Bronwyn sat back in her chair and looked at both of them. “If this is about me, which I think it is, both of you know he’s not going to stop.”
Terry and Jaq looked at each other but neither answered.
Bronwyn sat back in her chair and let out a long, slow breath. “He’s not going to stop until I come back, and if I don’t do that, he’ll kill me before he lets me be with someone else.”
Terry glanced at the office door to be sure it was still closed. “If we’re even going to consider this, and I’m not saying I am, I need a little more information about your relationship, if you feel comfortable telling me.”
Bronwyn nodded just as Terry’s secretary opened the door slightly to ask if he needed anything before she headed home.
“I’m fine, Marta, just shut the door on your way out, if you don’t mind.”
She nodded and closed the door softly. Most of the detectives were gone for the day, so the office area was quiet. Scotland Yard was always busy, even in the middle of the night, but the detectives tended to keep daytime hours and most of their offices were located in the same area along with Jaq and Terry’s.
“Would you like me to bring a female detective in while we talk?” His voice was gentle. “Or would you rather talk without Jaq or me here? I can bring someone neutral in.”
“No, I’m okay,” Bronwyn said. “I trust you.”
“She’s tougher than she looks,” Jaq said, squeezing her hand.
“I certainly wouldn’t want to mess with her,” Terry said, raising his eyebrows and leaning back in his chair. “And I’m the one with the gun.”
That was enough to make Bronwyn laugh and ease the tension a bit.
“I’m asking these questions to get a feel for what Ian may or may not do in the future. It’s not perfect, but past behavior is a decent indicator of whether future behavior might escalate.” Terry looked over at Jaq. “And unfortunately, it’s all we have to base this decision on. I couldn’t care less about the cocaine at this point; I’m concerned about you. But I think you might be right about him coming after you. We know we have something on him, so if we can get an admission on tape and get him put away for the next thirty years or so, that’s going to keep you a lot safer.”
Bronwyn nodded. “I understand; that’s what I’m going for, too.”
Terry leaned forward in his seat and opened a notebook. “Okay,” he said, “Was he ever abusive during your relationship?”
“He’s hit me, enough to leave bruises a few times. He choked me once until I almost blacked out,” Bronwyn said, dropping her eyes. “I don’t know why, but at the time I tried to just write it off as him having a temper. But it was escalating enough at the end that I knew if I left him for Jaq that he’d come after both of us.”
“But then we found his stash in the attic and you didn’t have a choice.”
Bronwyn nodded and Terry took a deep breath. Terry was always professional, but Jaq could see this was difficult for him.
“Has he choked you more than once?”
Bronwyn nodded. “Yes, but it wasn’t until the last time that I thought he would actually kill me.”
“What about any possessive behavior?” He said. “Was he controlling at all?”
“Just this last year. He was fairly normal before that; then everything just seemed to change after he got fired, although I didn’t realize that had even happened at the time.”
Terry sat back in his chair. “Jaq, I know you’re close to the situation here, but I’d like to know what you think.” He looked over at Bronwyn. “Is there any chance she can just walk away from this?”
Jaq shook her head. “I think she may be right too.” She sighed, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. “But I’m not willing to put her in danger.”
“But I’m already in danger.” Bronwyn looked at both of them and leaned forward in her seat. “If I was someone you didn’t know, would you consider sending me into this dinner on Friday to get what you need to prosecute?”
“On the drug charges?” Terry looked over at Jaq. “It’s a possibility.”
“Then send me in. I’m not concerned with the drugs either, but if he’s not in prison, he won’t stop until he kills me.”
Jaq shook her head and looked at the ceiling. Terry was quiet for a long time before he spoke. “This has to go through more people than just me,” he said, “But I’ll present it to them tomorrow and see what they say.”
Jaq and Bronwyn gathered their things and walked out of the office. There was nothing left to say.
****
The next day was Thursday. Jaq got to the office early after holding Bronwyn all night, drifting in and out of sleep and panic.
