“Course not.”
“But he didn’t do that. He phrased his not wanting you involved with Eichib in a way that it vilified me.” I paused, watching to make sure that sunk in.
Kage dropped his gaze to somewhere around my chin, biting his own lower lip.
“Don’t you think that’s a little messed up?” I asked gently. “Don’t you think, for your part in this, it would be okay to put your foot down a little and say, ‘Hey, I see this is one of your games. Back off.’ And show him you won’t tolerate being manipulated and led astray?”
His brows creased in concern and he repeated, “Couldn’t do that to him, Cassia.”
“Why?”
“Told you. You’re talking about who he is. What he loves. I knew he was a dark star before we dug a den. You don’t choose a mate so you can change who he is. You choose him because you fancy how he is already.”
I watched him in silence for a long time, Kage again meeting my eyes, as everything from that first night in Cornwall to this very moment gently slotted into place like the last quarter of a puzzle filling itself in before my eyes.
I let out a soft breath. “You like this. You two get exactly what you want from each other.” The realization, how wrong I’d been before to judge them, replaced by this new completed jigsaw, knowing how right they had been all along, actually made me shiver.
“Course we do.” Kage propped his head up a little with his hand, trying to see me better, a slight frown still creasing his brows. “Or why would we be together?”
“Coming from a human world, there are so many dysfunctional and messed up relationships. I … it was easy to criticize yours as unhealthy from my point of view. And I know you all do have dysfunctional relationships around here, occasional domestic violence and all that. So that’s not totally out there. But you guys … you’re perfect, aren’t you?
“You’re exactly who he wants in a mate—down to all the details, from how you look to how you respond to him being in trouble; always there to rescue him, even choosing him over your best friend. You also fulfill his special interests like how easily he can get you to do whatever he wants. For your part, he worships you and lavishes you with attention and treats you as his silver. He also scares you because you don’t know what’s around the corner with him. You don’t know when you’re being played or manipulated. You don’t know when you might get hurt because of something he’s set up for you.
“And you…” I sighed. “You absolutely love to be scared. You love to push yourself and run with someone who’s a mystery, a challenge, and has something over you—such as an extra cunning brain, or a gift with magic—and drive yourself on that high as you grow stronger and smarter yourself. Then you also have a reputation in the pack for ‘chasing after anything that bats an eye,’ right? Jason told me from the start that you were always spotting someone else who interested you, then you’d come back to him. And Andrew said it. And you said it: that you fall in love at a glance, how you thrive on that new rush of falling for someone. Which hurts Jason. When you find someone else, then deny him attention, looking past him for a new pretty face, he retaliates. Because he’s just as attention-obsessed as you are—maybe more.
“But, the thing about Jason that completes the picture, and makes you so damn perfect together, is that exactly that sort of punishment gets him off. Masochism is half physical and half emotional for him. The pain and suffering that you give him from running with someone else now and then, or even for a long time, like this thing with me, is another drug of choice. When you make him suffer, he wants more. Or even uses the situation as a weapon for his own schemes and dark star tricks.
“For example, you weren’t hurting him enough with your interest in me. He calculated a chain of events to torment all three of us, sending our relationships into a tailspin. Probably the biggest dose of suffering he’d had in months, and tangling up the two of us in the nightmare was more satisfying because he could mastermind the whole thing. So many thrills. His favorite things rolled into one—scheming, suffering, and you.
“But that one was a bit much. He still wanted to be with you. He overplayed his hand. Then, finally, only because of you and I sorting out our issues, Jason got to make up with you. He could hang on you for the whole trip to America—right in front of me, no less—and even got a collar into the bargain—you buying him new toys. He might even have been happy to sleep around with the coyotes, test the waters there, but he was still riding the high of being back with you, needing to keep you for himself.
“Plus, he saw another chance to play his tricks. Best of all, he hoped to villainize me by using my name to deprive you of your fun: starting more trouble. ‘You can’t do that. Cassia wouldn’t like it.’ is the perfect angle. And you believed him. You thought I would actually be such a hypocrite and so insecure that I would have the gall to be upset that you had a one-night stand with another shifter. Just because Jason said so. Except … that’s how your whole life with him works.
“Routine irritations—him making you late, hurting your image, lying, and so on—are a small price to pay. Sure, you’re miffed sometimes that you let him hold your nose, but you shrug it off as no more than a normal couples’ disagreement. Or even part of the fun?” I shut my eyes, then focused on him again. “Is this right? I mean, am I totally crazy? Because I feel like I’ve cracked the Enigma Code and you’re lying there smiling at me like, ‘Yeah, whatever.’ Is this just silly to you? Am I way off?”
“No, sounds bang on to me. Only smiling because you get so worked up about things. Glad to see you’re feeling well, princess.”
“Moon, Sun, and stars,” I said. “You two are … barking mad. But here I am. Part of the happy family. Who am I to judge?”
“You love to judge.”
“Yes. Sorry. So … you’re really happy with him, aren’t you? You’re both happy together?”
“Already said so. Why’d we be together if we weren’t?”
“It never bothers you how dangerous this relationship is?”
