Jaq came through the door just then with takeaway coffee cups in both hands and kicked the door shut with her foot. She wore black jeans pulled low on her hips with a leather belt, an undershirt under an unbuttoned plaid flannel shirt, with black high top converse unlaced at the ankles. She put the bag down in the kitchen and walked to the bed, handing Bronwyn her coffee as she sat up and pulled the sheet up around her.
“Morning.” Jaq leaned in and kissed her. Her eyes were soft, and she tucked a lock of hair behind Bronwyn’s ear as she kissed her again. She looked at her for a moment, her eyes sweeping the length of her body. “How did I forget how beautiful you are in the morning?”
Bronwyn smiled and opened the lid of her coffee cup. “What is this?”
“Triple espresso with one sugar.”
“How did you know to get me espresso?” She looked up at Jaq. “I don’t think we’ve ever even had coffee together.”
Jaq smiled, kicking off her shoes and sitting against the headboard. “Lucky guess. You look like an espresso girl. But I got a latte to trade you in case I was way off base.”
Her hair was still damp from the shower, and Bronwyn leaned into her neck to smell her skin. She smelled the same as she had in school; American Ivory soap and something like bay rum. She’d always sworn she didn’t wear a scent, but Bronwyn had never believed her. She still didn’t.
“How did you get a shower without waking me?” Bronwyn leaned back and blew gently on the black surface of the coffee to cool it, the steam rising and disappearing into the air. “What time is it?”
“It’s almost ten.”
“Is town already packed? Everyone floods Blackpool on bank holiday Mondays. I should have gotten up earlier.”
“I went for a run before my shower, and the streets were already crowded before nine, so it wouldn’t have made a difference.” She looked over at Bronwyn and winked. “We never stood a chance.”
Jaq pulled six sugar packets out of her shirt pocket and ripped the tops off all of them at the same time, then tipped them all into her cup, swirling it gently before she put the top back on.
“Do you need to go home today?” She sipped her coffee as she spoke, running her hand through her hair and looking over at Bronwyn.
“Not if I can borrow your phone.” Bronwyn dropped her eyes to her coffee. “Ian will be going mad.”
“Of course,” Jaq said, pulling it out of her back pocket and handing it to Bronwyn. “I need to get something out of the car anyway, so take as long as you need.”
She set her coffee on the bedside table and pulled on her shoes. She leaned over to Bronwyn, tipped her chin up with her finger to kiss her, then left, closing the front door behind her. Bronwyn took a deep breath, irrationally angry that she had to worry about what Ian would do if she didn’t get in touch. She dialed his number then erased it, typing in a new number that picked up on the second ring.
“This better be you, B,” Moira said, without waiting to see who was on the line. “I’m sick to death of Ian calling me at all hours of the day and night.”
“It is,” Bronwyn said, her stomach sinking at the thought of Ian calling everyone they knew. “I’m fine. I just called to let you know so that maybe you can call my mum for me. I know it’s a big ask, but if you call her, she’ll tell Ian, and maybe he won’t be quite so pissed off by the time I get home.”
“Of course I will.” Moira let out a long breath and whispered into the phone. “Where the fuck are you, anyway?”
“I’m in Blackpool.”
“With Jaq?”
Bronwyn looked over at the door she’d just walked through. “Yes,” she said, “With Jaq.”
“Okay, Bron,” she said, “You know I think Ian’s a dickhead, so I’m not judging, but what the holy fuck is going on? How did you two even get back in touch?”
“I’ll tell you all about it when I get back tomorrow night. I have no idea what I’m doing, but all I know is I have to be with her right now.” She squeezed her eyes shut, holding the phone to her ear, trying to put words together to explain what even she didn’t understand. “I can’t not do this.”
“I understand, honey.” Moira’s voice was soft. “Are you thinking about staying with her?”
There was a long silence on the other end of the line, and when Bronwyn finally spoke, there were tears in her voice.
