by Emma Nichole
It’s like a cold bucket of water has been poured over my entire body. Somewhere, deep inside, I know what she is going to say next and where this story is going to go, but I think I’m in denial.
There’s no fucking way.
“I was still trying to get him to respond or to get the door open when the firefighters got there. I kept screaming at them that my brother was in the room and he wasn’t answering. They kept trying to make me leave, but I couldn’t go without him. I couldn’t leave him there. Everything kept spinning and I couldn’t stand up anymore. Eventually they finally fucking listened to me and one of them started kicking in the door while the other dragged me down the stairs. I was kicking and screaming. I couldn’t leave him. I couldn’t. But when that door opened, the entire room flashed and went up in flames.... and that was it. I remember sitting on the front lawn for just a few seconds before EMTs were trying to take me. All I could do was tell the fireman how much I hated him. They just wouldn’t listen to me at first, and if they had, maybe they could have gotten to my brother.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
So many things flash in my eyes like a montage scene out of a goddamn movie, but I am doing anything in my power to discount or disprove everything that connects because there is no fucking way Sawyer Westbrook is the woman I saved from the LA Wildfire. There is no way.
“I found out later, once we were able to get his body, he was already dead when the ceiling caved in. Overdose, of course, but that didn’t seem to temper my anger. I tried to stay in LA for a while, working through insurance stuff on the house and looking for a way to move on, but I quickly realized I needed something new. A fresh start across the board. So I changed everything about myself. I had short blonde hair at the time, so I let it grow out long and colored it brown. I lost my glasses and had LASIK eye surgery so I’d never have to wear them again. I put on the weight I’d lost from the stress of helping Jason... then losing him. I found a job in Sunnyville, made the move, and the rest is history.”
I feel like I’m going to be sick. This has to be a joke from whatever higher being exists in this world, because otherwise, this is a fucked scenario I have stumbled my way into.
I’ve fallen for a woman who associates me with the reason her brother died.
But she doesn’t associate you. She doesn’t even know it was you. She couldn’t see your face.
My inner voice tries to make sense of it all, but comes up short every time. How is this possible?
“And I’m really glad I chose Sunnyville.” She tilts her face up so she can see mine, but her smile quickly falls. “Are you all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Yeah, yes.” I shake my head a bit and pull her closer. “Just thinking about all of that, it’s horrific. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“Now you know why I was so reluctant to go out with you,” she says then kisses my chest.
Does she remember me? Is that even possible?
“I just couldn’t be around someone who worked in the field you do without it bringing back awful memories. I didn’t want to put that on anyone else, but then you persisted.” She smiles. “And I am so happy you did. I’m finally starting to feel better, Isaac, like I can finally move forward, and it’s because of you.”
There she is, baring her soul to me for the second time in a handful of hours, and I’m just staring at her face. Staring at the scar in her eyebrow, no doubt from a cut, and the fact if I picture her with glasses and different hair... it’s her.
There is no doubt in my mind.
The girl who seared herself into my mind all those years ago and I always wondered about. The girl who never told me her name and only told me she hated me.
That girl, through some kind of twist of fate...is Sawyer.
What the fuck am I going to do? If I tell her, I’ll lose her. She won’t want to be with someone she associates with the death of her brother, but if I lie to her, that’s even worse.
She’s coming back to life because of me, and I have the ability and knowledge to strike that down instantly if I do the right thing... or I do the wrong thing and keep her, just as she is, happy and perfect in my arms.
Chapter 21
Sawyer
“All right. Who remembers when I said the essays on The Great Gatsby were to be emailed to me over the weekend?” I say with my arms crossed over my chest, standing at the front of my classroom. This is my favorite part of a new semester, getting to cover my favorites again.
Most of the students raise their hands.
“That’s weird because if I’m counting correctly, there are twenty-one of you in this class, and as of this morning, I only have twelve in my inbox. That’s not something I’m very happy about.”
As I continue my morning scold of this particular class, I can feel the ache in my muscles and between my legs with each movement. It makes focusing on the task at hand more difficult when all I can think about is the way Isaac touched me and the way his voice sounded when he told me he loved me in my ear.
Plus, the emotional catharsis that came with finally telling him the story of my brother has put me in a place mentally where I feel like I could conquer the world... and handle moody teenagers like it’s nothing.
“To those who actually followed instruction, you’re exempt from the additional reading and essay questions I’ll be assigning for homework at the end of the week.”
There are scattering sighs of relief and annoyed groans. You can’t make everyone happy. That’s the life of a teacher.
I give them a bit of reading to do right now, silently to themselves before we begin open discussion, then I pull out my cell phone to check for any messages but not finding any.
I stayed with Isaac until this morning when he took me home to drop me off so that I could come into work. This weekend was incredible to say the least. I really felt like some walls were broken down and we absolutely took the next step.
