Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4)

by Rebecca Barber

  Dropping my sock-clad feet from the coffee table, I set down my beer and headed to intercept the guest. Last thing I needed was to surprise some unsuspecting woman, only to have her freak out and squeal. I fucking hated squealing.

  “Hello?” I called out as I rounded the corner before coming to a complete halt.

  My heart hammered in my chest.

  My vision blurred.

  My stomach turned over, and I was more than a little concerned the contents would end up all over Shane’s carpet in the next minute.

  I hadn’t seen my mother since the day I’d told her I was gay.

  After coming home and finding my shit packed up and overhearing her sob and asking what she’d done wrong to have a son who was, in her words, ‘ruined,’ I’d walked away and never looked back. I wanted to. So many times I wanted to. But the hurt and my stubborn pride always stopped me. Now here I was, completely unprepared to be face to face with the woman who gave birth to me, then abandoned me when I needed her the most.

  “A-A-Alex?”

  Fuck, that hurt. Did she not recognise me? Surely it hadn’t been that long.

  I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to call her Mum. Well, I did, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself get sucked in to believing she was something more than she was. That she could offer me what I needed. “Hi.”

  She fidgeted with the bags in her hands and I realised they were heavy. Without a word, I reached out and took them from her before carrying them into the kitchen and setting them on the counter.

  When I opened one, I saw what she was doing. She was delivering Shane groceries. The beer that was currently waiting for me in the lounge room, she had another six pack in the bag. Without a word, I unpacked the bags and put it all away. All the while Mum remained silent, standing in the doorway looking uncomfortable.

  Part of me wanted to leave everything where it was and just get the hell out the door and run as far away from this as possible. But because I was a sucker for punishment, I remained exactly where I was.

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” I offered. I’m not sure what made me say it. In that moment I realised you couldn’t just forget years of ingrained manners no matter how much pain someone had caused.

  “No thank you, Alex.” At least she used my name. “Is Shane here?”

  “No. I’m not sure where he is.”

  “Oh. Okay then. I should probably go then. Your dad is waiting for me.”

  The overwhelming need to punch something was all-consuming. Two minutes in the same space as me and she was running for the hills. What did she honestly think? That if she came near me, if she spoke to me, if she touched me, she’d catch gay? Surely, she was over it by now. I mean, it’d been years. Seven, to be exact.

  Adjusting her bag on her shoulder, I followed her to the door and watched her step out into the early evening. When the car horn beeped, my eyes swung around and landed on the same white Commodore they’d had last time I’d seen them. It wasn’t the car though that made my heart skip a beat and sweat to gather on my lip. The scowl on the man’s face while he sat behind the wheel was something I’d never forget. And when his beady eyes settled on me, the glare he shot in my direction had me shrinking back inside the door. I hated that he still had that power over me. That with nothing more than a look I was cowering in the corner. I’d stand up to him eventually. One day I’d tell him what a mistake he made. I’d remind him of all the things he was missing out on. Maybe then he’d stop hating me. I wasn’t about to hold my breath, though.

  Without another word, Mum stepped down onto the paved path and made her way over to the car. I watched as she climbed inside, buckled her belt, and adjusted her hair. For a moment I stood there waiting for her to wave goodbye. Nod. Something. Anything. In typical fashion, she slipped her oversized dark glasses over her eyes and dropped her head, effectively dismissing me. Fuck me, did it hurt. It was like being rejected all over again. This time though, this time I wasn’t the same scared guy who had no idea where to go or what to do. This time I was a grown man who could do whatever and whoever he wanted. And I didn’t need their fucking approval to do it. I just wished I didn’t want it.

  Feeling decidedly miserable, I stomped back inside, tugged on my boots, and headed out. I didn’t want to be in Shane’s house a moment more. Before Mum’s casual little visit, I’d spent a majority of the day imagining what this place could be with a little bit of elbow grease and a lot of TLC. Now, I couldn’t get away from here fast enough.

