Jobran shot back, as though he’d rehearsed this reply dozens of times, “Not at all. Didn’t Jesus himself in the Sermon on the Mount suggest that the meek were ‘blessed’ because they would inherit the earth? Didn’t he say that those being persecuted should be glad, ‘for great is your reward in heaven’? (Mt 5) Didn’t also he say that whoever has left father or mother or possessions for his sake would receive ‘a hundredfold now in this time, and in the world to come eternal life’?” (Mk 10) Looking directly at Robert, Jobran said, “Jesus never said that we should selflessly be meek or humble for its own sake, but because we would receive our rewards in Heaven for these attitudes.”
Robert threw up his hands, and sat back down. “Look, Jobran; I’m not going to split theological or exegetical hairs with you; I joined the most liberal Christian denomination because I wanted to get away from those kind of pointless arguments.” He drank the remainder of his cup of tea, then said in a firm voice, “However, for my part, I’m quite confident that Sophia is in Heaven, and that
you will see her again there.”
“You already said that,” Jobran responded.
Robert looked troubled, as if searching for the right words, before he observed, “But at the same time, there is something that vaguely disturbs me about this ‘Quest’ of yours: Namely, it all seems to be centered upon your being reunited with Sophia.”
Defensively, Jobran said, “So? What’s wrong with that? We were married, after all.”
Robert began cautiously, “Well, suppose that the purposes of God are such that bringing you and Sophia back together again, as man and wife, is not what needs to be done? Suppose that God has other purposes in store for one, or both of you?”
“My entire existence is predicated upon that not being the case,” Jobran said, flatly.
“Which is exactly my point,” Robert added, starting to gain confidence. “While I’m far from being a big advocate of the theory that that ‘the purpose of human life is to serve God,’ I’m nevertheless still conservative enough to feel that God’s will should have some part in the direction of our lives.”
“I fail to see any sense in which my wanting to be reunited with Sophia is in any way contrary to the will of God.”
Becoming more animated, Robert said, “Maybe it’s not a bad goal in itself, but it’s just the exclusivity of it that causes problems. For example, suppose that God has other purposes for your life, besides just studying religious doctrine in excruciating detail?” He turned his open palms upward, then said, “What are you doing professionally now—didn’t you tell me that you’re employed doing computer data entry on the graveyard shift, or something like that? You could certainly do much more in terms of a ‘career’ than what you’re currently doing. I don’t mean that you should enter into some materialistic field such as business or finance, but don’t you think you might do more for people if you returned to being a teacher, for instance? As a teacher, you can have an immeasurable amount of positive influence over the lives of young people. Isn’t it possible that that is the will of God for you, right now?”
In a low voice, Jobran muttered, “Teaching is a dead avenue for me, now.” Then, he added acidly, “If that’s what God has in mind for me, I’m not interested.”
Robert leaned forward in his chair, excitedly, and said, “But look, Jobran: you seem to be trying to set up all of the conditions as to what kind of salvation God should offer, so that you will be willing to accept it. But salvation isn’t up to us, Jobran; it’s up to God!” Abruptly, Robert stopped, and put his hands on his cheeks in embarrassment, and said in a low voice, “God, I can’t believe I’m talking this way; I sound like a damn fundamentalist.”
Softly, Jobran said, “I don’t know, Robert; maybe you’ve got a point. It’s certainly possible that I’m completely wrong, or deceived.” He shook his head sadly, and said, “Nothing has made any sense to me since Sophia died.”
Robert got up to retrieve his copy of the Bible, then moved his chair closer to Jobran, sat down and put his hand sympathetically on Jobran’s shoulder. “Another thing: Given the amount of study that you seem to have done, I’m probably not the first person to mention this possibility to you, Jobran—but isn’t Jesus supposed to have said that, ‘in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven’?” (Mt 22:30)
Jobran nodded, and said, “And no, you’re not the first person to quote that passage to me.”
Robert paused a moment, to allow the import of this quote to sink in. “There are a number of commentators who believe that marital relationships end at time of human death—which is why the standard wedding vows include the phrase indicating that they are only intended to last, ‘’Til death do us part.’” Looking Jobran directly in the eyes, he asked pointedly, “What if the kind of reunion you wish to have with Sophia is not possible?”
If a flat, lifeless voice, Jobran replied, “Then for me, nothing would be worthwhile, and there would be no purpose to living, or dying.”
“Not even if God has something better in store for you?” Robert asked, incredulously.
“Not even then—because there could be nothing better for me than to be reunited with my Sophia again.” Jobran stood up, and with an anguished voice said, “We were barely married long enough to reach our first anniversary; we never had children. Hell, we never even got to plant a garden in our back yard together, or host a dinner party for our parents, or take a vacation in Bermuda, or any one of a million things that most married couples get to do.” His voice was trembling with emotion, and he stopped until he had regained control of himself, before adding, “To put it bluntly, I feel cheated out of the life with Sophia that I should have had, and I quite naturally want to get it back.” In an agonized voice, he said, “Am I asking so much? I’m not asking for fame, or fortune, or success; or that our children all be Ph.D.s in astrophysics—all I want is the chance to live our normal, human lives together!”
