She stepped into the cozy space and took a seat on the sofa as Jeb carefully eased himself into a worn recliner. Paisley’s fears returned.

  “Are you all right?”

  His eyes snapped to hers.

  “Sorry,” she added. “It’s none of my business.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he stated, resting his arms on the edge of the chair. “As I told Lucas, I have a heart issue that’s messed up my way of living. I’m tired easy. I have a caregiver that comes in a few times a week to help around the house and get my meds. I’m just...not quite as spry as I used to be.”

  Heart issue? Paisley crossed her ankles and leaned forward in her seat.

  “What can I do to help?”

  Jeb shook his head. “Unless you’re a miracle worker, there’s nothing that can be done. I’m...terminal.”

  “That can’t be,” she cried. “I just found you.”

  Then she remembered what all Lucas had said.

  “But you knew about me all along, didn’t you?”

  Jeb nodded. “I did. Lynette and I weren’t necessarily a couple. We dated a few times, but never anything serious. I kept getting laid off work so when she said she was pregnant, I did what I could financially, but it wasn’t much. I’d hoped she’d find someone who could provide for you both, but she never did.”

  “You didn’t want me, though.” The words hurt, but she came here for answers.

  “I wasn’t fit to be a father,” he corrected. “I’m old enough now to realize I made mistakes where you were concerned. I thought Lynette would find someone and start a real family. I guess I thought if I just paid her what I could and left her alone, you both would be better off.”

  Paisley listened to him, and had she read this in a letter or email, she’d be furious and assume he was merely making lame excuses. But she heard the remorse in his voice. She could tell by the way he looked at her that he had regrets.

  She had a few of her own.

  “If I had to do it over, I’d fight to see you, to be part of your life,” he added.

  “Lucas said you had photos of me,” Paisley said.

  Jeb nodded. “Your mother would give me pictures every now and then. When I came with a check she would give me one. I only have a few. I...wasn’t the best father figure and she had every right to hate me.”

  Paisley crossed her legs and smoothed her dress down. “Why didn’t you get in touch with me in later years?”

  “I was ashamed, embarrassed, afraid.” He shrugged and glanced out the window as if gathering his thoughts. “I’d say you were about fifteen when I really thought about approaching you, but then I figured you and Lynette were set in your ways. If she hadn’t told you about me, there was a reason. I couldn’t just come waltzing in and blow up the only world you knew. Then after she passed away...”

  His focus came back to her. “I wasn’t sure you’d want anything to do with me. I had no clue what she ever told you about your father and I didn’t want to disrupt your life.”

  He might have had a terrible excuse when she’d been young, but as time went on, Paisley fully believed he’d stayed away out of shame and fear.

  “Maybe we could have a relationship now,” she suggested.

  Jeb smiled, the gesture crinkling the corners of his eyes and enhancing the deep lines around his mouth.

  “There’s nothing I’d like more,” he told her. “I hate that I’m sick, that we may not have years left. I’ve missed a lifetime.”

  Paisley’s throat clogged with emotions, but she truly wanted to be strong for him. “Then we’ll have to cram in a lifetime of memories in the time we have.”

  His smile widened. “Do you have dinner plans?”

  Finally, hope spread through her. “I’m having dinner with my dad.”

  Seventeen

  Lucas stared at the computer screen, but the words kept blurring. He’d been focused on the same sentence for the past hour and he was getting absolutely nowhere.

  His cases were not taking top priority like they always had. He couldn’t focus, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function, because his entire world had blown up and he was wading through the bits and pieces trying to find his new normal.

  And if this was it, he wasn’t going to make it.

  The penthouse was too quiet, so he’d been staying in his office. But on his desk sat the mall photos they’d had done in the photo booth and he couldn’t stop staring at them.

  He and Paisley looked so ridiculously happy—like the couple they’d once been.

  Lucas pushed away from his desk and came to his feet. He shoved his hands in his pockets and glared down at the photo mocking him. This was what he could’ve had, this was what he’d thrown away all for the sake of revenge.

  Now he was left with no revenge and no wife. Well, she was technically his wife until the divorce was finalized. He hadn’t heard from her attorney and she’d left his home four days ago.

  Four damn days. The longest days of his life.

  If he thought he’d been crushed and broken the first time she walked out, that was nothing compared to this time. Both occasions had not been her fault, but she’d been pushed out just the same. Both instances she’d trusted him, confided in him...loved him.

  Lucas’s eyes started to burn and he blinked as he glanced away from the pictures. Apologizing didn’t seem to be enough. How could the words I’m sorry cover a multitude of sins?

  But he couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t go on without her or let her walk out of his life again, because he knew this time would be for good.

  Lucas closed out the case he was reading on his computer and sent an email to one of his top guys to take over. The company wouldn’t suffer—he’d spent too long making a reputation for himself, but he couldn’t put himself on any job right now and give it his all.

