by A. K. Evans
I tapped the button on my screen to call him, and that was the last moment of peace I had.
Two rings later, I felt sick to my stomach.
My face met that of a woman, and it was clear to see she was in a bed. Staring at her, feeling my heart pound wildly in my chest, I asked, “Where’s Cash?”
“Oh, he’s in the shower right now,” the woman answered.
“Who are you?” I pressed.
“I’m one of the bands biggest fans,” she told me. “I came back here last night.”
I was going to be sick. I didn’t want to believe this. How could he do this to me?
When I didn’t respond, the woman sat up in the bed, and I belatedly noticed she was only wearing a bra on her top half.
Oh God.
Oh God.
She started walking, and I should have disconnected the call. I’d already seen enough. But something kept my eyes riveted to the screen. Something made me continue clutching my phone in my hand.
She eventually stopped moving outside a closed door. Her face filled half of the screen while the door filled the other. The woman knocked on the door, and I heard him.
“Be out in a minute.”
I didn’t know why I thought that this woman was lying. I didn’t know why I thought he wouldn’t be the one to respond.
I was stupid, obviously.
That was the only explanation.
A moment later, my whole world came crashing down when the door opened and the devastatingly handsome man that I’d fallen in love with stood there in a towel, fresh out of the shower. We locked eyes for only a moment, his going wide with surprise, before I disconnected the call, threw my phone down, and ran into the bathroom.
Twenty-one
Demi
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I’d spent the last three hours doing nothing but feeling sick and crying. And I hated that. Because I knew better. I knew better than all of this.
I never should have trusted him. I never should have believed the words he said to me. I never should have thought that Cash would be different. More than all of that, I never should have thought that he would ever change the kind of man he was for me.
Hours.
Three long, horrible, tragic hours of seeing that sight in my mind over and over again.
Three hours of feeling my heart break into a million pieces.
Three hours of questioning why I didn’t stick to my guns. Why had I given in to him? Why didn’t I trust that I already knew how it was going to turn out?
I thought I was good enough. That’s all I wanted… to be enough for someone. No. Not someone. Just Cash. I wanted to be all he needed.
And as soon as he hooked me and made me fall in love with him, he destroyed me.
No sooner had I disconnected that horrific call earlier and gotten sick in the bathroom when my phone started ringing again. It was Cash, and I didn’t answer because my body was bent over the toilet. By the time I thought I would no longer be sick, ten minutes had passed. I ambled back to my bed and climbed under the blanket.
I hadn’t been there more than five minutes with tears leaking from my eyes and pain spearing every inch of my body when my phone rang again. Seeing his name and face on the display, I declined the call and turned off the phone.
I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I didn’t want to know what he had to say. It didn’t matter anymore.
Anything good between us was now gone. I had nothing left to give him, and I owed him nothing.
But it had been three hours since I saw him and his mostly naked body on the phone. That body. That beautiful body that I foolishly thought was mine.
It felt like it had been a nightmare. I was hoping I was going to wake at any moment and realize I’d made it all up in my head.
I knew that wasn’t going to happen, though. This pain was too real. Too raw. Too devastating.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him opening that door with that woman standing right beside him in her bra.
In her bra.
In his room.
Curiosity got the best of me, and I did another stupid thing.
I turned on my phone.
Within seconds, I received a notification that there was a voice mail message waiting.
I should have deleted it. I should have turned the phone off. I should have just gotten a new phone number altogether.
But I didn’t.
Instead of doing any of those smart options, I put the phone to my ear and listened.
Cash’s ragged voice came through the line. “Demi, it’s not what you think. It’s not what it looked like. Please call me back so I can explain.”
I could hear the panic and worry in his voice, and I knew it was all because he never thought he’d get caught.
I closed my eyes and sighed.
Just as I was about to put it down, my phone rang in my hand.
His handsome face was smiling at me.
I realized I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, but I deserved to tell him how I felt. I needed to be the one to officially end this.
After connecting the call and holding the phone up to my ear, I said, “You can stop calling me. We’re done. This game is over. You won. I hope it was fun for you.”
“Demi—”
That was all I heard before I disconnected the call and shut off my phone again.
Mere minutes later, there was a knock at my door.
I moved to it, opened it, and saw Sam standing there. One look from my best friend was all it took.
She stepped inside, closed the door, and I burst into tears.
I’m not sure how long it took, but it was quite a bit later when I finally settled down enough to have an actual conversation. With all of the heartbreak I had been feeling, it didn’t immediately dawn on me that my best friend just happened to be here right when I needed her. I was about to ask her that when she spoke first.
“Demi, babe, tell me what happened,” she urged gently.
“How did you know something was wrong?” I replied.
Sorrow was written all over her face. “He called me.”
“I’m sorry he dragged you into it,” I lamented.
