by Lisa Campell
Colin was also not at the garden. She wondered where he could be. She looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of him but she saw nothing.
"I am certain that his lordship is somewhere around the manor. You need to have something to eat before you proceed in your search for him," Spratt insisted.
But Lavinia’s only wish was to find Colin now. She had so much to say to him. She was filled with so much emotion that she just wanted to let it all out as soon as possible.
Lavinia was beginning to feel dizzy and she knew this was because she was thirsty. She needed to eat first. She made her way inside the house, and to the dining room. Spratt went into the kitchen to inform them to prepare her some tea.
She did not have to wait long until she was served.
However, as she drank, all that she could think of was how much she wanted to see Colin.
Footsteps were heard from the hallway. Lavinia looked up, her heart beating. She hoped it was Colin. The door to the dining room opened and Colin walked in, looking terrified.
"Spratt —" he called, but he stopped the moment his eyes met with hers. His lips parted and he rushed over to her. The joy she saw in his eyes made her smile.
"Lavinia...oh thank goodness. You’ve left your bed chamber." He laughed. He stood beside her, his eyes searching her. "It’s good to see you up and about. Has the pain vanished?"
Lavinia nodded, unable to speak. She felt flustered and at loss for words. She had expected that when she saw him, it would be easy to express her feelings to him; however, she had been wrong. It was a lot harder. Her heart pounded in her chest, her stomach was twisting in knots. Her cheeks reddened and she shivered.
And then, a thought set in. What if he only saw her as his little sister?
"Lavinia?" Colin called. She blinked, snapping out of her reverie. He creased his brows. "Are you alright?"
She forced a smile and nodded. "Yes...yes. I am fine."
She was well aware that John seemed to be watching them keenly. She did not want to behave strange in any way. She swallowed hard. If Colin did feel the same way that she did, then, there were still more obstacles. Would their parents accept it? How would the ton see it? They would become a topic for gossip. Her fear rose.
"Lavinia," she heard Colin call to her again.
"Yes?"
He frowned, and then smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes. "Is anything wrong?"
"No, certainly not."
He nodded once, but it seemed reluctant. "Would you like to take a walk in the garden?" he asked.
Lavinia was happy to. She nodded. "Yes, of course."
They both headed outside. The sun did not affect her as much as it had before. She turned to Colin who stood by her side. "I came looking for you."
She turned to face him, taking both of his hands in her own. “Colin, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he asked, taking both of her hands in his own.
“I have to tell you the truth,” she said, her heartbeat loud in her own ears. “But the kiss the other night, I just want you to know that I don’t regret it.” He looked into her eyes. “Nor do I.”
Colin’s answer gave her cause to hope. Lavinia opened her mouth, to tell him that she loved him, when they were interrupted.
"My Lord, My Lady —" Spratt called out.
They both turned to see Spratt approaching them. He smiled. "The Duke and Duchess have returned. The Duchess wished to go to your bed chamber, but I informed her that you were no longer there. She does not seem pleased by this and wishes to see you."
Lavinia knew that her mother would not be pleased that she had gotten out of bed, so quickly, and without her supervision.
Lavinia nodded. "We will be right there."
The butler bowed and went away. Lavinia turned to Colin. He smiled. "You should see to your mother. I will tell you what I wish to, later."
“Alright then," she said.
Lavinia smiled at him. When her eyes met his, she blushed. She turned away quickly so he would not see her reddened cheeks. She walked ahead of him.
When she walked into the salon, the Duchess was pacing the room, and the Duke was seated on a red cushion. There was gloom in the air, she felt it, even before her mother stopped pacing and saw her by the door.
The Duchess ran towards her. "Lavinia! What are you doing down here?"
"The pain is gone, Mother," Lavinia assured her.
The Duchess studied Lavinia closely. "Are you certain? You feel no more pain?"
Lavinia shook her head. "None at all."
The Duchess embraced her. “I’m so relieved to hear it.”
Lavinia had never felt so much love from her mother in years. This gesture stunned her, yet it made her so happy at the same time. Her eyes glistened, she placed her arms around her mother and rested her head on her shoulders.
"Oh, Mother."
Just as the Duchess pulled away, the Duke entered. "We are happy that you are better now."
Behind her, Colin, who had been quiet, hummed in agreement. Her heartbeat kicked up at that little action. Her cheeks flushed. It seemed so hard to face him, now that she was so aware of how she felt for him. She knew that one way or another, she would eventually have to face him, whether or not she wanted to.
