Zoe had woken me up way too early for my liking this morning and told me to shower up. When I came out, slightly more awake but less than impressed, I noticed, sitting on my bed, was my sports bag all packed up. For a second, I’ll confess, I panicked. Was she kicking me out? Had she finally had enough? Did the reality sink in? When she handed me a travel mug of coffee, the good stuff, not the pathetic excuse for instant crap, she told me to get my ass in her car.
It wasn’t until we stopped for fuel, chips, and chocolate, that she told me she was taking me home. That I didn’t see coming.
“Why?”
“Because I can’t stand it anymore. Your brothers are driving me up the frigging wall!” I half smiled at that. I knew from personal experience she wasn’t exaggerating. “Their texting and calling, anyone would think you lost a limb! So, I’m taking you home so they can see once and for all that you’re okay. Maybe then I’ll get some peace!”
“Don’t you have work?” I knew I was off for at least the week with nothing better to do, but the last thing I wanted was to cause trouble for Zoe. She didn’t need that. After everything she’d already done for me, everything she continued to do for me, at some point she needed to put herself first. Something I had a vague feeling she’d find more than a little challenging.
“You forget, I’m the boss!”
And with that, the argument was settled. I had no choice. I was going home. In a handful of hours, I’d be face to face with the family I loved. The ones I hoped would still love me even when I’d laid my cards on the table.
I must have dozed off, because when my eyes opened, we were pulling into what looked like an abandoned service centre just off the highway. Blinking a couple of times, I pulled down my sunglasses and wiped my eyes.
“I gotta pee,” Zoe offered as way of explanation.
I watched as she jumped out of the car and ran across the gravel carpark towards a disgusting, dilapidated building. All I could hope, at least for Zoe’s sake, that inside was a hell of a lot nicer than out.
Taking the opportunity, I climbed out and stretched my legs. I had no idea where we were. Every time I’d driven to Melbourne, even from what I can remember when we were kids, we never once stopped. I found myself wondering what this place was and how long it’d been here. With curiosity getting the better of me, I strolled over to the dirty door and brushed away the cobwebs.
Wiping away the grime, I peered through the window. A long wooden counter with a corrugated iron front stood empty and forgotten. Behind it, dusty shelves lined the wall all the way to the ceiling. If it hadn’t been for the faded sign, I wouldn’t have picked that this had once been a road house and general store.
“My parents owned it.” I hadn’t heard Zoe creep up beside me, and at her voice I almost shit myself.
“You scared me.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
Turning to look at her, there was a sadness written all over her face. A sadness I’d never seen before. I’d seen her cry when she’d dropped her favourite chocolate bar in the dirt. I’d watched her tear up when the toilet paper commercial came on with the huge dog with the sad eyes. I’d even seen her bawl her eyes out with frustration. This was different, though. This was something deep. Deep, and old, and obviously excruciating.
“I know.” I tucked her under my arm as we continued to stand there staring through streaky windows at a glimpse of Zoe’s past.
“Want to go inside?”
“Isn’t that trespassing?”
“No.”
“No?”
“It’s not trespassing.”
“How isn’t it? What are we going to do, break a window and let ourselves in? Hope the owners don’t care? Come on, let’s get out of here.”
“It’s not trespassing if you have a key and the owner lets you in.” I looked at Zoe like she was talking gibberish. Granted, it wasn’t the first time she’d talked nonsense and I doubted it would be the last, but this was definitely the craziest thing she’d suggested. I watched as she dug her hand into her pocket and yanked out her keys. Slipping a dirty, brass key into the lock, she gave a twist, then muttered a few creative curse words at it before the undeniable click echoed off the empty porch. When she nudged it with her shoulder and the door opened, a wave of musty air escaped.
“Zoe…”
“Come on.”