“Got a minute to talk?” When she looked up from her desk, Terry was leaning on her office door, a takeaway coffee in each hand.
“Sure, come on in.”
Terry took a seat and handed Jaq her coffee. She took a sip, then made a face, narrowly avoiding spraying it across her desk.
“What the hell is this?”
“What?” Terry said, looking over and raising an eyebrow.
“Whatever’s in this cup is not coffee, I can tell you that.”
Terry took a sip from the cup he was holding and handed it to Jaq, switching it for hers. “So I like a few pumps of strawberry syrup in my java,” he said, shrugging. “I’m secure in my masculinity.”
“You’d better be,” Jaq said, laughing and downing half a bottle of water. “Because that, my friend, is lip gloss in a cup.” She raised an eyebrow in Terry’s direction. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that if that’s what you’re into.”
Terry smiled and shook his head. Neither one wanted to bring up the elephant in the room.
“You know I hate the thought of putting Bronwyn in that situation, right?” Terry said.
Jaq nodded. “I do know that.”
“I’m only considering this because I think she’s right. If she weren’t positive she was in danger, she wouldn’t want to do it, and we wouldn’t let her.”
“I know,” Jaq said. “None of this is your fault. I know you care about her.”
“I think the world of that girl,” Terry said. “But I also value our friendship. So if you don’t want this to happen, I’ll pull the plug. I know I should be impartial here, but I’m not going to run over you with this.”
“Did you get clearance for her to go in on Friday?”
“This morning.”
Jaq nodded. “This is her decision, not mine. I’m not going to be another person in her life telling her what to do.”
“You know we’ll do everything we can to keep her safe. And I promise you, if I didn’t know she could handle it, I wouldn’t send her in there.” He held Jaq’s eyes. “She can do this.”
“I hope you’re right,” Jaq said, “Because she’s everything to me.”
****
When Jaq got home that night, Bronwyn was in the kitchen making dinner, dancing to the Backstreet Boys.
“Really, baby?” she said, leaning on the doorframe. “The Backstreet Boys?”
“You’re home,” she said, coming over to kiss her, her body melting as Jaq pulled her in, holding her, memorizing the warm weight of Bronwyn’s hair in her hands. Jaq finally picked her up and put her on the counter, resting her hands on her thighs.
“They’re going to let you go in, Bella,” she said, fighting the burn of sudden tears. “Terry got the approval this morning.” Jaq leaned into her, resting her head on Bronwyn’s chest.
Bronwyn kissed her, breathing her in. Neither one spoke for a few long moments. “I just found you,” Bronwyn whispered. “I can’t lose you all over again because someone else doesn’t want us to be together.”
“Baby…” Jaq closed her eyes and let out a long breath, “just promise me you’ll be careful.”
She nodded. “I will. I promise.”
“And we’ll be right outside in a surveillance vehicle. We already have cameras inside, and
you’ll be wearing a wire; if we think you’re in danger, we’ll be in there before he can take his next breath.”
Jaq held her waist with her hands, wishing she could say something to change her mind, then reminding herself that it wasn’t her choice.
“Tomorrow afternoon they’ll go over everything you need to know, what they need to hear him say, etc., then fit you with a wire.”
Bronwyn nodded, then handed Jaq the wine opener lying next to her. “In the meantime, will you see if you can talk some sense into that wine over there?” She nodded in the direction of the bottle, surrounded by jagged bits of cork lying on the counter. “It hates me.”
****
Jaq watched as Bronwyn finished making dinner, sliced filet of beef topped with chopped cilantro, fresh mint, and heirloom tomato. They ate in the living room, watching the sunset in layers of orange and violet over the London skyscrapers.
When they were done, Bronwyn laid back on the couch and Jaq pulled her feet into her lap.
“The farther I get from the past with Ian, the angrier I get with myself,” Bronwyn said. “This wouldn’t have even been happening if I’d left him the first time he hit me.”
“None of this is your fault, baby.”