Exasperated, Robert said, “Suppose that Sophia were in Hell? Would you want to go there, just for the sake of being with her?”
“Absolutely.”
This response stumped Robert, momentarily. He scratched his head, and said, “I’ve got to admit, you’re one puzzling case.”
With a slight laugh, Jobran asked, “Is that a compliment, or an insult?”
Laughing himself, Robert said with mock indignation, “I have the distinct impression that you’d be willing to believe anything—that you’d become a Mormon, a Jehovah Witness, a holy roller, or anything, as long as you were guaranteed that you’d be able to live for all of eternity in Heaven in a nice little cottage with Sophia.”
“I don’t deny it.”
Robert said facetiously, “But you realize that you are contravening the most fundamental canard of American liberal folk religion: Namely, that ‘It doesn’t matter what you believe, as long as you’re sincere.’”
“I’m certainly sincere in my belief about wanting to be reunited with my wife,” Jobran replied.
Robert nodded, and said, “That you are, my friend; that you are.” In a serious tone again, he said, “I think my fundamental concern about your situation is that this entire matter seems less like you are on a spiritual ‘Quest’ to find God, than it is simply a matter of determining the relative probabilities of all of your afterlife ‘options.’ You seem determined to believe whatever it is that you feel will get you back together with your Sophia, and it is therefore more a matter of rational calculation to you, than of personal conviction.”
Jobran looked annoyed at Robert, and said shortly, “So? Prove to me it’s wrong.”
“I can’t.”
Starting to show annoyance himself, Jobran said, “That’s the whole trouble with you preachers—the only ones who can offer anything like ‘certainty’ on any subject are the ones that should be the le
ast convinced of the truths of their doctrines.”
“Would you be more reassured if I was as dogmatic as the fundamentalists?” Robert asked, in a reasonable tone.
“I would be more reassured if preachers and theologians were more certain about their convictions!” Jobran raged, finally having the chance to vent some of his pent-up anger. “While admittedly, almost every decision in life must be made on the basis of less than 100% certainty, you have to admit that I’m not asking some kind of ‘trick’ question—such as about whether or not God can create a rock so heavy that he himself can’t lift it. The question I’m asking is a simple one, yet one that means everything to me: ‘What do I have to do in order to be reunited with my beloved wife, without whom my life is meaningless?’” His voice cracking with emotion, he added bitterly, “And not one of you can give me a straightforward answer. People give me quotes and concepts about angels in heaven, but I’m not an angel in Heaven—I’m a man who has lost his wife, and who desperately needs her back!”“
Quietly, Robert said, “Jobran, I’ve already told you that my personal conviction is that Sophia is in heaven, and that one day, you will join her there; but you seem to want to have assurance that goes beyond that. You seem to want me to virtually guarantee that you and Sophia will be living in a split-level home with
2.3 children and a dog in a fashionable suburb of Heaven for all of eternity.” Pointedly, he added, “And Jobran, that I just can’t do!”
“In fact, you can’t really tell me anything about Heaven, can you?” said Jobran, in a sarcastic voice. “You can’t me whether we’ll sitting around on clouds strumming harps, or whether we’ll be sitting in a circle surrounding the Blessed Trinity, for all of eternity.”
“Jobran, no group of Christians has a good conception about what we will actually be doing in Heaven; not the Roman Catholics, the fundamentalists, or the Christian Scientists,” Robert replied. “Even those groups that profess to ‘take the Bible literally in all things,’ such as the Jehovah Witnesses, don’t have a very good conception of what we will be doing day-to-day in Heaven.”
“They’re called the Jehovah’s Witnesses, by the way,” Jobran corrected. “But I find it hard to believe that the entire mainline Christian church can’t come up with a convincing and authoritative answer to my question—what, am I the first person in the history of Christianity who has ever had this problem?” He stood up, and began pacing. He stopped for a moment, and looked back at Robert, who looked pained, but made no response. Sarcastically, Jobran said, “In earlier centuries, if one was a member of a Baptist congregation, or a Methodist denomination, or a Disciples of Christ congregation, they could tell you exactly what to do to achieve salvation—true, their doctrines all contradicted each other, but at least they professed to have certainty. You liberals don’t even have that.”
Smiling, Robert said, “Personally, I’m of the conviction that, as the Hindu parable about the blind men and the elephant says, there may be many paths to the same God.”
Jobran pointed his finger at Robert and said, “I’ve also heard the Hindu parable about the blind men feeling an elephant—one thinking that it must be like a fan, another thinking it was like a tree stump, or a snake, and so on, depending on which part of the elephant they were touching. But in that parable, the important point to me is the fact is that all of them were wrong! True, they may each separately have understood part of the truth, but they all remained ignorant of what the others knew; moreover, they didn’t continue to investigate further, because if they had, they would have discovered that what they were describing was really only one aspect of the same creature! They should logically all have come together in the middle of the elephant and compared notes, rather than just standing pat on their original presumption of their own unique religious truth.” Frustrated, Jobran said, “I think that what bothers me about your position is that, in a sense, it doesn’t even seem to matter to you in what, or in whom, I believe. I could become a Hindu, or a Catholic, or a Mormon, and that would be all right with you. If I told you that I was going to continue with my RCIA classes and become a Catholic, would you even try and discourage me?”
