“Yep. I love me some good art and drink… but don’t let that fool ya into believin’ I’m some sort of sissy boy, ’cause I ain’t! Got that?” Bill lunged forward to grab Brodie by the shirt collar in an attempt to elaborate his point, but undershot by about a foot and fell facefirst onto the small table in front of Brodie.
“Whoa! Bill, are you all right? Bill?” There was no response. Brodie leaned forward to try to get a look at Bill, who was sprawled with one arm dangling off the edge of the table. As he leaned in, he most definitely heard a snore.
“He’s out, guys,” he announced to the others.
“So can we finally come out?” Notmie asked, still concealed behind the curtain.
“I think so. This guy ain’t waking up till noon tomorrow,” Brodie replied.
Notmie and Melono came over to examine Bill.
“How many drinks did he have?” Melono asked lifting one of Bill’s arms and watching it drop limply onto the table.
“I’d say about four of five shots plus a beer,” Brodie replied.
“That’s all?” asked Notmie. “He works at a tavern and all he could handle was four or five shots of… what is this, anyway?” Notmie picked up the unlabeled bottle and examined the contents.
“From the taste of it,” Brodie said, his face contorting at the memory, “it seems to be everclear.”
“Oh snap!” Notmie exclaimed. He placed the bottle back on the table as if it was a grenade that would explode if handled recklessly.
“How are you not tipsy, Brodie? I saw you have a shot,” Notmie asked.
Brodie looked at him incredulously. “Listen, I’m not even twenty-five and I’m balding, single, parentless, and a caped-avenger. You think, with all that, I’ve never had a drink before? One shot of liquefied rat poison wouldn’t make me tipsy. It’d probably kill me, but it wouldn’t make me tipsy.”
Notmie and Melono stared at Brodie, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. They decided to say nothing, just to be safe.
“Well, don’t just stand there; help me get this guy to his room!” Brodie began pushing Bill back upright into his chair. Notmie quickly jumped in to help, and they lugged him upstairs to his bedroom above The Squeaky Spoke.
They plopped him down on a faded quilt comforter. Melono waited as Notmie and Brodie caught their breath.
“So… where do you think our room is?” Melono asked.
“Don’t know,” Brodie said, panting. “I guess we can just find an empty room.”
So that’s what they did.
After searching for a handful of minutes, they settled on room number four. It was the last room on the left of a hall that branched off from the tavern and the only one with an unlocked door.
The entered the room to find that there was only one bed, and a twin-size one at that.
“Someone’s going to be sleeping on the floor,” Melono said. “And that someone ain’t gonna be me.”
Brodie decided to propose his own idea regarding the sleeping arrangements.
“It would just make more sense if we tried to fit two people in the bed, that way we have fewer people with sore backs tomorrow morning. I think that since Notmie is so fit and robust, he should be the one to have the floor, leaving me and Melono with the bed.” Brodie gave Melono an innocent look, surveying her for consent.
“Nice try,” she said. “I think one person will do just fine on a bed like this.”
Notmie wasn’t going to sleep on the floor without a fight. “ Or both of y’all could sleep on the floor and I’ll sleep on the bed.”
Melono shrugged. “There’s really only one fair way to approach this. How about if you boys just sleep on the floor and you let the lady have the bed? It’s only fair.” She fluttered her eyelashes.
Brodie couldn’t resist. He really wanted to, but he couldn’t. “Okay, Melono, you’re right. You can have the bed.”
Notmie hit him. “Don’t give in that easily!”
But Melono ignored him, smiled then sighed. “Great! Since that’s settled, I’m going to get some stuff out of the car. I’ll be right back.” And she left the room.
“What does she have in the car?” Brodie asked. “We didn’t really bring anything.”
“Maybe it’s a girly thing… you know,”—Notmie looked at Brodie who honestly didn’t seem to know—“girly things, like… for that time of the month.”
It clicked with Brodie. “Ew. What’s wrong with you, Notmie?” He smacked Notmie in the back of the head. “You’re in a room with one other guy, that’s not something you talk about. Weirdo.”
