by Laura Landon
“Of course,” they both answered. “We’ll write straightaway. But don’t worry,” Patricia added. “Lord Danvers loves you. It’s obvious from the way he looks at you.”
How could she tell her friends that his look was no doubt for show? That it was merely the way a well-bred earl had been taught to treat his wife. But he didn’t love her. He couldn’t even bring himself to kiss her. Nor could he bear to come to her bed unless he’d bolstered himself with several glasses of brandy.
And, the only reason he came to her bed night after night was to get her with child. Hopefully, a son. The heir he so desperately wanted so he wouldn’t have to see her again.
That didn’t indicate that he loved her. It indicated that he simply tolerated her. In the kindest way, of course, but still…
Nella masked her hurt and pain with the same expression she’d perfected over the years. She put a smile on her face and returned to the chair where she’d been sitting. She reached for her friends’ hands and squeezed them.
“Don’t worry about me, you two. I am confident of my husband’s regard for me. There is nothing to be concerned over.”
Patricia and Rosamonde placed their hands over hers as a bond of their friendship. Then Nella changed the topic to something light and frivolous as she always did when the hurt was deeper than she dared admit.
Even though she dreaded to see her guests leave, she was thankful she would be alone to sort out what she needed to do.
Except she had no idea what that was.
~■~
A short few hours later they were gone. Everyone had left immediately after an early luncheon and Nella was finally alone. She sat at the piano and played for an hour or more every sad and melancholy piece she knew. Then, she went for a walk in the garden and ended up in the library to read. But how could she concentrate on words in a book when she had so much on her mind to haunt her?
She went to bed early, intending to catch up on the sleep she’d missed over the past two weeks, but couldn’t close her eyes. She ached for James’ arms around her and his warm body next to her.
She rose early only to race to the chamber pot and repeat the now familiar exercise of casting up the contents of her stomach.
She felt worse today than any day before. She was glad everyone was gone. She wasn’t sure she could hide her sickness from her guests or from her husband any longer.
At last she dressed and went down to eat a piece of toast. That was all her stomach could tolerate. When she finished her tea, she instructed Covey to tell Cook she wouldn’t need anything for lunch, then went to the library to stare at the words in her book.
It was difficult to focus, now that she was sure. She had suspected it during the house party, but was afraid to let herself think it possible. Now, in the quiet of the last two days as she listened to her body, she knew.
She was with child. And she could scarcely wait for James to return so she could tell him.
Today she had the library’s comfortably cushioned wing chair moved closer to the fireplace and sat down with a book she was finding most illuminating. But even as compelling as the words were, it wasn’t long before she nodded off.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d slept, but she roused to a knock on the door and came awake with a start.
“A Lady Blanche to see you, my lady.”
A chill raced down her spine.
She should ring for tea, but that would stretch the encounter out unbearably. She wasn’t truly required to do so, as Lady Blanche hadn’t shown the courtesy of arriving at an appropriate hour. Still, it was the civil thing to do.
“Show her in, Covey. And bring in a tea tray.”
“Yes, my lady.”
Nella stood by her chair as Lady Blanche entered the room. She stopped at the doorway, beautiful and fresh as if she hadn’t been bounced around in a carriage for the last two hours. She stared at Nella.
There was a hard look in Blanche’s eyes. Her hateful glare and pursed lips told Nella from the start to be on her guard. This wasn’t a social call. There was nothing at all friendly about it. Her nemesis had come with her claws sharpened.
Just be on your guard had been Rosamonde’s final warning. Now Nella saw why. The woman fairly bristled.
“Marriage hasn’t changed you at all, Lady Danvers. You are still as frumpy and unattractive as you always were.”
“What do you want?”
Blanche entered and walked past Nella to the fireplace. Before they could speak further, Covey appeared with the tea tray and set it on a nearby table. Nella didn’t offer her guest a cup of tea. She had been prepared to, but after the woman’s rude greeting, that time was past. The sooner her guest was gone the better she would like it.
“I see your husband has come to London several times since you married. No doubt that is because he looks for any chance to escape you. And look!” She turned and gracefully swept her arm in a full arc, taking in the empty room. “Gone again!”
“Why are you here?” Nella asked, stepping forward so she could clearly see Blanche’s face. There was something vile in the way she looked at Nella.
“I came to confront you. I came to make sure you understand that I know what you did.”
“And what is it you are accusing me of having done?”
“You know what you did, you bitch. You stole James away from me.”
“I did not,” Nella said. “I saved him from you.”
“I’m carrying his child!”
Nella felt as though she’d just been thrown from a high cliff. The pain she experienced was unlike anything she’d ever suffered before.
“And if I don’t believe you?”