  The only job he wanted was that of husband to Paisley Ford. She hadn’t actually changed her name, but damn it, he liked the sound of it. He wanted to be married to her, for real, without any pretenses or lies. He wanted to build that life they’d dreamed of so long ago. He wanted kids with her, not just because he wanted a child to pass his legacy to, but because he wanted children with the woman he loved more than the world.

  A viselike grip clenched his heart. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to win Paisley back. Nothing he wouldn’t sacrifice, including his pride. His life meant nothing without her. Even if he’d gotten the revenge he wanted on Sterling, it would have been an empty victory because he’d lost Paisley and she took precedence over everything else.

  He scooped up his keys and headed out the back office door. His driver had taken Paisley home the other night and Lucas had ordered the guy to hang around since then for anything she needed.

  Lucas couldn’t believe she hadn’t texted to tell him to back off, but perhaps she was that angry she didn’t even want to talk. Or maybe she was using the driver, who knew.

  There was nothing Lucas wouldn’t give her to make her life easier. He somehow had to get her to understand his actions, and that he’d cared for her, even though he had a poor way of showing it.

  Lucas climbed into his SUV and headed toward her town house. He wasn’t giving her a heads-up; he didn’t want her to make excuses to leave or talk him out of not coming. He needed to se
e her, needed to just tell his side. Hell, he’d beg, plead, sell his soul to get her back.

  He wasn’t too proud to admit he’d been a bastard. He wasn’t too proud to lay his heart on the line for the woman that he loved. Once he put everything out there, he’d respect her enough to back away and let her think. Walking away would kill him, but he had to let her come to him on her own if that was what she decided.

  Baring his heart, laying it before her, and then walking away and leaving all control to her was going to be pure hell. But nothing could be worse than not having her at all.

  Four days was too long to be without his wife. It was time to reclaim his life, their life, and find a way to make things right.

  * * *

  Sundays were meant for relaxing, but Paisley felt anything but relaxed.

  She’d received an insane amount of money in her business account, more than enough to order any dress she’d ever want in her shop, more than enough to pay off her building, and more than enough if she wanted to throw a new car into the mix.

  So how could she relax when her soon-to-be ex-husband was trying to buy his way back into her life?

  Not that she wasn’t thankful for the exorbitant amount of money, but she couldn’t keep it. She was filing for divorce and she wasn’t going to take something that wasn’t hers...the money or the man.

  Paisley tightened the belt on her robe and started to head to the master bedroom for a shower when her doorbell rang. Who on earth would be here on a Sunday morning? She didn’t just get drop-in visitors and she certainly hadn’t invited anyone over. With the mood she’d been in, she tried to keep to herself for fear of lashing out at anyone who asked how she was doing.

  She’d had to save every bit of patience and smiles for her customers. Today, though, she’d wanted to do absolutely nothing. She wanted to give her mind time to rest, her heart time to heal, but none of that would happen anytime soon.

  She’d never gotten over Lucas when she’d left him years ago—how the hell did she think she’d get over him after becoming his wife and spending every night in his bed?

  Paisley smoothed her bed head away from her face as she padded barefoot to the front door. From the silhouette she could make out through the etched glass, she knew exactly who stood on the other side.

  Well, it took him long enough and he’d better be here groveling and down on his knees. Not that she’d take him back. She was going to be strong, stand her ground and not let anyone take advantage of her again.

  But she wasn’t going to turn down an apology. Tears would help, too. At least she’d know she wasn’t in the land of misery alone.

  Did he even cry? She’d never seen him show such emotions or anything really other than passion and greed.

  No, that wasn’t true. He’d shown so much more, but right now, anger and pain fueled her thoughts.

  The doorbell chimed again, followed by a knock.

  “Tart, I know you’re in there.”

  Damn that nickname.

  Paisley flicked the lock on the door and swung it open. Taking in his rumpled hair, his wrinkled shirt that looked like it was from yesterday and the dark circles beneath his eyes, she couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for him.

  “You look like hell.”

  Well, that was not exactly what she’d meant to say, but it was the truth. She’d never seen him so frazzled and forlorn, but he’d brought everything upon himself...so why did she feel bad?

  “I’ve been sleeping in my office and I can’t focus on work,” he told her. “I don’t deserve five minutes of your time, but I’m asking for it anyway.”

  Not only had she never seen him look like this, she’d never heard that tone before. Oh, he still had a strength to his words, but the underlying vibe was definitely broken.

  Still, after all he’d put her through, she refused to go easy on him. Why should she? She’d put herself out there from the second she’d walked into his office and he’d taken advantage without even an ounce of guilt. Well, he probably had guilt once he got caught, but he’d slept with her night after night. At any point he could’ve told her about his father and Sterling.

  But he chose to keep her in the dark and continue the lie.