Brodie walked over to the armoire in the corner of the room and began going through the drawers, looking for potential bedding. There was only one pillow—Brodie instantly decided it was his by the finders-keepers rule—two fleece blankets, and a small comforter. There was going to be a struggle over this stuff, he knew that. Notmie wasn’t about to go pillowless all night without raising a stink about it.
“Oh! Look!” Brodie began, holding up the fleece blanket. “This looks nice and comfortable! I can’t wait to snuggle up with this.” He shot a sideways glance toward Notmie to make sure he was listening.
“Hey! How come you get that! I want it too!” Notmie protested.
“Oh yeah? And why should you get it instead of me?”
“Because I’m already sore from being crammed behind that curtain for so long. That blanket would make it more comfortable to sleep.”
Brodie sighed. “You’re right, Notmie. I suppose it’s only fair for you to have this blanket.” He sighed again, wearing the most downcast look he could muster.
“Oh, but now I feel bad, Brodie! You don’t have anything to sleep with!”
“Too true, too true. Maybe if I look in here I can find something else.” He opened the drawer with the pillow and held it up for Notmie to see.
“Look, a pillow. Do you want a pillow to go with that blanket?” Brodie asked as pitifully as he could.
“No, no. I couldn’t possibly take the blanket and the pillow. You can have the pillow, all right?”
Brodie smiled gratefully. “Gee, Notmie, thanks a lot. Are you sure I can have the pillow?” Notmie nodded emphatically. Brodie hugged the pillow tight. “I guess we should claim our place on the floor.”
“Sounds good.”
Notmie placed his blanket nicely on the floor, being sure to straighten all the edges perfectly. He smoothed his hand over the blanket and, once he was sure he had everything in order, looked at where Brodie had set up his pillow. But there was more than just a pillow; there was another fleece blanket laid on top of a thick comforter. All Notmie’s guilt for having taken the blanket dissolved instantly.
“What the hell, Brodie? How come you get all that stuff and I’m stuck with just a fleece blanket? That makes no sense!”
“You told me I could have the pillow, didn’t you?” Brodie said.
“Yeah, but I didn’t say you could have all that other stuff!”
“So you were fine with the idea of me sleeping on the cold floor all night with no blankets as long as I had a pillow? Now that doesn’t make any sense.”
“I want the pillow!” Notmie yelled.
“Shh! Keep your voice down. And no, you can’t have the pillow. You already said I could have it.”
“But–but I didn’t know about the other blanket and quilt!”
“Notmie, the things you don’t know could fill a galaxy, so don’t blame them on me. Now shut up and stop being a jerk.”
“Me? Me? I’m the jerk?” Notmie face contorted with frustration he wasn’t able to adequately articulate. He knew there was a flaw in all of Brodie’s logic, but he had no idea where it was.
“Yes, Notmie, you’re the jerk because you wish to see me sleep all night without a blanket and you’re trying to go back on your word when you told me I could have the pillow.” Brodie sat down on his bed and began taking off his shoes.
“Whatever, Brodie, whatever.” Notmie sat down on his blanket
too, back to Brodie, arms folded.
When Melono came back in and saw the two of them sitting on blankets on the floor with their backs to each other, she decided not to ask questions. Instead she went over to the bed and sat down with the things she’d brought from the car.
“Hey, Notmie, you might want this.”
Melono reached over and handed Notmie his mirror which he set face down next to him before he could accidentally look at himself.
“And Brodie,” she said, grabbing the bottle of vintage wine, “I believe this is yours. You’re too far for me to hand it to you, and I’m not about to throw it and risk you not catching it, so I’ll just leave it on the bedside table for you.”
She crossed her legs, leaned back against the pillow, and opened up a leather-bound notebook, which she began flipping through.
“What’s that?” Notmie asked, pointing.
Melono shrugged one shoulder. “Just the gift Larry gave me.”