“How can I? I have a life with Ian. I can’t do that to him.”
Moira paused. “I know. And I can’t imagine what your mum would say if you left Ian for Jaq. I genuinely think she’d lose her mind.” Moira hesitated, as if she wanted to say something else but decided against it.
“What are you going to tell them about why I’m still here?”
“I’ll tell them that you had car trouble and it took them forever to fix it because of the bank holiday.” She paused. “And that somehow you lost your phone in the process.”
“That will work.” Jaq came back through the door and shrugged off her jacket, going over to the fireplace to dump an armload of logs onto the hearth. “Maybe. I don’t know. Has my mum called you?”
“Yesterday, but I covered for you. She was mainly pissed about some wedding appointment you missed.” She paused. “Just a head’s up though, it’s not her you have to worry about, it’s Ian. He’s pissed as hell, which makes me like him even less. Brace yourself.”
“Jesus.” Bronwyn let out a long breath that lofted a piece of hair that had fallen against her face. “Okay. I’ll deal with that tomorrow.”
“Can I just tell you one more thing before you go?”
“Of course.” Bronwyn tensed and closed her eyes, steeling herself for further reports of Ian’s behavior.
“I know this doesn’t make anything easier, but Jaq looks fucking hot.” Moira cleared her throat, and Bronwyn could hear her smile. “She grew up, to say the least.”
“You’re not wrong there.” Bronwyn looked over at Jaq. “And you don’t know the half of it.”
Moira squealed so loud Bronwyn pressed the phone closer to her face to keep Jaq from hearing her.
“I want details the second you get your ass back here!”
She sighed loudly as Bronwyn heard an insistent beep on the line. “Ian’s calling again; I have to go so I can tell him to fuck off. But you and me at the pub Wednesday night?”
“Deal.”
Bronwyn clicked off the phone and put it down on the bed. Jaq turned to look at her.
“You okay?” She walked over to the bed and sat down, kicking off her shoes. “I’ll understand if you need to go home.”
“No, it’s not that,” Bronwyn said, not quite meeting her eyes. “Ian has been calling my mum and Moira for days.”
“Seriously?” Jaq paused and steadied her voice. “You weren’t even supposed to be home until last night, right?”
“Yes, but I haven’t been answering my phone.” Bronwyn sank back down into the pillows and set her cup on the night table. “I can understand that he’d be worried, but Moira says he’s beyond angry.”
“Is she going to tell him you’re fine?” Jaq’s brow was creased, and the muscles in her jaw were tense and flexed.
“Yes, along with a few choice words, I’m sure.”
“Are you sure you’re okay going home to him when he’s like that?”
“I’ll be fine.” Bronwyn shook her head as if to clear the thought from it. “He’ll calm down eventually. He just doesn’t like to be out of the loop.”
Jaq stared straight ahead, her hand moving slowly through her hair to grip the back of her neck.
“He’s a big talker,” Bronwyn said, letting the sheet fall off her body as she straddled Jaq and leaned in to kiss her neck. “Don’t worry.”
Jaq held her face and kissed her, more softly than she expected. “I do worry, and I’ll kill him if he lays a hand on you.”
Jaq’s hands moved around her hips to her bare ass. Bronwyn’s breath caught as Jaq pulled her closer and flipped her onto the bed underneath h
er with one smooth motion.
“This doesn’t seem fair; I’m the only one naked.” Bronwyn raised an eyebrow.
Jaq smiled down at her and shrugged off her flannel, and had reached to pull her undershirt over her head when the phone rang. Jaq reached for it then held it up so she could see the number. Bronwyn took it and clicked the answer button and the speaker.
“I just spoke to him, so don’t worry, I’ve got it under control.” Moira paused, then whispered so close to the phone it was almost louder than her regular voice. “And just so you know, I told Catherine about you and Jaq after the wedding and she said it was a shame Jaq’s obviously in love with you because she’d switch teams in a second for someone that hot.”