Shaking her head as she waved her hand through the air, she insisted, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” she asked.
“You mean, he didn’t tell you?” I countered.
“No,” she answered. “I saw the call come in, and luckily, I had programmed his number in weeks ago when you called me from Pennsylvania. It caught me off guard, but I answered, and he sounded… he sounded like he was in agony.”
If it wasn’t so heartbreaking, I probably would have laughed.
Boy, could he act.
If the music thing ever stopped working for him, he could no doubt have a very successful and lucrative career as an actor. He knew exactly what he was doing.
“What did he say?” I pressed.
“Not much. He called about a half an hour ago and just begged me to come and check on you,” Sam started. “I asked him what was going on, and he didn’t say. He just told me that he couldn’t reach you and that you needed someone to be here with you.”
Why?
Why would he do that?
What difference did it make to him if I had anyone here for me or not?
“He cheated on me,” I told her.
Sam’s eyes widened. “What? What do you mean?”
“I mean, Cash cheated on me. He slept with another woman,” I said.
Confusion and concern continued to litter her features. “He told you this?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. No, I called him this morning to tell him that I was going to catch a flight tomorrow morning and meet him in Florida,” I began. “I thought it would be fun to see his reaction when I told him, so I opted for a video chat. Unfortunately,
a woman who, from the waist up, was only wearing her bra answered the call from Cash’s bed.”
Sam gasped, “Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Demi.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“What did he say?” she asked.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. After I blew it out, I opened my eyes and shared, “He was taking a shower while she was in his bed. She told me she spent the night there. And when she knocked on that bathroom door to get his attention, he wasn’t even remotely surprised that someone was in his room. Then he opened the door wearing nothing but a towel and saw me on the phone.”
“Did he offer an explanation?” Sam questioned me.
The anger was building in her.
Good.
I needed that from her because I was the one who usually got angry. Sadly, in this scenario, I couldn’t feel much of anything other than overwhelming devastation and despair.
“I ended the call before he even said a word,” I answered.
More sorrow moved through her face. Sam looked like she was experiencing close to the same level of hopelessness that I was.
“I can’t believe it,” she said. “Why would he do that? And why would he call me to come here and check on you if he didn’t care?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I rasped. “I don’t know anything.”
“Has he tried reaching out to you?”
“I turned off my phone, but he left a voice mail message telling me that it wasn’t what I thought it was and begging me to let him explain,” I shared.
“Are you going to let him?”
“Why would I?” I countered. “There was a half-naked woman in his bed. There’s nothing to explain. I’m just so upset with myself.”
“What? Why would you say that?”
Could I even say the words aloud? If I did, it was only going to make me feel that much worse. But this was Sam. And I figured it was better to tell her now and deal with the emotional turmoil all in one shot instead of holding it in and letting it eat me alive.
“I fell in love with him,” I shared. “I knew better, Sam. I knew that a happy ending didn’t exist. But I let his charming ways and his persistence convince me that maybe, just maybe, they weren’t all the same. I was so stupid, Sam. So, so stupid.”
“It’s not wrong to fall in love, Demi,” she insisted. “It’s not wrong to want it, either. I don’t know why Cash would do this to you. I’d be curious to hear his explanation, though.”
“He knew.”
Sam tipped her head to the side and gave me a curious look. “Knew what?”
Tears filled my eyes. “He knew about my dad,” I rasped. “He knew why I struggled to open up my heart to him and give him a chance. And only weeks later, he destroyed that. I can’t even begin to understand why he needed to do that. If he didn’t want me anymore, he should have just told me.”
For the next few minutes, the silence stretched between us. The air was heavy, filled with the weight of my sorrow.
“I wish I knew what to say, Demi,” Sam said softly. “My heart breaks for you. After all of this time of you being so set on remaining single. I’ve never seen you so happy like you were whenever you were talking about Cash after you two got together. I hate that he’s ruined this for you.”
Me too, I thought.
I couldn’t even begin to understand why people cheated.
Yes, it would be terrible to suffer through the pain of a breakup, but at least the person would feel a smidgen of respect.
Cash didn’t even have the decency to respect what I’d been through. I shared something so personal with him because I wanted to be honest with him. I wanted to give us a fair shot, and I knew my past wouldn’t remain hidden. It would come out in all the ways that I experienced jealousy and doubt and worry.
He promised to be patient with me. He promised to make me feel comfortable and secure. Did he only mean that he’d do that when he wasn’t busy fucking other women?
“I have a headache,” I said.
Sam jumped up off the couch and replied, “Let me get you something for it. Have you had anything to eat today?”
I shook my head.
“I’ll make you something, too,” she declared before walking out to the kitchen.
I didn’t argue with her, and I didn’t stop her.