That piqued Brodie’s attention. “What?” He sat up straight on the floor to get a better look at it. “What’s it say?”
“Donno yet,” she said, thumbing through the pages.
“Well, read it to us,” Brodie suggested.
She glanced down at him and lifted a single brow. “Uh, no. Larry told me that this was for my eyes only. No amount of your pestering is going to make me give in.” She returned her attention to the book.
Brodie held up his hands defensively. “Okay. You win. No more questions.”
Melono froze and looked back down at Brodie. “Really? Just like that? You give up?”
He nodded simply.
“Mmm…” She studied him suspiciously. “For the record, I know you’re up to something, I just don’t know what yet.”
He smiled innocently at her and then adjusted his pillow so he could comfortably lean back against the dresser.
There was no point in worrying about it at the moment, so Melono pushed it from her mind. “What do you think was the meaning of the story Bill told?” she asked to nobody in particular, still flipping through the book.
“I was wondering the same thing,” Brodie said. “It doesn’t seem that significant other than it sounding like something Notmie would do.”
“For your information” Notmie said, whirling around to face them, “I’ve never done that! I can tear myself away from reflections easy as pie!”
“Prove it,” Brodie dared.
“Oh, come on, Brodie,” Melono said, stepping in. “You know what’s been happening to Notmie lately when he looks in mirrors. Don’t make him do it.”
“You’re right,” Brodie replied snidely. “I don’t want him flipping out and running into something sharp.” But it sounded as if that was exactly what he wanted Notmie to do.
“Plus, we all know I’m prone to untimely death because of the curse,” Notmie added, perhaps a bit too light-heartedly for the subject matter.
Brodie watched as Melono focused on her reading. She gave a chuckle at something in the book then fell silent as her eyes scanned the page. She laughed again, only this time it was louder and more guttural.
“If you’re not going to tell us what’s in that, will you please shush?” said Brodie. “Because it’s very annoying when you do that and don’t tell me what you’re laughing at. I feel like you’re laughing at me.”
“Well, in a way, I am.”
“Wahh?” He sat up straight. “What? How are you laughing at me? I thought you were reading… whatever you’re reading.”
“I am.”
Brodie opened his mouth to speak then paused, trying to decide how that worked. “So you’re reading the notebook, and the notebook is funny, and you say you’re laughing at me? So does that mean that there’s stuff in there about me?”
“Brodie, you’re very insecure, you know that, right?” Melono said without letting her eyes wonder from the page.
“What! Where did that come from? What does that have to do with anything?”
Melono didn’t answer, so Notmie did.
“She’s right. You’re way insecure.”
“Notmie!” Melono scolded, before Brodie even had time to retaliate. “Why don’t we all just go to bed and not talk? It’s been a long day and I think we’re all a bit cranky.”
“But it’s only eight o’clock!” Brodie protested.
“Yeah, and I’m not even tired!” Notmie seconded.
“We could all use the sleep,” Melono replied.
“Not really. I just slept for sixteen days last night, remember?” Notmie said. “So I’m not exactly sleep-deprived.”
Melono waved it off. “Just try it, Notmie. I bet you fall right to sleep.”
Notmie crossed his arms and made a pouty mouth. “Not without a pillow, I won’t.”
“Fine then, have one of mine.” Melono grabbed one of her pillows and tossed it down to Notmie.
“You had two?” he asked.
“Well, yeah. Bill wants his guests to be comfortable, doesn’t he? Now will you just be quiet? You might not need the sleep, but not all of us have had the luxury of sleeping for the past sixteen days.”
“Right. Fine. Goodnight, Melono.” Notmie lay down on his pillow and folded his blanket around himself.
Despite having nearly four hundred hours of sleep the night before, Notmie slipped right into Dreamland.
* * *
He was floating on the sea, clinging to a piece of driftwood, and he saw a storm coming. The clouds came toward him, approaching menacingly as thunder began to clap and lightning split the sky.
I’m not going to make it.