Grabbing me by the hand, she led me inside. Tears were dribbling down her cheeks, and when I reached out to grab her, she ran away. Not ran away from me screaming, more like she’d remembered something and she couldn’t wait a second longer to know if her memory was lying to her.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Instead, I looked around. It was like entering a time capsule. The building was bigger than I imagined. From the outside it looked small, simple even, but from the inside, it was completely different. Along one wall of windows were cracked vinyl booths and Formica tables. What caught my attention though, was still standing in the middle of each of the tables were the laminated menus still hanging from stainless holders. Fascinated, I covered the scratched wooden floor in a few easy strides and grabbed one, wiping the dust off against my butt.
It was exactly as I expected. The yellowing menu had faded, but not enough to make it unreadable. A menu full of Aussie staples. All day big breakfast; steak and veg; meat pie with mash and gravy; crumbed lamb cutlets; hamburger with the lot—including beetroot; and the not to be forgotten desserts—homemade lamingtons served with ice-cream or pavlova. Suddenly I was starving. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had pavlova, but if I was going home, maybe I could sweet talk Payton into whipping one up for me. I’d even use the broken collarbone excuse if I had to.
Before I had a chance to do anything, a loud crash followed by a painful yelp interrupted my sugar-filled dreams. Covering the distance quickly, I rounded the corner to see Zoe splayed out on the grimy floor with one foot straight through the rotting floorboards.
“What the fuck?”
“Stop laughing at me, you ass, and help me!”
While Zoe pouted and abused me, I couldn’t help but crack up. She was trying to be pissed, but the smile tugging at the corners of her lips was winning the war. Sticking out my good hand to her, I helped her twist her way out of the hole and move to the side. Her jeans had ripped a little and she had blood seeping through.
“Shit, Zoe! Are you okay? You’re bleeding.”
“Ah, damn it!” She bent down and inspected the tear in the denim. She seemed more upset about ripping her pants than she did about cutting her leg. Guess it wasn’t that bad if she wasn’t whinging.
When she started to wander off again, albeit limping a little, I couldn’t help but follow. After all, I’d taken my eyes off her for barely two minutes and she’d managed to fall through the floor and bloody up her knee.
When she slipped into a small, dark room, instinctively I reached for the light switch. It wasn’t until I flicked it and nothing happened, I realised there was no reason to have the power still connected. It was an old, abandoned shop in the middle of nowhere.
“It’s still here!” Zoe squealed like a two-year-old who’d just been told she could have a bag full of lollies for dinner.
“What is?”
Sinking down next to her, Zoe’s whole face came alive. Gone was the sadness, replaced by pure love. The type of love that couldn’t be tainted or tarnished. Written on the wall at the back of the bottom shelf in what appeared to be an empty store room were the simple words Zoe loves Spencer. The words were barely legible in faded pink marker, but it was undeniable. And just reading the words had made Zoe happier than I’d ever seen her.
Although jealousy crept through me, knowing Zoe had found her great love, the one that all others would be compared to, I couldn’t hate her for it. Hell, I couldn’t even envy her for it. Not really. She may have had what we were all looking for, what we all craved, but Zoe’s ending hadn’t been the fairy-tale she deserved. If anything, it’d been the type of night
mare that kept you awake for days. One you couldn’t escape. And I wouldn’t—I couldn’t wish that on anyone.
“How old were you when you wrote that?”
Wiping the tears from her eyes, Zoe stood up, brushed off her butt and faced me. “Eleven.”
Stunned.
I had no words.
And she had three.
Three words she’d written a lifetime ago and they were possibly the most powerful words I’d ever witnessed. Reading them had transformed Zoe. She mightn’t see it, she might not even know it yet, but she was a better person, a happier person just seeing them.
“We should get going.”
Carefully, we headed back out the way we came. Stepping around the now gaping hole in the floor boards, I took a quick inventory. Although I still had a lot to learn, I knew enough to know this place needed a lot of work. It wasn’t unsalvageable, but it was in definite need of some hard labour. Maybe one day it’d be a project I’d work on. Restoring it back to its former glory would be a challenge, but it had potential. Potential I could very well be interested in.
