“I’m sorry these relationships have been hard for … all of us…” I started.
Isaac cut a sharp look to me, then Kage, then away again.
Zar chewed his lip, clutching my pillow, the fan blowing his long hair.
Andrew regarded the dingo on the table, expression neutral.
Jason watched Kage and myself anxiously.
Damn, it was hot in here.
“I need to talk to you all about helping me with your energy for a spell. But we can’t do it if that energy is so out of sync, even antagonistic, that the magic would be better served to have my power alone to build from. If that’s the case, if we can’t be together cooperatively, with shared goals, I’ll do the spell alone.”
After a pause, I continued, “It seems like relationships with some openness, or flexibility, are common in your culture. Although that doesn’t mean many of you personally favor such relationships. I am pro monogamy myself. Until … very recently.
“You’ve all been wonderful. You’ve saved my life, saved each other, and honored your pack when you didn’t have to. You could have fought each other even more. You could have thrown up your hands and gone home. But you didn’t. You’re here, promise or no. I’m proud of you all, and love you so much, you have no idea. We don’t need to sort out our problems right this minute. I just wish we could gather to do something without tensions flaring or arguments because of me. But I don’t know how to help. I’ve never been in a relationship like this, or even read a book on polyamory or polyandry or … whatever all poly-something there is. I stumbled into this and…” I sighed. “That’s not usually my favorite way to approach life challenges.”
I looked at Isaac. “No list, no plan, no map.” I looked at Kage. “Which has led to plenty of mistakes that maybe I could have avoided otherwise.” Around to all. “I’d rather we work together. I’m sorry. I’m putting you on the spot in the first place with magic, then everyone crammed together, now me bringing up relationships as if I’m at a hen party.
“I need some advice. Before launching into unified energy work—which can have a big impact on my magic, no matter that you’re not casters—I can lead us in a meditation. So that’s the short-term. Later, though, I would welcome ideas. How to work in greater harmony, for example? Just … think about it, please. Let me know…”
I did several meditation breaths, counting, getting ready to tell about my scry research. I didn’t mind them not answering for the time being. I’d put them on the spot enough already. It was plenty just that the mood had changed and everyone was listening.
Kage seemed embarrassed rather than irritable now. The only one in the room who I still felt should leave the circle was Isaac. He just wasn’t relaxing. I should step into the hall with him, sort his own grievance out in private. I was about to stand when Kage spoke.
“Not fair to be all tight with some and not others in a group together,” he mumbled. “If no one was allowed to change we’d be equal.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t thought he would answer. “So, keeping things fair and even between you all? That sounds reasonable. There are certain things, though: first, unfairness happens. Not especially in our pack, but in life. Drawing the short stick is perfectly normal. It’s what we do with it that makes up our lives—not whether or not we ever land in an unpleasant situation. Secondly, Jed is a special circumstance. Does anyone else want to be in fur?” I glanced around. “That’s what I thought. Jed is a stranger and has his own set of feelings about fur versus skin. For him to provide his best energy for the circle and be able to relax and focus, he should be in fur. The thing about ‘fairness’ is also that it’s subjective. But I understand where you’re coming from. Why don’t you sit next to Jason? And, Jed, beside Andrew? We’ll be a much more balanced circle.”
They moved, Kage waiting until Jed already had.
“I have a proposal for harmony,” Andrew said. “The witch is always right.”
“Hmm… That might keep down the altercations but let’s not get carried away. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past several weeks you all should get medals just for loyalty. Even when I’m in a situation of giving you instructions I still welcome feedback.”
Zar spoke up very softly. “Who you run with is up to you, Cass. You don’t need our permission or blessing about your relationships. No more do we have to ask one another’s permission.”
