He snapped his fingers. We walked in the field and as we headed closer to the horses, he said, “You seemed happy tonight.”
His lips pressed together, and I raised my eyebrow and asked, “Is that a crime?”
He massaged the back of his neck. “No. It’s good to be happy. You’re good for Chelsea.”
I wasn’t stupid. I stared off at the sunset that was in its last dip before it disappeared for the night. The air still had that crowning moment of red haze, but the stars were populating the sky. This was the moment people wished for in movies and I said, “She’s why I came here.”
I squared my shoulders and he asked me in a more gravelly tone, “Did you promise that at her christening?”
I slowed. “Yeah. You were overseas at the time.”
His jaw ticked, and he pushed his hands in his back pockets. “Since I moved back, they’d come over and I promised Bernie I’d be there if something ever happened to him.”
I bumped into his arm. “The night before the wedding, you brought Bernie back to the hotel from the bachelor party completely wasted.”
“He spent the night talking about how Chloe was the best. I was slightly jealous of him.” His lips curled higher like he was lost in the memory of riding in the limo with the wedding party. “But also happy for him. We were young, and he was always the responsible one.”
“That night, you watched out for him, and he trusted you with his daughter.” My adrenaline grew, but I fixed my hair behind my ear. “At least Chelsea knew you and had someone to protect her. With me, she only knew my voice on the phone, so any transition without you would have been hard.”
We made it to the edge of a field. The moon in the distance almost turned the reds in the sky dark but shined a different energy in the air.
My body practically vibrated. When he glanced at me and asked, “Why didn’t you come down more?”
I fixed the collar of my shirt that felt tight. “I… I haven’t been to Texas since her christening. I just got busy… with my own life.”
He lowered his head. “Well, tomorrow we’re supposed to get married.”
My hair stood on its ends. Had he seen I wasn’t good enough tonight?
I hugged my waist and asked, “Supposed?”
He kicked some dirt. “I just wanted to check that this is what you want.”
My heart raced, “What I want?”
I hadn’t meant that screechy sound in my tone. I wasn’t a little girl.
He glanced up at me, and I saw his brown eyes were still magnetic, but he said, “Yeah. It’s a big step. My parents never spoke to each other unless it was about me.”
So much for hope.
“That’s hard. I didn’t know that.” I ignored how my eyes misted. I’d not cry.
“It’s okay, I know what it’s like to be a bargaining chip in a business deal. I lived that life.”
Ahh. He didn’t love me. Got it. I didn’t need that as a map, but I swallowed and glanced at the barn with the horses. “My parents were in love. My mother couldn’t imagine her life without my father and that’s why she lost her will to live. But they loved me and each other.”
“Another way we’re different.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “And why our deal is bad for both of us.”
Guess I had the basis of this conversation. I knew I shouldn’t be in his world. My skin was cold despite the heat, but I didn’t want to hear him tell me to leave.
I sniffled and said, “It’s tragic. Half of my sisters were so mad at her.“
He studied my face, and my heart pumped even more wildly as he asked, “And you?”
I licked my lips that might never be kissed again if this conversation ended the way my nerves endings suggested It might, but I said, “I took care of her everyday… I saw how unhappy she was.”
His shoulders squared like this was my execution as he geared up to tell me now that our wedding was off. “What do you want in your life that’s different?”
I trembled but then held onto the rail behind me so I didn’t seem weak. Maybe I could make this easier for both of us. I massaged the back of my neck and said, “I want to be here for Chelsea as we said.”
He paused like my words mattered to him and his voice grew lower. “So that’s why you want to marry me?”
The horses neighed in the barn as the moon grew brighter in the sky, along with the stars that twinkled.
Carter waved me to walk more with him, but I didn't move. “It’s part of the deal.”
Part of me hoped this conversation was over, but then he said, “You’re okay with a loveless marriage and don’t expect more from me?”
“That’s the plan.” Falling in love was a mistake. I’d known that, yet he clearly saw the secret inside of how I felt about him. I probably was in love with him, not that I’d ever say that. Tears threatened, but I relied on my training to push emotions away. I crossed my arms higher and asked, “I’ve been upholding everything we agreed to.”
“Whatever happens with us, this doesn’t seem like business.” His voice had a crack, but he finished, “I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s not part of the deal.”
I felt emptied and drained. I slowed down and wished, somehow, I could change this prescription, but I knew I wasn’t good for him. He wanted a simple deal and I wanted more.
Now, he’d seen through to my soul, but I said, “It’s not. Honestly, you’re the guy who stars in a girl’s dreams at night. I kept your picture with me because it was the only time I was ever next to a guy I’d be excited to see again.”
His eyes widened. Had I gotten into his head when he asked, “I’m positive you had options you avoided.”
Other men had never compared. I stared up at the sky and the stars shone brighter. “When I did bother to have a boyfriend, I wasn’t interested in staying home to make time for them. I thought, by marrying you, I’d find a place to do my part.”
He broadened his stance like he was in military formation. “So that was why you’re okay marrying a man who can never love you the way you deserve?”