Jaq rolled off Bronwyn and laughed out loud.
“Speaker phone, Moira.” Bronwyn tried not to laugh but couldn’t quite manage it. “You’re on speaker phone.”
“In that case, I’m late for something,” Moira said, with not a hint of shame. “See you Wednesday!”
The phone clicked, and Bronwyn pulled the sheet up over her head.
****
After Bronwyn showered, she wrapped herself in a towel and crouched by her bag, looking at every piece of clothing then tossing it back. Jaq watched from the bed, sipping the rest of her coffee.
“I can get out of here if you need some privacy to get dressed.”
“No,” Bronwyn said, picking up a black lace bra and underwear and balling them up into her fist. “It’s not that.”
Jaq just waited. She had an idea what the problem was, but it wasn’t for her to talk about. She’d learned a long time ago that wrapping your own words around someone else’s experience meant they’d never find their own.
Bronwyn zipped up her bag, then sat down on the stone floor and pushed it away with her foot. “I don’t know how to describe it,” she said, still looking at the bag as if it might decide to edge itself closer. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve disappeared. I haven’t thought about it in years, but nothing I wear ever feels like it belongs to me.”
“Why do you wear it?”
“I don’t know. I guess people see me as a specific type, you know?”
Her damp hair fell into her face, and she pushed it back with her hand. She tucked the towel around her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees, her bare feet pale against the polished mahogany floorboards.
“After what happened with us, I learned pretty quickly that the only way to make Mum happy was to look like it never happened. Remember those black leather boots I used to wear with my uniform?”
Jaq nodded.
“She hated those and binned them the second I got home. She hated everything I loved.”
She stopped, and Jaq looked down at the red marks Bronwyn’s nails had left on her palm as she uncurled the fist she didn’t realize she’d made. Jaq leaned back against the headboard and sat in the silence with her, letting it settle around them.
“After I left school, she took it personally if I didn’t fit into her version of what a girl should look like, even in the smallest ways, like I’d failed her somehow. I just buried myself, I guess. After a while, I didn’t have the energy to push back.”
“What did your dad say about it?”
“I don’t even think he realized what was happening.” She stared out through a clear panel in the stained glass window beside her. “He was out filming on location so much.”
Jaq took the last sip of her coffee and set it on the nightstand. “I remember your style.” She rolled her sleeves up as she talked. “There was always a defiant little contrast to it. I remember walking into our dorm room one morning while you were getting dressed and you were standing there in those tough black boots and some delicate ivory bra and underwear. Your hair was all wild, and you were looking everywhere for your glasses; you didn’t even realize I was there.”
Bronwyn looked up at her, the start of a smile starting around her mouth.
“That’s still the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Jaq looked up at her, holding her eyes. “You had no idea how beautiful you were. And still don’t.”
Bronwyn held up the black lace bra in her hand. “Well, the lingerie obsession is still the same. I still love it.”
Jaq walked over to the couch and grabbed her bag, setting it down in front of Bronwyn on the floor.
“Let’s see what you do with that.”
Bronwyn laughed and started to toss the bag back to Jaq on the bed.
Jaq shook her head. “No, I’m serious. Just humor me.”
Bronwyn set it down slowly and unzipped it, then stood to pull on her bra and underwear. The black lace bra was cut low and straight across her breasts, straps set wide at her shoulders, and so sheer Jaq could see her nipples from the bed. She rolled her eyes and threw a pillow in Bronwyn’s direction.
“I can’t believe I managed to stay on the bed while you did that.” She smiled, nodding at the bag. “Put some clothes on. I can’t promise how much longer I can hold out.”
Bronwyn smiled and pulled out the gray G Star jeans Jaq had worn to the wedding. She stepped into them and zipped them up.
“Come here,” Jaq said, reaching for her. She held the denim on both sides of Bronwyn’s body and tugged it down low on her hips. “You have an amazing body. You can wear these like a guy would and pull it off.”
