by Kelli Walker
“Fuck,” he groans against my ear, as he moves his hands to my thighs, sinking his fingers into the bare skin as though this is what he has been waiting for from the very first moment he laid eyes on me. Is this what he had been thinking of when he was watching me in the bar all that time? My legs spread on his desk, ready for him, waiting for him...
His hand slides down between my thighs, and he cups me through the soft fabric of my panties. My entire body seems to seize up for a moment as I feel the pressure of his hand against me for the first time. Nobody has ever touched me down there before, and the heat of him is enough to make my head spin.
He begins to massage, slowly, taking his time, lowering his mouth to my neck again. I can feel his stubble against my skin, and the roughness of it compared to the softness of his touch between my legs is almost more than I can take. I let out a soft moan, and I am glad for all the noise that is happening beyond that office door because if it wasn’t for that, anyone could figure out what we are getting up to in here.
His tongue traces up to that spot where my ear meets my neck, that sensitive place that is enough to make my toes curl in my cowboy boots. I have to plant one hand on his shoulder to keep myself from toppling off the desk completely. This feels so good, it is as though my brain has started to shut off. Any second-guesses that I might have had are gone, all at once. All that matters is the gorgeous, glorious feeling of his hand pressing against me through my underwear. I lean my head against his shoulder, breathing hard, letting it rush through me, letting the feeling take control of me.
And then, slowly, I feel his fingers begin to ease my panties aside; I catch my breath, the intensity almost more than I can take. And, as soon as his bare skin is against mine, I feel a jolt of reality rushing through me, and I pull back.
“I have to...” I mutter, and I reach for the top that he discarded next to me, trying to do up the button of my shorts at the same time.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, and I can’t even turn to look at him. I know that my resolve will falter if I have to look him in the eyes. Right now, all I need is to get out of there as quickly as I can because if I don’t, I’m going to find myself going further with him than I should.
“Nothing,” I mutter. I manage to pull on my shirt, tie it around my middle once more, and do up my shorts. I need to get out of here. I need to get as far away from here as possible. Otherwise, I’m going to lay back on that desk and let him take me, and I’m not sure that it’s exactly how I want my first time to go.
I manage to push out of the office before my resolve can waver again, though my heart is still beating so hard that I can hear it in my ears, the blood rushing around, making my head spin. I locate the door and head straight over, not pausing for a moment. I know that some of the other girls must be wondering why I’m making a break for it on a night as busy as this one, but I don’t care. I just have to get out. As far from here as possible.
As soon as I step outside, I tip my head back and allow the cool evening air to wash over me, allowing it to soothe me a little. Okay. I am out of there now. Though I can still feel the heat of his body against mine, though I can still feel the insistent hardness of him against my thigh, though I can still feel the warmth of his breath against my neck, I am out of there, and that is all that matters.
Did that really just happen? It feels as though it must have been something that I just brought to life in my head because there's no way that he could really want me. In fact, Lux seemed to have been pretty annoyed by my arrival in his life since I had turned up a few weeks ago. It wasn’t like he had given me any reason to think that there might have been a hint of attraction there...
But I know that I am attracted to him. I have been for a long time, even if I couldn’t think about it, even if I couldn’t give shape to it, because I knew that my brother would have torn us both apart if he caught wind of anything at all happening between us. But now, now that he is far away, and now that I am grown, I can’t deny the desire that pulses deep down in my gut for a man I promised myself I was just going to work for.
Well, that is over, at least. I don’t have to worry about what clothes I am going to wear to the bar because he’s not going to want me back there. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’s in my best interest to get out of there and find a job somewhere a little more respectable. Yeah, this is my chance. I might not make as much cash as I would giggling at bad jokes over cheap beers, but I wouldn’t have to worry about my boss watching me from the shadows to make sure that I didn’t do anything that he didn’t totally approve of.
I head to the other side of the bar, where I know there is a payphone, and I call for a taxi to take me home. I know that I could ask Lux to drive me, but I don’t trust myself alone with that man right now, and I don’t want to find out just how far I will go if I get the chance.
Truth be told, I stopped things between us because I am scared that I will be bad at it. If I had listened to my instincts, I would have let him do anything he wanted to me. He clearly knows how to touch me, and I can’t deny just how amazing it felt to finally give in to the desire that felt like it had taken control of me at last.
But I have never been with anyone before. And I want my first time to be something that I am totally sure about, not something I jump into after an argument with a man I have known all my life. And, besides, what if I turn out to be terrible at it? How embarrassing would that be? I would have to leave town, hope that none of his friends know who I am. Because what man would want to be with a woman who is a fully-grown adult, and who has no idea how to get down and dirty?
Finally, the taxi arrives, and I roll into the back seat at once, hugging my arms around me in the hopes that the driver won’t look too hard at the outfit I’m wearing.
“Rough night, honey?” she asks me, looking at me in the mirror sympathetically.