Not entirely. He was already in my heart, not that I said that. I needed more, even when I knew it was impossible. I glanced up at the ceiling for guidance, but I realized, once my sisters married and had their own families, I’d probably be found alone, dead, in my home a week after I didn’t show up to a shift and someone finally called the authorities. I shook my head. “Chelsea is worth being here for.”
At the back door of his home, he reached for my hand, but electric static exploded and he pulled back like I burned him. “You deserve more. That’s why I think we should call this off.”
Of course. The wedding of my dreams canceled. I shouldn’t have told my sisters about the plan. I ignored how my heart shifted in pains, but I needed to hear him be clear.
My voice cracked as I asked, “Call what off?”
He stood in front of me like I couldn’t escape this conversation. “Getting married tomorrow.”
There. He’d said it out loud. He knew we’d not work out as planned. We both always knew that.
But I met his stony gaze and asked to be clear, “You want to cancel the wedding?”
He bowed his head and I knew in that moment we were done. I’d never be enough for him, so I crossed my arms and swayed as he said, “We’ll figure out a way to raise Chelsea where you don’t have to quit your job and become my wife. There are other options.”
“Like what?” Inside my soul was draining like used bathwater. I stood like I wasn’t exhausted to my core. “You didn’t want me to take her to Pittsburgh and she didn’t want to go.”
He stepped back like I'd shot him between the eyes. “I… I’ll support whatever you think is best, including transitioning her to your home if that’s what you decide.”
Damn. I'd ruin Chelsea’s dream unless I found a job near here. I’d run the risk of seeing him around unless we moved to Dallas and started over there. I needed to figure it out. I stared at the moon and hat
ed that circle right now. If I could drop-kick it out of the sky to stop spreading light in the dark, I would and hope it stopped giving people false hopes. “She doesn’t want to move.”
“Maybe we can set up a transition period and get her used to the idea or whatever you think is the best way to protect her.”
The emptiness in my skin was whole. I was nothing in that moment. No words came out of my mouth. I couldn’t speak.
“Giving her to you is the best for her.”
"Why are you doing a one-eighty on this?”
“I know you now. You’re her best shot at being protected and loved.” His hands went into his pockets and his voice lowered, “And you don’t want to marry me, really, but I thought you wanted to be in Chelsea’s life.”
Damn. A tear escaped and its trail evaporated on my hot face.
Why wasn’t it pitch black right now?
He swallowed. “I don’t want to hurt either of you. I know marriage can be a long time of unhappiness and Chelsea needs to be safe.”
“I guess,” I said and kicked a rock out of my shoe. “I don’t fully get why you changed on her.”
He pointed to the door. “Look, we’ll figure out semantics tomorrow. You’re welcome to stay as long as Chelsea needs you here.”
I backed away and took the phone out of my back pocket as he walked forward. “It’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
We’d returned my rental. He turned toward me, but I used an app and called a car. Luckily, I had two minutes and not forty that it takes to get to town.
I had my wallet and my phone. The clothes inside didn’t matter and I could ask to send my things… when I was clear.
He returned to me and asked, “Where are you going?”
I put my phone in my pocket. I needed to get out of here and figure out my next move.
In the morning, I’d make decisions.
I trembled. “Hotel, I guess. I need to clear my brain and I can’t do that here.”
“Don’t,” He said as I heard my phone beep.
It must be my ride.
I grabbed his hand. “Let the driver in. It’s for the best. For both of us. I’ll see you tomorrow morning for breakfast.”
His muscles were tense. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what he’d do. Touching him was painful because I wanted to melt for him.
This wasn’t good. I let him go.
Being invisible was what I needed, but I’d not sleep in a bed in his house ever again.
If we were over, we were over.
As the car stopped, I hopped inside and refused to look back.
Soon I’d be in a hotel room and be able to breathe and cry my heart out with these tears.
If I looked back, I’d start now. So I held my sniffles and kept my head up.
Chapter 15
Carter
I stared at the car that drove off and my gut twisted. It was like I was being pelted with bullets all around me again. Training had me hold my position until backup arrived, which had been far too late for any of my unit.
And I’d been all alone.
As the dust of the car settled, the ache in my heart robbed me of feeling any ease.
What I’d just said physically hurt. But Ridley had to know the truth. Hopefully, I'd stopped her before she had half the feelings I had for her.
Nothing stirred near me now and I slumped my shoulders and intended to go to my room, not that I’d be able to sleep.
However, as I closed the door, my father stood In front of me, his face white.
He stared behind me and asked, “Who came? Where’s Ridley?”
I bounced on my feet. My muscles were rigid. I swallowed and avoided his gaze. “She… she’ll be back tomorrow to talk.”
His gasp made me glance up. Pop’s face turned beet-red and a moment later, he clutched the small table near him. “She left you? What did you do?”
I told her the truth. My father’s hand went to his heart.
My eyes glazed over and he winced when I said, “I called off the wedding.”
His face had a grim etching to his wrinkles. “Why?”
I wasn’t meant to fall in love and she had every right to find a man to fall in love with. It couldn’t be me even if my heart whispered, she was the one.