“Oh, but you do. You know it’s not only possible. It’s probable. It’s true. James would never have married you if he hadn’t been tricked into it. And you will have to live with what you did for the rest of your life. You will have to live with the fact that you ruined any possibility for James to ever be happy.”
Nella tried not to let Blanche see how much her words upset her but it was impossible. The pain was too raw. Her words too true. She would have to live with what she’d done to James her whole life.
“Can he even bear to make love to you? Or has he spared himself the embarrassment of looking at your ungainly body?”
Blanche continued to taunt Nella with a snide expression on her face. “I daresay, if he has lain with you, he leaves your bed before dawn. I’m sure he spares himself the horror of having to look into your face first thing every morning.”
Nella felt her courage shrinking. She could not listen to much more of Blanche’s insults. “Why are you doing this? Why have you come to rail at me?”
“Because I want you to know what is going to happen to your husband’s babe. It is too late to get rid of the bastard or that would have been my first choice. So, I’m going to go far away to have it. Then, I’m going to leave it in the first back alley I come to. I want you to know that it’s your fault your husband’s child will grow up alone, unloved, and in squalor. I want you to live with the knowledge that your selfish action has ruined your husband’s life and the life of his child.”
“You mustn’t!” Nella cried.
“Oh must I not? And who, pray tell, would want to raise the little bastard. You?” She hurled the words at Nella.
Nella recoiled. “I…I…”
Blanche gave a vile laugh. “The only way the child survives is if you take it and leave James. Forever.”
“But I…”
Blanche drew a small note from her reticule. “This is where I will be in seven months. If you want to rescue the babe, you’ll be there. You’ll take the babe and then leave England.”
Nella gasped.
Blanche threw the note to the floor and swept across the room to the door.
“It’s on your ugly head now.”
And she was gone.
Nella retrieve the note. A scant line of scribbles spread across the face of the letter.
; Bellingshire House, Windermere
She sat unmoving for a long while after the front door had closed and the sounds of Blanche’s carriage crunched away from Colworth Abbey. She sat even after the maid came to take the untouched tea tray. She sat long after luncheon was served and went uneaten.
What had she done?
And worse, how could she live with what she’d done?
~■~
James finished his business as quickly as he could. He was anxious to get back to Nella. Something was wrong but he had no idea what it was that could be making her ill.
He rode out of Town, but first he took the time to stop at his aunt’s home.
“Come in, James,” his aunt said when he entered her suite of rooms on the first floor.
James went across the room and held his aunt’s hands in his. “Hello, Aunt.”
“I’d heard you were in Town and so hoped you would stop by before you left. Did your wife accompany you?”
James shook his head. “We just hosted a two-week house party and she preferred to stay in the country and rest.”
“Please, sit down.”
James sat in the chair beside his aunt.
“How is your wife? I’ve often thought of the two of you.”
James sat forward in his chair. “That’s the main reason I’ve come to see you.”
A worried frown covered his aunt’s forehead. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m not sure, Aunt. At first, everything was fine. She was happy, I thought, and we were rubbing along well. Then…”
“Then?”
“For the past week or so she’s been ill every day. She doesn’t know I realize it, but she gets up each morning and reaches for a basin. She’s barely able to eat more than a piece of toast for breakfast. Do you think I should call a doctor for her?”
The frown on his aunt’s forehead faded, then there was a twinkle in her eyes and she laughed.
“What? What is it, Aunt?”
“Oh, you men. You know your way around a woman’s bedchamber with undeniable familiarity yet you know nothing about women.”
“I don’t understand,” James said, becoming more concerned by the minute.
“Your wife, James, is no doubt pregnant.”
James fell back into the chair. “What?” He felt as if the air had been knocked from his body. As if every ounce of strength had left him.
“Your wife is with child,” his aunt repeated.
“But…” James paused.
“Don’t you dare ask how this could have happened, my boy. You are obviously well aware how that part of a marriage works.”
“Yes, but I thought it would take a lot longer to… to…”
“It takes only once, you charming simpleton. And you have been married for nearly two months.”
“Yes,” James said as if his brain was trying to focus in a fog. “But, why has she not told me? Why has she kept this to herself?”
“Why do you think, James?”
“I can’t imagine. She knows how excited I will be. From the beginning, I’ve wanted nothing more than to have an heir to pass my holdings down to.”
“And what were you going to do once you have your heir?”
“Why…” He didn’t know how to answer his aunt.
“How secure is your wife in your love for her? Could it be that your wife is afraid of losing you? Could it be that your wife is not confident of your feelings for her and at the first possible moment she thinks you will hare off to London to resume your former lifestyle?”
“No, Aunt. In truth, I’ve grown quite fond of my wife. She’s unlike any woman I’ve ever met. I even believe that I love her.”
His aunt smiled. “Have you told her that?”
James lowered his gaze.
“Then how can she know that you won’t leave her the minute you realize she’s done her duty as your wife?”