I’ve never felt this strongly for someone before, so I’m riding this high for as long as I can.
He’s like my green light across the pond, and I’m Gatsby, clinging to the hope that at the end of the day, we will be happy, just as we are, and there isn’t something ominous coming our way.
Because as someone who spends her every day discussing the highs and lows of the human experience as told through fictional characters, I’m programmed to always wait for the other shoe to drop.
But when I feel the stress or worry of that sinking in, I think about the fact he told me he loves me. I have to hold on to that as a positive and not let the fear of the negative drown me.
Isaac
What have I done in my lifetime that is so horrible? Why is the universe choosing me to fuck with? Haven’t my good deeds far outweighed the bad? It sends the most incredible woman my way then tosses the biggest wrench in history right into the middle of us.
It’s all I’ve thought about for nearly three weeks, since she told me about her brother. I’ve almost told her who I am a couple of times, but part of me is scared to hurt her because that’s the last thing I want, and the other part of me is scared if she knows... she’ll leave.
“Do you think he’s ignoring us?” Finn says from across the table, snapping me out of my own thoughts.
“Or he’s dead,” Caleb adds, waving a hand in front of my face, but I push it away.
“Cut the shit. I’m fine. Sorry. I was just thinking,” I tell them, taking a sip of my beer.
The bar is quiet tonight, thankfully. I’m not in the mood to deal with a crowd of drunks.
“Must have been important since we’ve been saying your name for ten minutes and you’ve just been picking at that beer bottle label,” Caleb says.
“Sawyer finally come to her senses and realize she’s way too fucking hot for you?” Finn asks with a laugh.
“Watch it.” I shove my finger into his chest. “Careful.”
“Jesus Christ. What’s your problem?”
&nbs
p; I take a breath then scrub my hand over my mouth. “I told Sawyer I love her.”
I wait for a response but I’m met with blank stares with no reaction whatsoever.
“And she said it back...” I add.
“Hold on. I need to process this,” Caleb says, holding up his hand and Finn nods in response.
All I can do is laugh and shake my head. “If that is the surprising part, you have no idea what’s coming.”
I’ve, of course, told them all about the girl from the LA Wildfire. About how I still thought of her and I harbored so much guilt, even though I know I did everything I could. I still hear her voice in my ear telling me she will never forgive me for letting her brother die, even though she had no idea who I was.
“Okay, you love Sawyer and she loves you back. I’m not sure why that is making you a moody asshole, but hit us with whatever is next.” Caleb waves me on.
I lift my beer to my lips and take three large gulps then place it back on the table with a loud pop.
“Sawyer is the blonde girl from the LA fire.”
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Finn answers. “That’s literally impossible.”
Caleb replies quickly, “Not literally impossible, but really fucking bizarre. Are you sure? How do you know?”
“She told me with her own mouth.” I pull my ball cap off and toss it onto the table. “She couldn’t sleep and was just sitting up in the middle of the night. I asked her what was wrong and it developed into a conversation about her brother and how he died. Every detail, guys, every single one was there down to the scar in her eyebrow where she was cut.”
“What did she say when you told her who you were?” Finn asks me, but his eyes grow wide when he realizes the truth. “You haven’t said anything to her, have you?”
“No. How can I say anything to her? If you were in her shoes, would you believe it’s a coincidence? Because I wouldn’t. I would immediately think the worst of the other person.”
“It’s a pretty big fucking development, isn’t it? You can’t just not tell her.”
“Yes, but I’m not going to just dump this on her. She struggles with her brother’s death enough as it is. I can’t just lay myself at her feet and let her know she fell in love with the man she blames for leaving him there.”
Caleb, who had been unusually silent, finally pipes in, “You have to tell her, Isaac. You can’t just hold something like that to the vest. That’s not okay, and eventually it will come out. The longer you wait, the worse it’s going to be.”
“If I tell her, it could make everything implode... and... fuck. I don’t want to lose her because I really do love her.” I chuckle to myself and pull my cap back onto my head. “Jesus Christ.”
“Look, no one said you had to tell her today. Take a week, sit with it, figure out what you’re going to say then tell her, but you have to at some point. You know that,” Finn says.
They are right, and I know that. I know I can’t get away with not telling her. I wouldn’t want to because that’s a fucked-up move. I respect her too much for that, but I know how this story ends.
Once she finds out who I am, our time together, how we feel about each other, will be in her rearview mirror.
And I can’t blame her.
“Like I said, take a week, really plan out what you’re going to say then have a conversation with her over the weekend... after my birthday party, of course.” Caleb grins.
“Always going back to your damn birthday. Don’t worry, asshole, I didn’t forget. We’ll be there. I think she’s bringing Olivia too. I know you think the more the merrier.”