The storm surged forward bringing enormous waves with it, threatening to shatter his makeshift raft. Lightning blinded him and as soon as he was able to see again he realized he was no longer on the ocean, but was now on top of a great snowcapped mountain looking down the slope in front of him. He was lying on a sleigh that teetered at the top, waiting for the slightest movement to set it off downhill at terrifying speeds.
Notmie didn’t move. He sat still as stone trying to form a plan. A sudden wind shoved him from behind and there he went, speeding down the hill. He could feel the snow moving under his body as he slid faster and faster toward the bottom.
I’m not going to survive this.
Up ahead, a tree was fast approaching. Notmie began counting down until impact. Three… two… one…
“OWWWW!” Something had hit his head, but it wasn’t a tree, and that wasn’t snow he now felt moving underneath him, but the wood floor. He opened his eyes to see he had hit his head on the leg of the bed as Melono and Brodie, who stood over him, pulled him and his blanket behind the bed and out of view of the door.
Melono dove behind the bed pinning Notmie, who was sitting up and trying to figure out what was going on, to the floor with her. Almost exactly at that moment, Bill walked through the door.
Quick thinking on Brodie’s part had driven him to strip down to his boxers, standing semi-exposed and appearing quite unaware when Bill entered the room. What followed was only pure, unadulterated awkwardness.
“Oh, uh, sorry, Mr. Jones! I didn’t hear anyone respond when I knocked and I wasn’t sure if anyone was even in this room. Er… I should just be—I should go.”
“Yeah. You should,” Brodie replied, doing his best to act like his sense of privacy had been violated and that he had not in fact purposefully stripped off most of his clothing in a deliberate attempt to have another man walk in on him like that.
Bill left the room, closing the door behind him and locking it. No one moved until Bill’s footsteps were heard creaking the floorboards a safe distance down the hall.
Melono popped out from behind the bed. “Now aren’t you the tricky one? Stripping down to your underwear to make him leave without asking questions? That’s a good one. I’ll have to remember it.”
“Please do, and use it as often as you like,” Brodie replied.
“Please, Brodie,” Melono said, disappointed at having complete
ly set herself up for that, “put some clothes on before you say that kind of thing. On second thought, just don’t say stuff like that.”
She turned to Notmie who was still lying on the floor. “Having a nice rest?”
Notmie looked up at her. “I was just… well, my head sort of hurts from this dream I had, or rather, from this dream I had and you bashing me into the bed.”
“You need ice?” Melono asked.
Notmie shook his head, which apparently only aggravated the swelling and caused him to let out a long groan.
“Right then. Brodie, will you get some ice for Notmie’s head?”
“Um, and where do you expect me to get that?” Brodie replied, fastening his cape around his shoulders.
“Bill should have some.”
Brodie stopped fidgeting with his clothes and looked up at Melono. “You’re saying you expect me to waltz right in there after the underwear fiasco and ask for some ice? You don’t think he’s going to wonder what’s going down in room number four? He’ll start poking his nose around for sure after that.”
Melono had to admit that he had a point, but Notmie had suffered enough head trauma lately, so ice seemed crucial to his wellbeing, if not survival.
“We can risk it,” Melono said, and the matter was settled.
Brodie left the room begrudgingly, his shoulders slumping as he dragged his feet, and Melono helped Notmie onto the bed. He lay there for a few minutes before trying to sit up.
“Stay put until Brodie comes back with the ice.” Melono propped Notmie’s head up with a pillow. “Here, keep your head above you heart. I’m pretty sure that’ll help minimize the swelling.”
“What time is it?” Notmie asked.
“About nine in the morning. You slept through the night apparently, even though you said you weren’t tired.” She raised an I-told-you-so eyebrow at him.
“That’s just because I was unconscious from the hard floor. Have you ever tried to sleep on a wood floor all night with just a fleece blanket under you? I’m sore as all get out right now.” Notmie adjusted his pillow. “Now where the blazes is that ice? My head is killing me.”
The Fraud Page 24