“All right … you’ve mentioned that before. But here’s the thing, Zar: when you all can’t be in the same room together because of the tension, or actually get into fights because of me, what’s that say to me? It says I don’t have your blessing to be involved in a plural relationship and that’s a huge problem. Do you understand what I mean? Jealousy and disagreements and unfair situations … that stuff happens. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s part of a full range of emotions. It’s when someone is deliberately antagonistic to someone else, or goes out of his way to cause trouble, that it becomes a problem. I hope you all know you can talk to me about anything. Even when … we have a lot on our plates.” I looked around again. “Want to do a breathing exercise with me?”
They seemed more settled. “Relaxed” would be a stretch, although we were spaced in a nice circle, a couple steps away from grounded and calm together. It was something. I felt better for at least having mentioned our situation and admitting that I didn’t know how to sail this ship. To my surprise and gratification, some had even answered—without sarcasm and despite being in public.
We could move on. Aside from Isaac.
His jaw was still set, back tight as he sat rigidly on the far end of the couch, looking like he hardly breathed. He’d been like that ever since Kage had first spoken up—despite both Kage and Jed now being away from me. It wasn’t like Isaac to react to someone else holding my hand or crowding or anything else. Quite the contrary: Isaac always seemed comfortable about me, unintimidated and untroubled by others—perfectly confident in himself, even deep down, which made all the difference in how he treated others.
It was something else that Kage had said or done that had upset Isaac. Something bad enough that it wasn’t going away on its own.
The fans whirred, yet only seemed to inch the sweat around.
“Isaac? Do you want to talk?” I moved forward in my seat, ready to give the rest breathing instructions as I headed out to the halls with Isaac.
He looked up from the coffee table, not to me, but to Kage. “All right. I have an idea to help us.” His muscles remained tight, tone frigid. “I’d like to suggest the pack show you some respect.”
“How do you mean?” I asked. “No one’s being disrespectful.”
Still, his gaze remained locked on Kage. “Aren’t they? Like you inviting us here and setting up a space where we can help you do something that you’ve been working for two days to sort, then we’re so self-involved and immature we can’t sit still when you deign to put your hand on a wolf in fur, but have to redirect the entire gathering and your concern onto us and our poor, insecure, attention-seeking little lives.” His icy voice sank even lower, every word chipped and sharp while his eyes remained locked on Kage’s. “So my suggestion to help us is that we show you a little Moon-cursed respect. If that’s not too much trouble.”
Isaac changed the mood as effectively as a gunshot.
This was why I hated not having a map. Also, maybe another good example of my being a less than well-qualified silver, or lover. Next time I craved a hen party discussion I would try journaling.
Chapter 13
I stood up before Kage could. “I’m sorry—again. I made a mistake thinking we should talk about this right now. Kage, don’t—please. Isaac?”
He stood from the couch, turning sharply around the arm and away from the others, movements robotic.
It was a quick few steps to the front door into the hall. Beyond this were two flights of stairs.
“Why don’t you walk for a few minutes?” I stepped into the hall with him and let the door clo
se behind us.
Isaac focused down the corridor to the neon EXIT sign over the fire door. Exit sounded right—bite the river. A rewind button would be even better.
“I love you.” I wanted to hug him, but kept my arms to myself. “See you in a minute.”
Again in the apartment, I couldn’t let some bow string silence stretch to make matters sharper. Instead, I started even though there wasn’t anything I wanted to say.
Kage, breaths tight, arms crossed, glaring savagely at the coffee table, opened his mouth but shut it.
“For the record, I don’t agree with that,” I said quietly as I returned to my seat. “If something’s bothering any of you, I’d rather you bring it up and talk to me than just stuff it and seethe because you’re upset about something at a time like this when we should be working together. If you have to go out of your way and interrupt someone else to bring it up, so be it. We talk. We get back on track. That’s it. I’m not your sacred idol who you can’t interrupt. You don’t bow down to me and I don’t want you to. Okay?” I squeezed my temples between thumb and middle finger. “No one is ‘wrong’ here. We’re just different people with different views.”