  Making it home in record time, I climbed the stairs trying to recall anything about the drive here. It’d been one of those trips where I’d been so caught up in my own head I couldn’t remember anything about it. The moment the front door closed behind me I started stripping off, leaving a trail of dirty clothes through my apartment as I made my way towards the bathroom.

  Standing under the spray, I heard my phone ring, blasting out some old school ACDC. Instead of answering, I soaped up my hair and let the hot water wash away my frustrations. Twenty minutes later the water had cooled, so I stepped out, wrapping the giant black towel around my waist. After wiping away the condensation from the mirror, I watched the reflection staring back at me. The stubble on my chin had more grey in it than it did brown these days. Grabbing the shaving cream, I covered my face in the thick foam and started shaving, taking my time so I didn’t shred my chin. I’d been there, done that, didn’t need a refresher.

  Feeling decidedly more human, I stepped out into my empty, silent apartment and almost choked. I’d already made the decision I wasn’t going anywhere tonight. Heading to a bar in this condition didn’t seem like the smartest idea, so I yanked on some sweat pants and stumbled into the kitchen. Snagging a beer from my fridge, I flopped down on the couch, the cool leather against my skin felt amazing. My phone rang again from somewhere, probably still in my pants pocket somewhere on the floor. Ignoring it, I grabbed the remote and clicked on the TV. After finding a replay of a baseball game, I settled in for the night.

  “Open the fucking door!”

  Cracking open my eyes, I sat up, peeling my sweaty back off the lounge and stretching my arms high above my head. While I’d been crashed out, not only had the game ended and the channel was now showing some women’s netball game, but the sun had also vanished and night had settled in.

  “Alex! I know you’re in there! Open the damn door!”

  Finding my feet, I shuffled over to the door and undid the chain, only to find a very pissed off looking Shane glaring at me. For a brief second, I considered leaving him outside, a safe distance away from me, but that wouldn’t help. If anything, he’d just get more pissed the longer I made him wait.

  Opening the door, he stormed past me and into the lounge room, his shoulder colliding with mine as he passed by. “Oh, hi Shane. Good to see you.”

  “Cut the bullshit, Alex. What happened today?” My brain was still fuzzy with sleep and I was struggling to catch up. “Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you. I know you saw Mum and Dad.”

  Ah. Yep. There it was. The one thing I was trying to forget. The encounter with my parents. As far as encounters with them went, it was uneventful. Sure, it stung like a bitch, but it was nothing a bottle of bourbon couldn’t cure.

  “Shane, calm the fuck down. You’re making me dizzy.” I flopped back on the couch and took a swig from my beer bottle. It took everything I had not to spit it out across the room. It was warm and flat. Not exactly refreshing.

  “Come on, Alex. What’d they do this time?”

  For the first time since Shane had barged in, I looked at him. I mean, I really looked at him. He was all dressed up. Not just dressed up for a nice dinner, it was more than that. I mean, for starters he was wearing a tie on a Saturday night. The only time I could recall seeing Shane ever wearing a tie before was for his senior formal. Even then it was only because Mum made him and he spent the whole time it was on tugging at it like it was trying to strangle him. It was more than the tie,
though. There was a red lipstick mark on his collar, a spill of something on his cuff, and his hair was a mess. He looked stressed and on edge.

  “Nothing I shouldn’t have expected. Forget it.”

  “Alex…”

  “It’s fine.” It wasn’t fine, but I wasn’t a little scared kid anymore. I had to deal with this shit on my own. And if they didn’t want to know me and the person I’d become, then it was their loss. Not mine. If only I could convince myself of that fact. “What’s with the tie?” I asked, needing to direct the conversation away from me and my problems.

  “I was out for dinner.”

  “With Selena?”

  “Yeah. And James.”

  “You didn’t leave them to come over here, did you?” I wouldn’t put it past him. It was exactly something Shane would do.

  “No. I dropped them off so Selena could get James to bed. I’ll head back soon.”

  Suddenly more tired than I realised, I yawned loudly. “What’s going on, Shane?”