“I—”
“What? Have you assumed your wife can read your mind? Do you think your wife knows how you feel without you saying the words?”
“I’ve been a fool, haven’t I?”
His aunt smiled at him. “No more so than any other of your male counterparts, James. You’ve all made mistakes where women are concerned, no doubt because we’re complicated people and we expect you to inherently understand us when we sometimes don’t understand ourselves.”
“Thank you, Aunt. I need to get home and have a long conversation with my wife.”
“That’s an excellent idea, James.”
James rose on legs that trembled beneath him and left his aunt’s town house. He mounted his horse as if in a dream.
He was going to be a father.
Nella was having a babe.
He’d never felt such excitement in his life. Everything was perfect.
Chapter 11
James handed his reins over to a groom and raced into the house. Covey stood there with the door open and James strode through the foyer.
“Where’s my wife, Covey?”
He couldn’t wait to see her. Couldn’t wait to hold her and tell her he knew what her sickness every morning meant. But when he turned to face Covey, he knew something was wrong.
“What is it, Covey? What’s wrong?”
“I’m so glad you’ve returned, my lord. It’s her ladyship.”
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
James raced for the stairs, eager to get to his wife.
“She’s not here, my lord.”
James stopped on the third step and retraced his footsteps. “What do you mean, she’s not here? Where is she?”
“We don’t know, my lord. She went to her rooms to rest and when her maid went in to check on her she was gone.”
“Gone, where?”
“We don’t know. We’ve checked the house from top to bottom but she’s nowhere to be found.”
His heart thundered, beating wildly in his chest. A terror unlike anything he’d experienced before began to waken.
“What happened?” James called as he raced for the music room where he thought it was most likely she’d be.
The room was empty.
“Search the house again. From top to bottom. From the cellar to the attic. She couldn’t have gone far. Check every stairway. Maybe she’s fallen and is hurt and needs help.”
“Very well, my lord. I’ll give orders to search the house again.”
Several footmen and maids scattered to do his bidding.
“Did anything happen to upset your mistress? Anything, man! Something must have happened.”
“Nothing unusual, other than she had a visitor yesterday afternoon.”
“Who? Who was here?”
“A Lady Blanche. She seemed acquainted with Lady Danvers. They chatted for a while, then the lady left.”
The conniving woman’s name made James instantly wary. What would Lady Blanche want with Nella? What possible reason could she have for coming all this way to see her?
“My lord,” the stable master said rushing into the house. “It’s her ladyship’s horse. It’s gone.”
“Blast! Tell anyone who can ride to find a horse. Now! We need to locate her before dark.”
James divided the men into three groups and they rode in search of his wife.
His first destination was the small grouping of tenant households. Perhaps there had been an emergency. She might have been outside when they came to the house for help and went with them in haste.
But no one had seen her.
He turned his horse toward the creek and found the tree where she stowed her paints. But they were tucked away. Now his worry escalated. With every pounding hoof beat he searched his mind. Where could Nella have gone? And why?
He imagined her going for a ride and having an accident. He could see her lying in a ditch bruised and bloody. Or falling into the stream unconscious and drowning.
And in the back of his mind, another question lurked. She shouldn’t be riding in her condition, should she?
“Bloody hell,” he growled as he rode over the countryside. He couldn’t even see tracks to indicate where she might have gone.
He rode through the meadows and pastures. He went to the sheltered vale where they’d picnicked. But there was no sign of her.
Finally, it became too dark for anyone to see and he was forced to call a halt to the search.
James sat in his study with a decanter of brandy beside him and filled his glass time and again.
Where could she have gone? And for what purpose?
Something was obviously wrong. What possible reason might Lady Blanche have had to come see Nella? James knew well the flighty woman’s careless tongue. Had she said something to upset his wife?
James knew if he hadn’t married Nella he no doubt would have married Blanche eventually, although her personality didn’t suit him nearly as well as Nella’s did.
He filled his glass again and took a long drink. He knew he should thank God every day for putting Nella in his life. He should say a prayer of thanksgiving because Nella was his wife instead of one of the simpering debutantes who cared more for parties and balls and expensive clothes and jewels than for a beautiful piece of music or a picturesque painting.
James lowered his head and felt the first tear run down his cheek. Where was she? What if she was dead? How bleak life would be without her! He had never even told her that he loved her. Why was that? He was more at ease with her than he was with anyone. He appreciated the finer things in life when he was with her. The beauty of music. The magnificence in a painting. The enjoyment of a quiet conversation. Delighting in mutual friends.
He bounded to his feet and threw the remainder of his brandy to the back of his throat, then paced the room from one end to the other. What if she was out there hurt and bleeding? What if she’d been injured and had lost their babe? What if he never found her? What if she was lost to him forever?