Andrew’s expression distracted me when I finally looked up. He’d been smiling when I walked back in. Now, I just spotted him roll his eyes as he glanced to the windows. Apparently he’d agreed with Isaac this time.
“You know what’s interesting about modern families?” I addressed Andrew, waiting until he looked at me to go on.
“Unconditional love?” Andrew arched an eyebrow.
“Choice,” I said. “Mixed families, merged families, friends as family, and reinvented families. My mom used to say family is the first person you think of when you need to call someone at two in the morning. You all are my family now. I am so, so blessed, so grateful you are. How you decide to treat each other, and me, is totally up to you. I was being presumptuous—again—to think we should talk—”
“Cass—” Zar started.
“We have bigger issues to be getting on with,” I continued. “I don’t know if I can clear this up with the scrying, but there’s something much more pressing that I’m sure I can help. Yes, Zar?”
He bit his lip and didn’t say anything.
Kage sniffed.
“How long can you inhale for? Look at the table. Choose an object to focus on, and inhale to the count of ten.” I counted slowly aloud while they sat staring at the table. Then the exhale. “Can you say a prayer or chant for me? Like you’ve done for scrying?”
“Aren’t we going to be filled in?” Andrew asked.
“Yes, I’ll tell you what I’m doing.”
“We’ll say the Lunaenott prayer,” Zar said. “But it’s in Lucannis.”
“Great, that’s no problem at all.” I smiled at him. “Is it short? Maybe you could just keep repeating it?”
While they started, I returned to the hall. This led to faltering as all watched. I waved them to continue.
Isaac wasn’t out there. I had to wait a few minutes before his laps of pacing up and down the stairs returned him to sight at the end of the hall. He paused. The fire door was always propped open.
“Will you help? They’re reciting a Lunaenott prayer to help me trance, then I want to tell you about some things I’ve been reading.”
He walked over. “Did Kage offer any apology?”
“Kage wouldn’t do such a thing among the pack. And I don’t hear one from you so I can’t agree that you have any right to the question anyway.”
He met my eyes only briefly and looked away. I doubted he felt he owed anyone, including me, an apology. I didn’t care. Fine as long as we got our work done and he would drop the Kage thing.
I held the door, waiting for him, and finally Isaac returned with me to the living room. He took his place on the couch between Zar and Jed, who sat by Andrew’s chair at the end of the table.
They went on reciting the prayer in their own beautiful language while I sat with my eyes shut. I wasn’t trancing. The magic was already bubbling around us, just waiting for command. But they didn’t need to know that. I let them get on with it.
At last, I raised my hands and they fell silent.
“I love your language and songs and … so many things that I want to know more about,” I said to the coffee table, voice very soft in the again quiet room with only the fans humming. “When this is all over … I hope we get the chance to talk about many different things. Right now, yes, we’re using some defensive magic. I’m also changing my approach to the proactive scrying I’ve done.”
I sat back, crossing my hands in my lap. “At some point between our first joining forces and Susanna’s murder, the killers found out about me looking for them. The first moment I can trace that they interfered with my scry was my reliving the same images I’d visited when Abraham was killed.”
“I thought you don’t even know if that’s certainly what’s happening?” Andrew said. “Your witchy friend was skeptical.”
“Yes. Skye had interesting points. Relevant ones as well. There may be different things happening. But Stefan’s book and my own homework from my grandmother are more relevant right now. Scries can be blocked. Scries can be fed from caster to caster by magical interference. And scries can be followed.
“It’s called a vision clamp. A caster can magically track another caster’s scries if they have a close enough connection to the scry’s personal magic—which is like our own personal energy field. You could put a tap on someone’s phone, say, but you’d need access.
“If you don’t personally know or have access to a caster whose scries you want to disrupt, there are vision blocks. I knew about this, I’d just never had one used against me and it took reading up to know for sure this has been happening. Blocks are purely defensive. It doesn’t have any effect on my magic or me personally. It’s simply trying to look through a window but finding the lights are out. That block is what I’m going to do for us—to protect all seven of us.