I wasn’t hungry, and I didn’t think I could eat without feeling sick.
But for Sam, I’d try.
A couple hours passed, and Sam stayed with me. We watched movies, and she held me when I cried.
Cal stopped by with dinner later in the evening, and he spent time with me, too. He was just as livid as Sam was—just as livid as I would have been if this had happened to anyone else but me.
It was comforting and heartbreaking all at the same time.
When it got late, I said, “You guys should go home.”
“We can stay and take care of you, Demi,” Cal insisted.
Nodding, I said, “I know. And I appreciate that more than I could ever tell you. But I think I just need some time to be by myself.”
“Are you sure?” Sam asked.
“Yeah. I’m just going to try to get some sleep,” I answered. “I gave him my tears and my sadness today. Tomorrow, he gets my anger. I figure within a few days, I’ll be back to being your favorite cynic.”
Sam pushed out her bottom lip, indicating she didn’t like that idea and Cal said, “I’m sorry he didn’t protect your heart, Demi. If I had known he had it in him to hurt you like this after the way he pushed so hard to be with you, I would have warned you to stay away.”
The last thing I wanted was anyone decent and good in my life blaming themselves for what Cash did to me. So, I reassured him, “It’s not your fault, Cal. This was Cash and me. I was foolish for believing he was being honest with me, and he was a jerk for doing what he did.”
“You weren’t foolish,” Sam cut in. “You deserve to be happy. And I know that what he did sucks so bad, but when it was good between the two of you, it was everything you deserved to have and experience.”
I simply nodded my understanding because they wouldn’t want me blaming myself any more than I wanted them feeling guilty about it.
And after a long, tearful round of goodbye hugs, Sam and Cal left.
I made my way to my bedroom and climbed in my bed.
Even though I told them I was going to try to get some sleep, I knew I wasn’t going to find much of it tonight.
There were too many emotions and too many unanswered questions swirling in my mind.
In the midst of all my thoughts, Sam’s words before she left started to hit me. They were similar to the words my mother had said to me.
If she could do it all over again with my father, knowing she’d experience that heartache in the end, she’d still do it because she knew what it felt like to be in love.
I swallowed hard as the truth and reality of that settled in me.
If I had to do this all over again knowing exactly what the outcome would be, I’d do it.
Because despite the pain that I felt, I’d never been happier than when I was with him. I’d be forever grateful to him for giving me that, but I’d hate him for the rest of my life for taking it away from me.
Twenty-two
Demi
I was standing in my kitchen with my coffee mug held up to my mouth.
I needed the caffeine. For my headache and for the stamina to get through the day.
Sleep eluded me last night. No matter how hard I tried not to think about what I’d witnessed earlier in the day, I couldn’t stop myself from seeing it every time I closed my eyes.
I’d looked at the clock several times throughout the night, and all I knew was that time kept passing by.
I wanted sleep.
I wanted to be able to have some time to simply forget what happened.
The last time I recalled looking at the clock, it was right around four in the morning. I still hadn’t slept a wink at that point
. I must have drifted off shortly after that.
Unfortunately, my slumber didn’t last long because I woke again just after six thirty when I had a bad dream.
The worst dream.
In it, I didn’t call Cash while he was still in Texas.
Nope.
I decided to surprise him again by simply showing up. So, I hopped on a plane, flew to Florida, and walked right into his hotel room. It was my dream, so the whole thing where hotel staff just doesn’t give out that kind of information didn’t exist. It was the one time I wished it would have.
When I walked into Cash’s room, I didn’t find him in the shower while a woman waited in his bed. Instead, I walked in and caught him in the act of fucking her in that bed.
I woke with a gasp, sweating profusely and out of breath.
At that point, even if I could do it easily, I didn’t want to go back to sleep. Closing my eyes was apparently the worst thing I could do.
So, I got up and got myself in the shower.
I needed to do normal things. This was how it worked. People went through breakups all the time. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it felt as though my world had ended. But if everyone else could do it—if my mom could do it after having been married—I could do it, too.
It would be just like it was for them. It’d be difficult in the beginning. But the more I did what I had to do to return to my normal routine, the better it was going to be.
I’d gone against everything I knew I should that would keep my heart safe, so now I had to bear the consequences of that decision. If no longer living with the pain and heartbreak it caused was my goal, I had a feeling I’d need to pretend for a while.
I knew it was important to sit with my feelings, but I did that yesterday. I gave myself that opportunity, and I didn’t like the way it felt. That wasn’t who I was.
I wasn’t the girl who was ever going to let a man bring me down.
Things happened.
Life went on.
I’d survive.
As soon as I got myself out of the shower and dressed, I went to the kitchen to prepare some coffee.
Now, I was standing here taking sips of it as I tried to figure out what I’d occupy myself with today.