Kage smirked, inching closer to kiss me.
I pulled back. “Even when you’re hurt? Even for times like the middle of August?”
“Well … went too far then, didn’t it? Don’t want that. Not for any of us. That’s too much. Hurt you also—not only the two of us involved. I’m sorry about that. But it’s not usually like that. You just haven’t spent enough time with us. Seen too much of the bad side, you know? Told you right off; stick around. Get to know us better.” Leaning in again. “‘Pretty bloody fascinating,’ remember?”
“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d be involved with a couple guys who were too fascinating. So you won’t call him out? You won’t stop him when he says, ‘Cassia wouldn’t like that.’ And speak to me instead of following along?”
“It’d break his heart to be treated that way. Anyway, it’d take all my time trying to keep up if I meant to. Foil him and he’ll come up with something a whole bleeding lot worse. The sterk he did to Jed and me when he was driving Jed away…” Shaking his head on the pillow. “He’s the canniest wolf in the pack. Bloody brilliant. Smarter than me. Smarter even than you. Core ask him for ideas out of binds when they’re stuck. Those worms at his dealership challenge him with puzzles and games and brain teasers they can’t figure out. But many people don’t even see that about him because he only sits back and smiles and takes things in. Acts a real sweetheart most of the time, doesn’t he? And he is. Most of the time. But call him out? Try to stay ahead of him? I wouldn’t hurt his feelings by trying, and I wouldn’t want to try in the first place. We’re happy how we are, as you say.”
“And what about me? Sorry … that’s selfish. But what about the next big fallout? The next time his beautiful mind dreams up a new sabotage for us? Then what?”
“He’s not going to do that again. Knows he went too far. Besides, you can keep on your toes now that you know warning signs, right? Don’t block him. He’ll end up annoyed—maybe wo
n’t like you anymore. We don’t need that. Just dodge and work things out for yourself if you need to. You’re wanting to meet a thief with a brick wall and searchlights, princess. I’m saying … let him take something now and then. And, if you need to, move your diamonds somewhere else.”
“You want me to pretend I don’t know when he’s playing me like a marionette in order to keep him happy?”
“That’s it.” Kage smiled, pleased I’d caught on.
“I’m not good with the whole passive aggressive thing. I’d rather talk about our issues and get everything out in the open.”
“Want to do us a favor and give passive aggressive a try in a pinch?”
“I … I guess. You guys…”
He kissed me. “We love you.”
“You’re sure about that? Jason has every reason for resenting, even hating me.”
“But he doesn’t.” Kage still smiled. “He loves you being here with me—the emotional ride you give him. He loves changes you bring, and chances you offer to explore new territory. Loves the danger and unpredictability you’ve brought to the relationship. And loves you for you because you’ve looked after him—been kind to him, and also made him suffer with your love for me and how you draw me away from him.”
“It’s awfully weird how he treats people he loves.”
“Just got to get to know him.”
“I’m frightened by how well I already know him. Maybe there’s a certain point that it’s best to leave the rest in mystery.”
“I love a good mystery.” Another kiss.
I wrapped my arm around his back and pulled in tight, head on his chest. “I don’t.” I sighed. “I love answers.”
Chapter 25
Thunk.
I started, catching my breath.
“S’all right,” Kage said thickly, kissing my hair.
“Sorry—” Jason’s voice from the living room, not much more than a whisper.
I blinked and drew back. Middle of the night? The room was dark. Yet it hadn’t cooled down even with the windows open. Still a faint tinge of light from outside as well. Only drifted off for another half hour.
Jason had returned from seeing family and knocked something over in the dark of the living room.
“Kage?” Very quietly from the doorway.
“I’m awake,” I yawned.
“They all right, princess?” Kage asked.
Jason came over to the bed to sit on the edge behind Kage. “Mum’s going mad locked up, having to turn down jobs, telling customers she’s booked. Dad’s right enough. Been working on the fence.”
“Not proper locked up,” Kage turned on his back, more to face Jason.
“Might as well be. Only out under special circumstances. I wanted to ask, did you get the caravan ready? Water? Linens?” Jason sounded concerned.
“Told you I would.” Kage was irritated.
“Mum said you were in the kitchens for ages. I thought Merab might have roped you into acting core work and you couldn’t get away.”
“Bit of work. Packed us food. We’ll be camping out again.”
“Good thinking. Ready to go in the morning then? Mum says don’t stick around.”
“I know. Merab says the same. Meet with our cataja in the morning and go.”
“What do you think of Spike over the bed? Could hang on the wall right there. Wish we had two…”
“Sure, Jay.” Kage yawned.
“Sorry.” Jason kissed him. “Didn’t mean to wake you.” He leaned over Kage to kiss my temple. “Feels like we’ve been up for a week.”
Jason left us to get his shower, with Kage asking after him, “Remember the door?”
He locked the front door.
Once Jason had the shower on, Kage kissed me and said, “See, princess? He loves you too.”
“I just … don’t believe much of what he says or does anymore, Kage.”
“Believe me, don’t you?”
“So far so good.”
He laughed a little at that. “Then take my word for it. Not his.”