  “I know you want to slam that door in my face,” he went on. “Do what you have to do, but I’m just asking for a chance to explain my actions. Just like I gave you the chance to explain yours about what happened years ago.”

  “I call bullshit on that.” Paisley gripped the doorknob and seriously thought about slamming the door as he suggested. “You didn’t let me fully explain. I attempted and you brushed it aside as a maybe truth because you didn’t want to believe your father would lie to you. That hurts, doesn’t it? Knowing someone you love, someone you trust with your entire life has betrayed you?”

  “I believe what happened with my dad,” he told her. “I know you loved me then and I know you love me now. Can I just have five minutes?”

  “I think you need quite a bit longer than that to offer a proper apology.” She pursed her lips and considered, though her heart was breaking and she wanted to ignore all the red flags and invite him in...straight to her bed. “You have four and a half minutes. Go.”

  “Can I come in?”

  She shifted her stance and leaned against the door. “No.”

  He stared at her for a minute before he finally nodded and glanced down to his feet. For the first time in her life she wondered if he’d ever been in this position before. He had no control and they both knew it.

  Lucas raised his head and focused back on her as his shoulders squared and eyes held hers. “I messed up. There’s really no way to sugarcoat that and I want you to know that I’m not here just because I want a child or I want to keep up this arrangement we had. I’m here because I want you back for good. I want a real wedding, I want a real future, no secrets. I want everything with you, Paisley.”

  She listened, trying to ignore the pull of her heartstrings, but how could she? Each word sounded so heartfelt, not rehearsed at all. Still...

  “It’s not that simple,” she explained. “You can’t just come here because you’re lonely. You’re supposed to hurt. That’s your punishment.”

  He took a step closer, sliding a hand around the dip in her waist and making her shiver. Damn that man for making her feel when she tried so hard not to.

  “I’m not here because I hurt,” he murmured, staring into her eyes. “I’m here because you’re hurt.”

  Tears pricked her eyes. Why did he know the right words? Why did he have so much charm that he made it impossible for her to hate him?

  Paisley blinked back the unshed tears. “Yes, I’m hurting,” she admitted. “But words won’t just make that pain go away. I’ve never been used before, Lucas. And I never thought I’d be used by someone so close to me.”

  The warmth from his hand had her softening her words, and Paisley could feel herself melting little by little. The wall of defense she had so firmly in place was slowly slipping away.

  “I never intended to hurt you,” he stated. “Yes, I saw you as a way to get to Sterling, but the man is a complete bastard. I volleyed between wanting him to be your dad so you’d have closure and wanting him to not be your dad because I didn’t want you to have anything to do with the jerk.”

  He slid his free hand to the other side of her waist and pulled her closer until their torsos aligned. Even rumpled and haggard, Lucas Ford was the sexiest man she’d ever seen.

  Sexy wasn’t going to win her heart over, though. But that pain in his eyes, a look that she’d never experienced, and the pleading were doing a damn good job of getting her attention.

  So much for being made of steel and making him grovel.

  “I went and saw my real dad,” she told him. “He’s...sick.”

  “I know, but I’m glad you’re getting time together now
.”

  Paisley closed her eyes and pulled in a deep breath. “I can’t be with you if I can’t trust you.”

  “I know that, too,” he countered. “But I plan on spending every day for the rest of our lives making you see that I love you more than anything.”

  Paisley’s heart clenched. “What?”

  “I love you,” he repeated.

  He dipped his head and captured her mouth, gently at first, then he coaxed her lips apart. Paisley arched against him and opened, her body instantly responding to his touch. All warning flags dropped. She didn’t want to focus on the negative. She only wanted to focus on the fact Lucas had come because she was hurting—and to tell her he loved her.

  His hands slid around the silky robe and beneath the hem to her bare backside.

  “Damn, Tart,” he muttered against her mouth. “You’re naked.”

  “I was going to get in the shower,” she whispered. “I didn’t plan on company.”

  He rested his forehead against hers. “Let me in,” he commanded. “Your neighbors are getting a show.”

  Totally caught up in the moment, in the man, she’d forgotten they were standing in her doorway for the whole street and anyone walking by to see.

  Paisley gripped his shirtfront and tugged him into her foyer. He dove right back in, devouring her mouth as his hands went to the tie on her robe. The material parted and his hands were on her. Finally.

  “I’ve missed you,” he growled against her mouth. “I need you so much.”

  Yeah, she had some pretty desperate needs of her own.

  Lucas gripped her ass and lifted her against him. Paisley wrapped her legs around his waist, then held on as he turned and sat her on the accent table at the base of the staircase. He immediately stepped between her spread legs and yanked the robe down to her elbows, trapping her arms against her sides.

  “Tell me you want this,” he demanded. “I want to hear you say it.”

  Paisley nodded, trying to form a sentence when her body was aching. “I want you, Lucas. Now.”