Jaq nodded towards the full-length mirror on the wall. “Go look.”
“Wow.” Bronwyn looked in the mirror for a long time, her eyes moving from the delicate bra to the raw, unfinished denim sitting on her hips. “Now what?”
Jaq laughed and leaned back against the headboard. “No way, I’m not directing this. You are.”
She pulled a hoody out of the bag and looked at it, then put it back, finally tugging a long sleeved shirt out of the bottom of the bag.
“Let’s see it.” Jaq watched her from the bed, but Bronwyn was lost in her own thoughts as she pulled it on and buttoned it up.
“I like the shirt, but it looks awful on me,” she said into the mirror, staring as if she was trying to read something written in a different language.
Jaq got up from the bed and stood behind her at the mirror.
“Sometimes it’s not what you’re wearing but how you’re wearing it that makes the difference.” Jaq turned Bronwyn around to face her and unbuttoned the top three buttons of the shirt. Bronwyn had buttoned it almost to her neck, but losing three of the buttons made the shirt come together just above the center of her chest, making it somehow look both more masculine and feminine at the same time. Jaq rolled the sleeves up to her elbows and tucked just the front of her shirt into her jeans, leaving the back out. Then she turned Bronwyn back to face the mirror and watched.
She didn’t say anything for what seemed like forever, just stared into the mirror until Jaq saw her swipe at a tear with the heel of her hand.
“I wish I was this person.”
“Well,” Jaq said, wrapping her arms around her from behind, “You’re in luck because you always have been.”
****
After Bronwyn finished getting ready, they walked into town, the sharp breeze a contrast to the bright sunshine that dappled the beach and lit up the surface of the water. Bronwyn looked up at Jaq with an excited smile.
“Can I take you somewhere?”
She didn’t wait for an answer, just laced her fingers into Jaq’s, leading her down the sidewalk towards the west end of town until Jaq stopped suddenly and pulled Bronwyn into an alley, people streaming past on both sides until they rounded the corner. She pressed her up against a brick wall under a stairwell, slipping her hands under her shirt and up the bare warmth of her back. Bronwyn’s breath caught as Jaq pinned her to the wall with her mouth, covering every inch of bare skin. Jaq had always been tender with her, but now, as an adult, an edge paired with that tenderness, a wordless confidence in how she handled her body.
After a few minutes, Jaq paused to look down the alley, but Bronwyn pulled her back. Jaq growle
d into her neck and pressed her hips hard into Bronwyn’s, the brick wall scraping the hands she’d braced on either side of Bronwyn’s shoulders. She slipped one thigh between Bronwyn’s legs and pressed it hard against her.
“Fuck,” Bronwyn whispered as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall.
Jaq held her hips tight and moved Bronwyn against her thigh, running her tongue over the bare skin of her chest and up the side of her neck.
“We have to stop,” Bronwyn whispered, her voice rough with desire. “Someone is going to see us.”
“I know,” Jaq said, dipping her head to pull Bronwyn’s nipple into her mouth and work it with her tongue until she heard her breath turn to a moan. “And it won’t look great for either of us if we get arrested.”
Bronwyn hesitated, then slowly unbuttoned her jeans, taking Jaq’s hand and guiding it inside her. Jaq bit Bronwyn’s lip gently and tensed, fighting the sudden feeling that she might come just touching her. Bronwyn was beyond wet and felt like silk, her G spot already swollen and tight under her fingertips. Jaq leaned into her body, sinking as deep inside her as possible, listening to her moan and feeling her tighten around her fingers, moving Bronwyn’s hips with her own. Bronwyn sank against her after just a few seconds and started to come against Jaq’s hand, instantly slicking it to the wrist. She was still coming hard when Jaq bit Bronwyn’s shoulder to keep from crying out as her own orgasm ricocheted through her body, stealing her breath with its intensity.
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