Kage was trying to pull my tank top up.
I was trying to go back to sleep.
I loved being close with him like this again. I loved not only the chance to talk with him alone but how safe he made me feel—how I didn’t need to worry about the pack or tomorrow or the hunt, not for right now. I would have happily been naked in that warm comfort and safety with him. Yet I felt drugged, still too asleep to help undress myself. I didn’t feel bad about it, though. Kage loved a challenge. The more difficult something was, the more he wanted to do it. Maybe fighting to stay awake was even part of the appeal tonight.
From our first meeting, if I’d been all willing, invited him and Jason into the camper trailer that first night, Kage would probably have lost interest in me by morning. Would he still? Was this fleeting for him?
Despite what I’d heard about his flighty ways from others, and himself, he’d been with Jason for years—actually living with him for three, although they’d been together longer than that.
Losing interest now? Even with all I knew about Kage, I didn’t think so. Jason was the real deal for him—the fear and the passion, adrenaline rush and perfect fit. Somehow, so was I—the human and the witch, forbidden pleasure, dangerous lover, and magical mind who knew all about something he wanted to know as well.
I was just summoning the energy to lift my leaden body enough for Kage to pull the tank top up along my ribs, when thoughts of Jason, of the package deal, not just Kage and how we worked together, intruded.
So… It was still early. We had a full-night’s sleep ahead. And I wanted Kage touching me as much as he did—if in a dreamy, lethargic way that reminded me of my “lucid dream” with Isaac. But it wasn’t about him and I. It was about the complete set. He wanted me to try passive aggressive? How about an experiment?
Kage was inching the cotton up below my ribs to my breasts.
“Sleep,” I murmured, kissing his lips and ducking my head into his chest. “Wait for Jason.”
Kage released my tank and pushed back my hair. He didn’t answer, only sighing, so I wasn’t sure what his take was on that.
This time, I didn’t drift off. Still listening, too warm now, breaths a bit quicker than they should be as I thought about my roommates and listened to Jason shutting off the shower and soon making his way back to us.
He sat on Kage’s side of the bed once more, toweling his hair, then tossed the towel to the foot of the bed. He started to shove the duvet.
“Cassia’s cold,” Kage said as he shifted against me, pulling his face back from my hair.
Jason hesitated. “Sorry…”
You cheater. Cheater, cheater, cheater, Kage. If you plant ideas we never get to see him acting on his own, making the choices about who he’s interacting with. Instead—
Jason was already walking around the foot of the bed.
“I’m not,” I said. “He’s messing with you.”
“That’s all right.” Jason chuckled and climbed into bed at my back. “I don’t mind.” He smelled like vanilla and a soapy, non-specific, unscented body wash that I was now used to. “You’re not cold.” He agreed, still sounding amused as he rested a hand on my arm. His skin out of the warm shower was cooler than mine.
“He only wanted me between you. You can sleep wherever you like.” I pushed away from Kage, rolling to my back, though there wasn’t really space for it.
So much for passive aggressive.
“Want me to move?” Jason asked.
“No, do whatever. Just as long as you ignore what Kage tells you.”
“Jay does that anyway.” Kage also sounded amused.
“Did I walk in on a row?” Jason asked, propping up on an elbow, wet head off the pillow.
The room was dark, now only outside lights around the park glinting with an orange flush through bits of windows in here and through the doorway from the living room. Many more outside lights than used to be here, it seemed.
“Not a row,” I said. “A … miscommunication—”
“Never—” Kage tried to interrupt.
“Possibly of the willful sort,” I continued. “Surprise, surprise.”
“No one around here’s especially willful, surely,” Jason said.
“No,” I laughed.
“Brilliant to be home.” Jason leaned over me to kiss Kage’s lips, then back to kiss mine. “And with you both. It’s mad, isn’t it? How long ago it feels like since we were all here at home? We missed you when you went to Atarah’s, Cassia.” After the kiss, he’d rested his lips and chin in my hair.
Kage was grinning at me, clearly visible from the outside glow. Like the damn Cheshire Cat. I felt an impulse to slap them both.
Part of me agreed with Kage about best approaches for Jason. I certainly understood the reasoning on different levels, if nothing else. I wanted to honor his own feelings for a preexisting relationship that I was crashing. Yet … another part of me wanted to scream.
Just a little thing. A tiny, passive aggressive, non-confrontational question that I couldn’t help slipping out.
“Really?” I asked Jason, shifting more toward him. “I always get tired of houseguests before long. I thought you two needed a break by the time I went to stay with her.”
“Of course not.” Jason sounded startled. “You’re not just a temporary guest for us. You’re family. You’re our pack, Cassia. You know that.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling Kage’s grin nibbling into the back of my neck like hailstones.
“Yeah…” I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“What did he say to you? You’re always welcome here.” Jason was apparently alarmed that Kage had been making me feel unwelcome. As if.
“Nothing, Jay. I’m the one who’s a grouchy hostess. You guys have been great. Even when I cleaned up and changed your layout. I wouldn’t have liked that if someone did it to me.”
Moonlight Lovers: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 7) Page 16