  “I proposed.”

  Well shit! I know I’d been giving him shit about getting tied down, but I didn’t think he’d go and do it right away. “She said yes, right?” I don’t know why I was nervous. It wasn’t like I was the one who asked her.

  “Of course she did!” Shane huffed as he helped himself to a beer from my fridge.

  “So, why are you here then and not celebrating with your fiancée?”

  “I’m here, shit head, ’cause when I called Mum and Dad to tell them I was engaged, Mum asked me what you were doing at my place today.”

  “Oh.”

  “So wanna tell me what you’re up to?”

  “You mean you haven’t been home?” I smirked. It didn’t surprise me, really. I’d been in and out all week, deliberately leaving my shit everywhere. I mean the bathroom sink was filled with old washers and old plumbing tape and he hadn’t even seen it.

  “I’ve been staying with Selena.”

  “I know.”

  “Stop dodging. Why were you there?”

  “Do I need a reason?”

  “Alex!”

  “Fine. I’ve been doing some much-needed maintenance to the place. I figured even if you didn’t live there, cleaning it up a bit would help you get it sold when you finally make the decision to.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How much?”

  “How much work?”

  “Nothing really. I’ve been over there a couple of nights this week and some of today,” I played it off. I didn’t’ want to make a big deal out of it. Shane had done so much for me over the past couple of years, if this was a way I could repay him for everything he’s done and everything he’s given up for me, then this is what I’d do. It was a no-brainer really.

  “Th-thanks. Is it bad?”

  “Truth?”

  “I don’t know.” I watched on, fascinated as Shane scrubbed his hands over his face. For someone who just got the girl, he looked awfully tense. “Tell me.”

  “It needs work. Nothing I can’t handle though.”

  “I need to sell it.”

  Well, I did not see that coming. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. I guess I saw it coming…eventually. I didn’t think in my wildest dreams Shane would be considering real estate transactions of all things tonight.

  “I’ll buy it.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll buy it. We’ll get it valued and I’ll pay you a fair price. You’ll save on marketing and agents’ commissions and you won’t even have to clean it up.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Come on, Shane, it’s what I do. Buy something that has potential but needs work. My team does the work and makes the profit. Your place has potential. All I have to do is uncover it and make everyone else see it too.”

  Shane drained his beer and walked over to the window, staring out at the Melbourne skyline laid out before him.

  Without turning around and looking at me, he asked in a voice that was filled with so much sadness, “Will you be okay?”

  I almost choked on the words. As much as I wanted to put him out of his misery and reassure him that everything would work itself out in the end, I wouldn’t lie to him. Not now. Not ever. “I will be,” I promised. I felt like it was more than a promise to Shane though. It was a promise to me. Somehow, I wasn’t entirely sure how, but I’d be fine. I had to be. There was no other option, really.

  It took me two more beers before I could shoo Shane out the door and on his way home to his soon-to-be wife. Not before he convinced me to be his best man, though. While I was thrilled to be asked, and there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for him, I was going to need to talk to him about what he was really asking. Standing beside him, supporting him as he took the plunge, no worries. Attending a family function, one that was guaranteed to have our parents in attendance, that I wasn’t so keen on. Tonight wasn’t the night to burst his happy bubble with my worries, though. There’d be plenty of time for that.

  Once he was gone, I ordered a pizza and stuffed my face. As I crammed in the gooey cheesy slices of deliciousness, I knew I was going to have to work it off tomorrow. Yet even the thought of an early morning gym session didn’t make me put down my fourth slice.

  Feeling fat and full, I fell into bed alone. Somewhere along the line I’d gotten used to not spending Saturday nights alone. As much as I hated the fact Ryan snuck out before the ass crack of dawn, Saturday night had become our thing. We’d meet up at the pub, have a few drinks, shoot some pool, then come home. More than once we’d spent the better part of the night sitting on the couch trying to kill each other in one of my more violent games. Other nights we’d laugh for hours. Tonight, I missed him. I’d like to think we were more than just some casual Saturday night hook up, but now I was questioning it.