Robert laughed heartily, trying to relieve some of the tension. “Well, I definitely believe in ecumenism—and that’s part of what we are all trying to do in the ecumenical movement, by sharing our beliefs and practices with one another.” Turning serious again, he continued, “I think part of the problem is that you’re coming to us looking to find ‘answers,’ but there aren’t any answers to be found. All of us, myself included, are really just seekers. We gather together in our churches and denominations because we feel a level of comfort there, that helps us in our own spiritual walk.”
Jobran sat back down again, and said, “Well, don’t feel bad—you’re in the same boat with a lot of others. Neither my local parish priest, nor the Abbot of a monastery, could give me satisfactory answers to my question either.”
With a sigh, Robert said, “I just strongly feel that what you’re looking for is not something that our church, or any other church, can offer.”
In a voice filled with resignation, Jobran said, “Probably not. Quite frankly, I’ve studied every religious tradition I can find, and none of them so far seem to have the answers I am seeking. And frankly, the more intelligent ones—such as the churches that are comparatively non-dogmatic, like the Unitarian Universalists—actually seem to have more questions than answers.”
“Jobran, I really don’t know whether or not you will find the answers that you seek. But I hope—and will pray—that you may one day find peace, because that is what I think you are really seeking.”
Jobran stood up and offered his hand to Robert, saying, “No hard feelings, then?”
Robert smiled and shook his hand. “None whatsoever. We’re all part of the universal family, under the fatherhood of God, and the brotherhood of man.”
“Agreed.” Jobran stood up, and walked to the door, with Robert following.
Standing on the porch with Jobran, Robert said, “Well, will I see you at church this Sunday?”
“Depends; I may be visiting other churches. I believe there are, what: two thousand or so different denominations of Christianity alone?”
“Lord help us,” Robert said, shaking his head. “But I think that number is counting a lot of ‘non-denominational’ and ‘storefront’ churches. I seem to recall that Frank Mead’s Handbook of Denominations only has about 250 listed.” They shook hands again, and Robert said, “Well, good luck with your ‘Quest’; and feel free to drop in on our congregation, or stop by my office or here from time to time, just to let us know how your search is progressing.”
“I’ll do that,” Jobran promised, and set off down the walkway.
He stopped when Robert called after him, saying, “And Jobran: If you ever do find all the answers, would you mind coming back and sharing them with us?” Chuckling, he added, “I’d be glad to turn my pulpit over to you some Sunday, for such a worthy topic!”
Jobran laughed, too, and continued down the street, lost in thought.
As usual.
8
MERCY ON WHOM HE WILL HAVE MERCY
“Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?” (St. Paul, Romans 9:21)
The office door opened, and Jobran was greeted by a tall man with a full head of graying hair, wearing thick glasses, who held out his hand. “Reverend Jonathan Baxter; I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Winter. Come in and have a seat.” He waved Jobran toward a chair. Jonathan looked around the office, and was impressed: It looked more like a library than a business office, the walls lined with books—sometimes stacked two deep.
“I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me. I’m sure you must have a very busy schedule,” Jobran said. Indicating all the books, he added, “I must say, I�
��m very impressed with the size of your library.”
“This isn’t all,” Reverend Baxter said, pleased to find someone that recognized the value of books. “My study at home has about three times this many. These are just the ones I use most frequently in sermon preparation.”
“It’s quite impressive; I think I even recognize a few of the volumes, like Hodge’s Systematic Theology.”
“You’ve read Hodge?” Reverend Baxter asked, looking pleased, and Jobran nodded. “Since we don’t do a lot of ‘advertisement,’ how did you happen to hear about our church? From a member of our congregation?”
“No; actually, I just looked it up in the Yellow Pages, under ‘Churches,’” Jobran said, and Reverend Baxter seemed disappointed. Jobran continued, “I have to admit that I’m a little bit uncertain about the differences between the various ‘Reformed’ groups listed there, and in Frank S. Mead’s Handbook of Denominations, such as the United Presbyterian Church in the U.S.A.; the Presbyterian Church in America; the Orthodox Presbyterian Church; the Bible Presbyterian Church; the Christian Reformed Church; the Reformed Church in America; the Reformed in the United States, and the Reformed Presbyterian.” Rec. Baxter nodded at him, and Jobran asked, “Those are all different denominations, meaning that they have their own doctrines, churches, seminaries, and ordination procedures, right?” Reverend Baxter nodded again.
“And the differences between them are significant, right?” Jobran asked.
Reverend Baxter nodded his head vigorously. “Oh, absolutely. A lot of Presbyterian groups have gone liberal, for example, and rejected the authority of Scripture, for instance—notably the United Presbyterian Church in the U.S.A.”
“Obviously, your own church does accept the authority of the Bible?” Jobran asked.
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