“You could say that,” I agree with a sigh, and I give her my address and lean my head up against the cool window. Watching the scrubland through the glass, I try to bring myself back down to earth. Whatever happened between Lux and me, it’s over. And all that matters now is finding myself another job to make sure that I can keep a roof over my and my momma’s heads. Even if that roof does happen to have a hole in it.
Lux
“Well, hey, there, buddy!”
I hear the voice booming across the bar, and I turn to see the last person on earth that I expected to walk through that door.
“Gavin!” I call back to him, and I stride over to him and pull him into a bear-hug. “Man, what are you doing here? I thought you were out on duty.”
“I’ve got a little time off,” he explains. “Got to get over a leg injury. Shouldn’t take long, but I figured that it would be a good chance to see how life has been getting on without me around, right?”
“Right,” I reply, and I manage to keep the smile on my face, even though my mind is racing in a hundred different directions at once.
Gavin knows nothing, I assume, about what has been happening between his sister and me. I have no idea if she’s told him anything, but if she’s got a brain in her head, she’d have kept it quiet. She knows as well as I do that her brother is more protective of her than almost anything else in his life, and she’s got to look out for herself first.
Vanessa and I haven’t spoken about what happened between us the night of the fight, even though I can’t stop thinking about it for the life of me. I texted her the next day and told her that I didn’t mean it about firing her and that she could come in wearing whatever she wants, but that had been the last time the two of us had shared any private communication.
Which is probably for the best, because I’m pretty sure that what happened between us was a mistake. A fun mistake, sure, and a mistake that I would have taken a little further if I’d gotten the chance, but a mistake, nonetheless. She works for me, and I’m not the type of guy who mixes business and pleasure.
No matter how tempting it might be to pick up right w
here we had left off. I have been doing my best to avoid her since it had happened the weekend before, and I intend to keep it like that for as long as it takes for the heat that’s burning in my brain to cool down. I know that it’s going to be hard to balance that need with that reminder that she works for me, but I’m going to have to figure out a way to do it. I’m not going to fire her just because of my errant desires, and I’m not going to let them get the best of me, either.
“So, how’s running this place?” Gavin asks me, as he looks around with a fond smile of remembrance on his face. “Fuck, I remember when your dad used to let us come in here and drink diet lemonade and shit.”
“Yeah, when we weren’t stealing beer from the bar,” I remind him.
“Not that we ever did anything like that,” he shoots back, winking at me playfully.
“Yeah, of course not,” I laugh. “You want a drink? I have a little free time if you want to hang...”
“I’d like that,” he agrees, and he stretches his arms above his head and winces as he eases himself into the stool in front of the bar. The place is quiet since it’s the middle of the day, but in the next few hours, people will start arriving, and I know that I’ll have to turn my attention to making sure this place keeps ticking over.
“So, tell me, how’s life back in Dulce?” he asks, cocking his head at me with interest as he helps himself to peanuts from behind the bar. Gavin has always been comfortable in this place; it was our second home when the two of us were in high school, after all, and sometimes I don’t think he’s grown up much since then.
“It’s quieter,” I reply. “But I think I like it.”
“Must be hard being around here without your dad,” he remarks, and I nod.
“Yeah, it is,” I agree. “But as long as I have this place, I feel like I have that connection to him, you know?”
“That’s sweet,” he replies. “Don’t think I remember you being sweet the last time I saw you.”
“Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age,” I joke, and I push a beer across the bar to him and touch my own bottle against it. “Cheers, Gav. Good to have you back.”
“I haven’t decided if it’s good to be back yet,” he replies, and he takes a swig of his beer and sighs.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, and he shakes his head.
“I just got back from seeing my mom and my sister,” he replies. I feel a slight jolt run down my spine when he mentions her. Does he know that she’s working here? He won’t be happy if he finds out. I try to keep my expression neutral, hoping that I’m not giving anything away by the look on my face.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, and they’re having some serious trouble with the house,” he continues. “Looks like the repairs are going to cost ten grand, and it’s not like we have that kind of money to throw around.”
“No wonder you came here,” I offer in response. “Free drinks whenever you want them, right?”
“Yeah, I’m not going to be paying for beer anytime soon if I can avoid it,” he laughs, and he lifts his bottle to me and takes a swig. “Thanks for this, by the way, man. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you around to keep me sane.”
“Anytime,” I reply, and I take a long drink from my bottle, hoping that it’s going to be enough to quell some of the fears that are running through my system right now. It’s not that I am angry at him for being here, but I am pissed at myself for having made such a big mistake with his own damn sister. This is a guy who is meant to be my best friend; I’m meant to have his back beyond any other. And what did I do? I fooled around with his sister when he was too far away to do anything about it. Yeah, I’m a real stand-up friend, that’s for sure.
“Actually, I was hoping that you might be able to do me a favor, man,” he continues.
“Oh, sure,” I reply. Anything that will help soften my guilty conscience is what I need right now.