Zoe was waiting for me at the front door. After one quick look over my shoulder, I let her lock up and we walked silently back to the car. While my mind was going a million miles an hour, trying to figure out how much it would cost to replace the floors, and more than likely upgrade the plumbing and wiring, Zoe was oblivious. Her feet were barely touching the ground. And the smile lighting up her face, I was positive you could see it from space. It was a truly beautiful sight.
We were about an hour out from home and less than forty-five minutes from town. It was strange. This place had been here for a long time, yet I couldn’t remember it. I don’t remember once stopping in or even seeing a parking lot filled with cars. Surely at some point it would have been a thriving business. Based on the menu alone, truck drivers on their long-haul trips would have known about it and stopped.
It was like Zoe was reading my mind. “My parents ran it. Years ago now. I practically grew up there. Dad did the cooking and Mum dealt with the customers. I remember spending hours just hanging out. Catching lizards in the carpark. Skimming rocks across the river just down the back. Even just doing my homework on the floor in the storeroom out of the way.”
“It was your home away from home.”
“Yeah. I guess it was.”
“Did you live close?”
“Nah. We lived in town. Easier for me to go to school. Dad used to get up early to open and Mum would get me ready. Then Dad would be there when I got home. Some nights, I think the nights he missed Mum, we’d drive out there and have dinner together as a family. Other times, it’d just be just be the two of us.”
“Sounds like a good arrangement.”
“Yeah it was. Spencer and Kane.” She coughed at their names. It was like they got caught in her throat and she had to force herself to spit them out. “They’d come out on weekends sometimes. When they were in trouble or weren’t playing football, they’d come and hang out. They were my best friends.”
I didn’t miss the tears streaming down her cheeks, but since Zoe made no attempt to hide them, I kept my concern to myself.
“Where are your parents now?” As I asked the question I realised how strange it was. We’d been living together for months, and for the first time we were talking about Zoe’s family. Not Jenna, the mother she’d adopted and adored, her actual biological parents.
“Mum’s living in Bali with her new husband. Well, at least she was last I heard. I haven’t spoken to her in about eight years.” Wow! I have to admit, that wasn’t the answer I was expecting.
“And your dad?”
“He died.”
“Zoe.” I reached over and squeezed her thigh. She offered me a sad look before setting her eyes back on the road stretched out in front of us.
“Cancer. I was nineteen. One day he was fine and then the next…” She let out an adorable hiccup as she tried to rein in her emotions. Emotions which were obviously shaking her up. “Then it was like I blinked and he was gone. Six months. He made it barely six months. And in the end, he wasn’t even sure who was who. Mum tried to keep me from seeing him when he went into the hospital. We both knew once he went in, he wasn’t coming back. We’d caught it too late. It’d spread too far. Too fast. He tried chemo for a while, but in the end, it wasn’t worth the fight. The needles filled with green goo the size of horse tranquilisers then the days of vomiting and misery. I didn’t want that for him. I wished it had made him better, I wished he were still here now but…as much as it hurt at the time, and as much as I hated him for giving up, I know it was the right thing. Time and distance help with perspective.”
“They really do.”
“After he died, Mum just wasn’t the same. It was like half of her died with him. She stopped living. Stopped going to work. Stopped cooking dinner. Stopped talking to people. Her heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I needed my mum, but she was in such a bad place she forgot how to be a mother. Forgot how to be there for me. I hated her for that.”
“No, you didn’t,” I countered quickly. No way was I about to sit here and listen to Zoe make herself feel guilty about something she had no control over.
“I guess. I don’t know. I suppose I just feel like I lost my dad and my mum in the same day. Only one was still standing beside me, but she couldn’t see it. Jenna helped. She stepped in and saved me. She let me cry on her shoulder and held me until I fell asleep. In the moments I needed her most, Jenna was there.”
“I’m glad you weren’t alone.”