“But it is.” A tear slid down Bronwyn’s cheek as she stared out the windows. “I don’t know why I didn’t leave. I just so badly wanted everything to be okay that I was actually the one apologizing to him. I just wanted everything to go back to normal.”
“I get that,” Jaq said, warming her feet with her hands.
Whenever Bronwyn was upset or scared, her hands and feet seemed to turn to ice. Jaq had always done her best to warm them, hoping it would fix what was wrong.
“Has there ever been another time in your life you’ve felt like that?”
“Like what?”
“A bit desperate, like you just wanted everything to be okay again?”
Bronwyn thought, her brow crinkling before she answered. “I guess. Not really when I was young, but from about twelve and older, whenever my mum would get upset, there was a lot of drama. Even if I knew I was right, or she’d done something glaringly awful, I’d apologize over and over, just to make things okay again.” She paused. “So I could breathe.”
“That sounds familiar,” Jaq said.
She looked down at Bronwyn’s feet in her lap, wrapping her hands around them.
“My mom would come home from work wasted when I was a kid,” Jaq continued, “And if she’d had a bad night, she usually got mean. I learned pretty quick that it’d only get worse if anything else upset her. I stressed myself out every day trying to make sure there was nothing that could make her angry.”
Jaq looked up at Bronwyn, her eyes dark with the memory.
“I didn’t even realize I was doing it until I got to Stratford and suddenly realized I didn’t have anything but school to stress out about. It was a huge relief.”
Bronwyn nodded and laced her fingers into hers. Jaq was so strong she sometimes forgot she’d once been a kid that had to rely on her mum.
“I always knew that if something went wrong, Mum would start drinking, so I did whatever I could to keep that from happening,” Bronwyn said. “One time I even replaced all the clear liquor with water, which only got me a slap, so that backfired.”
She looked down and pulled at a thread at the bottom of her shirt.
“But when she did start drinking, I just kept pretending whatever she was angry about was all my fault until she calmed down.”
She scooted down until she was laying on the couch, looking up at the ceiling, a single tear falling from the side of her face. She didn’t speak for a minute or two after that. “Which is exactly what I ended up doing with Ian.”
Jaq didn’t say anything, just waited.
“Every time he got violent, he told me all the reasons why what he did was my fault, and I believed him. And if he didn’t try to blame it on me, I did it for him. I just wanted everything to be better again, and it was the only way that ever happened.”
She swiped at a tear with the back of her hand. Jaq wanted so badly to pull her into her arms but it wasn’t the time. Memories need space to unfold.
“And then I guess I just started to actually believe it myself after a while.”
Jaq unbuttoned her shirt, pulling Bronwyn’s icy feet onto the heat of her stomach and wrapping them back up with the shirt, holding them there with her hands.
“And now?”
“Since I met you again, there’s been something in the pit of my stomach, like I was just waiting for you to hurt me, but you never have. I don’t think I ever realized how tired I was of trying to protect myself until I didn’t have to do it.”
“I know,” Jaq said. “You get so used to bracing for the worst that it’s hard to see when you don’t have to do it anymore.”
Jaq pulled Bronwyn up onto her lap and laid her hand warm and soft in the center of Bronwyn’s chest. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you again.”
Bronwyn leaned down and Jaq kissed her, pulling her in tighter as Bronwyn’s hands slipped under Jaq’s open shirt and across her breasts.
“Take me to bed?” Bronwyn kissed along the outside of her ear, then down to her mouth, until Jaq’s breath deepened and she took Bronwyn’s face in her hands.
“We don’t have to do this, baby, not tonight,” Jaq said, kissing her forehead and looking into her eyes.
“I need to be with you,” Bronwyn said, then hesitated. “I just need us to be us tonight.”
That was all Jaq needed to hear. She stood, taking Bronwyn with her down the hall, then laid her back on the bed while she lit the candles on the mantle and across the windowsills.
“Where did all the candles come from?” Bronwyn said, her eyes sparkling. “They’re beautiful.”