“Then there’s a vision feed. That’s what happened to me when I asked the same question and received the same answer. ‘Who killed Abraham? Show me the scene.’ ‘Who killed Susanna? Show me the scene.’ ‘Show me who’s killing faie and destroying vampires.’ All the same image. But it didn’t happen when I tried with Rebecca and Darius because I asked different questions. I found only afterimages and blocks, nothing useful.
“It seems unlikely I could be the victim of a vision clamp because I would have to know, at the very least have met, the caster behind it, and them know something of me. That being said … it’s possible.”
“’Cause the first thing you did when you got to England was teach a roomful of casters,” Kage said softly.
“That’s right. I told everyone in that room about myself. For all I know, someone might have pictures of me, might have asked me questions specifically to make eye contact and build a connection that they could take advantage of for energy purposes. But—” I looked around.
“You weren’t working with us yet,” Andrew said.
“There was no reason for anyone to be after you then,” Jason said.
“Right again,” I said. “That’s why I think it’s unlikely. Are there members of Broomantle involved in this? I don’t know. There are plenty of other casters in the UK and Europe. Besides, they couldn’t have linked me to something I wasn’t doing yet. However, there are a couple of members, like Richard, one of the organizers, who know me more than for a quick scry lesson. If someone like Richard was involved in this and did a little of his own scrying to learn there was a witch helping you all to find the killers, he could potentially be behind something as serious as a vision clamp. What are the odds, really? But what are the odds that the seven of us would be sitting here in my apartment in Portland? Or run into a raving moose, or find Gabriel, or steal the Blood Tome?”
“Makes the idea of your mate Richard mass murdering wolves sound downright tame, darling.” The corners of Andrew’s mout
h turned up in a humorless smile.
“It’s true Richard was kept abreast by me asking him for help finding a vampiric script translator. Just to be absolutely clear, I don’t think Richard is behind this. I don’t think Broomantle is. In fact, I think it’s even more unlikely now that I’ve spent the day submerged in magic. That’s because Broomantle would be too powerful. Is magic working against us? Yes. I’m certain of it. Is the largest collective of casters in all the British Isles working against us? No. Or…”
“Or the whole South Coast Cooperative would already be singing with Moon,” Kage said.
“Right… Someone is trying to pick off the shifter packs they can find, having started with the South of England, bit by bit. If a huge group of casters really wanted you dead…” I shook my head. “It doesn’t rule out that someone involved in Broomantle is working against us. Yes, we’re going defensive. We’re going as defensive as I can find a way to be. I’m going to ward and block us all personally, including this place, and our things, sending us with residual energy from warded objects we keep with us. I should have done this before we ever left for Cornwall in the first place. At the very least, I should have done it in London once I knew something was wrong with the scries. But it’s not too late.
“Then, when we get home, I want to ward the homes of the pack, block off the territory as much as possible. If … anyone is willing, and if the pack is planning to stay?”
Isaac looked at me. “I’m not sure. Some want to hide, some want to stay and defend the place. It’s hard to justify that argument when killers know exactly where our home is.”
“Yes, they know, but where have they not come?” I asked. “Into the middle of the territory because they’d be torn to pieces by a pack of wolves. Is Diana close to letting everyone scatter and hide?” I hoped he’d been having news from home over these two days.
“She’s trying to join forces with the Aspens—to shelter together, probably leaving the country. But she’s afraid because we could attract attention after us. If they’re followed—or spied on—they would just be more vulnerable. Zacharias is overseeing the construction of new fences around the territory. No one is leaving at all any more aside from groups for necessities. Diana is afraid of the Sables turning into the savage ones trapped in the walled fortress that Zacharias is apparently envisioning. But she’s also afraid to leave because of the pack splitting. Some have gone already.”
Moonlight Lovers: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 7) Page 7