“Olivia Harper?” he says with wide eyes.
“Why do you sound so shocked? You see her every day and you knew they were friends. We’ve covered this,” Finn states.
“Just didn’t think about her coming,” he clears his throat, “Welp, I’m going to go get us another round.”
Caleb zips out of here like a bullet, heading up to the bar.
“What the hell was that about?” I ask Finn.
“Who knows with him?” He shrugs it off. “I agree with him, by the way. You have to tell her so make sure you’re ready for whatever outcome happens, because she’s a nice girl. She needs to be told the truth.”
A boulder has formed in my gut.
Fuck.
I’m going to lose her.
Chapter 22
Sawyer
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Olivia says, as she hooks her arm through mine.
We step into the karaoke bar just outside of town and are immediately overtaken by the sound of someone very loudly and aggressively singing “Rapper’s Delight” by The Sugar Hill Gang on the stage.
I lean over closer as we walk so she can hear me. “You needed a night out, plus I wanted you to meet Isaac’s friends.”
“I already know Caleb. I don’t need to meet him again.”
I scan the surprisingly large crowd, looking for Isaac, but I’m not seeing him yet. Caleb has rented out the entire bar for the evening so there are party decorations everywhere, drinks decorate every hand, and everyone seems to be having a great time.
“I didn’t realize he was so well-liked. What’s your problem with him anyway?”
“Ancient history.” She waves me off.
We turn when we hear someone tapping on the microphone and see that Caleb has taken the stage with a drink in his hand and everyone explodes into loud applause and cheers.
I had no idea Caleb was so... popular. Wow.
“Thank you, thank you,” he laughs. “All right, I just wanted to get up here while the night was still young to say thanks for coming to the annual celebration that is the day the world became a better place, all thanks to my birth.” He pauses because the crowd once again erupts in cheers, and I can’t help but laugh. I’ve never seen anything like this before. “So, as always, the entire bar is ours until two. Drink up, sing away, let the worries of the world slip away, and have fucking fun. Cheers!” He raises his glass then downs a large gulp of it.
“Not that he’s not a nice guy, but I don’t understand how one person can be so liked,” I say to Olivia.
“They are sheep,” she says plainly. “I need a drink. Go find Isaac. I’ll be along soon.”
She unloops her arm from mine, and heads back toward the bar, leaving me to traverse the crowd alone in search of a familiar face.
The variety of people in this bar is staggering and beautiful.
Young, old, white, black, brown, big, small, and everything in between. I’m impressed by the fact Caleb has been able to positively affect so many types of people, but it makes me wonder what has happened in his life that makes him want to surround himself with so many.
The interior of the bar is dark with nearly black walls and neon signs hung all across them. There are red, leather U-shaped couches with long tables in the middle that line a back wall, all of which are packed to the brim with people.
I weave through the standing tables that reside just in front of the stage and then I see Isaac leaning against the wall by one of the sofas, bottle of beer in his hand, looking as incredible as ever. He’s talking to a man I’ve never met before very animatedly. He must be telling a story. That’s something I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten to know him. When he talks normally, he doesn’t really move his hands, but when he goes off on a tangent and starts storytelling, his hands become necessary components of the story. He’s even told me I do the same thing. Two peas in a pod, we are.
Ugh, easy there, Yoda.
Just seeing his face makes me happier than I can remember being in years. I wasn’t a miserable human at all. I had fun and was still able to enjoy myself, but there were days that sadness absolutely consumed me, and my every waking thought.
He leans in closer to the person he’s talking to, I’m assuming to hear them better then he tosses his head back laughing. He really is a beautiful man.
He must sense my presence the way I
can his, because he begins to scan the room and quickly settles his eyes on my face. The room disappears around us, and all I can see is him.
His mouth turns up in a grin and he extends his hand out to me, beckoning me to come to him, and I do without question, but by the time I reach him, the grin is replaced with a somberness.
“Hi,” I say to him as I slide my hand into his. “You okay?”
“Hello, beautiful. I’m fine.” He pulls me in for a kiss. “Did you find the place okay? Liv with you?”
“Yes and yes. She went to get a drink.” I lean against the wall next to him, shifting a bit on my heels. I really should have worn flats.
“You look incredible,” he tells me, without really looking at me. He’s rigid and stiff, not like the man I saw from across the room thirty seconds ago.
“Thank you,” I say, smoothing my hand over the flowy black dress I chose for tonight. “I have a question, actually. About Caleb.”
“Okay, that’s pretty ominous. Go for it.”
“Has he always been the life of the party like this? I’ve never seen so many people in one place for one person unless it was like a concert or something.”
“Caleb likes to surround himself with a lot of people. He always has. He didn’t have the best upbringing, so he’s overcompensating now, I think.”