Chapter Seventeen
Lavinia did not want to look into his eyes. She did not even want their gazes to meet. She seemed detached and distant from him. Not like it used to be before. It seemed as though she were uncomfortable with him around. He wondered then, how he was supposed to tell her how he felt if she was already distancing herself from him. Was it not better to keep it all to himself? He wondered what happened to her. Why she was behaving in such an odd way? Had Spratt told her something?
Their family dinner that night reflected his unease.
"Colin?" Lavinia asked.
He looked up to see her looking at him. She was seated across the table from him. "Are you well?"
"Certainly, why?"
She shrugged. "You have been picking at your food."
"Do you not like the pudding, dear?" asked the Duchess.
He forced a smile. "The pudding is very good, thank you."
"Are you not happy to see Lavinia with us? You were so anxious for her recovery." said the Duke.
Colin nodded. He dabbed the side of his lips with the napkin. "Indeed."
They ate in silence. His mind was filled with thoughts of Lavinia. He had hoped that things would be different. He wanted to express his feelings to her, but he could not.
The meal was soon over, and he rose to retire to his bed chamber. Lavinia was still seated. She seemed in a deep conversation with the Duchess. He wanted to tell her so much. First, about the diary he had found. He had wanted to tell her before the Duchess had called for her. At the memory of that, he creased his brows. The Duchess had not wanted Lavinia to know that she had been poisoned. He wondered why. He frowned as he looked between the Duke and the Duchess, and Lavinia, who was deep in the conversation with them. He decided that he would discuss with Lavinia later.
It was the first night since the debut ball that he was going to sleep in his bed chambers. He had spent all of his other nights beside her, caring for her, holding her hand. He was not sure his nights would be the same in his lonely bed chamber. It was cold and foreign to him now. All he wanted to do was to hold her, be close to her, take her hand in his. But he could not do any of those things. Not when he was so uncertain of what she felt.
That night, he tossed and turned for a long time before he fell asleep.
The morning came too quickly. Colin was awoken by the sun that peeked in from his drapes, and the knock on his door.
"My Lord."
He tossed. He made no effort to rise, but when he heard the calling again, he was forced to. He sat up and called out. "Come in."
The door opened to reveal Old Phil, who let himself in. He smiled as he saw him.
"Tis a beautiful morning, is it not?" said
Old Phil.
Colin sighed. "I am quite exhausted. I wish to go back to sleep."
Old Phil shook his head. "You have been asleep for a long time. You missed breakfast. The young Lady has asked that I check up on you."
His eyes widened at that. "Lady Lavinia?"
Old Phil creased his brows. "Yes."
Colin swallowed. He looked around. "Where is she?"
"In the garden."
Colin rose from his bed and walked to the window. He pulled at the drapes a bit and looked down. From where he stood,, he saw Lavinia in the garden. There was a canvas set up there. He could not see it well enough, but he had a feeling he knew what painting was on the canvas. It made him smile. When he saw her gaze begin to wander, he stepped aside and turned to Old Phil. He did not want her to see him spying on her. He smiled when he peeked again and saw her focused on the canvas. He wanted to see her. He wanted to talk to her.
"Well, let us prepare for the day."
As Colin made his way downstairs, Old Phil walked behind him. He walked outside, to the garden where Lavinia was. Just as he had thought, she had asked that the unfinished painting of the rose between the lilacs be brought down. She was attempting to finish it.
Lavinia was yet to be aware that he stood behind her. He watched as she painted. She looked from his mother's painting to her own. She did not seem to be doing well at all with the painting. He stood by and watched.
Soon, Lavinia looked frustrated. She stopped when she saw him.
"Colin." He saw her swallow. "I had no idea you had come down. You were not at breakfast."
As though his presence did not fascinate her, she walked past him. He was a bit perplexed by her behavior, but he followed her anyway. She looked over her shoulder. "How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough," he replied.
She sighed. "You watched me make a fool of myself."
They both walked into the drawing room. She took a seat on the settee. He did the same, taking the chair across from her. She looked so stunning today. She had on a blue muslin dress, her hair was combed properly and pinned. She cast her gaze down.
There was an awkward silence in the room. He did not like the silence, and so in order to break it, he decided to tell her about his discovery. The diary.
He sat up. "Lavinia —"
There was a knock on the door. Lavinia looked at the door. "Come in."
Spratt walked in. He seemed off. He was not smiling. Colin knew immediately that he must have noticed that the diary was missing. Colin needed to tell Lavinia about it, as quickly as possible. It could have a connection to the strange happenings in the household.
He handed Lavinia a letter. "My Lady, from the orphanage."
Lavinia gasped as she collected the letter. "The children. I have not seen them in ages, the poor dears."
She opened the letter and began to read. He saw her eyes moving across the letter rapidly. He wondered what they said. He however, relaxed back in the cushion and awaited her.