Jaq smiled as she picked up the last candle and lit it. “It’s all part of my secret plan to make you want to never leave my bed.”
Jaq took Bronwyn’s clothes off and quickly shed her own, then got into bed and pulled Bronwyn into her, hands sliding across her back as she dipped her head and caught Bronwyn’s nipple in her mouth. She swirled her tongue around it and pulled it deeper, her fingers working on the other side, intensifying her touch as they responded. Bronwyn rolled onto her back and Jaq raised Bronwyn’s arms above her head, holding them there, her mouth still slick and warm against her nipples. Her fingers found Bronwyn’s clit and she deepened and slowed her touch, feeling her clit harden underneath her fingers in response.
“You’re already driving me crazy, Jaq,” Bronwyn said, laughing and covering her face with her hands. “I think you love to torture me.”
“I’m going to keep you on the edge tonight, baby,” she said, raising Bronwyn’s hands back above her head and holding them there, kissing her then softly biting her lower lip. “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”
She moved down her body, touching everywhere, fingers moving like water over her clit. She didn’t hold back and the next time Jaq had her close, Bronwyn moaned, pressing her hips into Jaq’s mouth and tangling her hands hard into her hair, keeping her where she needed her as she started to fall over the edge. Jaq slipped quickly out of her grasp just in time and moved up her body, trying not to smile. She stopped when her face was an inch from Bronwyn’s and tried to look serious.
“One more time, Bella,” Jaq said. “Do that again, and I’m going to tie you to that bed.”
Jaq moved back down to her clit with her tongue, and it only took a few seconds until Bronwyn’s hands were back in her hair. Jaq smiled as she crawled back up her body and off the bed, reaching into the back of her closet and pulling out two black ropes.
She held them up and raised an eyebrow. “Just in case you think I’m kidding.”
She held Jaq’s eyes and hesitated. “I think I want you to do it.”
Jaq thought for a second, then climbed back in bed with her, bringing the ropes but putting them on the nightstand. The last thin
g she wanted to do was make Bronwyn feel powerless. She said that, gently, stroking her hair and listening closely when Bronwyn finally answered.
“I don’t,” Bronwyn said. “With you, it’s the opposite. When you take over, I can just…feel. It’s the one time I know I’m safe.”
Jaq held her face in her hands and kissed her, feeling suddenly emotional at Bronwyn’s show of trust.
She reached across her body for the ropes. “Have you done this before, baby?”
She shook her head.
“The only thing you have to remember,” Jaq said, “Is that if you tell me to, I’ll stop what I’m doing, no matter what, and untie you.”
She looked down into Bronwyn’s eyes and dropped her voice to a low scrape that sounded like sex. They were in school the first time Bronwyn heard it and could count the number of times on one hand.
“But if you don’t do that, no matter what you say, I’m going to take you right to the edge and push you.” She paused. “Like you’ve never been pushed.”
Jaq’s eyes were dark and intense, glittering in the candlelight, and Bronwyn watched as Jaq tied her wrist to a metal loop hidden just below the surface of the headboard, then did the same with the other side. She closed her eyes, suddenly wet and aching in a way she’d never experienced, and felt Jaq move back down her body and her tongue slide back over her clit.
Jaq was not in the mood to be merciful. She worked Bronwyn in a steady rhythm with her tongue until she started to come, then backed off completely and watched her pull at the ropes, her mouth a millimeter from Bronwyn’s straining clit. She added two fingers as soon as Bronwyn’s breathing started to calm, moving them inside her until Bronwyn bit her lip. Sweat shimmered between her breasts and the flickering candlelight caught the drops as they fell down the side of her body to the bed. A deep flush covered her chest and arms, tensed against the ropes.
Jaq climbed back up her body and kissed her, waiting until she opened her eyes to speak. “Bronwyn,” she said, “How much do you want?”
She opened her eyes slowly, drunk with lust and pleasure. “What do you mean?” She whispered.
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