“Me too.”
For a while we stayed silent, both caught up in our own heads. From the corner of my eye I watched as Zoe struggled under the weight of her emotions. For a girl so full of life, she warred with herself a lot. I was amazed she had any energy to do anything else. The constant living in her head must be exhausting. I got tired just from watching her.
“So, you going to tell them?”
“Tell them what?”
“Oh, don’t play dumb with me, Ryan McIntyre.”
“I’m not. What I am supposed to be telling who exactly?”
“That you’re gay.”
I felt like I’d been sucker punched in the gut. It wasn’t like I hadn’t been thinking about it for most of the trip. I had no idea how to tell them or what to say. I was terrified how they’d react and if they could still love me, let alone look at me once they knew. I should’ve been reassured by Holly’s words, but anxiety was building with each passing kilometre.
“I don’t know.” It was a cop out, but it was the truth. I didn’t know what was going to happen the moment I stepped foot in the house. I wanted to tell them. I was so sick of hiding and pretending to be something that I wasn’t that the idea of just being me sounded like a dream. Reality though, and knowing my dad the way I did, meant what I wanted and what I got could very well be miles apart. Like continents apart.
“I think you should. Just throw it out there. What’s the worst that can happen?”
“The worst? Dad disowns me. Connor punches me in the face. Gage backs away from me. And Beau, well, who the fuck knows how he’ll react.”
“Oh, stop being so fucking dramatic. You know them better than I do, but you know that’s not how it will go at all. More than likely, Gage will stand there stunned with his mouth hanging open until Carly closes it for him. Beau will say something inappropriate, get slapped up the side of the head by Payton, mumble an apology, and then stuff his face with another cinnamon scroll. Your dad, well, I can’t make assumptions about him. You just need to believe that he will come around. It may take a while, but with Holly on your side, and she is on your side, he will get there.”
“And Connor?” Zoe had conveniently skipped over Connor.
Truthfully, he was my biggest concern. I knew Dad would react badly and probably lose his shit, I expected that. But Connor, he was my big brother. He was the one who taught me to shave and ride a motorbike and helped me with my trig
onometry. He might come across an uneducated caveman sometimes, but beneath the gruff, grumpy exterior he was crazy smart. Probably the smartest of all of us. It was shame he didn’t use it.
“You leave Connor to me. He says or does anything, just promise me, you will leave him to me to deal with.”
“You…you want to go up against Connor?” Was she serious? Was she delusional or have a death wish? Obviously, she’d never seen him when he was really pissed. There was no way I was going to let her step on that grenade for me. Over my dead body would she be taking my bullets.
“It will be fine. Oh look, we’re here.”
How. The. Fuck. Did. That. Happen?
One minute we were driving down the highway, just cruising along and then wham! We’re turning in the front gate and bouncing down the driveway. I see Connor hadn’t had time to fill those damn potholes yet. With each bounce a shot of pain radiated through my body. It was time for another dose of painkillers. Actually, it’d been time for a pill two hours ago, but they made me sleepy, and I didn’t want to start snoring while Zoe was chauffeuring me around. That wouldn’t have been fair. So, I’d gritted my teeth and put up with it. The moment we stopped though, that was another story. My bag was on the backseat, and I was taking those suckers as soon as I could.
Pulling over under a tree, the front yard was full of cars. I was used to seeing one or two, but there were half a dozen cars, and the most menacing looking motorbike you could imagine. At least it would have been menacing if it wasn’t for the bright pink helmet dangling from the handle bars. Looked like everyone was here. Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Did you know about this?” I questioned, it coming out harsher than I’d intended.
“I swear I didn’t.”
The anxiety I was feeling deep in the pit of my stomach, the one which had been growing with every passing minute, was reflected on Zoe’s face. She was about as ready for this as I was. Well, I guess there was the silver lining. At least, we were going down together.
Breaking Free (Meet the McIntyres Book 4) Page 8