  Lying in bed, I glanced at my clock. It was just after ten. Too late to call, but not late enough to deter me from shooting him a text.

  Alex: Hey man. What’s up?

  Setting my phone on the nightstand, I picked up the tattered paperback I’d been reading for a million years and tried to get lost in the words. It wasn’t a bad book, I was just a pathetically slow reader.

  I didn’t even make it through a chapter before I was struggling to keep my eyes open and I was forced to switch the lamp off and call it a night.

  ***

  “What are you doing?” someone screamed down the phone to me as I rolled over, yanking a pillow over my head.

  “Sleeping,” I grumbled miserably.

  Being woken up on a Sunday morning by a ringing phone was probably my least favourite thing in the world.

  “Get your lazy ass out of bed. I’m picking you up in ten minutes. I want you to meet James.” Sitting up, I yawned, my jaw cracking.

  “No!”

  Completely ignoring me, Shane continued to bark orders before hanging up. “Downstairs in ten.”

  Flopping back against my pillows, I groaned and complained to the walls. There was no one else here to complain to. Maybe I should look into getting a cat. Or a dog. I hated cats, after all. At least then there’d be someone here to listen. Whether or not they gave a shit on the other hand, that was another story.

  Two minutes later I forced myself up and out of bed. I needed a shower if I was expected to act human. With the clock ticking, I set the temperature as cold as I could stand and dived under. Thank fuck I’d showered before bed last night. There was nothing good about an icy cold shower. As quick as I could I was out and tugging on some shorts sans underwear. I needed to do some laundry today. Or maybe I should just hire someone to take care of that for me. Yeah, that was a good idea. It was on the list to look at later.

  My phone chirped as I spat toothpaste into the sink. Stuffing my feet in my shoes, I put my phone and wallet in my pockets, locked the door, and bounded down the stairs carefully. Once I was in Shane’s car and he’d stopped bitching at me I’d tie the laces. I just had to not faceplant as I trudged
down the steps.

  The only thing that stopped me from punching Shane in his too smiley face was the fact the moment I yanked open the door, probably a little too aggressively, was the scent of coffee wafting up and wrapping around me like my favourite jumper.

  “Yes, it’s yours. Get it. We’re late.”

  Sinking into the leather seat, I sipped the scalding coffee while Shane drove like a bat out of hell through the streets. When he took one corner too fast and through a red light, I found myself setting the coffee in the cup holder and hanging on for dear life.

  “What’s the rush?” I asked anxiously, my eyes never wavering from the road in front of me as he darted between cars as he changed lanes, leaving less space than I would like.

  “What?” he snapped.

  Giving up being nice, if he was going to kill me before I’d had breakfast, he better have a bloody good reason for it. “Why the fuck are you driving like a dick? What’s the rush?”

  “We’re meeting Selena’s parents and we’re late,” he sighed as he eased off the throttle and my grip on the door handle loosened.

  Meeting the in-laws, something I would have assumed he’d done before he’d gone and proposed, but what the fuck did I know about marriage and proposals. Now I wasn’t terrified I was going to die, I finished my coffee in silence and let Shane stew. This was obviously a big deal.

  “Zoe, we don’t have to do this! I can’t ask you to do this.” Damn stubborn woman wasn’t listening. Again. Instead she grabbed another fistful from the family-sized bag of barbeque chips and stuffed them in her mouth. The bits that crumbled disappeared down her cleavage. “Zoe!”

  “What?”

  “Are you even listening?”

  “Yeah. Nah. Sort of. Something about blah blah blah, I’m too scared to go home.”

  Wow! Zoe had her bitchy pants on today. I don’t know what or who crawled up her ass to have her this worked up, but I didn’t want to be them. Even just copping the tail end of her temper had me leaning against the door.

  “It’s not that…” The problem was, I wasn’t sure that was entirely the truth. Maybe I was scared to go home and face the music. Even though I knew it had to be done some time, it didn’t mean it had to be today.