“I’m looking for a job while I’m back in town,” he explains. “I know that you’re running this place now, and I get it, I haven’t got much experience...”
My heart sinks. I know what he is going to ask me before the words come out of his mouth, and I am already trying to come up with ways to deflect him from jumping where he wants to go.
“But I need a job, and I was hoping that you’d let me tend bar for you a few nights a week,” he explains. “How about it, man?”
I stare at him for a long moment, trying to come up with some easy way to blow him off. How am I supposed to tell him no? I want to just pretend like I didn’t hear him, go back to catching up on what’s been going on in his life and in mine, but I know that I need to give him an answer. He is sitting there, staring at me expectantly. Staring at his best friend, asking him to give him a hand here. And I have no idea if I could even do that right.
“I actually have a pretty full staff right now,” I blurt out finally, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible. “So maybe we could try it some other time?”
“Oh, okay,” he replies, and he looks hurt. I feel an instant twist of guilt in my guts. He came here looking for help, and here I am, just shooting him down without giving him a chance?
“I’ll take a look at the rota, see if we’ve got any space,” I offer him. “I’ll do what I can, okay?”
“Thanks, dude,” he replies, and the smile returns to his face. He lifts his beer to me again. “I might not have much experience, but you know I can handle myself doing anything.”
“Yeah, I know you can,” I reply, trying to return his smile, even though I feel like I’ve just been punched in the gut.
We drink the rest of our beers, and I try my best to keep my voice light and bright as I attempt to calm down the panic in my brain. I need to find a way to keep him at arm’s length from this place because if he finds out that his sister is working here, there’s going to be hell to pay. I know that. I know him well enough to know just what he’ll do if he knows that I let her work here. It probably won’t take too long for him to put together what else has been happening here while he’s been away, either...
“Let’s grab another drink sometime,” he suggests once his beer is finished. He gets back to his feet, stretches, and thrusts a hand out in my direction.
“Good to see you again, brother,” he tells me, and I nod and manage to smile back at him.
“You too,” I reply, and I watch as he walks out of the bar and closes the door behind him. And, as soon as he is gone, I slump down against the counter and catch my breath. Because I’m pretty sure that I have a serious problem here. And I have no clue in hell how I’m going to make it right.
Vanessa
“No!” I exclaim, and I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head.
“Van, come on, there must be some way that you can work it out,” Lux tells me. I shake my head again, firmer than I was before.
“I’m not going to let you do that,” I tell him, and I mean it.
Because if he thinks that I am just going to sit back and allow him to invite my brother to come and work here while I am still employed at this place, he has another think coming. If I thought that Lux was a pain in my ass when it came to being overprotective, I knew that he would look like a damn walk in the park compared to the nonsense that my brother would pull.
In some ways, it’s been so nice to have Gavin back in town. I know that my mother just gets sick with worry when he’s away, and having him in the next room, tucked up under his Superhero sheets just the way she likes him, takes some of that weight off her shoulders. And damn, it’s been good to have the family together again. No matter how much is going on in the world, no matter how much stress there might be piling up on my shoulders, when my family is all together, it feels as though I could just take on the world and win.
But Gavin is looking for a job now that he is back and he knows everything that has been going on with mom and I. He went to Lux to look for employment. Why wouldn’t he? Lux is his best friend, after
all, and what good is a best friend be if you can’t turn to him in your time of need?
But I have to make sure that he doesn’t step foot through the door as long as I am still working here. I have managed to dodge the questions from both him and my mother about where exactly I’m going every night. However, I know that it’s only a matter of time before they find out. I would honestly prefer my brother to be halfway across the world again so that I don’t have to look at his face when he finds out.
I still can’t quite believe that all of this is happening. These last few weeks have been like a perfect storm with everything coming together to make sure that my life is as much of a mess as it can possibly be.
Well, that’s not entirely true. Because that suggests that I’ve had nothing to do with most of it, and I know that’s a lie I’m telling myself just to feel better about everything that I have done. That make-out session with Lux in his office, that make-out session that was so close to going way, way further than it ever should have—that is on me, and I know that much. But, as far as I’m concerned, as long as I can keep that under wraps and as far from my brother as possible, it’s going to be just fine.
“You can’t hire him here,” I tell Lux again. This is the first that I’ve heard of Gavin’s attempts to find employment at The Last Call. I guess he didn’t want to say anything to Momma and me so as not to get our hopes up in case it didn’t come through, but Lux, at least, is speaking to me about it before he makes a call one way or the other.
“And I can’t just leave my best friend without a place to work,” Lux replies. We are in his office, though I am careful to leave the door open so that I won’t find myself tempted to do anything that isn’t strictly professional while I am here. Being this close to him is enough to stir the memory of the feelings I have been trying to push aside so carefully. But I have bigger things to worry about right now. It is hard to feel all hot and heavy when I am worried about my brother finding out what I have been doing for a living.