I ignored how tight my back was when I said, “Because… I don’t deserve her.”
He covered his lips and shook his head. “Didn't I teach you not to hurt a good woman, Boy?”
I wish I was the man I was before I joined the SEALs, before I realized I only hurt people I cared about.
I turned to go to my room. “It’s better to let her go before she gets hurt.”
My father’s left arm trembled. “That’s too damn late. She was clearly in love with you.”
My eyes widened. If she loved me, Pop was right. And I'd fucking destroyed both of us. I hadn’t saved her at all. My breath caught in my throat. “No.”
His face went brighter red when he spoke. “You had everything I ever wanted in my life right here, and you let your past destroy your future.”
He didn’t understand. “What?” I asked in a calmer tone.
“I was married for thirty years to a woman who didn’t care anything about what happened to me.” He pressed his hand to his heart again. “It was hardest once my own momma died, but you had a chance to have a wonderful, warm woman at your side.”
I held him still, hoping he’d turn a normal color. “I shouldn’t-"
He yelled at me and his color went almost purple. “You are right, you don’t deserve her, but don’t you dare use Dora's death as the reason.”
My jaw slackened. The depths of my pain weren’t a glossed over counterpoint. I shook my head. “You never lost someone like that.”
He gripped my hands and I felt him shaking. “No, but I had a family. I had a son. And nothing is more precious than family.” His speaking became slurred, like he couldn’t get the words out easily. “Now I see how lost you are and I’m-"
He closed his eyes.
“Pop!” I laid him on the ground so I could call for help.
My heart raced, but he gazed at me again as he said, “I’ll be okay. I’m winded.”
This wasn’t his first attack. I took my phone out of my back pocket. “No. I’m calling the doctor.”
He grabbed my arm as I dialed. “Call Ridley. I want her there, or I’m not getting in the damned ambulance.”
“She’s gone,” I told him as his face winced in pain.
If he died because of what I just did… no. I’d not think that right now. I told the operator our address and the situation.
Chelsea ran out in her pink pajama bottoms and matching sweatshirt and her face drained of color as she asked, “What’s happening?”
I had to keep her safe. I waved her over. “I called an ambulance.”
“Don’t worry about me, Chels,” Pop said and held her hand.
Tears washed down her face and she asked me, “Where’s Ridley?”
I had no defense. I reached out as the phone number ringing was from security to talk about our own plans for a makeshift ambulance we’d drawn up last time and asked, “You were sharing pictures. Can you call her on your phone and ask her to meet us at the hospital in town?”
“Sure.” She ran off.
I told security the situation and they assisted with getting the doctor I preferred to the hospital to meet us. We heard Chelsea’s voice on the phone and I whispered to my father, “Are you satisfied, Pop?”
His face was tight when he said, “Not until you get it through your thick skull that you’re worse than I ever was.”
I was a grade A asshole. He didn’t need to remind me, but as the staff paramedics I’d hired to be on call, and work with security and the local town came in, I told him, “You’re going to be fine.”
The EMT crew quickly put him on a stretcher and I reminded them of the previous heart attacks.
The woman pointed to us both. “Are you family?”
>
I couldn’t leave Chelsea alone. I swallowed. “We’ll follow in the car.”
I patted her on the back to run with me. My old truck was the closest and I opened the door for her. She jumped in and the moment I was in the driver’s side, I started the car. We headed off.
Once we made it to the main road, Chelsea said, “Carter, my parents never made it out of the hospital.”
I hugged her for a second. Comfort had never been my forte, but I swallowed and hoped Bernie could send the right words. “There is a difference. Pop is still talking and breathing.”
Her phone beeped. I followed the ambulance and kept my gaze on the lights. Chelsea then said, “Ridley says she’ll meet us there.”
My heart twisted. I’d been stupid for sending her away when she already lived in my heart. “Thanks for calling her.”
Chelsea put her phone away. “I don’t understand why she wasn’t there.”
If Pop was right and she loved me too, I’d ruined her life already. I’d never want another woman in my life, but I explained, “I… said something stupid and she has every right to be mad at me. She’ll probably beat us to the hospital.”
I headed to parking at the hospital and Chelsea said, “Well, apologize fast. Mom and Dad always had a rule, never go to bed mad.”
Her father was still teaching me lessons from his grave. The tension inside my shoulders lessened and my lips curved a little up. “You sound like your old man.”
“They'd said you two would make the perfect couple, if they could just get you in the same room again.”
That was their reasoning for naming us both in the will? Bernie was right. Ridley was perfect. I was the fuck up. But I parked the car. “Ridley is amazing.”
We both jumped out of our seats and walked in the night air that lacked the intense heat as she said, “Hudson and I were picking outfits for the courthouse tomorrow. He let me change the color to pink and pick the ties.”
We entered the lobby and I glanced around. There was a map and I pointed to it. “I’m… we’re here. Let’s find the ER so we can figure out what to do.”
The ER was down the end of the hall to the right, but as I turned to tell Chelsea, someone tapped me.
Wicked Cowboy (Steel Series Book 4) Page 10