Lavinia creased her brows. "What supplies?" she asked when she looked up. Colin sat up.
"Is there a problem? What did they say?" he wondered. She seemed worried and he wondered if something had been wrong with what he had sent.
She handed him the letter. "Did the orphanage write to me before?"
He nodded. "Yes. While you were still quite ill. I sent a reply stating that you were unwell. I did not want to bother you with it."
He nodded and began to read to the letter.
Dear Lady Lavinia,
We hope that you are well now. We send our deepest apologies and hope that you recover soon. We hope to see you when you are better. We send our greetings for the food and other supplies. We are so thankful and merely saying it is not even enough. You have done so much for us and all we wish you is the best.
Be well.
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. A. Dorset.
When he looked up, Lavinia was watching him. He raised both his brows.
"You sent food in my name?" she asked, clasping her hands.
He nodded slowly. She frowned. "You did not need to send it in my name."
He shrugged and placed the letter on the table. "It matters not. What matters is that the children got it."
"Oh, Colin," she sighed. It was the first time since she awoke that she looked into his eyes. He felt his heart soar. The way she called his name. The way she looked at him.
He wanted so badly to tell her how he felt. He wished he could. He wished he could know what she was feeling.
Her smile brightened. She did not take her eyes off him as she said. "Perhaps you'd like to go with me to see the children again?"
Colin was more than excited to do what she loved with her. He agreed immediately. Giggling, Lavinia said, "Let me fetch my cloak."
Colin accompanied Lavinia to the orphanage in an open carriage. But first, they stopped at the marketplace, so Lavinia could get the dress she had promised the little girl at the orphanage. Throughout the ride, Lavinia had been bubbly and excited. Her enthusiasm made Colin smile. It felt as though she were his Lavinia again. The one she had been before she had been poisoned. She was different from the day before. This version of her gave him hope. He basked in her laughter, her smiles, and even when she frowned.
It astounded Colin, that he was beginning to take notice of every single thing about her. His heartbeat quickened any time she looked at him. And when their gazes locked, it felt as though he were on top of the world.
"Colin?" Lavinia called. She nodded towards the door. "We have arrived."
Colin nodded. "Of course."
He alighted from the carriage and held out his hand to help her down. She took it, stepping carefully down. She held the package containing the dress that the seamstress had given her in her hand. He took it from her immediately. "Let me," he said.
He felt flustered when their hands brushed. He swallowed hard. He was beginning to feel too much. He let Lavinia walk ahead of him, while his mind raced. He decided then, that he would tell her how he felt. Because with each day that passed, his feelings grew even stronger. He wanted to know right then, what she felt for him. He knew that he was going to be risking what they had if she did not reciprocate.
But he could not keep living in fear and uncertainty. He would tell her what he felt.
Chapter Eighteen
Lavinia was so happy to see that the children were doing quite well. Marie's birthday had passed. Lavinia felt terrible that she had not been able to keep to her promise to the little girl. When she walked into the orphanage, Colin behind her, Marie ran up to her, and was soon followed by the other children.
They fussed over her. Lavinia giggled as she hugged them all. Half of them moved to speak to Colin who was behind her. She looked back to see that just like her, he was squatting as well and laughing with the children. Her heart soared at the sight.
She blushed as she watched him. He will be a good father, she thought. And a good husband as well. He was a good man. She swallowed hard. She was in love with him, and she wanted him to be aware of it as well. However, she feared that he would not feel the same way. And the shame she would feel would ruin even the good relationship they had. She never wanted that to happen.
"Are you well, My Lady? Miss Dorset said that you were unwell," Marie said. Lavinia averted her gaze at this. She touched the girl's hair. "I am well. I have recovered fully, my dear. How are you?"
"Well, My Lady." She curtsied. Lavinia looked behind her, to Colin, who had been quiet. She smiled at him and collected the package that she had given him to hold. She handed it to Marie.
"Just as I had promised my dear."
Marie gasped. She hugged Lavinia and kept on chatting. "Thank you, My Lady."
The children gathered around Marie to see what present she got. Soon enough, they surrounded her to ask for theirs as well, each talking about their upcoming birthdays.
"Not to worry," Lavinia giggled, holding two of
them close to her. "I shall get you all presents for each of your birthdays."
"Thank you, Lady Lavinia," they chorused.
Just as they went on to tell her how they had been doing, she saw Mrs. Dorset behind them, smiling. With her was Mrs. Hardcastle.
"Come on now, dearies, run along. Give Lady Lavinia a few minutes with Mrs. Dorset," Mrs. Hardcastle said.